You lot are fucking shit at this
Fine I'll fucking do it

Ever boffed a mate's missus? Or gender-neutral equivalent?

Shitty grammar. How much does it bother you? There's a place called "Angel Nail's" in Norwich. Were I ever to feel a curious urge to have my nails done I would avoid that place as if it were a pool of vomitus with bits of undigested kebab floating in it.

How can we improve /OT?

Your mum; shag or die?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:26, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

no, never
although had the usual squabbles over who saw whom first when we were teenagers

bad grammar and spelling bother me a LOT (unless it's gonz, as his are genius).

bring back the dead

my mum beat me to answering that question
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Bit of a Tangent but, I used to run my own clothing shop in the city center
It was pretty much expected that you would have to clean up vomit from somewhere around the front/doorway of the premises each weekend/Monday morning
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:31, Reply)

Not a mates', no. Got close to it once, but had an attack of conscience. I may not have had this problem when I didn't know the guy.
I am occasionally pretty lax with grammar myself, so I tend to let that slide. Basic spelling errors I abhor, however.

OT just needs some new posters, really. Nothing wrong with it except a lack of people posting.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:31, Reply)

Got to hand it to you, these are decent questions.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:32, Reply)

This is sarcasm innit

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:33, Reply)

Actually, no.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:34, Reply)

Well fuck me
Cheers Monts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)

Although he hasn't actually stuck around to answer any of them.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)

I would never knowingly go with someone who had a partner.
I did boff twins once. Separately though.

Little grammar mistakes don't bother me. I'm sure I make plenty myself.
Text speak is the devils work, however.

Alt. Die
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:33, Reply)

That should read devil's work.
Hope this helps.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)

I have always had a weird aversion to sleeping with someone who I know has slept with
somebody I know, it's not like I expect them to be virgins it was just a physical block and I just couldn't go there, shame really I have missed out on some great opportunities.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:35, Reply)

The whole porridge stirring aspect is difficult to surmount.

( Kroney, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:36, Reply)

ewwwwwwwwwww.......but thats about the jist of it.
Edit: st zz
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:37, Reply)

I live on a small island
where that's very hard to avoid. Best thing to do is just not ask about their past if you don't wanna know who. Grim
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)

Do you live on Lundy?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)

Lundy B3th
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)

There's nothing small about that island.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)

Fortunately not
A little bigger, but probably just as shit
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)

Marrrrrdy
Kroney will get this
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)

Will he?

( Kroney, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)

it's french for.....

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)

Sacre Blue

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)

Oh. Right.
He gets it now.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)

Don't be Scilly

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Nope
Mmmmmm Kebab!

it's too late.

die.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:35, Reply)

Nope.
Well, technically I have, but only because she was my missus before his, if you see what I mean. *EDIT* actually, he wasn't a mate anyway.

Shit grammar and spelling does annoy me. It seems to be extremely prevalent on recruitment websites, especially the Jobcentre's. I saw one ad yesterday that repeatedly used the word 'there' when they meant 'their.' See also: people typing in txt spk on the likes of Facebook.

I'll be gone shortly.

21 years in the ground; I don't think you'd want to really.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:36, Reply)

No but my girlfriend dumped me so I shagged her best mate
so she got back with me to stop me shagging her best mate then dumped me again so I shagged her best mate again. Good times.
( Peej, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)

You stay classy Cornwall

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:42, Reply)

Yeah, but her best mate was his sister.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)

and aunt
and mum
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)

Happened in Bath and the friend was from Oxford so there

( Peej, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/bedroomdisasters/post1255156
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)

Nope.
Errr yeah I hate that shit and all.

MOAR posters.

Who dies me or her?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:41, Reply)

Morning Foxtrot. Get some sleep eventually?
I can't say I've ever slept with anyone's current missus - but I have swooped in on one occasion post break-up. Felt like a bit of a cunt for it but I'm very happy now

Shitty grammar doesn't bother me so much because mine's awful & the mothertron is a teacher

/OT definitely needs more users, Either that or we just take it out the back and shoot it

My mum: shag
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Hello mustard tiger

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)

your name is making me hungry
i could just go for a big baked spud with tangy chewy cheese and some nice jalapeno coleslaw
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)

With a shot of jagermeister to finish?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)

Also I've not eaten yet today, coffee only : (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)

Your post is making me hungry
I dunno what tiger would taste like, but a bit of mustard would probably improve the flavour..
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)

mustard improves most things
not chocolate though
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Y'know I read this and thought it'd be worth a try
And then I thought I bet someone already has: www.mustardshopnorwich.co.uk/colmans-mustard-chocolate-bar-pid832.html
They reckon it does improve it, but then they would.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

Hello new boy
Are you the saviour off topic has been waiting for?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)

he's not the messiah

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)

He's a very naughty boy

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I'm a very naughty boy

(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)

MARRSsiah

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Fuck off Bert.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

It's so dead these days, I reckon Bert would be welcome to return.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)

I hope not
Figured I could lend a hand though
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Tell us three ways you hope to improve things.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)

Remembering to wipe every time
I can't think of another 2 sorry, will that do?
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)

Can I ask whether you are Baldmonkey or Frank, just together it out of the way.
Will you stick around, or are you another flash in the pan like that fella last week?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)

Which fella last week?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)

I can't remember his username.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)

he was called
Non existent user bot 4
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)

100% original
and here to stay
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)

You'd better be good then.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)

Yeah
If not you will get taken behind the bins and duffed up by Monty wearing a Tucker Jenkins jacket
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)

Forgive me if I don't trust you initially,
I've been hurt before.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)

I've got plenty of lube
and time on my hands..
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)

Alright Mustard Tiger
Assuming you lurked for a bit, what have you learned about the people on here?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)

If you're going to fit in, Musto old boy, this is the point where you call Battered a cunt.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Gotta go grab some food sorry
I'm a firm fence sitter and avoid forming opinions on people I don't really know, maybe ask me in a couple of weeks when I've had a chance to piss some people off yeh
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

You're all cunts

(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)

+ h

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)

+s

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)

Hi.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)

G'day

(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)

What's brought you to our fair forum then Internet chum?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)

Been aware of b3ta for years
I used to just come here for /links and the image challenge, figured it was about time I started participating - I find all my funny vid's through that and I'm shit at photoshop so I guess I'm doing my bit for a dying breed by fucking it a little bit, or something along those lines
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)

Why here and not /talk?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Full of cunts and trolls
You lot seem vaguely human
(Mustard Tiger use by, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Lucky for you, you won't have Cavy trying to bed you

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:25, Reply)

ah a bit of internet Munging then
we appreciate your efforts to stir the warm corpse
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)

I did not. I feel drunk.
Hope you did old boy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)

hahaha
metro.co.uk/2013/07/10/inappropriate-irn-bru-advert-where-mother-discusses-push-up-bra-with-son-cleared-despite-176-complaints-3876393/

Best advert for ages
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)

No.
Yes.
Too late. It's on it's last legs.
Die.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)

Yeah, well, he wasn't a mate really,
He lived with an old friend of mine, I always thought he was a bit of a prick, he was on parole fie something or other, I forget what. Anyway, his missus was pretty sound, we got on well, and one night I was over there getting shit faced, and she Told me how he was quite abusive, not violent or ought, just an angry little man, and then she started crying and then I tried to comfort her and then it all went from there.

We slept together a few times, then he found out and it all ended in a nice civilised punch up.
Me and the girl dated for a year or so after that, until I fucked it up, but that's a different story.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)

Who came off worse in the fight you or battered?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)

*ker-lick!*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)

hahaha!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)

Did you go a bit Scottish there for a minute?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)

Looks like it yeah.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)

I am shit at life
As a young man I was (I still am I suppose) quite a cunt, and did get into the knickers of a few ladies who were "seeing" mates. I never did it to a close friend in my pathetic self defence, Plus the ladies were hot.

Eye Haight miss Grammer it iz weel roobish, their is know excuose for bad speeling neither .

We can stop moaning about OT

Dead
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)

why did I read that in the accent of Inspector Clouseau

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)

Double H give Kroney his login back

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)

I picture Kroney as the english Jean Darme from Alo Alo

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)

pissing outsid

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Good moaning is what we do best

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)

I tell you what, I've always regretted not darting in on a post-break-up mates' ex.
Especially now that he's an ex-mate. She was absolutely stunning. Married now. Hardly surprising, really.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)

would you want to be married to her?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)

She was a really genuinely lovely person.
I was quite taken with her.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)

was it me?
it was me, wasn't it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)

^NEEDY^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)

NEED RUST
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

Sorry, this was years before I knew you.
Also, I dont do gingers.
( Kroney, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)

Been the "shoulder to cry on" a few times, post break up
Shitty grammer is horrible. Your shitty Grandma, on the other hand...

MOAR PEOPLEZ

Neither thanks. You lot can do a. and she will manage b.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)

I'd like to think that I have some sort of strong moral code when it comes to these matters.
But the truth is I'm quite unattractive, so I've never really had the opportunity to test this.
Perhaps if I'd been born pretty I'd have become a dreadful slag, upsetting relationships all over the shop.
Who knows?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)

I'm an ugly cunt but have managed to wet my whistle in a fair few ladies
Banter innit?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)

I have quite a repulsive personality too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)

I didn't want to mention that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)

Suppose I should answer
Yeah totes, he was fine with it though

The answer's in the question

Free blowie for new posters, someone get Swipe some Kleenex

DEATH BY SEX
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)

for option 3
we can rope Geordie and you in as well that's 3 options for a new user
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)

I have a mouth like a hoover
That's a reward for 6 months regular posting, not the sloppy rubbish Swipey doles out
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)

Hello Darth Foxtrot poster
Nah, she was too fucked up to get conjugals.

Not fussed, too much effort. There was a bit about stray apostrophes in some new 'comedy' thing the other night. A bit hit and miss but a running gag about buy one get one free cuppas was amusing to me. HTH

We could all be FB chums and have a 'bash' in 'the smoke', cultivate some shameful scuttlebut about an attendant poster whose 'jib' just doesn't cut it and bang on about it on here in the form of amusing 'memes' and pointed asides. Yeah, that.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:10, Reply)

I actually quite fancy a bash.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)

come on sat
we're the best ones
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)

OHNOES! The lizards need to restock their freezers! Don't do it WP!!!

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I can't sat, but I'm considering Jeff stock.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

B3th invited me yesterday
But I can't make it :(
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:47, Reply)

Let's just do that you and me DG
I'm in the smoke tomorrow, let's get fucked up
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)

No can do DF, I'll have to take a raincheck
How about 31/09/2013 at 'Dirty Dicks' ?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)

What's your favourite advert?
I like the Old El Paso one with Danny Trejo in it.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)

I thought that one was quite recent?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)

Ha yes

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)

*Shakes head*
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2012772
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)

Heavens to Murgatroyd
Is it saying that Irn Bru makes you fancy your Mum?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

This is a great advert
www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyeDBZaxFa8
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)

Ah yeah
Good stuff
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Be more dog

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)

Hello Mustard person.
Have you gone? Or still lurking?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Maybe he couldn't cut it here

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

*POURS PINT*

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Not keen

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

You must be starving Sporty.
No food 'till sundown for you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

but but

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

t t d d
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)

Yes
Far too much

Be excellent to each another

Die.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 13:12, Reply)