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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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 What would it take to turn you off from the most pant-wettingly perfect specimen of man/woman-hood specific to your deviant needs you'd ever seen?
	What would it take to turn you off from the most pant-wettingly perfect specimen of man/woman-hood specific to your deviant needs you'd ever seen?Alt: Does anyone know any good nightclubs in Tower Hamlets?
Altalt: They do sleepovers at the Natuural History Museum. Where in the world would you like to have a sleepover?
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:35, 221 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
 less than 2 weeks till the secret Bristol b@$h thats so secret only I will be there!
	less than 2 weeks till the secret Bristol b@$h thats so secret only I will be there!(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:42, Reply)
 yeah, i'm alright
	yeah, i'm alrightgot offered a new job this morning, it might eat into my b3ta time
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:53, Reply)
 Well then it's 'not for you' is it?
	Well then it's 'not for you' is it?I mean come on, priorities and all that.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:55, Reply)
 well, i was going to take it on account of it being better
	well, i was going to take it on account of it being betterbut, you're right
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:56, Reply)
 do your get to take all the time you would have spent on b3ta as holiday?
	do your get to take all the time you would have spent on b3ta as holiday?(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:57, Reply)
 There is a nice boozer called The Shakespeare next to the Bristol hotel.
	There is a nice boozer called The Shakespeare next to the Bristol hotel.I took Stunned there to calm down after he'd forgotten to book a room, the fool. Monty found the lack of booking amusing.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:04, Reply)
 Friday 19th I will be celebrating or drowning my sorrows depending on how my exams go
	Friday 19th I will be celebrating or drowning my sorrows depending on how my exams go(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:06, Reply)
 It was very funny indeed.
	It was very funny indeed.The tranformation from 'outraged customer' to 'apologetic not-even-a-customer' was superb.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:33, Reply)
 I live in Tower Hamlets so I am reasonably placed to advise.
	I live in Tower Hamlets so I am reasonably placed to advise.However....
1) you've given me no indication of what you're 'into' - that said most types of clubs can be found there or in the adjacent area, from strip clubs to hipster bars to dance music clubs etc etc
2) I really don't like nightclubs of any kind any more so 'good' is something I'm gonna struggle with
altalt: I wouldn't mind a stay on Branson's island
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:46, Reply)
 I'm going to see Hurts at The Troxy
	I'm going to see Hurts at The TroxyI'm fine with all music, cheap entry and late finishing would be my priorities.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:56, Reply)
 Door price: bag of beers, bag of drugs.
	Door price: bag of beers, bag of drugs.Closing time: when the above runs out
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:01, Reply)
 the Vibe Bar on Brick Lane is OK, but shuts about 2 I think.
	the Vibe Bar on Brick Lane is OK, but shuts about 2 I think.XOYO might be on later but there are all sorts of things on there so have a look. There's always loads on in Shoreditch so have a google.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)
 Thank you
	Thank youI had a look at Brick Lane. Is 93 Feet East any good d'you know?
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:08, Reply)
 I have a feeling it's closed down these days.
	I have a feeling it's closed down these days.I used to DJ in there. This might be why.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:34, Reply)
 When he's mentioned homebrew 25 times he has to return to the depot.
	When he's mentioned homebrew 25 times he has to return to the depot.(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:50, Reply)
 what about if they were a sex worker and might have diseases and shit?
	what about if they were a sex worker and might have diseases and shit?(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:50, Reply)
 I'm sure people pick up more STDs at call centres, there can't be much else to do between calls
	I'm sure people pick up more STDs at call centres, there can't be much else to do between calls(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)
 That's a little unfair, i asked you a very reasonable question
	That's a little unfair, i asked you a very reasonable questionlots of people wouldn't fancy a go on a bird after she'd worked the streets getting ploughed by sleazy old men every night.
your gf was a stripper, this has nothing to do with her.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:04, Reply)
 One in 1600 children under five die of cot death every year.
	One in 1600 children under five die of cot death every year. Caregivers are usually unaware of any syptoms in the preceeding 24 hours, and no general symptoms present before death.
Typically the infant is found dead after having been put to bed. No cause has been found for it.
Not talking about your daughter though obviously.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:11, Reply)
 One of my daughters is under 5!
	One of my daughters is under 5!She sleeps in a bed though, is she ok?
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:15, Reply)
 So you've gone away, had a  think, done some google research and come back with this?
	So you've gone away, had a  think, done some google research and come back with this?that's a bit unhinged.
Maybe you should calm down and get less upset, I mean it's just the internet.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:21, Reply)
 Whoah chill out, I was just doing a statistical analysis about cot death, was nothing to do with you. Calm down.
	Whoah chill out, I was just doing a statistical analysis about cot death, was nothing to do with you. Calm down.(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:24, Reply)
 nah your're alright, I just worry that's all
	nah your're alright, I just worry that's allI mean if she ever went to poland she may have "bumped" into battered, which would be awkward for everyone
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:30, Reply)
 Let me get this right, you *want* bad teeth so you can get 'chicks'?
	Let me get this right, you *want* bad teeth so you can get 'chicks'?You do know 'Austin Powers' isn't real, right?
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:57, Reply)
 SHAGADELIC BABY, YEAH!
	SHAGADELIC BABY, YEAH!Nah, I really hate bad teeth. No matter how gorgeous she is, if she has a mouthful of broken tombstones, I'm OUTTA THERE.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:58, Reply)
 If I am hand-on-heart honest with you, I think the first one is jolly good fun.
	If I am hand-on-heart honest with you, I think the first one is jolly good fun.(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:06, Reply)
 It was fine at the time (particularly the first one)
	It was fine at the time (particularly the first one)but people STILL do impressions, wear the costumes...ugh.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:08, Reply)
 It all rather depends at what point in the proceedings the 'big reveal' takes place.
	It all rather depends at what point in the proceedings the 'big reveal' takes place.(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:57, Reply)
 yeah, I mean if you're approaching the vinegars
	yeah, I mean if you're approaching the vinegarsmight as well finish, be rude not to.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)
 Depends what sort of mood I'm in at the time
	Depends what sort of mood I'm in at the timeThe deception would be the worst thing. I don't like being lied to, Tangled.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 14:58, Reply)
 Oh sure
	Oh sureHonesty is the most important thing if you are going to have meaningless sex with a stranger of indeterminate gender.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)
 Well if I'm going to enter into any kind of sexual congress, be it with a woman or a man type
	Well if I'm going to enter into any kind of sexual congress, be it with a woman or a man typeThere has to be an element of trust. I'm old fashioned like that.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:01, Reply)
 I always use "No please stop it hurts"
	I always use "No please stop it hurts"It doesn't always work, I'll be honest.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:03, Reply)
 Avoid "who are you?" and "how did you get in my room?" too
	Avoid "who are you?" and "how did you get in my room?" tooToo many false positives that way.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:04, Reply)
 "I like rape"
	"I like rape"is always a good one...throws some confusion into the proceedings.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:06, Reply)
 Seems to me that indeterminate gender doesn't bother you
	Seems to me that indeterminate gender doesn't bother youyou do specify that it would only be a problem if the person was definitely shown to be a he.
From this I conclude that you're ok with nobbing transgenders, transexuals, cross-dressers and effeminate men who hide their cocks.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:03, Reply)
 Every time I hear that, I sing it in my head to the tune of Hakuna Mattata
	Every time I hear that, I sing it in my head to the tune of Hakuna Mattata(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:03, Reply)
 I don't know the tune to Hakuna Matata.
	I don't know the tune to Hakuna Matata.So I sing it to Kokomo by the Beach Boys instead.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:24, Reply)
 If I met a girl and she was smart, funny, attractive and great in bed
	If I met a girl and she was smart, funny, attractive and great in bedI'd say no if she was bigger than a size 8.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:02, Reply)
 you wouldn't know if she was good in bed until you'd said yes, though.
	you wouldn't know if she was good in bed until you'd said yes, though.(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:03, Reply)
 You can't get much bigger than a D with a size 8.
	You can't get much bigger than a D with a size 8.Thought you should know.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:03, Reply)
 I don't like big boobs
	I don't like big boobshow do you make 2 pounds of fat look attractive? Stick a nipple on it. I prefer a nice arse on a petite figure.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:05, Reply)
 Just to point out to Dozer if he's reading, this isn't some kind of crazy hip new music.
	Just to point out to Dozer if he's reading, this isn't some kind of crazy hip new music.(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:05, Reply)
 Well you know what they say
	Well you know what they say"Better a smelly garage than a noisy shed!"
*shrugs*
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:06, Reply)
 The full-on twang of our local accent is terrible, especially on a girl
	The full-on twang of our local accent is terrible, especially on a girl(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:07, Reply)
 Hey Monty
	Hey Montyfancy some of this?
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B004X2IQIY
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:21, Reply)
 *SHED UPDATE*
	*SHED UPDATE*Just ordered the connector to get the third screen going, shed warming party on Saturday!
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:09, Reply)
 So you can watch from behind the bar
	So you can watch from behind the barin front of the bar and to the side of the bar.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:14, Reply)
 I only know one of theirs (mecifully) and it doesn't fit with this gag,
	I only know one of theirs (mecifully) and it doesn't fit with this gag,so have an insincere 'haha, click! Nice one!' from me as I expect it's good if you know it x
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:27, Reply)
 You actually know more Crowded House songs than you think you do
	You actually know more Crowded House songs than you think you doFACT
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:29, Reply)
 Look can we talk more about my shed?
	Look can we talk more about my shed?Its far more important than crowded house.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:33, Reply)
 I really don't, you know.
	I really don't, you know.Just that weather one. My sister likes them. She likes everything, the cloth-eared twit.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:36, Reply)
 urgh don't joke about cloth ears
	urgh don't joke about cloth earsimma cut this one off with a knife if it doesn't stop being all muffly and poundy
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:39, Reply)
 AA you know how you were saying who your favourite literary character was on facebook
	AA you know how you were saying who your favourite literary character was on facebookwell I googled the person you said. Oh dear AA oh dear.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:13, Reply)
 Well its a Terry Pratchett character isn't it
	Well its a Terry Pratchett character isn't itfucking hell haven't you heard of google? I already said I needed to google his name
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:27, Reply)
 I was more than a tad drunk when I wrote that
	I was more than a tad drunk when I wrote thatI am extremely fond of the character though
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:37, Reply)
 They do say what's pleasing to the eye and pleasing to the touch are seldom the same
	They do say what's pleasing to the eye and pleasing to the touch are seldom the sameBut then I'd be willing to bet they've never been wanked off by a chimp
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:26, Reply)
 AltAlt: Downing Street, with Samantha Cameron.
	AltAlt: Downing Street, with Samantha Cameron.I'd fuck her up the arse on behalf of the working class.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:15, Reply)
 stinginess, eg expecting me to pay for all the drinks
	stinginess, eg expecting me to pay for all the drinksif i already knew/liked them, then physically nothing would really put me off - it's what's on the inside that counts.
alt: yes. the taxi rank to somewhere else.
altalt: the moon
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:23, Reply)
 i honestly don't care that much about looks
	i honestly don't care that much about lookssomeone really hot can get annoying pretty quickly, and someone who is initially much less appealing can become v attractive once you care about them.
i have slept with a couple of guys who were not what you would call in good shape. one of them was amazing sex. one of them was...... yeah, fucking shite, never to be repeated.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:28, Reply)
 I'd never get close enough to a fatty to find out about their personality.
	I'd never get close enough to a fatty to find out about their personality. I don't like sweaty women and I've sat near fat people before and they smell, they smell really bad, like rotting flesh, which is probably what it is.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:32, Reply)
 that says more about the locals in cornwall than about anything else, i think
	that says more about the locals in cornwall than about anything else, i thinkone pasty too many
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:33, Reply)
 I used to work in a hotel in Scotland
	I used to work in a hotel in Scotlandand the head waitress was twenty five stone EASILY. She sweated buckets the whole day, dripping off her big fat nose onto people's plates. And she stank. Even at ten in the morning.
How anyone never complained about her is completely beyond me.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:36, Reply)
 My hairdressers (hair 'studio')
	My hairdressers (hair 'studio')has gone out of business.
I find haircuts so traumatic I haven't been able to find a new one to go to yet, and my hair is in dire need of a trim.
#first world problems
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:48, Reply)
 Come round my office in a couple of weeks
	Come round my office in a couple of weeksI'm getting a free haircut, I'm sure they could squeeze you in.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 16:24, Reply)
 Oh.
	Oh.I'd probably better nopt come out and meet you when you're in Bristol, then.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:34, Reply)
 Im talking about these types
	Im talking about these typeswww.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1920222
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:37, Reply)
 don't listen to a word
	don't listen to a wordthis woman is neither fat nor sweaty.
she does have mahoosive jugs, however.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:38, Reply)
 They're even mahoosiver these days : (
	They're even mahoosiver these days : (A few more letters and I'll be on the downhill side of the alphabet.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:39, Reply)
 I find that comment sexist
	I find that comment sexistYes swipey she has breasts. I for one find it highly offensive that people feel the need to point out a womans breasts.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:39, Reply)
 it's a shame that you and swipey will never be an item.
	it's a shame that you and swipey will never be an item.you'd make a lovely couple.
no, wait, the other thing, horrifying.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:29, Reply)
 nah
	nahi've got plenty of that, because i'm capable of making it for myself.
but a title and a big house would be nice.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:29, Reply)
 and yet still you want him to pay for you.
	and yet still you want him to pay for you.and to think women want to be treated as equals.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:30, Reply)
 I've never expected a woman to pay half on a date. Seems impolite to me.
	I've never expected a woman to pay half on a date. Seems impolite to me.Much better if they treat you to every now and again as a gesture.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:36, Reply)
 Exactly, I bought my missus a car
	Exactly, I bought my missus a carand she noshed me off, seems pretty fair
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:38, Reply)
 The woman's a fool.
	The woman's a fool.mr b3th bought my car for me and I didn't even have to do anything!
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:41, Reply)
 i think it depends
	i think it dependsthe first couple of dates, fair enough. after that, though, it should be more even. esp if you earn more than he does. even with the loaded greggs hat, we ended up having a fair few fights over who paid; i often had to sneak off and pay it, or he'd have paid for everything, and i just don't think that's right.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:39, Reply)
 I fucking hate it when people sneak off and pay
	I fucking hate it when people sneak off and payI used to date this girl when I was a student, I was broke and she was loaded and I used to scrimp and save to take her out, then she would sneak off and pay completely ruining the hard work I had gone through to save up enough to treat her.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:49, Reply)
 Smoking. Or substance abuse, generally.
	Smoking. Or substance abuse, generally.Having said that, I'm fat and old, so I probably wouldn't have much chance to turn anyone down.
Alt: No. HTH.
AltAlt: Inside the pyramids.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:34, Reply)
 I actually did get  a gaz from chompy this morning
	I actually did get  a gaz from chompy this morningbut it was entirely unrelated to b3ta.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:42, Reply)
 No offence to Chompy, but I could never go out with a stripper.
	No offence to Chompy, but I could never go out with a stripper.Maybe it speaks more to my character than hers, but I find it seedy. I've had the opportunity, too. My future flatmate is currently living with a pair of them, one of them asked me out.
The trouble is, however nice they are, they take their clothes off for money.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:43, Reply)
 Whats wrong with a naked human?
	Whats wrong with a naked human?as long as they aren't touching I don't see the issue
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:46, Reply)
 It's the money changing hands aspect, I don't like.
	It's the money changing hands aspect, I don't like.Also I'm a little jealous. I wouldn't want my girlfriend shaking her bits in front of a jeering crowd. It's salacious, it's de-humanising and it's grotty.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:48, Reply)
 all these strippers who claim it's art. No love, you're showing blokes your growler for cash.
	all these strippers who claim it's art. No love, you're showing blokes your growler for cash. (, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:49, Reply)
 I'd happily show my cock for money as long as I didn't have to touch anyone
	I'd happily show my cock for money as long as I didn't have to touch anyone(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 15:50, Reply)
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