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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Here is a new thread in which to celebrate my return to OT via a computer
I'd like to thank jesus, my cat mittens and Gonz.

It's pissing it down, tell me a story about you and the weather.

alt: flange
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:01, 138 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Why does your cat need mittens and how has this helped?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Stops him wanking into the fruiot bowl

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)
It's just a cumquat

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:10, Reply)
I always read that as "Cum Squat", the act of possitioning yourself after having 10 guys creampie inside you.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:20, Reply)
O_O

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
More of a (___O___) really

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:25, Reply)
I DIDN'T SEE YOUR FUCKING THREAD.
I went out yesterday and got hailed on. I didn't like it.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)
you are forgiven
Our hail is shit mostly, about the size of large peas. i waana see some golf balls goddammit!
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:09, Reply)
this hail was about the size of large peas. it hurt my face.
golf balls are bad. Damage your car lots.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)
I ran 8 miles in the rain yesterday
I got cold.

I have to run 13 miles this sunday.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:10, Reply)
that's nuts!
I thought I was doing well to run a km without stopping considering I've not exercised at all this year... :(
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:13, Reply)
I don't think I will enjoy it as much as the one I did in July.
But I'm just hoping the sun comes out, or that at least it is dry.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Sunshine is good.
Not being rained on is also good.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)
half marathoning?
nutter.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:32, Reply)
Yes. And yes.
I'm meant to be doing it with CHCB, but she's ill, so I'm doing it alone.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Not weather related
but why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:10, Reply)
Because you smell of seed.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Best not get caught with my hands in the Trill then.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)
You might end up before the beak.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Something about the pecking order.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Typical Monty, no proper joke, just winging it

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I just make things up on the fly

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
Getting caught feathering your nest is never cool.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)
etc etc etc

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Don't get in a flap about it though.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Stop crowing and raven on

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:21, Reply)
You're just irritable as your thrush is playing up

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
And you're a warbling bittern

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:24, Reply)
Your mum smells of my "seed"

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:20, Reply)
Because, like their human overlords, all birds detest Nakers and want to shit on him in hatred.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)
I, for one, welcome Naker's bird overlords.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:13, Reply)
When I was a boy
my brother and I had the top floor of our house to ourselves. The old servants' quarters. Whilst this was WAY COOL in many ways, not least the 'not getting caught smoking' scene we had going, but in winter it was FREEZING. I would wake up in the morning and my breath would steam in the air. I had one, tiny radiator, right under my (rather ill-fitting) window. Never understood why it was so, so fucking cold until my pissed-up brother put his foot through the wall. It was wattle and daub, no word of a lie. Medieval hut style. Tru story blud, se'sly.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Is Gonz going on Saturday?
If so, I'm going to fight him like Battered did at the last one.
Glad to see you back, Nakers.
I got caught in the rain once.

Alt: A useful effect for making your song sound a bit psychedelic.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Don't you go upsetting Gonz. I'll be very cross if you do.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:20, Reply)
I could never fight Gonz
Or indeed, anybody.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
Not sure. He's not been very well recently I think.
He might turn out to be a........waiittt......

PARTY POOPER!!!11!!1!111!
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
LOLOLOL!!!
I'll bring a carrier bag, just in case.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:23, Reply)
After years of trial'n'error, I've found the pringles tube is the best one.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:44, Reply)
I'm sick of being bullied by the likes of you, you're worst than The Cowper Crew from Cowper Gardens.
For years and years I couldn't go to Oakwood. All my friends went to the pelican cafe but they issued a "Warent for dead beats" on me so I couldn't go. No longer am I going to let bullies get in the way of my freedom, if you wanna throw down, I'll tell you what The Gonz Is Cooking, he's cooking The Smack Down and he's Miiiighty hungry.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Don't tell Monty you're cooking smack.
He'll be round your gaff quicker than a rat up a drainpipe.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:43, Reply)
Snow is ace in the countryside,
but shit if in the city. It turns into black shite in about 5 minutes. This is all I can think of weather related.
Alt, "a ring or collar, usually provided with holes". I haven't heard this childish term for a grotbox for a long time. Congratulations, and manly handshakes.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:26, Reply)
I watched the Hunger Games last night
it wasn't very good
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:28, Reply)
I watched Ip Man the other day.
It was fucking great. I have Ip Man 2 recorded as well. Might watch that this evening.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:33, Reply)
I was dissapointed
especially given that Darth gave it a glowing review. I thought Jennifer Lawrence was ridiculously one dimensional as an actress and made Lenny Kravitz look quite talented.

I did think about it afterwards though, and actually, for a kids film, which is was, there probably wasn't too much more they could have done as they covered the story perfectly well, it just didn't make for a terribly good film.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)
It felt really short compared to teh book, i appreciate it needed abridging but still
TBH I thought the book was pretty badly written anyway
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)
I rather enjoyed the books
I liked how instead of everything being okay at the end, she went completely mental and had several breakdowns.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:38, Reply)
Are you reaqding children's books in preparation for being a filthy nonce?
Bad al.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:39, Reply)
You've read Harry Potter haven't you?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:42, Reply)
And the goblet of drink from the special cabinet?
or the chamber of secret touches?
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:12, Reply)
When I was at school, we had a weekend trip to the Norfolk Broads
eight of us in a teacher's sister's boat. The side I was on leaked through the roof when it rained and I woke up in the night with a completely sodden duvet. Had to sit there all night in the soaking wet, watching the rain pour down the side of the boat onto my mattress. bad times.

Then when I was a student I took a day trip to York to meet some friends. As I was walking from the train station to the town centre, a massive bus drove through a puddle at high speed and soaked me - even filled my coat pocket with water.

I hate rain.

Alt: nuts
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:32, Reply)
You wet youself didn't you?
bus spray, LOL.

alt: pistachios please
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)
According to the paper, the UK is due to get a month's rainfall in 24hrs.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)
get it over and done with, that's what I say

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Which month?
If it's August, I don't mind.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)
August is the second wetttest month of the year after november btw

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)
what is the wettest mouth?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:38, Reply)
The Amazon?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:45, Reply)
An otter's

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:46, Reply)
You see
THIS is why people don't like you.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:38, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:44, Reply)
Jesus was secretly holding your OT access back
I heard him say.

I was crewing on a yacht that broached in the middle of the channel in a force 8. Was hanging onto a rail over the water for 3/4 hour before we managed to cut a sail loose and right it. Fucking windcunt.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)
He really fucking is.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Actually, wind is even worse than rain.
Wind is a fucker.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)
you know what weather I hate,
bullets
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:11, Reply)
I slept rough for charity a couple of years ago. It pissed down. About 2am I decided to do what the homeless do in the same situation.
So I broke in to a nearby garage, dried off as much as I could & slept in there.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

broke in to a nearby garage, dried off as much as I could & slept in there wanged up a ten bag of brown into my groin and LOLed heartily
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:39, Reply)
I will bow to your superior knowledge, as you've had considerably more experience of sleeping rough than I have.
How are you going to hold an after party on Saturday? You'll need a bigger cardboard box.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:41, Reply)
I once sung a rainbow

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)
I've yawned a rainbow
too many colourful cocktails on top of beers, most expensive boke ever.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:41, Reply)
What did young Gonz do?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:40, Reply)
he replied to someone else with a web address of numbers
thought i'd try it and it works \o/
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:41, Reply)
are you not worried you are on some kind of watch list now?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:42, Reply)
He's been on the sexual offenders list for years.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:43, Reply)
DNS problem then

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:43, Reply)
They must have a proper retarded web service
if they can block by DNS but not by IP.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)
I heard they posted every employee a computer with that days work on it
and then they had to post it back and wait for the next computer to arrive with another days works on it.

It's the only way to be secure you see.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:32, Reply)
Nah, they used this
tools.ietf.org/rfc/rfc1149.txt
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:40, Reply)
can I have these numbers?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:43, Reply)

5.9.83.79
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:46, Reply)
So now I'm using this, does this mean that my employers could no longer track the fact that I am always on here?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:56, Reply)
Of course they can.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)
But they don't know about all the porn that I look at, right?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)
No, dear.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:59, Reply)
Phew!
There's some pretty nasty stuff there, that could be embarrassing.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)
They'll see that number in the logs instead of 'b3ta.com', most probably.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)
And then they'll be curious
go to the IP address and see it gets you to a blocked site. Then they'll nobble the user for breaching IT policy.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:59, Reply)
I don't think I've got any blocked sites.
It was my boss who introduced me to b3ta.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)
So what is that number anyway?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:02, Reply)
The external IP for B3ta.
Think of it as like a post code.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:03, Reply)
Post? Code?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:06, Reply)
The real address of every website is a number
the IP address, but to save you having to remember the numbers DNS enables you to give them names instead, then translates them into numbers the Internet can understand.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:10, Reply)
Don't get sucked in.
He's like a black hole of ignorance. Giving him answers will only make him more powerful.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:12, Reply)
Nah, gonna get him to google for ipv6, see if I can get his head to explode.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:15, Reply)
I think if you suggest that he googles "google" you can probably get him trapped in a recursive loop

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:19, Reply)
I did this once before and missed Christmas :(

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:22, Reply)
Haha
Clicken dis
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:23, Reply)
Oooo, I might try that, it'll save me a fortune

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:30, Reply)
*sits back to watch a slew of stupid questions from Nakers as Kroney gets increasingly angrier and angrier*

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)
hahaha
I was going to ask about DNS...
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:20, Reply)
I generally ask people to think about how much they actually want to know.
Turns out it's usually not much.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:38, Reply)
Ignorance is bliss
Nakers is in a state of constant ecstasy
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:41, Reply)
Oh right, a story about weather,
When I was about 14 I was walking up to my Grandma's house, and there was this sort of grey haze in the street ahead, I assumed it was fog, or smoke from a fire nearby. As I got closer I could see it wasn't smoke, and it was a bit weird, I was a little worried, until I realised it was the start of the rain. Not all the rain ever, just the edge of that particualar down pour. It was quite cool.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:43, Reply)
It would have been cooler if it was the start of all the rain ever, though.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Sorry to have dissapointed you with my second rate story.

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:50, Reply)
Windy, my humble apologies
it was cool, I was just saying, y'know, the start of all rain ever, that would have been a little cooler.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:51, Reply)
it's too late,
I'm upset now
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 11:52, Reply)
*cuddles*

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:02, Reply)
*orvilles*

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)
Poor Wee pee

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:02, Reply)
Oh OH OH
I was once in a house when a tornadio went right over it, it really fucked up the garden, we found one of our chairs in the pool 3 houses down. Apparently it went over one of the big swimming pools and lifted all the water out, I would have loved to seen that.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:15, Reply)
Poor old Stuart Lubbock, can't he rest in piece!

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:21, Reply)
I do remember the game you played in school with the strong winds
Leaning back into it whilst holding your coat up as a sail. My mate discovered that the wind can suddenly stop for a second, just long enough to deposit you on your arse.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:27, Reply)
'Member school, eh?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:33, Reply)
Just been to the sorting office by bike to test out my all weather gear
Success! I am dry
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:28, Reply)
Holy balls Candle day
I have been wasting time for eight years now
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:29, Reply)
candle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:29, Reply)
Yes!
I brought an icon to show it off some years ago
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:35, Reply)
A thread about waterproof clothing!
MONTY!!!!

MONTY!!!!!!!

LOOK MONTY!!!!!! MONTY!!!! LOOK!!!!!!
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:31, Reply)
Class Olsen if your interested

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:35, Reply)
Controversial
Many offtopicers are strong advocates of the Peter Storm brand.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:38, Reply)
A reader comment from our local rag, regarding the heavy rains we're having.
"I was at Southern Cem yesterday and have noticed more than average movement on certain plots (some less than 10 years old). This was not noticable just 6 months earlier. The sodden ground can't be helping..." (sic).
Does this mean they log the movement of grave plots?
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:32, Reply)
And they are sufficiently familiar with the average grave plot movement
to be able to judge the deviation from the norm by eye?
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:37, Reply)
I am immune to weather. I have a car and an umbrella.
Well, unless it's also windy. In which case I'm fucked.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:37, Reply)
I just nipped out to grab lunch
came back without my now-useless brolly.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 13:17, Reply)
it's pissing it down in Leeds.
Only city in the UK to be an anagram of three class A drugs etc etc.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:40, Reply)
Heroin, cocaine and...?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:42, Reply)
What is the third?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:44, Reply)
LSD and two Es.
Ancient, ancient joke.
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:44, Reply)
well done gonz
this place was not the same without teh ape-love.

i am fucking fuming. i ranted previously about my hideous experience at the dvla trying to get a new tax disc, which took an entire morning, and cost me a fortune. i did all that because, fair enough i lost my v5, but the dvla told me they could not give me a new reminder number, either by telephone or by post.

what was waiting for me when i got back from holiday? A FUCKING REMINDER FROM THE DVLA, COMPLETE WITH NUMBER. fucking useless fucktards.

lunch?
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:45, Reply)
So what you're saying is, it's you're own fault but I want to blame someone else for being shit?

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:46, Reply)
no, i was happy for it to be my fault
until they did exactly what they said they couldn't and wouldn't do. now i am angry at losing half a day's holiday. if i had known that reminder was on its way, i would have waited for it and renewed online.

cunts!
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:48, Reply)
Ah well

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:50, Reply)
you could work there
seems about your level
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:52, Reply)
haha yeah

(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:54, Reply)
no, really
you should have more confidence
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:57, Reply)
I was stripping wallpaper all weekend and now my shoulders and upper arms are pleasantly aching.
Is this what it feels like to have 'worked out'?
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:55, Reply)

wallpaper for money in a seedy club
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:56, Reply)
Think you're asking the wrong crowd here.
Sometimes my willy feels a bit sore, if I've spent all weekend playing with it.
Does that help?
(, Mon 24 Sep 2012, 12:57, Reply)

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