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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright. Dr. Frog here, prescribing a morning thread...
So, at Hartley Hare's suggestion, hit me with your favourite b3ta stories and moments. A brief history if you like, for newcomers like myself.

This is one of my personal favourites
www.b3ta.com/questions/badtaste/post19755

Alt: Today I am late for work. Are you ever late? Do you like to be on time? I hate poor timekeeping, and I have let myself down today.

Alt:alt: Up to much today?

I'm looking forward to answers in 1-2 hours time, I'm on the train and gonna watch Blackadder.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 6:36, 307 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

b3ta.com/questions/dad/post986596
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 7:11, Reply)
Loldrama
Who the fuck is allergic to trousers?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:21, Reply)
Sexface.
He can't keep them on for more than five minutes, it would seem.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:26, Reply)
Every so often you find a lie that is HONDA ACCORD
b3ta.com/questions/mysaviour/post1960851
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 7:40, Reply)
HA HA! What a cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:08, Reply)
If you have a strong view stick to it
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1982014
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:02, Reply)
This is great.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:07, Reply)
it's worth reading the whole thread

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:09, Reply)
There's more? Back shortly.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:10, Reply)
That's the thread that keeps on giving!
Your comment Monty, of 'THE FIDDLER' made me, as the youngsters say, 'lose my shit'
Brilliant.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:17, Reply)
In fairness, I don't actually think SuperMatt comes out of that looking at all bad.
He might have a weird hobby but he does make Rory look a bit like a whining child, which is pretty difficult to do.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:16, Reply)
It is, however, an epic thread.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:16, Reply)
He stills looks like a peedo though

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:20, Reply)
Meh.
we aren't the News of the World.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)
This makes me laugh every time
b3ta.com/questions/familyholidays/post86231

It's not the story, it's the way he describes it
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:16, Reply)
'Hairy cock'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:19, Reply)
Speak for yourself

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:22, Reply)
It wasn't an offer.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:23, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/petstories/post81901
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:23, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/old_people_talk_bollocks/post6864
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:23, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/thingskidssay/post1974955#post1974956
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:38, Reply)
Some people don't get the whole 'Being Monty Boyce' thing, do they?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:43, Reply)
All I said was that he wasn't putting the effort into his lies any more.
500 replies.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:51, Reply)
Looks like he was putting effort into his repLIES though! HAW HAW HAW
Sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:53, Reply)
LOL!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:59, Reply)
Bravo...

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:04, Reply)
A classic "I'm not upset, YOURE UPSET NO IM NOT SHOUTING YOUR SHOUTING"

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:50, Reply)
About 5 minutes before the cleaner arrived this morning
My digestive system woke up and decided it wanted to do something awful to the toilet. I could explode before she leaves. First world problems right here.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:54, Reply)
My favourite story
www.b3ta.com/questions/funerals/post54319
The Jeccius story from that one is also excellent.

Alt: Aye, was 5 minutes late this morning

AltAlt: No plans yet.

Ugh, not the best morning. You know when you wake up and see a glass of water you've left for yourself in the morning? I did that today, only it wasn't water. Ugh.

Any London b3tans planning to be around Leicester Square on 6th September?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:56, Reply)
If not water, then what?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 8:59, Reply)
Hope it's piss, it's piss, we ho-ope it's piss, it's piss

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:00, Reply)
I like to leave a glass of piss out for myself in the morning. Don't you?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:01, Reply)
I find it makes an affordable alternative to apple juice.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:06, Reply)
Thanks Ghandi

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:10, Reply)
The large vodka and lemonade I poured for myself last night
Ugh
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:04, Reply)
^gay^

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:06, Reply)
How do you drink vodka then?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:09, Reply)
I don't, because I'm not a girl

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:19, Reply)
Liar

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:27, Reply)
rectally.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:34, Reply)
Badger, give Darth his login back

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)
I meant Nakers, not me.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)
Ahh, fair enough

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:41, Reply)
Are you manning a glory hole in the public boys or summit?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:02, Reply)
No, in London for a gig
If I were after a glory hole I'd have asked Monty
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:04, Reply)
QOTSA?
I'll be in town doing my waqqi pub crawl so will hit Leicester Square at some point. I'm planning for it to be around the end so I'm not sure if I'll be in any fit state to recognise the internet in person.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:27, Reply)
Stephen Lynch

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:38, Reply)
'the public boys'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:06, Reply)
Yeah what of them? Their seminal 1983 album of German inspired electronica "untersuck" was a classic

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:18, Reply)
I plan to never be around Leicester Square ever in my life AA but I'll meet you for a beer somewhere in Cov Garden if you like
(childcare permitting)
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:07, Reply)
As it's only a 5 minute walk, I may well meet you there
Suggestions for a pub?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:09, Reply)
there's a massive sam smiths one which is at least cheap but the name escapes me

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:12, Reply)
The Angel?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:14, Reply)
I could be. If you're buying.
As long as that doesn't get you in to more debt obvs. I'm not that much of a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:16, Reply)
Occasionally there is a story that really gets you
b3ta.com/questions/mixtapes/post120496
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:07, Reply)
tl:dr

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:08, Reply)
The fake one, done by a regular

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:10, Reply)
Oh man I was weeping when I read that...


...from my cock
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:15, Reply)
That was a long and harrowing read, I only ejaculated twice.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:21, Reply)
With your medication that's pretty good going

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:23, Reply)
What's weird is, I never even touched it.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:25, Reply)
In the form of a poem,
Man has wife,
Wife has kid,
Wife dies,
Man cries.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:24, Reply)
I spent most of my time on /talk so I can't help you I'm afraid
Alt: Never. Never EVER.

Alt Alt: Work innit

Good, I like Blackadder.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:24, Reply)
Well I like *you*, TH.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:28, Reply)
Montasaurus Rex!
Well I hope we can, as the kids call it, "hook up" someday. That would be fun*.

*potentially lethal
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:34, Reply)
The best fun is *always* potentially lethal.
When my flat is sold and I have the ££££££££ I'm coming looking for you.

I realise this morning that if I get the asking price for my gaff I will be the proud owner of 120k in cold, hard cash, once all debts are paid.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:34, Reply)
You're not wrong
I think we're destined to meet. It's the only thing that can explain the fact that your recent upturn in fortune has pleased me.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:36, Reply)
I'm not sure the world can handle that much cool in one place
There will be a tsunami of aquaplaning ladies towards the epicentre.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:38, Reply)
Those fracking johnnies have been protesting about the wrong event.
Shit's gonna get seismic, yo.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)
The world is not enough, MB

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:40, Reply)
The living daylights, TH

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:45, Reply)
Moonraker, Monts
*shrugs*
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)
condor man, Hatosphere
*soils*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:50, Reply)
Never say never again, you guys

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:50, Reply)
That's not considered a proper Bond film HACKSURELY

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:52, Reply)
^^^^
Yeah what Odd Job said
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:06, Reply)
And the following days headlines
TRAMP FOUND DEAD IN FIELD SURROUNDED BY SEMI NAKED SCHOOLGIRLS AND NEEDLES
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Chutney Ferrets as far as the eye can see

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Detectives are suspicous
of a rolled up beanie inserted into said Tramps rectum
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:17, Reply)
Good morning.
I has a hangover, so please don't shout, or be nasty. There was a B3ta fire a few years ago, when the system went down. Can't remember exact details.
Have you considered a bash yet?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:38, Reply)
He's at work mate, they rather frown on that kind of behaviour.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:39, Reply)
I'm aways considering a bash
if you know what I mean and I think you do!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Is this some sort of lolproposition?
*bats eyes*
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)
It's whatever you want it to be
*vole ears*
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:03, Reply)
Some sort of Asian newsreader?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Had a couple earlier to the 'dead wife' story.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:02, Reply)
Alright, Frogger.
I don't have any memes, either. NO MEMES, YOU HEAR ME?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Space docking
French
Lazy IT monkey
Cardigan
Shit old cars
French
Smelly
Sitting on a stool in and empty basement in your dirty y-fronts playing online role playing games
Incapable of commitment to relationships
Poor judge of character for housemates
Sadship enterprise
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:44, Reply)
+ smelly food

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:47, Reply)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:48, Reply)
Yeah, well, shut up.
so there.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:49, Reply)
Are you in your office in Uxbridge tomorrow?
My solicitors are in the same building & I need to drop some paperwork off to them. Lunch?
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:51, Reply)
If it's before 1, then sure!
I'm off to Reading at 2.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)
Oh man you get all the glamorous locations

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:56, Reply)
Tell me about it.
I'm going over there to put a UPS in at our DR location. I'm going to be in a basement with the same engineer that reportedly, on the last night he went out with the work lot, spent the entire evening ogling OG.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:04, Reply)
Let's confirm in the morning, but 12.30 should work.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:04, Reply)
don't let him take you to the all you can eat chinese on the ground floor
martins brasserie for the cheap and tasty win!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:07, Reply)
I don't go to Tai Pan, ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:12, Reply)
i was working on the floor above when they fitted the bloody place out
weeks of banging and noise and dust - and we didn't get so much as a free spring roll :(
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:16, Reply)
Apparently Pooflake got his first record deal aged 16
b3ta.com/questions/goneoff/post2055336
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:46, Reply)
good old 'Johnny Concrete'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:48, Reply)
Downed it in one go. Normal, believable behavior.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:04, Reply)
I thought it was peach Concorde...

Hardly the most difficult drink to neck?
(I helped save b3ta! Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 20 Aug 2013, 21:27, Reply)
Can anyone remember the proxy address for here that was just numbers? 5.1.8 or something

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:54, Reply)
5.9.83.79

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:56, Reply)
cheers boss
busy day ahead?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:00, Reply)
Quite a lot to catch up on.
Am feeling loads better, thanks to the new tablets.

Also planning what birthday cake to make my daughter this weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:03, Reply)
haha so many of my friends liked the chocolate piggy one i posted for you
i think they might believe i made it myself. it's a shame.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Ha. I saw the comments. Your suggestion is on the shortlist.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:10, Reply)
the other thing that kids always like is the actual number - it's a shape they recognise that's easier than what turns out to look like peppa pig's mong cousin!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:14, Reply)
My wife made a pigs in a hottub cake
It looked amazing
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:15, Reply)
yes! that's the one!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:15, Reply)
This is the design she ripped off

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:17, Reply)
yep, that's the one i put on fb for battered
and all my naive friends started liking it.

if i made it, it would look like.... well, a pile of ingredients and empty kitkat wrappers, i guess. and i don't even like kitkats.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:18, Reply)
there's a photo on my facebook of one my friend made.
he didn't really understand how ganache works, so ..errm... it was a bit runny. He didn't realise that kitkat sticks weren't going to hold it in.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:25, Reply)
you should post that here, if it's enough of a FAIL
"expectation v reality" is always good.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Now I may be revealing my lack of parentling and or children skills
But at that age surely it doesn't matter what the cake is or looks like, Why not just get a cake you can enjoy Jamaican rum and ginger for example... Then Photoshop a fancy dan cake into the birthday pictures
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:21, Reply)
of course it does
kids that age already have v definitive tastes about what they like to watch, listen to, eat, wear... esp in my niece's case.

"i'm Blonde," she's been announcing proudly, since she was about 2 years old. just because she knows her sister isn't, and it annoys her! and she has been choosing her own clothes since she was about 18 months. i was really surprised, but now i'm used to them.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:23, Reply)
Bollocks...
Can you remember now what your 2nd birthday cake looked or tasted like... What you are seeing is projection. Hence if you had a photo of your second birthday that showed you with a Spiderman cake I am willing to bet you would assume it was correct... Hence Photoshop
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:29, Reply)
we have it on video
so i can see how thrilled i was with it at the time. i don't see that it matters if you remember it. it matters how excited you were at the time - and crucially, battered will always remember how much she loved it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:30, Reply)
and you would have been just as excited regardless of what it was.
That's the point being made here.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)
not true
i don't remember it now, but apparently i asked for it very specifically at the time, and we had fun planning it together. my mum went to a huge amount of effort to make it for me, and nearly tore all her hair out over it (i wanted a princess asleep in a bed). i don't see why it matters that i don't remember it now, if it was fun for both of us at the time.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)
The use of "apparently" is the point
You are remembering secondhand
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:47, Reply)
i don't remember it at all
but my mum did, and it was a special memory for her.

and the video shows that i fucking loved it!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:53, Reply)
I have used HENCE far too much today

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Yeah I can actually.
It looked and tasted like your dad's cock.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)
well really, montgomery
was there any call for that?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:32, Reply)
That's what I thought at the time

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:34, Reply)
To be fair the old man said that you would have some skills when you grew up and stopped choaking

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:46, Reply)
I'm new to this whole parenting thing
but I'm prepared to stake some serious money on that child growing up to be a nightmare.

2 year olds might SAY they have definitive tastes. They really don't, what with being 2. As Bonzo says - projection.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:35, Reply)
nah, she's gorgeous and very sweet tempered
her parents don't indulge it at all. all 3 of their kids have lovely manners. auntie swipe spoils them rotten though.

believe me, on what i've seen of my family and my friends' numerous sprogs, some 2 year olds have VERY definitive tastes. lots don't. but some do. if yours does, you'll know about it.

ha, have got an image of you holding a screaming 2 year old and explaining, "no darling, you don't really like the pink sparkly lurex socks*, you're just projecting."

*those are daddy's special hockey socks
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
My friend's child, when you ask him what he's been eating, says "cat"
not because he has been eating cat. or he wants to. but because cat sounds funny to him.

Next week, something else will sound funny. It's not a "taste or a preference" unless parents are projecting a "ooh, look how advanced little Martha is, she knows she likes Jimmy Choos already" attitude.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:39, Reply)
that's one child
my nephew didn't give a fuck what he ate or wore (unlike now, when he's totally fashion conscious, bloody essex). but his sisters have had very clearly stated preferences since they were very young indeed. kids are all different. of course they don't know the difference between jimmy choos and clarks. but they certainly know the difference between cute pink shoes and boring brown ones!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)
gah. You are missing the point.
they don't have taste at two in the way you are projecting it, because they are incapable of understanding it in the way you present it. It's projection from adults - you give her pink things from day dot because you want her to be a princess, she obliges.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:48, Reply)
no no no no no
they know what they like. they are, of course, incapable of understanding why, or what it means, etc. but they know what they like to look at. i took my friend's 3 year old to hamleys the other week. her parents are quite keen on gender neutral toys, and so far her favourite things are play-doh and a fake phone. 2 mins in hamleys, and she's clutching a pink hello kitty doll and a barbie. her dad was disgusted with me!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)
they like it because you want them to like it.
Consiously or subconsciously.

I bet if she'd gone round Hamleys with me she'd have come out with a toy car or something.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:54, Reply)
bugger off, i was pushing her towards the remote control helicopter that also climbed vertical walls!
barbie, my arse.

i am so getting the nephew one of those helicopters for christmas.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:02, Reply)
she can see through you like a window, rachel dear.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:05, Reply)
haha you wait
imma bookmark this. a shiny ford mustang says that in about 4 years' time, you'll be complaining like a mo'fo that kid number 1 was really easy going, but kid number 2 was BORN with strong tastes and you can't override them!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:08, Reply)
Just as long is the 2010 Bullitt edition GT

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Makes pussy joke

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)
of course 2 year olds have different tastes.
no they won't remember specific occasions when they are older, but they will have a sense of a happy and nurtured childhood.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:41, Reply)
not in the sense that swipe is talking about, they don't
not at all.

I'm not suggesting that indulging them when they ask for something reasonable is in any way bad. I'm just saying that it's daft to read that as a two year old having a "taste" or "preference" in the way adults understand it.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:43, Reply)
i get the specific memory V projecting thing, this is definately correct
but, if making a nice cake in their current favourite colour/character/shape makes them happy then that happiness becomes part of a deeper less defined memory of childhood and whether they felt loved and nurtured.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:46, Reply)
totally, and obliging that iss part of being a good parent.
but the reason swipe wanted a princess cake is not because at 2 she was in any way capable of understanding what being a princess was, or liked the idea of being a princess as an independent decision.

It's becuase her mum and dad had been telling her she was a princess since she was tiny.

That was my only point. It's not taste. It's what you've made them be.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)
ahahahahahaha
if you'd met my parents, you'd understand why that was so funny. for a start, my dad's present for me on the same birthday was a fucking football.

this being said though, i think we're sort of saying the same thing. it's not a well-formed taste, of course it's not, but some toddlers really do have very well-defined preferences.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:52, Reply)
I bet it's not.
I bet that's exactly what your mum did. And all the aunts and uncles and grandparents. becuase that's exactly what happens to every single baby girl in the universe.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:55, Reply)
it really isn't
my bedroom was a delightful 70's orange and brown, my dad called me stan because he wanted a boy, and my mum tried to turn me into a lesbian (according to my grandma) by putting me in dungarees. i had probably seen a princess on tv and loved it. it doesn't matter why i loved it; it matters that i did.

by age 10 i wanted a carousel with horses on it. i got told to fuck off!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:57, Reply)
some kids won't notice, they'll just go, CAKE
other kids will go, wooo! pink cake.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:52, Reply)
FUCKING SCIENCE
yay
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:48, Reply)
go.fuck.yourself

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 9:59, Reply)
you're sweet xx

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:00, Reply)
I've just woken up. I liked it when everyone thought I was Chompy. I also liked bert being mental.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:08, Reply)
oh man
totally lost my voice at V and now sound like the lovechild of deep throat and mariella frostrup. just left a message for a solicitor on the other side and i KNOW his secretary thought i was a hooker from last night.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:13, Reply)
I can't find the link, but the cat hater's meltdown was very funny.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:13, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post860361?highlight=answers-post-860462
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:14, Reply)
oh no, looks like that was the after-party

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Ow
I just reached out to get my cup of coffee and stuck my fingers into it :(
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:33, Reply)
^^ bent spastic ^^

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:36, Reply)

e ur
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:37, Reply)
heh heh

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:38, Reply)
I would also like some suggestions for a UK based weekend away..
As I need a break from work and my pitiful life.

Ideas?
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Beachy Head

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:47, Reply)
Maybe in a bit.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)
Textbook

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Quiet break, or active/walking/etc?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Quietish. Couple of mates, beers, something to do daytime...

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)
Lake District
Avoid the main tourist traps (Windermere/ Ambleside) good walks, beers rent cottage etc...

Norfolk Broads, narrow boat and incest.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:56, Reply)
Also Channel islands
If you are feeling a bit flush
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:00, Reply)
Copnor

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:49, Reply)
Alright, Hilsea then
Jeez
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:02, Reply)
York.
Bath.
Shrewsbury.
Lake District.
Pretty much anywhere in Cornwall or Devon.
Dorset.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)
Halifax Premier Inn, there is a new Beefeater next door running their new menu!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:50, Reply)
I have heard good things about The Maypole in Halifax.
Apparently they do food.....to die for!
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:51, Reply)
really the menu looked like one from every shit pub ever to me

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:52, Reply)
That's just a sample, they change it every week!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:53, Reply)
if you don't like golden stone yorkshire pubs with massive fireplaces and views over the pennines
then that's fine by me, one less pleb to knock out of the way en route to the bar
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:00, Reply)
I prefer industrial estate dining.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:02, Reply)
this explains a LOT

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:03, Reply)
You get to meet commoners, and say 'mate' alot.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:05, Reply)
Ha ha ha

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:52, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:53, Reply)
That's the same with many of them nowadays

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:58, Reply)
Halifax
Twenty minutes here and you'll realise life isn't too bad.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:52, Reply)
Dunno about that, you know where I live, right?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:55, Reply)
under a rock

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:06, Reply)
On it, since the sun's out.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:08, Reply)
hip hip hip hooray

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:11, Reply)
BERGERAC!

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:58, Reply)
35/8 YESSSS!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 10:59, Reply)
JULIET BRAVO!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:02, Reply)
I wish they showed that, along with Dempsey & Makepeace and Boon.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:03, Reply)
I was in the background of an episode of Boon Trufax

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:05, Reply)
Hi ho silver

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:08, Reply)
you got me lone ranger

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:08, Reply)
haha, I forgot about that song

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Is that what you call your kerb-crawling kitty?

(I helped save b3ta! Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:09, Reply)
Good old AB I should have known he would have this one
www.b3tards.com/u/63e645c3826fa9bc7564/terrifying.gif
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:16, Reply)
First thread - Over 300. Good. Good.
It's working...
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 20 Aug 2013, 11:19, Reply)

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