Oprah was refused a bag and cries racism.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23626340

When was the last time you were told you were told you couldn't afford something?

Like the sale person wouldn't recognise Oprah.

When was the last time you went unnoticed?
(Not you, Frank)

Alt. Lunch innit/weekend plans/YM
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:39, 109 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

When I was picking up my suit last night
a woman came in and started saying "excuse me, excuse me," at me. I stared at her for a slightly uncomfortable amount of time and finally said "I don't work here".

I should probably sue her for racism, too.
( Kroney, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:41, Reply)

Go for it.
I thought it only happened in pretty Woman.

I always feel uncomfortable in very expensive places, so don't bother.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:44, Reply)

The guy came back with my suit and I gave her a disdainful stare before leaving.

( Kroney, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:47, Reply)

Ahahaha :o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:42, Reply)

Laughing plus sad face
Little confused?

In other news, it's my birthday and I'm still ill
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:46, Reply)

Happy Birthday Vippers

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:56, Reply)

Ta

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:58, Reply)

And ill?
That sucks! A night on the Robitussin is in order.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:00, Reply)

Had to cancel reservations at a fucking quality restaurant as well.
Annoying.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Deferred rather than missed.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:09, Reply)

Yeah, but it's going to be a couple of weeks before I can go
Which is annoying.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Happy birthday you knobber
I'm about to sell my flat because I can't afford anything - literally all day fucking long, so this is sad but the 'when did you last..' question make ne chuckle simply because the answer is 'all the time for the past three years'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:00, Reply)

That sucks le grande balls old son.
Will sellingthe flat help out properly, or is it last ditch?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:07, Reply)

I'll have no debt and about 50-60k
Not enough to get another flat anywhere nice
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:20, Reply)

Could be worse though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:36, Reply)

considerably

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:50, Reply)

Best of luck with that
I'm off for a walk to see if it makes me feel any better
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 14:04, Reply)

:(
Sorry, Monters old bean.

I live pretty much hand to mouth too if it's any consolation.

Fucking expensive on your tod.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:08, Reply)

if you tried putting out a bit more
you might find someone
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:12, Reply)

I'm with someone!!
I was thinking about co-habiting next year after we've been together more than a year.
I've not had the best experiences of living with partners in the past so proceed with caution.

but that's another story.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Men! They're all bastards!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:15, Reply)

except me of course

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Woah hold on I thought you were a bird?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Well
While technically male, my genitals are so small that its an easy mistake to make
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:27, Reply)

Looks like a cunt
Smells like a cunt


ITS A CUNT!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:28, Reply)

"Winfrey, who stars in Lee Daniels' new film The Butler"
This isn't about racism or handbags, it's about free advertising masquerading as news.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:46, Reply)

She's the worlds only black African female billionaire apparently.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:47, Reply)

Except me, obviously.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:50, Reply)

and Ainsley

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:00, Reply)

I would have thought Rusty Lee would be up there.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:09, Reply)

just shows they are all lazy
plenty of white male billionaires 2+2 =
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:24, Reply)

2 + 2 = A duck?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:39, Reply)

I'm getting the hang of this place now, no?
No :(
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:46, Reply)

yes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:01, Reply)

The shopkeeper was only trying to protect her feelings - it was a coonskin bag.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:49, Reply)

How does a bag get to be more expensive than property?

( Kroney, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:50, Reply)

PRACTISE!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:51, Reply)

Spelling practice?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:27, Reply)

Verb, you oaf.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:37, Reply)

More importantly
why would you want to spend that much on it?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:52, Reply)

Maybe because she liked it, and as a billionaire she can what she likes and you ought to learn to mind your own business young man

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Next time I'm told I can't afford something
I think I'll do this:

www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/borrowing/creditcards/10231556/Man-who-created-own-credit-card-sues-bank-for-not-sticking-to-terms.html?fb
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:51, Reply)

Got to admire the creativity.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:55, Reply)

I'm sure there's an "In Soviet Russia" joke in there somewhere
If anything my hangover got steadily worse throughout the morning to the point I contemplated a tactical chunder. I think I'm over the worst now, though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 12:58, Reply)

I'm in the pub to get rid of mine. First time I have drank at lunchtime for ages. Then home for snooze I think.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:01, Reply)

will the lies never end?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:02, Reply)

You're just jealous because you're at work.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:07, Reply)

I thought I was 5 ft 8, but i'm 5 ft 5.
I think the difference is that I genuinely don't give a fuck or think it makes me any less of a person because of it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:46, Reply)

pulled pork sandwiches all round.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:01, Reply)

are you off work again today?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:03, Reply)

Nah, mate. Had too much on today.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Too much being a pair of shoes, right?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:21, Reply)

Hahaha

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:24, Reply)

The jokes on the other foot now

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:25, Reply)

HOLD ON, YOU DON'T GET HANGOVERS DUE TO YOUR PATENTED SNACKING METHOD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:02, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2043707
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Puking = big hangover or beer mouse
Which is it?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:18, Reply)

I'm going for big hangover
I just had to take the back off the bedside chest I just assembled and re-attach it on the actual back instead of the front. Also take the top off and put it back on with the front facing front. I missed easily four or five clues I was doing it wrong the first time, too.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:44, Reply)

Ikea = witchcraft

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:47, Reply)

I was escorted from a shopping centre mall thing just outside Moscow a few years ago,
As my ginger hair and slightly grubby exterior meant that security had pegged as a gypo and probably a thief. It was not until I got my passport from my hostel that they would let me buy some groceries.
That was the same trip I was arrested an hour after I arrived in St Petersburg.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:03, Reply)

hahahahahahaha
I mean, gosh that must have been terrible
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Yeah, as if you look any less gypo than me.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Everyone knows Gary Oldman isn't a gypo

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:09, Reply)

I would've shot you, myself
You know....just to be sure
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Those bloody terrorists spoilt it for everyone :(

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Ok, this might be the worst thing ever
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lqboehjtOg
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Christ
Can't even begin to listen to that. I fucking hate Doctor Who.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:12, Reply)

I was in an antique guitar shop in Newcastle browsing, aged about 19
I spotted a Fender Strat I like and enquired as to how much it was

"Lots" was the answer. I had just been given over £2K as an inheritence which was the reason I was browsing there in the first place. I pulled out my wallet, stuffed to the brim with £20 notes that I was due to take to the bank, pulled a load out

...then walked straight out the door with the manager of the shop pretty much begging me to come back in.

FUCKING PRICK that he was
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Needless to say...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:19, Reply)

I couldn't drive aged 19
So I walked my supermodel to the bus
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:19, Reply)

There's a strikethrough or 2 in there...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:21, Reply)

I set 'em up
I decided to write it in proper Lie of the Week stylee
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Good

use

of

line

breaks

too
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:24, Reply)

I










thought

so
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Monty?
"268. sp
14 MINUTES AGO
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:20, Reply)

pardon?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:23, Reply)

Yew herd.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:24, Reply)

There's a bovine nonce investigation now?
*fears*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:26, Reply)

Better start running.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Done and done

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:44, Reply)

And that's the end of that chapter!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:45, Reply)

My mate Bob once got refused 'the most expensive nip' in a pub as the barman reckoned he couldn't afford it.
At £250, he was right.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:21, Reply)

lacist

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:23, Reply)

aka the 'Emperor Hirohito'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Sideways fanny is getting rather expensive, non?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Where was that?!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:44, Reply)

The Grill, Aberdeen.
£250 is quite cheap as far as nips of expensive whisky go really.

Not that i'd ever consider paying that myself.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:47, Reply)

I've heard similar about the golf course at St Andrews, still crazy

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:56, Reply)

Tried buying a penny sweet, card got declined.
Well, that'll teach me not to think I can treat myself.

Alt: Beef noodles for lunch, movie night tonight, heavy drinking session tomorrow night for the huge cost of £5.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:37, Reply)

Tonight I will be mostly drinking Duvel

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:45, Reply)

+robert

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 14:34, Reply)

62/1

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:46, Reply)

NEW THREAD

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Aug 2013, 13:57, Reply)