Hang on, Dozer is one of ours, aren't we supposed to tell Legless to fuck off and make varying remarks that rhyme with "cheers"?
We're not?

Oh.

List things that are more pathetic than internet bickering. Excluding "this thread", "your Mum" and all the times I've been upset on the internet, please.

Alt: Real-life b3ta-fight, who'd be surprisingly tough, who'd be massively tooled up for the fight, who'd get murdered, etc

AltAlt: look at your watch, what do you think?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:50, 167 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I think, what a nice watch, oh look it's 10 to 1

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:51, Reply)

GIVE THAT BENT SPASTIC A BISCUIT

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:52, Reply)

thanks!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:53, Reply)

give your mum a biscuit3

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:55, Reply)

AltAlt: I think I can't remember the last time I wore a watch.
Probably around 1990?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:52, Reply)

Intriguing
What brings on this distrust of wrist-mounted timepieces? Skinny vegetarian wrists too scrawny to bear the weight? Uncontrollable splashback from frequent dangerwanking rendered previous models unusable?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:56, Reply)

All of the above.
Plus, as a teenager I realised that I didn't really care what the time was enough to need to carry it around on my wrist all the time.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:00, Reply)

You're basically the antithesis of Flava Flav

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:02, Reply)

Basically yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:03, Reply)

I bet you're gutted you've only just recently changed your sig

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Mine is spunkproof to 50 beaters

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:29, Reply)

And you've tested it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Furiously

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:59, Reply)

I don't wear a watch either.
Just use your mobile, innit.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:20, Reply)

I don't want either of them, thank you.
AW

Alt: I'd do OK, I've shown in the past I can take a punch, so my tactic would be to wear them down by having them repeatedly punch me in the face. Then again, the gym is starting to work, maybe I'll just kick them through a wall.

AltAlt: Fucking hell, this needs a new strap.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 12:56, Reply)

My backs a bit stiff at the moment so no one hit me for a day or so please.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:03, Reply)

i was thinking of getting a massage next week, just to losen up a bit
been hunchedover my laptop onsite too often recently
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Hunchedover sounds like what the Nazis might have renamed Dover
if they'd won
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Battered can probably recommend a couple of Massage Parlours in your area.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Yeah, cool you do that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:08, Reply)

I will, we have a treatment room at work with subsidised massage and osteopathy, s it's only £28 for an hour

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:10, Reply)

IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH OSTEOPATHY YOU MIGHT END UP AS JUST A SPASTIC!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:11, Reply)

I like this a lot

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:13, Reply)

you used to be nice, I think your meds are having an adfverse affect on you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:14, Reply)

Yeah being nice is a real winner of a policy on b3ta
Look at poor Dozer, niceness personified, never an ill word to say about a soul and he's getting terribly bullied
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Hey
I'm nice on here

oh...
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:01, Reply)

Nah, I don't do that. Just the full body massage when i tend to fall asleep
Do you not get perks like that working for the NHS? Free morphine, wheelchair racing or discount lobotomies?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:13, Reply)

No we generally spend our budget on patients.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:13, Reply)

yeah it shows

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:14, Reply)

We have a woman who comes in to the first aid room once a month
a tenner for 15 minutes, 15 for 30 minutes. I've not enquired how much for a happy ending.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:22, Reply)

seems steep for a plaster and some bandages...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:05, Reply)

Nick Clegg looks like he might cry

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:18, Reply)

In general? Or today in particular?
I'm hungry
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:19, Reply)

He's sat next to Osbourn while he cuts benifits for the disabled.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:24, Reply)

today, I'm guessing he was caned until he acquiessed on benefit cuts
his "diaries" from when he's in office could be quite interesting
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:57, Reply)

The only thing worse about internet arguments is taking them seriously.
If this was to be believed then a lot of you are very angry sociopaths.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:24, Reply)

This is exactly why I'm trying to organise a rumble

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Watch you wreck the mike

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:38, Reply)

TRIKE
That's all the rage in Geordieland innit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:40, Reply)

SYCHFAIL

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:00, Reply)

Customers.....
Alt:
I think I could kick the fuck out of most people if angered (i.e. runs out of coffee)

AltAlt:
It's half one and I've not had enough coffee.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:31, Reply)

I like how dozer went to talk for support after nasty legless bullied him
there are fewer things more pathetic than internet bickering

Alt: No one would turn up

Alt:Alt Oooo shiny I wonder when it will sync to GPS
( M o D, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 13:50, Reply)

MISUSE OF MOD WATCH

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:00, Reply)

Shhh don't tell the quartermaster!

( M o D, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:04, Reply)

Nah, he's a prick
and he went running to Talk and they told him to fuck off.

The average Movember tasche is/was more pathetic than this thread.

alt: Amberl would have you all. I reckon battered is a powder-keg of rage which combined with short man syndrome would mean he could give you a damn good punch in the shins.

altalt: usually "have I forgotten to wind this damn thing again?"
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:00, Reply)

very important to keep it accurate so you can calculate longditude

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:04, Reply)

I'm not entirely sure what he was thinking when he ran to /talk just now, I've seen a few people do it and it makes me cringe at how pathetic that is.
As if they're harder than us or something.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:04, Reply)

I don't think he eanted "help" as such mearly to get everyone to have a go at legless creating lols galore

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:05, Reply)

Have I missed something here?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:08, Reply)

It's a little to late, to say that you're sorry now, you kick me when I was down, but what you say don't hurt me, (thats right), don't hurt me, (I don't need ya') don't hurt me, no more (don' wanna see ya')
You show me nothing but hate, you run me into the ground, what comes around goes ar-rou-und, (you don't) hurt me, (thats right).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:09, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post1800511
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:09, Reply)

The people in my office complaining about the charity sweet box guy complaining about the box being short of money and light on bags of sweets
They're all like 'fuck that charity guy, man, and his hassling fucken behaviour" So they've left a passive aggressive note on the box telling him to take it away.

Alt: Whoever wins...etc, etc

Altalt: I don't wear a watch. I always wanted one of those calculator ones when I were young, the ones you'd need pin-like fingers to operate.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:06, Reply)

So /talk have got your back then?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:09, Reply)

Checks
No, I've still got mine thank you. It's getting a bit hairy for my liking
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:13, Reply)

Alright fake Dozer?
All those office door-to-door types are a pain in the arse, whether they are selling shit sweets for charity or shit cookery books for the fuckwits in the warehouse.
I wish they'd all just fuck off.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:15, Reply)

They don't bother me
Moaning that the pikey fuckers in my office are quicker with the IOUs rather than dusting off their wallets seems quite reasonable to me.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:17, Reply)

I'm not saying that you don't work with cunts.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:18, Reply)

Good, cus you'd look silly if you did

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:20, Reply)

I look at my watch,
and remember that I'm still pub champion at stopping the stopwatch the quickest. .04

On the whole dozer thing, i don't care what legless does, he's a bit of a prick.
Edit: I mean that legless is a prick.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:22, Reply)

They're both pricks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:28, Reply)

Two internet flids flapping their flippers at each other online.

( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:38, Reply)

what are you going to do when they fire you during your 3 weeks off?
Is it possible to make a living from being french?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:39, Reply)

he's reasonably personable
he'll get another job.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Three weeks is definitely long enough to realise that you can manage without someone.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:40, Reply)

I'll send them an IT manual guaranteed to fix any issue
"How to turn it off and on again for dummies"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:41, Reply)

Yes, you are the best man to offer advice here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:45, Reply)

how's your wednesday apey-ape?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:46, Reply)

shit swipey fucking shit, i have more work than I know where to start, it's hotter than the sun in here and I'm off all day tomorrow so need to get ahead
you?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:47, Reply)

me too
3 sets of urgent instructions all at once, i have no idea whether i'm coming or going.

was on a telecon earlier, forgot i'd pressed the mute button, wondered why the client, the surveyor, the valuer and the managing agent were ALL talking over me :(((
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:49, Reply)

i forgot to press mute yesterday and let out a massive yawn
everyone asked if I was bored, in said I was ;)
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:50, Reply)

wish i could get away with that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:56, Reply)

I bet they are all yawning when they are listening to you

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:57, Reply)

no, they hang on every word
more people should do this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:04, Reply)

only my team so wasn't an issue!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:01, Reply)

wow, it's jumping on here today, innit

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:39, Reply)

OK, I'm back again. Hi.
I went to reply to this thread and liked it instead. This makes it look like I support white-knighting Dozer. I feel shamed.

Alt: a real life b3ta fight would consist of people wheezing and slapping each other. It'd be miserable and tragic.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:57, Reply)

I have no motivation to work at all today.
I blame it on my looming holidays, but I suspect I'm lazy and using it as an excuse.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)

no point doing more than you have to if you're not coming back
you should probably write dopme handover notes though

a: turn it off

b: turn it on again
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:00, Reply)

I've a bunch of Citrix accounts to set up.
They've requested them to be active from 24th December. They are chasing me to find out why I haven't done anything about them yet.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:03, Reply)

tell 'em to go fuck themselves
if you're not gonna be there to see the Citrix in action, then no one will!

You'll be like the fat guy from Jurassic park!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:07, Reply)

You mean crash my shit Ford 4x4 in a ditch like a spastic and then get eaten by the shittest dinosaur in the film?

( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:10, Reply)

Are you worried Kroney?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:11, Reply)

sounds about right
don't forget taht you are fat as well
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:15, Reply)

Fat, spastic driver, hawaiian shirt and a shit hat.
Oh Kroney... :(
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:18, Reply)

don't forget French
now if I can just find a picture of a prehistoric giant month
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Were they longer than 31 days during the Jurassic period?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:20, Reply)

probably I dunno, who am I sam neail

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:22, Reply)

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Kroney
French men not producing as much sperm
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:11, Reply)

Fuck you just stole my thunder

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:12, Reply)

That's alright, I hate children.

( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:12, Reply)

im big enough, paired with enough rage i reckon i could beat the shit out of someone
Or more likely, pull a sleeper hold
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:12, Reply)

fucking hell krizzabelle, any of these sweaty ogres would love to be pulled by you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:14, Reply)

you took it too far man

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:16, Reply)

"ooh,squeeze me between your mighty thighs" sort of thing

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:17, Reply)

whilst eating pulled pork

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:18, Reply)

:\

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:18, Reply)

are your thighs not mighty?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:19, Reply)

i have nice legs for a fat person

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:21, Reply)

that is good news, I didn't think you were fat

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:23, Reply)

good news?
What the heehaw are you on about?
Everyone knows I'm fat
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)

Oh I didn't
I've only ever seen a pic of you hidng behind a mannequin so it was hard tyo tell
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:27, Reply)

oh pfft i forgot about that photo

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:29, Reply)

uh huh, you can't be that fat if you can hide behind a mannequin

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:32, Reply)

no no
I AM fat. Don't get it twisted.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)

Well I'll stop trying to be nice then

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:42, Reply)

Depends how far away it is

(PsychoChomp, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:44, Reply)

can we stop talking about my thighs

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:22, Reply)

shall we talk about mine?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)

I've got great thighs.

( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:27, Reply)

REALLY I DON’T THINK THAT’S BEEN MENTIONED

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:28, Reply)

I heard you've got frog's legs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:31, Reply)

I heard that this thread was really shit and we need a new one.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:36, Reply)

wadda ya mean that "frog's legs " quip was excellent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:38, Reply)

I liked it.
I mean, I didn't click the like button or anything, but I didn't actually hate it which for one of your posts is as close to a like as I get.
( Kroney, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)

Not there yet
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/popular/
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)

\o/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)

Feel free to provide an alternative adjective
*unzips*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 5 Dec 2012, 15:21, Reply)