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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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hypocracy. Are you a hypocrit? do you preach one thing and secretly do something else?
Alt: my nose and eyebrow hair need regular maintenance, what signs show that you are getting old?

Winners page of qotw 2 weeks in a row, badmons is on the up!
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:50, 188 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
We all do hypocritical things
alt: grey hair :(

get in there son
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:53, Reply)
Nah I'm pretty honest about how morally corrupt, prejudiced and selfish I am.
Alt: the grey hair, mainly, other than that, externally I'm much the same as I have been for ages

PS the only 'winners' of QOTW are people who are ignorant of its existence
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:54, Reply)
I was shocked when I found my first grey chest hair :(

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:55, Reply)
Monty is almost 40, you're bound to see a few more sprouting up

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:56, Reply)
Well considering the alternative I can live with a few grey hairs

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:58, Reply)
I don't care m8, I'm rich

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:00, Reply)
I may have to print out and have this signed

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:01, Reply)
I'm not rich really :o(
Allow me an afternoon of dickishness about it please.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Dick on, sir

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:04, Reply)
A phrase you use often
when in the pink triangle
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
I prefer YMs brown circle

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
tra la la la la

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:33, Reply)
She sucks like golf ball through a hose
hose hose
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:34, Reply)
Come on show me your motion
Tra la la la la la
Show me your motion
Tra la la la la
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:37, Reply)
*Cleveland steamers*

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:38, Reply)
Saw your news, very happy for you.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Even if he's 25k out, that still turns my percieved world on its head.
EDIT thanks man.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:03, Reply)
He could be 50 or 60 out and you're still better off than you thought.
I doubt he could be so incompetent. We're going to have to have a celebration.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:07, Reply)
We fucking are, son.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
B444444444444444444444444SH!!!

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Upon my word, if I get within15k of the suggested price
I will get every single one of you cunts as pissed as you like.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
Don't be stupid - spend anything spare taking Lusty on holiday. We can pay for our own booze.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:17, Reply)
Seconded.
Though if he gets 20, I'll expect a pint.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:17, Reply)
You've all been paying for mine for ages.
I'll do both.

I'll buy Stunned a prosthetic foot for all his generosity.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)
I can stop being hopping mad.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:27, Reply)
Yeah
The shoes on the other fo... oh
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:27, Reply)
Your humour seems a bit limp

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:30, Reply)

Cheers
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:30, Reply)
Can you make sure its a black one?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:27, Reply)
So they match, right?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:31, Reply)
Hahaha.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:34, Reply)
*screenshots*
*emails lawyer*
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
Don't spend money on getting us razzed
get a credit card, that's what they're there for.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:39, Reply)
My grey hairs are much thicker than the brown ones.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:58, Reply)
I have never thought to gage them

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Just read your flat valuation.
Feeling a bit more upbeat?
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:00, Reply)
Upbeat?
I'm fucking gabber mate.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:03, Reply)
My nose is gaining hair, my head is losing it
and I'm pretty sure I have my first grey. He's called Stan and lives on my chin.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:55, Reply)
I've got a full on Roy Keane beard thing

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:56, Reply)
And your new found love of Cardigans
And I'm not talking about the band
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
What the hell is going on with all the nostril hair?
I've never needed it before and I'm certain I don't need it now.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:57, Reply)
Interesting fact*
People in big cities have more and thicker nasal hair than those in the countryside, due to the extra pollution filtering needed.




*for a given quantity of interesting
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:20, Reply)
Alt: MORE GREY HAIR, NOSE HAIR, CROWS FEET, LISTEN TO MAGIC FM SOMETIMES

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:58, Reply)
Haha
Muttering under your breath about youngsters of today
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 14:59, Reply)
The flat cap is calling

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:01, Reply)
*Remembers when this was all fields*

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)
There's places at home where I actually *do*

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Same here *Cries*

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:16, Reply)
magic? oh dear

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:00, Reply)
Only for the feel good hits.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:00, Reply)
I actually manage a chain of tax avoiding child labour sweatshops.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:00, Reply)
i don't think so
i have quite strong principles/beliefs on some things, and i stick to those. otherwise i don't give a fuck, if that makes me a cunt, so be it.

alt: i've had a grey streak since i was about 13, but it doesn't seem to have gotten much worse yet.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)
Doris has more grey hair than I do.
I'm Peter Pan!
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:06, Reply)

an hile
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
I'll tell you who was.
That Captain Hook.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Not even in my top ten bassists

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:12, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:12, Reply)

Peter Pan! an utter cunt, not least for using the term "the doris"
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
A woman who's not worth de-humanising
isn't worth much at all.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:12, Reply)
on my life, in the east end that means 'prossie'

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:12, Reply)

east end MK
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)

Grey hair.
Receding hairline.
Thinning on top.
Occasional joint pains.
A need for more sleep than years ago.
Can't drink as much as I used to.
Don't like busy pubs.
Don't like nightclubs.
Much less interest now in what I wear than ten years ago.
Paying much more attention to my retirement investments (post divorce).
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:02, Reply)
older people actually need less sleep, are you sure its not brain cancer?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:07, Reply)
It probably is brain cancer.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
Sounds like dad cancer

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
My mates dad died of that and he described exactly the same list of symptoms

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
I hate lazy dossers, yet I spend lots of my time dossing.
Alt: grey hair in my mustache made me do a :(
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:03, Reply)
Wait until you find your first grey pube...

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:05, Reply)
I found a number in my teeth after nomming YMs oysters

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Could have been worse. You could have found some of her tagnuts up your nostrils.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:06, Reply)
I put them up there myself to stop the smells

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:07, Reply)
subthread of the week here chaps

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:10, Reply)
I've got a great investment opportunity for you once you've sold up...
Only £100k.

Basically you adopt my ex-wife and you pay her maintenance instead of me. Then, eventually, once you've tracked me down years later I'll reimburse you & pay interest.

Honest guv. I swear you'll get the money. You know me, when have I ever let you down eh?
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
Throw in the magic beans and I'm in

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:14, Reply)
I thought it was pigs what snuffled for truffles, not cows.
And not up arses, neither.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
I've herd that rumour

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:14, Reply)
Surprising se as you had a buttock over each ear.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
NOMNOMNOM

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:27, Reply)
This is yet to happen for me

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:07, Reply)
Only because you're an Action Man-style nullo

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
An eagle eyed post

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:12, Reply)
You broke your cherry!

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:21, Reply)
LTI

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:22, Reply)
I'd have broken Neneh as a sportscalf

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:22, Reply)
EXCUSE ME, there could be other reasons like..
I could have a massive gunt that obscures my view
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)

grey
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
hur hur he thought he had one until he pissed out of it

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
^nonce^

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
Now then

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:13, Reply)
Calm down, Saville.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:21, Reply)
Yeah probably
I find offensive things funny, and just managed to do a song about cot death to the theme of Top Cat much to my own amusement...

Alt... greying at the temples but I kid myself and say it looks distinguished and in no way makes me look like James May*



*Apparently looks like James May :(
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:23, Reply)
^ THIS ^
apart from the cot bed death song
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:24, Reply)
You look like James May too?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:49, Reply)
Top Hare

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:03, Reply)
Song words please.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:25, Reply)
Cot death
The indisputable leader of infant mortality
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
See its easy
"wake up in the morning its waiting for meeeeeee Cot Death"
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:28, Reply)
Sporters is better. For shame.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:29, Reply)
*gets printed on t-shirt*

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:30, Reply)
Sorry Stunned poster
I was making the lyrics up as I walked to the smoking shelter, as with many of these things I couldn't remember them after the fact.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:48, Reply)
My "Israelites" one below has not had anywhere near the recognition it deserves.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:58, Reply)
It's good. But it's not right.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:28, Reply)
Just throwing some ideas round for my album

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:29, Reply)
to the tune of "Israelites"
Don't wake up in the morning
Oopsy some cot death
Chokey chokey on my little hand
Mmmmmmmmm, SIDS alright.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:32, Reply)
I'm ashamed to be laughing at this

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:34, Reply)
They'll never release it as a single.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
Its got "album track" all over its face

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
Ohhhhhhhh
No more nightlight
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:34, Reply)
Surely it would have to be a blues track?
"Din't wake up dis mornin'"
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:50, Reply)

Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:53, Reply)
I live by an 'each to their own' rule as long as 'their own' doesn't harm others.
alt. Nose hairs are a fucking bastard! I have an electric trimmer for facial bits. The nose thing is pretty useless.
Ear hair too. Not inside but on the ear a bit. What's that about?
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:34, Reply)
I am a very hypocritical driver, but I suspect most people are

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:34, Reply)
Listen to Classic FM whilst driving
It will change your driving habits
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:35, Reply)
The Daily Mail of radio

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
Quite right, but it has a calming effect on me when I drive

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:41, Reply)
That would wind me right the fuck up
I listen to either mp3's or 5 Live
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:43, Reply)
I really need to make sure my next car has a DAB radio

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:44, Reply)
I heard they don't work all that well
As the slightest drop in signal causes a complete blackout, rather than a bit of hiss you get with fm
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:53, Reply)
I prefer longwave

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:55, Reply)
Ohhhh I may need to re-think this

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:55, Reply)
Can DAB radios do non-DAB too?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:56, Reply)
All the non are on DAB aren't they? Even lw and am-jam?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:59, Reply)
Some are dual DAB/FM
We have a DAB portable in the kitchen, the reception is patchy though. Better off with internet radio at home. Sound quality is sub-MP3 at best, too.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:59, Reply)
DAB CHAT
Fascinating work here guys, well done to all involved!
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:01, Reply)
And sexual orientation.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
Do you think listening to it will turn you straight?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:42, Reply)
NEVAH!

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:43, Reply)
Yeah, it'll bore you so hard that you'll crash just for something to do.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:37, Reply)
For shits and giggles.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:38, Reply)
fuck that shit old man

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:42, Reply)
I am not fucking Monty

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:43, Reply)
I bet you would like to though wouldn't you?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:44, Reply)
He turned me down :o(

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:47, Reply)
No bloody taste that bloke

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:48, Reply)
Mustn't have much of a sense of smell either

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:49, Reply)
Is this something to do with hanging out with Swipe
and rusty garages?
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:50, Reply)
only if he hoofs large amounts of blow out of it

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:55, Reply)
I'll blow you in a minute
No, wait...
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:57, Reply)
classic FM
is pointless when Radio 3 exists. They play whole symphonies instead of the '10 seconds you remember from a car commercial' and don't have stupid adverts
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:24, Reply)
^^^^

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:24, Reply)
I'm a hypercritical driver

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:37, Reply)
I am
A hypothetical driver?
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:50, Reply)
Are you?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:51, Reply)
Maybe?

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:27, Reply)
I'm not.
I'm an excellent driver, it's everyone else who is a cunt.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:37, Reply)
Calm down, Ray Babbett.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:38, Reply)
very good

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:40, Reply)
Has wifey had to tell you off lately
because of your driving?
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:43, Reply)
No she hasn't actually.
We've also managed to a get a handle on the swearing in front of the bee aye bee why.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:51, Reply)
I'm fucking terrible for this
My Tourettes is expanding from work to home too :o(

CUNT!
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:52, Reply)
We've substituted in other words to use instead.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:53, Reply)
TWATMONKEY

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:54, Reply)
maggot farmer

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:55, Reply)
It's the only way, if you can't prevent the outbursts you can condition yourself to shout non-offensive words
Although you do look a right silly billy in the pub
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:56, Reply)
I think i'd rather that than have a 2 year old wandering around saying "utter cunt!"

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:58, Reply)
wow your child knows you well

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:01, Reply)
Z I N G

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:02, Reply)
I used to be really bad when I spent a lot of time on the road
Someone suggested Classic FM and it calmed me the fuck down no end
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:54, Reply)
I bet you'd keep seeing breast feeding women and jsut start running them down.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:58, Reply)
Throw them in the pool.

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:00, Reply)
haha
Read the Sig.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:17, Reply)
That's what you tell the kids, yeah?
"GET OFF IT YOU'RE OFFENDING MY VICTORIAN SENSIBILITIES THEY HAVE POWDERED STUFF YOU CAN GUZZLE NOW, YOU KNOW"
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:23, Reply)
wow, it's almost like your inside my head

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:25, Reply)
It can be very hard to tone it down at times

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 15:54, Reply)
Probably.
I like to think I live up to my own standards, but they can be so changeable it's hard to be sure.

Alt: I get tired more easily and don't have the same tolerance for shit food, that's about it. I am surprisingly youthful in most ways which is nice.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:19, Reply)
jelly been and stuffed corjet pasta with cussturd sors

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:25, Reply)
lolzors

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:26, Reply)
If you're not a hypocrit in some ways
then your standards are too low

alt: no one offers me student rates any more
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:20, Reply)
Cavy!
I like this, I may steal it. How's tricks?
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:22, Reply)
pretty sucky over all
I winged on fb and everything, but it's a new academic year so everything is going to change NOW
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:24, Reply)
Ahh, not been on FB much, been a bit hermitical, I'll read up, but I can guess some of it. :(
That's the spirit, onwards and upwards.

ETA: condolences. :((
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:26, Reply)
Totes sorry about your news.
Hope you find a hot LARPing ogre or something to distract you.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:37, Reply)
It's all kicking off in the 'Bridge today.
six or seven drunken low-lives having a ruck about something or other in the graveyard below the office. Some geezer's gonna get a shankin'
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:22, Reply)
Give him a break, eh?
He's still taking in the good news about his flat
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:23, Reply)
Oh man, the filth have turned up.
It'll be riot shields next.

Edit: Oh wait, I see your game. Nice!
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:25, Reply)
get a camera out!

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:26, Reply)
His Minute-olta

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:26, Reply)
They've all gone quite now the police "patrol supervisor" has turned up.
I expect they're meekly shuffling their feet and claiming the other guy started it.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:27, Reply)
We get our resident carpark drunks stumbling past at around 10am
They have about 4 teeth between the 3 of them
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:24, Reply)
there's a woman amongst them that's a walking advertisement of what a council estate and
a lifetime's boozing can do to a face.
(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:26, Reply)
snap here too

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:26, Reply)
poor mrs cow

(, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 16:36, Reply)

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