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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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this needs a new thread
i don't get yoga. it doesn't feel as if you are working out (even sweaty bikram). but look at the bodies of people who practice it, and you MUST be. what science don't you understand/think must be magic?

alt: just got an email from a lady who spells "susan" as "soosanne". what was the last piece of pretension/stupidity that you saw?

altalt: who's your hero?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:30, 210 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
altalt: Jimi Hendrix <B xoxoxoxoxoxo
I luff Jimmy hes the BEST!11!
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)
are you one of those weirdos who huddles around his grave tossing off onto the stone?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)
No*



*yes
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I've been to Jim Morrison and Oscar Wilde's graves
no wanking though. The missus was with me.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
jim morrison was fucking hot, back in his day

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Right up until the point he became a fat drunk, you mean?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:41, Reply)
I think she means when he was Val Kilmer

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)
The glass jar magnate?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)
Glass jars aren't magnetic, you fool

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:45, Reply)
basically, yes

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)
then I agree

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:46, Reply)
also, see Elvis

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:47, Reply)
yes, very much so
but i think morrison was hotter.

jagger was never hot, but has at least avoided the fat drunk mess stage. apparently he works out 6 days a week which is why he still has a 28" waist at age 70...
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:49, Reply)
a moment on the lips ,forever on the hips
In reverse for Mick
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)
HE SHOULD HAVE PUT SOME COLD WATER IN THEN EH

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)
HAHABECAUSEHEDIEDINTHEBATHALLEGEDLY

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Hahaha yeah
We have a right old bath here, dont we?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:45, Reply)
If you go to Highgate Cemetery (it's really worth a visit actually)
Karl Marx is buried next to Earl Spencer - it's so lol, MARX AND SPENCER!!!!!!!
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Oh! I get it!
Some more people with comically-matched names should be buried near one another!
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)
we were talking about this on mon
i def want to go. to see the peaceful eerieness, not m&s. i can do that on kensington high street.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:44, Reply)
I want to go there, if they have an M&S i am definitely there.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:45, Reply)
i'm pretty sure that there will be a simply foods within the vicinity

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:49, Reply)
Phew. I won't starve or have to visit a 'pleb' shop.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)
It's well worth the trek
And The Flask is a lovely pub you can go to afterwards.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)
i nearly got thrown out of there for fooling around with greggs hat, back in the day
i reckon i'd have a better shot in the cemetery
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:18, Reply)
I'm thinking some of that rather delicious pudding wine may sooth my throat.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)
My old man went fucking nuts for the bottle I gave him.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Where can I buy it?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:44, Reply)

www.winesofuruguay.co.uk/shop-online/dessert-wine
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:01, Reply)
Good man. Thanks for that.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:02, Reply)
You should write a review
in the style of a street youth.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Have you tried this stuff?
Awesome.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:25, Reply)
I haven't
Might give it a try - I do like a nice Barolo.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:36, Reply)
I think it's only people who already have good bodies that do it. Fucking hippies.
altalt: Monty Boyce
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)
YESSSSSSS

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I don't really understand all of quantum physics
Alt: errrr dunno

Altalt: don't have one
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)
i think you need to put a little more effort in here, apey old boy

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)
Meh...

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:38, Reply)
Electricity
Not a fucking clue

Alt:
People who put qualifications of their email signatures. Shit ones like MCP, BA, etc.

AltAlt:
I'm not sure I actually have one
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Dozer does that with his email sig.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Mine would be stupid if I did

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:38, Reply)
we have ones that we can't delete
they aren't our individual quals, but they are all stuff to do with the firm.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:40, Reply)
Ym
Alt: ym

Altalt: ym
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Electricity. Witchcraft.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
nail on head

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
I think you're getting electricity mixed up with DIY here m8

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:40, Reply)
but how else do they power those moon rockets?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Moon rockets? We haven't been to the moon.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)
status: battered's sock
CONFIRMED
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Think I might start a new account and just hand this one to Battered.
At least then you'll be right about something
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:44, Reply)
I'm far too ill to mess around with accounts.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Not true. You're behind both of ours.
According to a 'woman'. HA!
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:46, Reply)
Battereds sock
Crusty and under the bed?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:57, Reply)
I don't understand what the universe is expanding 'into'.
I didn't understand the future until MY HERO Monty explained it to me.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:38, Reply)
Yes!
I can't fathom how space is infinite but not yet complete or summat.

Was it expanding into YM?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:31, Reply)
I'm slightly concerned that not enough people saw this
sarmai.tumblr.com/post/57774699811/6-pieces-of-pleasure

nsfw, obvs
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Actually one too many saw it - that one being me.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:41, Reply)
I'd like a girl to comment, ideally
Where's Windy?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:44, Reply)
Probably washing her hair or summat

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)
You seen the video of the guy that couldn't walk, but now can because of Yoga?
Rather impressive.

I'm with the others here, electricity is something I simply don't understand. Same with most science really, no matter how much the other half explains it.

Alt: 'Customer' (read: 3rd party) gave us entirely wrong information, costing us roughly 15 man hours. Utterly frustrating, and incredibly stupid by them.

AltAlt: No-one that comes to mind.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:48, Reply)
It's me isn't for helping you restructure your debt and avoid gaol.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:55, Reply)
There's somebody that works for us called Typhaine
Or "Tiffany".
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)
Please say that's not true
Please say that's not how she spells her name.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:54, Reply)
We have a Hellyn here

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:58, Reply)
Sorry, that's exactly how she spells her name.
I didn't even see it at first. I had to call her and I asked for "Ty-phane"
She goes,"it's pronounced Tiffany" and my actual words were "You what?"

I'm getting a customer service award next week.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:07, Reply)
Mon dieu
What's wrong with people?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:09, Reply)
I think it's down to the fact that most people are fucking cunts, Twoey

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:16, Reply)
Typhoid?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:31, Reply)
Should I watch Bergerac or Traffic Cops next?
#ill.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:57, Reply)
Bergerac

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:58, Reply)
^^^

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:59, Reply)
Done.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:00, Reply)
Bergerac OBV

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:00, Reply)
This will be followed by The Professionals and then Minder.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:01, Reply)
I wish I was ill :o(

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:02, Reply)
Is Watercolour Challenge still on?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Only in r harts

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Shame. I do miss daytime tv. Being redundant had it's ups and downs.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Yeah
Battered is turning his arse water yellowy brown
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:06, Reply)
The smell of my arse almost made me vomit earlier. Codeine is doing nothing for my fever. No booze. No fags.
Daytime TV is all I have. Apart from a parking ticket.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:10, Reply)
Falling slinky physics
Watch the slow motion videos, shit be crazy yo.

Alt: Saw a dog in Brick Lane wearing wraparound mirror shades last night. Actually that was pretty cool.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:02, Reply)
I imagine some of you will hail this woman as a hero
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/recruitment-worker-kelly-stone-suspended-2162766
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:07, Reply)
She should lose her job
Not because of what she said, but the fact that she's so dumb that she didn't think anyone else would see it.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:11, Reply)
And she ain't no looker.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:16, Reply)
like that woman who tweeted about her hit and run
"oops just hit a cyclist, oh well".

so, hit and run, AND on your phone whilst driving? she should be sterilised.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:29, Reply)
she's clearly a stupid and rather nasty person
but i bet it works both ways. there will be some people who sign on who have found the DWP staff to be horrific, and there will be some people at the DWP who have seen benefits claimants that take the piss on an epic scale.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:29, Reply)
People that don't understand electricity are fucking thick.
So there.

Science.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:08, Reply)
With you there my French chum
If they cant understand that Pixies rub each other to generate a charge then hold hands to pas it down a bit of string then more fool them.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:26, Reply)
What DO they teach them in schools nowadays?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Yoga is all about the stretching and holding the position which uses the muscles.
I can barely touch my toes yet Madonna can see what she's had for lunch.

I can't fathom the science behind how women can get on each others menstrual cycles. Odd.

alt. soosanne is a prick. The last pretension I saw was also in a name. That horrid Katie Hopkins bitch, but someone got her so good when she mocked the name George for the royal baby. They said "I named my dog Katie because she loves the taste of her own shit and barks out nonsense"

altalt. Don't really have one. There are people I admire but never classed them as heroes. Probably Batman.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:17, Reply)
The best bit was her saying about how she wouldn't let her children play with kids 'named after places'
Phillip Schofield's response of 'Isn't your daughter called India?' cracked me up
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:22, Reply)
That was brilliant.
Phillip became a personal hero to me that day.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Yes! And she said she didn't name her child geographically?!
I don't know how Holly didn't grab her by the hair and rive her round
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:28, Reply)
"rive her round"?
is this gay slang or geordie slang?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:42, Reply)
I would say Geordie

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:47, Reply)
In an increasingly PC world she simply says what we are all thinking, but dare not say.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:33, Reply)
Everyone knows Chardonnay and Brooklyn are shit names
but to stop your young kids socialising with them?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Homeopathy, crystal healing and Co_codomal. Thank God for medicine.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:19, Reply)
altalt: Ted Bundy
He was so cheeky!
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Yeah I loved Married... With Children and all

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:21, Reply)
No, Peg.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Wow. Jim's just been knocked over by a Mark V Cortina.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:26, Reply)
What are you talking about you workshy gimboid?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Bergerac.

Has your foot dropped off yet?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Peel you sweaty testicles off your new sofa and go for a walk.
Watching Bergerac is recognised by the Mental Health Profession as a low ebb.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:30, Reply)
Sofa will be delivered between 12 & 3. Then I will go out. Probably to buy some ice cream.
Brizzle is looking unlikely, even if I did go I wouldn't be able to drink - antibiotics.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:33, Reply)
FFS you can drink on 99% of antibiotics
There is only one sort (normally used for tooth problems) that you cant drink on... The advice about not drinking tied in with AB's mostly being used to treat VD and therefore the idea was to stop people drinking and fucking around to give the scabs a chance to heal
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:35, Reply)
i think you can get more drunk, more quickly on them
but surely that's the point?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Nope... thats a psycosematic effect

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:37, Reply)
Booze reduces the effects of antibiotics and I'd rather like to shift this bug.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Not particually

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:38, Reply)
You can shift it
BECAUSE IT'S MADE UP.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:38, Reply)
Like your poorly foot last week?
What was the real story with that eh? Trim your toenails a bit too short?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Nah, I was proper ill.
I had antibiotics and everything.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:40, Reply)
I have never heard someone act like such a fucking wimp just cos they have an ickle sore throat and bum juice

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Nah, this is proper nasty, bear in mind my epilepsy means I'm used to getting ill at times but this is properly horrid.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:38, Reply)
People with MS can run in the olympics
And you cant fight off a cold... for shame man for shame
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Look, I'm 40 and live unhealthy lifestyle. So fuck off eh?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:53, Reply)
Is it one of those "pouffy" white leather ones?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:34, Reply)
4 seat version of this
www.raftfurniture.co.uk/living/sofas/manhattan.html
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:35, Reply)
My parents took me to the Bergerac museum in Jersey when I was a kid.
I class this as child abuse.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:32, Reply)
You ungrateful brat.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:33, Reply)
There's a Bergerac MUSEUM??

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:34, Reply)
* books flight to Jersey *

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:35, Reply)
"My friend went to the Bergerac Museum and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:38, Reply)

this lousy t-shirt bored shitless
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:43, Reply)

+r
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:46, Reply)
There was a cardboard cut out of him :(

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:40, Reply)
I'd have stolen that.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:41, Reply)
my dad used to get besieged with requests for the cardboard cut-outs of slebs at his branches when they'd been advertising credit cards etc
WHY?? i mean, sure, bradley cooper, but who wants rowan atkinson leering at them from 6' of laminated cardboard?
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Monty would probably have preferred Tyree Cooper.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Fucking right I would
He was brilliant.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:03, Reply)
I have never seen an episode of Bergerac

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:39, Reply)
The you have never lived.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Old tv is shit

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:43, Reply)
I need to buy this
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Bergerac-The-Complete-Collection-DVD-Box-Set-Crime-Drama-TV-Series-Region-2-New-/370824121489?pt=UK_CDsDVDs_DVDs_DVDs_GL&hash=item5656d70c91
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:43, Reply)
i see your "old tv is shit"
and i ask you what is currently on for mini-ape that is anywhere near as good as dogtanian and dungeons and dragons
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:44, Reply)
and Knightmare!

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:46, Reply)
"today is a good day to DIE"
i loved that programme.

mostly i was all about the cartoons though. i never liked blue peter or y don't u or any of that shit.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Me neither
Though Carol Vorderman on How 2 did teach me how to put my duvet on without climbing inside.

and that was just last week.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:50, Reply)
hahahahahahahaha

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:52, Reply)
I remember Johnny Ball telling us that one half of a turd is poisonous.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:52, Reply)
Which half?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:55, Reply)
The second half to be ejected, if I recall correctly.
Given I can't remember anything, I wouldn't go eating shit just in case I am wrong.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:57, Reply)
You can see why it would appeal to Battered though
"Jim Bergerac was a complex character and presented by the series as a somewhat unorthodox cop. He was recovering from alcoholism, partly resulting from an unpleasant divorce. A Jersey native, he returned to the island at the start of the series after recuperating in England from ill-health dipsomania and major surgery on his leg following an accident caused by his drinking heavily prior to an attempted arrest."
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:50, Reply)
Ha ha

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:51, Reply)
HE'S THE HARDEST MAN ON THE ISLAND

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:54, Reply)
Fucking Jersey pussies
That's like being best window licker
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:04, Reply)
You're missing out.
I'm particularly looking forward to watching The Professionals after this.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:40, Reply)
don't you mean "proffessionals"?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:43, Reply)
eh?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:44, Reply)
never mind

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:45, Reply)
I do believe this might be a swipe at a former lover

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:51, Reply)
previus posts would back up your hypothesis.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:27, Reply)
YES.
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/JOHN-NETTLES-BERGERAC-TOP-ACTOR-EXCELLENT-SIGNED-COLOUR-PHOTO-DISPLAY-/261262973055?pt=UK_DVD_Film_TV_Autographs_CV&hash=item3cd47c987f
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:42, Reply)
Being asked do I want my horoscope read, by some twat with a tabloid irks.
By Bergerac.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:48, Reply)
I don't get how, if you look sideways from the bottom of a picture of a lady
You can't see up her skirt.

Alt: Anyone called Steven that calls themselves Ste.

Altalt: my dad, my brother, and Justin Sullivan.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:48, Reply)
ALT: Anyone calling themselves TJ.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Apart from William Shatner.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:55, Reply)
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:03, Reply)
Why was Lt Uhura black?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:12, Reply)
Because you told her twice already!!!!!

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:18, Reply)
Magnets. Just how DO they work, eh?
Alt: I just looked at my own reflection. Pretension and stupidity, right there.

Alt alt: Tony Blair.
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:25, Reply)
Magnets are battery operated.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Thanks, Froggo!
(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:32, Reply)
Here to help.

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:32, Reply)
Would someone please start a new thread?

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:34, Reply)
hahahahaha yeah

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:38, Reply)
You do it, it's not like you're working

(, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:38, Reply)

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