Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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come on OT, just a few more hours to gowhat are you up to this weekend?
alt: do you take things at face value or the wrong way? i've got a squash lesson with my friend on sun, and the coach emailed, "if you haven't hit the ball in the first 5 mins, you have to do press-ups for the remaining 40." i thought, oh nice, a bit of character. forwarded to my friend. she said, "what a fucking twat he's going to be".
altalt: what's wrong with you? what's right with you?
altaltalt: so a colleague's birthday treats include new m&s chocolate giant buttons. i swear these bad bitches are the size of coke can tops. anyway, the row of goodies has raised one key question: COOKIES - CRUNCHY OR CHEWY?
altaltaltalt: why does editing fuck up the post count?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:08,
215 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
Edit: Leaving the country for ten days tomorrow
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:09,
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BASTARD BITCHi'm not meeting the dude til 7, so stuck here til about 6.45 :(
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:11,
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Stand him up and take Al up on his generous offer(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:13,
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Chances like that don't come around everyday(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:15,
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i'm supposed to be seeing gonz on tueso actually, if we're talking about meeting b3tans in west kensington, they almost do
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:16,
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er, we're not eating in my flat, mein lieb!(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:36,
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You should definitely do that, people love your threads(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:54,
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I'm going to buy a tent and a helium balloon, meet a girl at the station and carry suitcases full of meat, possibly put the tent up indoors(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:12,
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i really hope this is trueit sounds like the plot of a surreal novel
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:14,
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does anyone have tent advice?do you still need to buy a three man tent for two people?
what do you sleep on? I've no car so it needs to be light-ish
campchat
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:22,
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I have a six man tent that barely fits four.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:24,
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^ obese ^(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:25,
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no even on top of each other?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:26,
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You can get more than six in when 'daisy chaining'(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:27,
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I would say at least a three man job (Execpts from Swipey's diary lols)get those yoga/ kip mats they are light and add enough padding
(, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:26, Reply)
i've been camping precisely 3 nights in my lifethe first 2 were D of E, i was young, we all make mistakes (esp when we need something to put on our ucas forms).
the 3rd night taught me there is one thing you need to make it tolerable.... AIRBED baby.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:28,
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I don't think anyone can top these weekend plans(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:14,
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Nope nothing(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:35,
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Proper football. With beer before kick off and a pie at half time.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:30,
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It's my other halfs birthday so have a long weekendHe doesn't really want to celebrate though so the usual smoking, drinking, cooking will ensue. Still, 4 whole days with him though, so that's nice.
alt. It depends who I am speaking with really. Normally everything is with a pinch of salt.
I would tell press ups man to fuck right off.
altalt. Good judge of character/ overly analytical sometimes
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:16,
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i have bony girl armsthere is no way i could do more than about 4 minutes of press-ups. he knows this.
you should make him a cake!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:16,
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:17,
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hahawhat neck of the woods are you, just because it say's Geordie on your name I don't want to assume that's where you reside?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:21,
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yeah, we all got burned by althegeordiethe southern ringpiece
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:29,
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ManchesterComing home for a visit next month though. Not been to Newcastle in almost a year
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:29,
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Only been here a few year though so I am still proper Geordie!I promised I would move home if my accent went
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:34,
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He's getting two cooked meals off me over the weekend.I shall buy a big cheesecake though.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:19,
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Off to Flamingo Land tomorrow then to Bridlington until Monday to drink copious amounts of beer and eat BBQ foodAlt:
99.9% of the time I dont give a fuck what people say.
AltAlt:
At the moment nothing is wrong with me. My training is going really well and all is good with the world
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:17,
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my uncle used to take my cousin to flamingolandnow she's just turned into a really butch licker, so, you know.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:18,
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So, Flaming O Land, then?(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:51,
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I have been to Flamingoland. We're all going to the zoo tomorrow
Flamingoland
Zoooo tomorrow.
Ahh, Northern 80's adverts.
(, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:24, Reply)
Picking up the GF from the airport around 5-ish. She's been on a course all week.Playing cricket tomorrow. Christ knows what else.
A squash lesson? With a coach? Have you ever played before?
The last time I played squash I moved in front of my opponent slightly too early and ended up getting hit squarely in the ringpiece with the ball.
Well at least I think it was the ball.
(, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:18, Reply)
^ THIS ^b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2030955
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:19,
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Mine was on the shoulder bladestung like a bastard for about 3 weeks
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:26,
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yes, but not for a long timehad a game with my friend the other week, but whilst we can both hit the ball well enough, there's a lot to learn in terms of tactics and shots. so we'll have a few lessons, if we like it, we'll join a league. although it's totally male dominated. which i suspect means we won't win a single match, even in the very very bottom leagues :(
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:23,
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Some advice...Hit it very hard. Or very soft. Or lob it. Or drop it. Just pick a shot randomly and do it. Keep your opponent guessing. Try to stay in the middle of the court.
I appreciate that, in football terms, this is equivalent to "put the ball between those sticks over there".
(, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:26, Reply)
it's primarily practice i guessbut when you're both as new as each other, you need someone better than you are to practice with, i think.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:29,
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My ex had her shoulder blade broken by being smashed into the wall playing squash(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:27,
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When you say "picking up girlfriend"I think you mean collecting mail order delivery don't you...
(, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:44, Reply)
altalt: I had that spicy nacho burger from KFC and I'm a bit disappointed.(
Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:20,
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Oh, that reminds me of another cheese jokeI had this big bowl of nacho cheese that I was eating one day and a Mexican, or was it a Spaniard?, anyways that's not important, so this spick came over and said to me "That's not yours" and ran off with the bowl. Of nacho cheese...er
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:35,
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I recently spent £99 on a cheese grater that was owned by Hitler and Pol Pot.It was the grater of two evils.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:47,
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I have to work.I don't want to. I have to be in control of a 21st birthday tomorrow. It's going to be hell.
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wanderlust, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:20,
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You seem to work every weekend.Have you ever considered not doing that?
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Kroney, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:21,
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Hey K I have found a classic I want to buy
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:24,
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TRY IT NOW(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:34,
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How strange What happened there?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:34,
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Considering what I do I am lucky that I probably work 1 weekend in a month.It's just urrrgh pissed up 21 year olds, at a Great Gatsby themed party. They're going to be cunts.
I begged the events manager not to take the booking.
The last time there was a 21st at the club it was horrific. I had people kicked out for being under age and on K so the parents complained about me to my boss.
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wanderlust, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:29,
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How dare you? I NEVER have 21 year olds on me.A Great Gatsby themed party? Cracked pointed out to me that The Great Gatsby was an indictment of hedonism. Perhaps you should explain this to them?
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Kroney, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:31,
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I have tried.The counter argument was that the parents are going to be there.
I don't fucking care, anyone who spends 15k on a party for their child is a dickhead.
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wanderlust, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:33,
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Is the birthday boy going to be Gatsby? Is that how it works?Would you like me to turn up and be George B Wilson?
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Kroney, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:36,
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You should take a gun and bust it out when they get rowdyand be like "this is the only gat you need you pricks" and blast them all.
(, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:39, Reply)
That does sound horrendous.They will have an unwarranted air of superiority with that theme.
Short change any cunty ones.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:32,
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I shall be charming and friendly and make sure they all have a wonderful time.Then I'll sit in the office and cry.
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wanderlust, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:38,
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Is Monty doing the DJing?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:22,
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oh man that's going to be toughi will come and drink there with you soon, yes??
x
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:22,
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Excellent!I'm locking up Mon, Wed and Fri. I'll shout you dinner if you like.
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wanderlust, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:29,
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AMAZINGmon i'm free, wed i have the gym 6-7 but could come after that?? x
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:32,
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Mon would be best for me!Let me know over the weekend.
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wanderlust, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:39,
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you say this like you're not texting me begging for an invite RIGHT NOW(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:30,
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We should all turn up to this party in spats and zoot suits and not leave until at leastone of us has vomited in her shoes.
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Kroney, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:32,
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alright lusty, will you be hosting the big 40th?Or was that last year?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:32,
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Another landmark b4sh you'll stand me up at, I expect.Prick. Why must you always break my heart?
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Kroney, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:33,
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I like to keep an air of mystery about me(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:36,
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although there was that awkward moment I thought you had a 3rd nipple, and it turned out to be a pepperoni(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:41,
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I'm cycling miles and miles, having ONE beer and sleeping this weekend. Might wash the ornament outside my house that looks like a car. Alt: yep, sounds like a twat.
Alt:alt: wrong? Lots. Miserable depressed directionless mess..
Right? Losing weight, and actually a reasonably nice person I reckon.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:22,
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Aubergine burgers yesterdayAnd a spicy vegetable stir fry with noodles. Admittedly I had duck with it too, but nobody's perfect.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:57,
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NO MEAT(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:57,
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That sounds good, I do like a good aubergine.I've never eaten duck.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:58,
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Gotta get 'em while they're in seasonAubergines....not ducks.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:00,
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ever had baby aubergines?Needoo's do 'em in a curry, fucking NOM, boss
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:05,
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see my question "what's the matter with you?"THIS. THIS IS THE MATTER WITH YOU.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:25,
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I bet he would expect a Canary to be attatched to his duck an all(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:27,
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I have notbut now I will. Well not now obviously. But later.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:24,
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the thai place near me does baby aubergines in a currythey are nice, but they do sort of take over, ie you get a few of those bad bitches swimming around, and not much else.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:25,
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Working tomorrowthen Jeffstock.
It's our wedding anniversary on Sunday. We have decided to mark the day by doing absolutely fuck all.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:27,
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at least empty his colostomy bag eh? it is a special occasion(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:31,
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foooootbaalllll(
The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:29,
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actually, i hate football nowi'll probably go to the pub
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The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:30,
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I might buy some bongosand eat a toasted soda bread with LASHINGS of budda
I'll probably watch a film. Maybe The Godfather Part II, or Raising Cain or Step Up 2 The Streets. I don't know yet, I'll get back to you on this one.
might go for a run
probably not
I might see if that episode of Knightmare from the youtube channel (no idea, don't ask me) is being repeated
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:30,
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You MARRstad(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:40,
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+if there is no one around to hear him running?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:40,
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It's shit (The Knightmare programme)The team is older and highly unlikeable and the actors are even worse.
Still, seeing Tregard again was good for nostalgia
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:33,
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yeah, he loves itthe problem is that, at his age, he can only get semi-hard, leading to an endless soft circle jerk of frustration. the only words his parrot has learned are:
WORK, YOU FLOPPY PURPLE BASTARD.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:45,
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Oh great.Now you are being mental to yourself in two profiles?
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:12,
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Picking up my daughter at 7, home for the evening, mebbe a film seeing as it's the holsDropping her back 11 tomorrow morning then BRIZZOLE of course, get thrown out of some pubs, mebbe get arrested, home Sun for vomit and tears.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:45,
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Stunned said you aren't allowed to drink in his new car.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:50,
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Of course he'll be wrecked when he get's in the car. It'll be after breakfast on a weekend. (, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 14:57, Reply)
I hope its an automatic or is Monty going to press the clutch for you?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:08,
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Right, fuck this shit - I'm off on holiday.Remember to water the plants while I'm away.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:01,
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Keep an eye on this lot, will ya?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:06,
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I hope you don't accidentally eat meat in a foreign restaraunt(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:07,
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I called a guy about a car at lunchtime and he hasn't got back to me, yet.Bloo bloo bloo bloo bloo bloo bloo bloo
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Kroney, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:08,
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Rather than calling a guy about a car...have you considered seeing a man about a dog?
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:14,
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Did you look at the link since I fixed it?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:18,
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I want on of these?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:29,
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Recovered?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:22,
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apart through the hideous scarring of course(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:26,
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I thought he was born like that(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:27,
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you're getting his face mixed up with his arseit's easily done
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:28,
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How can you spot the difference?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:29,
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one is really craggy and hairy with bits of shit sticking out of itand the other is his arse
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:33,
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hahaKerrrrr-lick
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:33,
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ohhh dear...I'm assuming your keeping Micro away till you recover?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:29,
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She is Edinburgh until Tuesday anyway. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:32,
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You might be a cunt, but you're our cuntSpeedy recovery young Mr B
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 16 Aug 2013, 15:33,
Reply)
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