so the city reckons the economy is improving
do we believe this? does it mean we have to like george osborne now, surely a thing not even his own mother could achieve?

alt: the physio showed me that i have been standing wrong for years. it felt properly weird when he pushed my knees into the right position. what basic FAIL have you committed?

altalt: favourite or most hated saying/proverb?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:31, 125 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Construction has kicked off big time
Most of the Brick and block Manufacturers are on a three month lead time.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)

definitely in london the property market has gone mental
a couple of years ago, it was all, "i bought this flat offplan, now it's dropped, get me out of this contract."

now it's, "i sold this flat offplan, now it's risen steeply, get me out of this contract."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Construction Is the corner stone to alot of the national industries

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:37, Reply)

you can see that in spain - all these amazing roads going nowhere with nobody using them, because the construction raised employment for years

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Yeah that we paid for that thorough the fatcats in Brussels
/daily mail
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:41, Reply)

Have you been watching Top Gear???????

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:45, Reply)

hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:01, Reply)

i fucking LOVE hyperbole and a half
she's a genius
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Off plan?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Before it was thrown up.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

aye
it means that the developer sells them before they are built - like battersea power station. so you get a plan of what it will look like.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

buying before it's built.
Usually at an attractive discount.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Surely it just means the developers know what corners they can cut with the build.
No need for a show home with high end appliances if they've been sold in advance.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:50, Reply)

to a small degree
but reputation innit. nobody wants a shoddy development to have their name on it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:52, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
You know fuck all about housing developers.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:22, Reply)

^^ This ^^

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)

sssh
i'm on commission here
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:26, Reply)

The renovation side of things has been steady for some time
but nobody's betting on the future.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)

The nationals house builders have gone in with their size 9's
Ibstock brick is quoting 12 weeks on direct loads
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:47, Reply)

cool story bro

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)

Fanks

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)

Good way to push up prices

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:03, Reply)

When they say "the city" I never know who they're referring to.
Alt: my posture was terrible, I never realised till I started concentrating on my form when lifting, I still slouch really badly at times.

Altalt: A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush. Shut up, sometimes having one inferior item is not better than striving for better by getting back in to that bush.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)

they mean 'the city of Huddersfield'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:41, Reply)

that bastion of international finance

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Ten quid says you don't know where Huddersfield is.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:47, Reply)

Yorkshire?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Huddersfield has a lovely station.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:53, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2027385
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:00, Reply)

I told you about my brother's mate
whose dad was chief of police there: this old boy (father of three) believed the human male had a retractible penis bone, and that skydivers were really flying. Mind you his son ended up in Strangeways for manslaughter so a pretty consistently-stupid family I suppose.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:49, Reply)

fucking hell
no wonder they are all witch fearing povvos up there
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)

The fucking head copper.
Frightening.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

signs of life everywhere innit
The best bit is that Help to Buy is pushing up house prices again, plus RICS are forecasting 4% annual house price growth over the next few years.

Looking forward to seeing if pension tax relief is altered- higher and additional rate tax relief isn't fair. The tradeoff is that the money isn't taxed now, as it'll be taxed as income in future, but most higher rate taxpayers drop down to basic rate when they retire.

God I'm boring :'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

there was a guy in our lift today with brown shoes that had bright turquoise soles
was it you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

yes

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:41, Reply)

tl:dr

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

altalt: when you ask someone if it's the 9th today (for example) and they say 'yes - ALL DAY' with a smug spasticated look on their cunt face
as if they've somehow IRL zinged you or 'got you' in some kind of Beadle-esque prank.

YOU HAVEN'T, YOU FUCKING WANKER, IT MEANS NOTHING AND YOU'RE A CUNT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

see this and also
"i'm 50 years young"

no, you've been a PRICK for 50 years.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

X more sleeps until something shit happens that no one else cares about you fucking childish prick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:42, Reply)

this is shaping up to be an excellent spiteful thread

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:43, Reply)

also: fucking right

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:43, Reply)

8 OR 9 I CANT REMEMBER DEPENDS WHEN ITS RELEASED I DONT KNOW MAYBE POSSIBLY 'TILL SCROOBIUS PIP VS DAN LE SAC'S NEW SINGLE COMES OUT !?!??!?!!?!

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:55, Reply)

lnk;jkb;k

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:42, Reply)

FINALLY someone dares say what we've all been thinking!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:44, Reply)

fsvvs

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:47, Reply)

Hang on, has HH been doing "breath play" with you again?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:49, Reply)

anything related to "andrew marr"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:43, Reply)

What, even his uncle John?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:44, Reply)

johnny marr is talentless prick
who's music sucks harder than harter's mum at the elephant benclosure
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)

At best, a competent session player. Nothing more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:50, Reply)

benclosure
Sounds like the end of a Marti Caine song.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Jeff, the two of us need look no more

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:00, Reply)

haha
I think Coldplay should have donated the royalties from 'Yellow' to the fund.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:01, Reply)

hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:02, Reply)

alt: Had a frozen shoulder and steroids (cortizone)
did nothing for it. Eventually went on NHS physio and the guy told me I was standing wrongly. He adjusted me (ooh missus) and with a few excercises I was sorted. I was amazed that what appeared to be a very slight adjustment to posture made all the difference.
I've been posturing to great effect ever since.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:45, Reply)

I don't understand what this story has to do with the Spanish Conquistadors, edj, try as I might.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:47, Reply)

Nobody expects...

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:52, Reply)

AHAHAHA THIS PARROT HAS DIED!! THE KNIGHTS OF KNEE!!!!
SYBIL!!!!! AHAHAHAHAH
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:54, Reply)

*mentions war*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:57, Reply)

altalt: "At the end of the day..."
which really means "I'm ending this discussion by imposing my opinion in a smug and self-satisfied way and I'm always right".
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I always hear it as "I'm thick as pigshit and don't really have a point to follow this vacuous phrase"
I am always deeply dismayed when I hear an educated person use it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:50, Reply)

It's not really any different to 'when all's said and done'
ARE YOU SAYING SHAKESPEARE'S THICK AS PIGSHIT NOW YOU FUCKING YURT-TURD?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)

Basically, at the end of the day, I thought that was Robert Miles

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Worst maths tutor video ever

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Bastard, I just joined in that last thread and you've all fucked off here.
If the economy does improve, everybody will forget what we've just been through, and embrace the rise in prosperity, and we'll end up with another fucking boom. Which will be nice, until we then get the next inevitable bust.

Alt: My posture's terrible. Then again, I do carry a good stone of extra weight on my front that tends to hunch my shoulders forward.

AltAlt: At the risk of starting another round of mongolism, my most hated phrase is anything along the lines of 'time of the month, love?'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:48, Reply)

^ blobbing ^

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:50, Reply)

^mongol^

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)

*conquers asia*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:52, Reply)

conquers comes from
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)

I use the phrase "Alright babe, settle down" to wind up Mrs Hats
And I must say...mission accomplished.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:51, Reply)

I use "not now love, this is complicated"
Sends lady pig in to a rage.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:52, Reply)

"Sshhh....men are talking"

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:53, Reply)

"Why don't you stick the kettle on sweetheart, I'll be done with this in a minute"

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:55, Reply)

"If you're here....then who the FUCK is making the sandwiches?"

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)

"TUNA CASSEROLE? TUNA FUCKING CASSEROLE?"

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)

0.5 seconds after I said this would be the following
*swish*
"OW!"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:02, Reply)

That's excellent.
I like "Shhh, mummy's busy."
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:54, Reply)

*fucks off back to the last thread*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:52, Reply)

Alt: I walk wrong, due to having an ingrown toenail for years
It's what led to me breaking my foot. Seems to be better now, though.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Was the economy of The City ever really in that much trouble?
I'm not convinced the rest of the country is feeling as optimistic.

Alt: I'd quite like someone to correct my posture, I'm an horrific sloucher.

Altalt: My favourite proverbs are Russian ones, for example:
Beat your wife with the butt of an axe, if she falls to the floor and cries she is fooling you. Give her some more.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:57, Reply)

I like russian jokes
In the time of Stalin's mass purges, a knock at the door woke a family in the middle of night. All family members, shaking in terror, jumped up.

"Take all you can carry with you, and get out at once," a voice sounded. "But, for God's sake, don't panic! It's me, your neighbour. It is nothing serious, just our house is on fire."
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:03, Reply)

And the classic....
Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:04, Reply)

because your pripyat will fall out

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Something about Nick A Bolokov?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)

chernobyl fallout

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)

oh god

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:09, Reply)

I suppose I am.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)

I quite liked that one

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)

God would probably know that Chernobyl isn't in Russia ACKSHERLY.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:20, Reply)

A man was in a long queue outside the butcher's.
After 4 hours he reached the front of the queue just as the butcher announced that there was no meat left.
He quietly complained about the shortages to his neighbour in the queue but the security guard heard him.
He said, "The state is going to let you off this time but I could have shot you for what you just said."
The man turned again to his neighbour and whispered, "Oh fuck. I think we are out of bullets."
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)

slouch wank
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Man needs a hobby.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:33, Reply)

do you constantly stand like you are skiing?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Only in the shitter.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:20, Reply)

Spinefail
I now have good posture and a correclty aligned back but it always seems to want to turn back into a snake and fuck me up

Alt:
Thinking outside of the box
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:01, Reply)

You need to accept that you can't reach your own mouth with it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:04, Reply)

I dont even need to bend over

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)

Altalt: "What can I do you for?"
"I DONT KNOW BUT THE PIGS WILL BE DOING ME FOR FUCKING MURDER YOU CUUUUNT"

*incoherent screaming*

*sirens*
( Kroney, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:16, Reply)

a most logical and rational argument :)

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)

alt alt: "To be honest"
So everything else you've said is lies is it?
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:22, Reply)

see also
"don't take offence, but..."

OK. don't give me a reason to, dear.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:28, Reply)

Also see also
"I'm not being funny, but..."

No, you're being a twat.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:29, Reply)

Also see also also
"If I were you"
Well that's a most unlikely scenario and anyway it's "If I was you".
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:36, Reply)

the absolute worst is "you're joking" in respect of bad news
i had to ring about 400 people to tell them about my mum dying. about 150 of them reacted like that. because of course i would ring you out of the blue, mr mum's colleague or mrs old family friend, just to joke about something like that. you idiot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)

I'm guilty of overusing this phrase.
But, to be honest, I am a compulsive liar.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 11:34, Reply)