They MUST know what they’re doing…

My young kids love animals, so a few months ago the present Mrs PF and I finally caved in to their pleas and bought them a couple of guinea pigs. They were overjoyed, and set about naming the hairy buggers. My youngest called his ‘Muffin’ after his favourite breakfast treat. In a similar fashion, my eldest son named his ‘Flapjack’. Ahh, isn’t it all cute?

Well, more recently they were bumbling around ‘Pets-at-Home’ and they asked sweetly if they could also have a hamster. After being satisfied that they were adequately looking after said guinea pigs, we indulged them. This time, my youngest named the creature ‘Sir Cloppington’ (after a Minecraft character or

This continued merrily and I remained completely oblivious to any sort of problem; until the other day when I noticed that the boys have taken to shortening the animal's names for convenience. They are now affectionately known as ‘Muff’, ‘Flaps’, and ‘Clopper’.

Muff is (mostly) ginger, by the way. I reckon it’s a matter of time before they work out some plan to get a rabbit called ‘Beef Curtains’.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 9:01, 50 replies)

You're just not putting the effort into your lies these days.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:08, closed)

I can understand how a story about a happy family would touch a nerve with you...

You might want to skip this week and spend it crying alone somewhere
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 9:11, closed)

Wow, that's really unpleasant, you fat and mortally unfunny cunt.
Nice one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:30, closed)

Ablooblobloo etc...

Excuse me for taking your shit for years and watching you blub at the first one back. Work on your act.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 10:52, closed)

Its not an act
He really is that much of a cunt
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 28 May 2013, 14:38, closed)

This seems unduly harsh, what's bothering you 'andythepieman' poster?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:26, closed)

i'm sorry it is unduly harsh
I'm just being a twat myself i think.
Or i like Pooflakes stories....
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:53, closed)

Good stuff, everyone seems to have gone mad here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:58, closed)

You just don't get it do you?
you insufferable cunt
(King Nightmare, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:04, closed)

quite honestly no

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:13, closed)

Monty’s a comedy genius.


Mr Flake's come back was quite funny, but Monty’s straight man routine is amazing.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Tue 28 May 2013, 11:19, closed)

I like you better as ringofyre.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 28 May 2013, 11:42, closed)

The triple-Ting here is incredible.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:14, closed)

At this level it's actually
quadruple-Ting.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 28 May 2013, 13:21, closed)

Four Jamaicans walk into a bar.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 22:52, closed)

well I like it
It's one of my strengths
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:39, closed)

Along with...

Oh, you don't have any strengths. You're just a miserable, depressing frankly embarrassing sad sack.

You know what to do...DYAAKY
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 15:32, closed)

you're embarrassing yourself now

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:44, closed)

Yet you keep biting?...
Do you have to wipe the angry internet tears away so you can see the keyboard before bashing it with your useless tosh?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 15:48, closed)

Right you are.
I'll see if I can't come up with an appallingly-written 4000 word bullshit story and post it, then maybe we can be friends, OK?

I'm holding out an olive branch here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:00, closed)

Stick your olive branch up your sad lonely arse...

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:06, closed)

Well really

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:22, closed)

You can fit a bucket in it? I suppose it must be a bit stretched due to the repeated insertion of your head.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:56, closed)

classic Happy Phantom!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:32, closed)

So as I've long suspected you can dish it out but you can't take it, Monty?
The only thing that surprised me was that it was pooflake who zinged you.
(King Nightmare, Tue 28 May 2013, 11:28, closed)

oh be quiet.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:37, closed)

Hmm
Have you ever considered that if you spent slightly less time being a pathetic, hate-filled mess wallowing in their own self pity, then you may have had the opportunity to actually contribute something this week instead of your usual inane drivel?

You sad twat.
(King Nightmare, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:17, closed)

Wow you are really cross here eh

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:25, closed)

I'm not the one being angry ONLINE
because you've had a taste of your own medicine. But you still keep biting.

You had this coming you ridiculous cunt.
(King Nightmare, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:41, closed)

righto. gotcha.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:44, closed)

I bet you're loving this attention...

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 15:49, closed)

it's all rather upsetting actually

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:53, closed)

Well perhaps...

Now you know how other posters feel...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:03, closed)

Bored to tears with your gargantuan third-rate lies?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:22, closed)

wut? why so upset, online?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:12, closed)

I couldn't give a toss you dozey cunts

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:27, closed)

Never repeat a successful party trick, Monty.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:28, closed)

I was looking for a hat trick :o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:29, closed)

... but you found a job, and heaven knows you're miserable now?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:32, closed)

STOP BULLYING ME

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:35, closed)

a brown one?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:57, closed)

Yay! You finally got your...*ahem* 'mates' to join in!!!...

So...exactly how many gazzes did it take for you to drag them into this thread you lonely prick? I bet your requests had just the merest hint of desperation to obligate them? Because they didn't want to be part of your sad, lonely, turgid self-aggrandising existence?

I pity you
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 15:28, closed)

Why is everyone being so negative?
I mean sure, if I were a corpulent, verbose and supremely irritating liar from Coventry I might be a little down in the dumps, but there's no need for such hostility is there?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:31, closed)

Well I wasn't the one that got supremely upset on the internet - I'm used to your pompous objective drivel...

If only you could see the timeless beauty of a happy, stable environment without the likes of you fucking it up for everybody...then you might be able to understand how sometimes - just sometimes - your family is more important then you.

Are you going to blart again for a few hours? Or call more pretend internet bumchums?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 15:38, closed)

these mood swings are worrying me now.
I thought you fat cunts were supposed to be jolly?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:46, closed)

Really? That is the best you can think of?...

Feel free to enjoy the next few hours where you can say what you want because I will be home with my loving family (that I didn't ruin like you did). This is because I'm a good man, and intelligent enough to make good life choices, and I don't try to make the world revolve around my petty problems. You utter prick

Once again - I pity you.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:00, closed)

all the best fathers are morbidly obese alcoholics, I see that now.
Thank god you're not smug as well, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:04, closed)

Ooh you got me there! Yet inbetween my obsession with gaining weight and killing myself with alcohol...
I still manage to maintain a wonderful, longlasting and stable relationship with my wife and children.

remind me again...how you doin'?

Eek - that bad huh?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:12, closed)

I am really most relieved that you're not smug.
You'd look terrible if you were.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:15, closed)

I think you're on to a loser here Monty
Sometimes I think your trolling is ok. Now you just look like a cunt
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:45, closed)

read the original post and ask yourself how likely it is that it's true.
On the plus side it's a good eight paragraphs shorter than it might have been
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:48, closed)

It's good that you're keeping busy monitoring this thread...

I consider it a service. At least while you're being upset your daughter can enjoy some more time away from you - you disgraceful arse.

Try not to lose your job - she'll need the maintenance.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 15:52, closed)

wow

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:53, closed)

What's the matter Monty?...

You gonna cry?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:01, closed)

yes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:05, closed)

doesnt really matter though
(TheManHimself Beer Drinkin', Breath Stinkin', Sniffing Glue, Wed 29 May 2013, 0:29, closed)

read the whole lot and you still lose Monty. Sorry.

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:19, closed)

Darn it.
Tomorrow's another day I suppose. I'll just have to pick myself up and try again.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:51, closed)

How did Monty's angry flounce above go so unnoticed?
Perhaps it's because about 10% of the people in this thread have posted about 95% of the spite on it; and they just happen to be all Monty's sad, jealous, hate-filled O/T co-conspirators?

Just sayin'
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:54, closed)

um, because it wasn't a flounce?
do you need me to spell this out on craft paper with macaroni and glue for you?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:05, closed)

Isn't there a character in Minecraft called Sexington Flange-Vagina?

( .Yeti., Tue 28 May 2013, 10:28, closed)

When I play any computer game
Every character is called Sexington Flange-Vagina.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:10, closed)

Does this character have a Level 80 Wizard's sleeve?

( .Yeti., Tue 28 May 2013, 13:28, closed)

It wears
a Grimsby trawlermans welly
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 28 May 2013, 14:39, closed)

Gosh, Monty's replying a lot to this thread today
Something must have made him even more stupid and angry than usual
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 15:54, closed)

Hello, I'm a little behind on the various relationships on this board.
Aren't you RL friends with Captain Placid? He was the one that sent a teenage bully on a downward spiral that led to suicide and bragged about it on the internet, I remember.

Seems to me from your friend's proximity to it that you'd be a little more sensitive to the real life consequences that can stem from repeated bullying. Monty looks like a man on the verge of a breakdown, here.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:01, closed)

Hahahahahahaha

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:05, closed)

That Boyce is a terrible queer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:07, closed)

Yes he does...

Pffft
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:08, closed)

i thought you were leaving?
You just can't stop lying eh
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:12, closed)

I'm in traffic on the way home...

but oy ho - I got paid overtime for the extra bit that I stayed to yank your pathetic chain though.

Thank you for that - that's a selfless act for a change. It was kind of you to interest me enough to keep me there. Perhaps if you had turned that little bit of effort towards your own kid she wouldn't be calling someone else 'Daddy' right now...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:17, closed)

People who defraud their employers and then brag about it to complete strangers on the internet make the very best parents.
that's what I heard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:23, closed)

So let me get this straight...

You get up every morning, go to work and admit to your employers that you intend to spend every waking hour spewing tirade after tirade of terrible angry / upset internet hate and they say: 'That's smart Monty - crack on with it!'

However, I love the irony of you lecturing my skills as a parent considering the quite phenominal failure you are / were / will ever be.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 16:30, closed)

bore off, there's a love.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:44, closed)

Janet calling someone boring
There's irony for you
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:51, closed)

Still, I'm glad that as a middle aged man
you're dishing out some proper playground vigilantism. Really puts you on a moral pedestal you know? Go get him, champ. If it helps, imagine him as a conglomeration of all the nasty bullies that have called your stories boring or whatever.

I, for one, think you're every bit the equal of some of /qotw's best posters. Like Captain Hood-butter, for example.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:12, closed)

Yeah I really think Pooflake's to blame here
for rocking up in Monty's thread and generally acting the cunt - still, maybe you and all the other people who give two fucks about Monty's mental health can form the world's smallest support group?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:30, closed)

Oh right, do people not point out obvious lies on /qotw anymore?
I thought they did.

Looks to me like strong personal attacks against somebody who pointed out that this very obviously poor joke was a poor joke.

Are you the guy with the dodgy website? You attract a fair bit of flak yourself. Are you not just closing ranks with Pooflake because you're both picked on a lot? A sort of "enemy's enemy" style arrangement?
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:35, closed)

Oh right, do people not point out obvious white-knighting on /qotw anymore?
I thought they did.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:42, closed)

The only time you've seen a white knight is stuffed up some poor ugly bird's clunge.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:49, closed)

Ah, the old white knight accusation.
See, I'm only having this conversation with you because you jumped on me when I was replying to Pooflake. That's why I asked you if you were closing ranks with him.

The problem here is, whilst Pooflake's not terribly amusing and seems rather more angry than is necessary, he's not actually done anything questionable. Whereas you've got a website on which you pay girls to shove toys up their bits so you can take photos of them. Having you stick up for him is doing Pooflake more harm than good.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:54, closed)

The problem here is I've never paid anyone to shove anything up anywhere
The whole "emvee pays girls to shove toys up their bits" never happened except in the imaginations of some of this site's least clever contributors. That you're even bringing it up at all speaks volumes about you.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:15, closed)

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to make false assertions.
It does have to do with girls posing with toys and so on, though? I take it that the toys remain external, then. Is it still a sexual fetish site, or are they posing with Optimus for artistic reasons? In their pants or without?

I'm just asking for clarification here, you understand. I certainly wouldn't want to be inaccurate about the degree of depravity.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:25, closed)

Not a white knight, then - more of a moral crusader.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:34, closed)

there speaks someone who hasn't met him
hitler had more morals than this guy. HITLER.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:35, closed)

Nonsense. I'm more virtuous than Mary Whitehouse.

( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:38, closed)

virtuous dried up and depraved
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:40, closed)

It's not so much a fetish site, more like glamour for geeks
And the models direct the shoots, so the content varies - sometimes they want a Transformers-themed shoot, sometimes it's Star Wars, Mario, Spider-Man - pretty much anything sci-fi, games or comics-related. These days we do a lot more cosplay stuff, since that's popular right now. Oh, and the level of nudity is entirely at the model's discretion - about half our shoots have been (just about) safe for work.

I appreciate that to some of the shutins on here who've never so much as seen a real woman, that must seem like "depravity".
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:58, closed)

it's not depraved,
it's just supremely creepy. hth.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 18:17, closed)

Thanks
Next time I need an opinion from an emotionally crippled fatty I'll be sure to ask you
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:45, closed)

oh wow, what a zinger.
off you pop then, those playpeople won't insert themselves.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:51, closed)

oh wow, what a zinger
it must have taken ages for Rory to think that one up
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:03, closed)

what on earth are you on about now?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:05, closed)

Just observing that you don't appear to have an original thought in your head

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:49, closed)

riiiiight.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:34, closed)

Or any thoughts
for that matter
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:56, closed)

oh, good one!!

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:00, closed)

so much dignity, here.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:14, closed)

It's like the proverbial retard Olympics

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:40, closed)

Janet gets a gold

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:55, closed)

haha, yeah.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:26, closed)

meanwhile nobody has bothered to troll my story at all
not one person.

it was true and everything.

insert bloo bloo man here :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:09, closed)

There's your problem.
What you have to do is make up a pitiful lie and then, when you get called out as a tedious bullshitter instead of receiving the fawning accolades you expected, you have to then erupt into a personal attack on the nearest person, setting yourself up as a paragon of virtue whilst simultaneously bragging about conning your employer out of their money.

Then - and only then - will the gates of Trolldom open for you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:16, closed)

It also helps if you are fat as fuck, an alcoholic and a smug tosser.


I just don't see this working out for you, I'm afraid.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:17, closed)

Ah, so you took the fact that I said I was going home to hijack the thread to try and have the last word...again and again...

Pitiful, angry and upset...for the umpteenth time.

You talk about 'attacks'? don't get me started you ridiculous cretin. You thought you could just do your usual throwaway comment in my direction and I would accept it like always. Well, one time I decided I would not just roll over and let you insult, you sad excuse.

Also, loving the 'fat' comments BTW - did you say them to your ex by any chance? or was it just your incredulous self-importance and bitterness that drove her to take your daughter and make a better life for herself?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 18:49, closed)

this thread is an absolute triumph for you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 18:53, closed)

Oh no, you're the big winner in the game of life...

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 18:59, closed)

I've also noticed a distinct lack of support from your usual chummies...

Who're normally like jackals. Are you not feeling the love? Well, it wouldn't be the first time...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 19:03, closed)

I thought QOTW answers are meant to be lies.
Have I been doing it wrong?
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:29, closed)

Fuck - I think you might be right.
I've got this all wrong, haven't I? I feel such a fool now - as well as a terrible parent.

This really isn't a good day for me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 17:32, closed)

Never mind.
For what it's worth, I think using the break up of someone's family as ammo on a message board is well..cuntish. The sort of thing that makes you think if you met them down the pub, you’d go and talk to someone else. There's a lot of it round here these days.

I often think I should come and hang out with you lot on /OT, but I never have a fucking clue what you're all talking about.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 28 May 2013, 18:16, closed)

you'd be welcome

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 18:50, closed)

Edenmonster, I completely understand...

Sometimes a line has to be drawn...when people think they are untouchable; 'holier than thou' even, that they can spill their own personal crap one day yet get angry and upset on the internet when it suits them. Also, they think they have a divine right to cast aspersions on who they want, when they want.

This despicable cunt caught me on a bad day. Tomorrow I will be different. Unfortunately, I bet he won't. I weep for the future.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 18:59, closed)

are you flouncing again?
excellent.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:12, closed)

Fingers crossed eh?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:22, closed)

What, in particular, is 'despicable'? about him or what he has said compared to what some others say on here?
Not sure I understand the reasons for the vitriol.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:25, closed)

Seems you're being selective with the questions you answer PF. Not sure that works in your favour.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:38, closed)

CAN'T YOU READ?
I said that his post wasn't very good.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:40, closed)

That's because you are a complete cunt. HTH.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:42, closed)

you terrible bully.
I hope your entire family are murdered by Islamic extremists.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:42, closed)

it would serve me right

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:43, closed)

Ooh, are you UPSET??

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:44, closed)

not merely upset but very, very angry

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:48, closed)

you should probably watch that - somebody might take you to task over it.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:49, closed)

durr not likely Jan
I think I'm untouchable. Holier than thou, even.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:54, closed)

Alright Battered?...

Find the 'search' function. Then work it out - you massive thickie
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:37, closed)

What a nice response to a reasonable question.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:50, closed)

Thank you...

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:53, closed)

Who would stoop so low?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:04, closed)

^^I'm so glad I logged back in to see this^^
This wins
(King Nightmare, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:12, closed)

^^it surely does!!^^

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:42, closed)

don't cry
(TheManHimself Beer Drinkin', Breath Stinkin', Sniffing Glue, Wed 29 May 2013, 0:42, closed)

win

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:59, closed)

Hi Guys!
Have I missed anything?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:10, closed)

pooflake told a lie, admitted he refers to female genitalia as a 'clopper'
and is subsequently having a massive wobble. on the Internet. hilarity has yet to ensue.

I think that's about it.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:14, closed)

Also, Monty has thrown an upset, world class hissy fit of girly proportions...

But Janet missed that bit. Probably too busy worshipping and rubbing against the monitor to notice.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 19:22, closed)

How are the guinea pigs?
BTW guys & gals, they really are called Muffin and Flapjack. I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Sir Cloppington.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:25, closed)

and you can fuck off and all.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:26, closed)

Hi Janet!

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:27, closed)

alright captain placid?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:28, closed)

Remarkably well thank you.
I'm off for a Chinese meal courtesy of my girlfriend in 10 minutes so let's hope this runs and runs until I get back.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:30, closed)

i hope you have a lovely time.
see you later!
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:31, closed)

Thank you Captain...

But the fact that my post is true is now neither here nor there...

It's the gaggle of fuckwits who have decided to round around this post and try to make their point. I thought it would kick off, but not to this standard. To celebrate I'm off to watch some TV with my wonderful family. I might even get muff & flaps out.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 19:42, closed)

HAHAHAHA, BRILLIANT!!

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:43, closed)

gaaaayyy
(TheManHimself Beer Drinkin', Breath Stinkin', Sniffing Glue, Wed 29 May 2013, 0:43, closed)

comedy genius, right here.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 7:09, closed)

it's wit of this calibre that makes you the comedy 'ledge' of b3ta
and the toast of 'Twang Club' that we all adore
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:47, closed)

Best post in ages on qotw
9/10 only needs a bertdown to get a 10
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:53, closed)

sorry if I've upset you.
why don't you log off for a bit, have a cup of tea and wait for this all to blow over.

you ridiculous trembling nancy.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:26, closed)

FLOUNCE FLOUNCE FLOUNCE
(TheManHimself Beer Drinkin', Breath Stinkin', Sniffing Glue, Wed 29 May 2013, 0:43, closed)

really? off you go then.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 7:13, closed)

Ahh, janet...up early again and with so many better things to do in her life
she's here dribbling more of the same old shit.

Darling, I would feel sad for you but I feel kinda condescending if I do.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 7:31, closed)

wait, you feel superior because i got up early?
magnificent.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 8:54, closed)

Oh janet.
I don't have to "feel" superior to you, the catshit I scoop out of the kitty-litter tray each morning is superior to you.
I was merely pointing out (again) that as a fellow early riser, instead of doing something productive and constructive with your morning you hop on here to do little more than make pointless, derisory comments about other posters.
Again - pitying you for your lack of self-awareness in this situation makes me feel as tho I'm being patronising to someone who is of an inferior intellect & truth told I don't really like being 'that guy'.
Then again much like shambo, I imagine your angry, rant filled sessions on the 'puter are probably a bit of sweet respite for the people who live with you. A few hours in their day that they don't have to deal with you.
Cheers, luvvy!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 9:17, closed)

no youn are.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:27, closed)

You don't know who I am do you?
You'd have got a lot more angry if you did.

Rather than that pissweak, generic response.
Figure it out sweet-cheeks.

EDIT: About an hour later and poor, old janet still hasn't figured out who I am.
PROTIP JANET: Click on my profile link. With the left mouse button.
The mouse is the thing that you don't type with.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 9:36, closed)

of course i know who you are.
i'm just bored with you, that's all.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:34, closed)

Well gaz me darling.
Well gaz me darling.

The second was to accomodate your short attention span.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 11:21, closed)

Just posting so I can say I was here at the Pooflake Meltdown of 2013.
Never one to shirk his duties as the poor man's Legless, Pooferz has done us all proud with a public display of just how seriously he takes QOTW.

It's been pretty lol watching you weep as you stuff your fat fucking face with yet another scotch pie. It's been ace in fact.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:32, closed)

HE'S NOT UPSET HE JUST HAD A BAD DAY THAT'S ALL.
god.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:35, closed)

You took your time Plummy...
Typical of you to rock up when all the best things have been said, you ugly fucker.

BTW - A friend told me they recently ran a search of 'pooflake' the other day to look for an old post. Nobody...NOBODY has apparently put as many stalker-style posts about me as you. You should be very proud.

If it wasn't quite so sad
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 19:36, closed)

he's right you know. this is textbook.
we have a laugh though don't we, eh?

twat.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:38, closed)

That's odd, I just ran a search for 'pooflake' and while I may be prolific, I'm deffers not the top mentioner.
Soz and all that old feller me lad.

And I'm rocking up now because I hardly post during the day, I'm being paid to do something else instead. That alright with you? Or should I book some overtime in? Then again, setting aside three hours of the working day just to wade through one of your gargantuan posts would probs be frowned on by my bosses.

Soz again, ol' flakeyboy.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:46, closed)

Firstly, that's good for jumping on it - you must have suspected...

Secondly, you're still a saddo that is entirely too obsessed with me to be normal. That's now more obvious than ever.

Thirdly, I said a 'friend' told me that. I didn't have the ego to check it out myself, unlike you. Oh dear. Failure on so many levels

Soz Plums, enjoy your 'personal time'
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 19:55, closed)

nah, I didn't suspect, I doubted.
So I checked.

Obsessed? I'm not obsessed, I just find you hilarious.

Not your literary 'efforts', you. The fact that you think QOTW is serious and important enough that you have this kind of spasticated shitfit when somebody calls bullshit. That you appear to consider yourself a bit of a comedian, yet have never stopped to consider that the second most important aspect of successfully delivering comedy is brevity. That you seem to think anyone apart from your equally risible friend Captain Placid gives a shit about your inane life and dismal storytelling. That your average QOTW entry could serve as the dictionary definition of the word 'prolix'. That you think stories about shitting yourself are in any way amusing. That you think any of your stories are in any way amusing.

This isn't obsession. Far from it.

Maybe while you're over on dictionary.com looking up 'prolix' you might care to look up the meaning of 'obsession' as well, because just like brevity, you surely to fuck have no idea what it means.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:03, closed)

TL;DR

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:21, closed)

POT! KETTLE! ETC1!!!

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:23, closed)

I think this is an attempt at ironololz
Either that or a desperate attempt to not look butthurt.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:23, closed)

Such upset...such obsession...

for shame :(
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:25, closed)

Uh, Poofles old boy.
You're the one waddling around the thread posting increasingly upset replies to Janet and me. You're just proving yourself as self-obsessed as I suspected you were.

Poor Pooflake, still trying to laugh through the tears :'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:26, closed)

Sounds like he needs to find another hugbox.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:28, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/thingskidssay/post1975957
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:28, closed)

Fucking Hell
You know that QOTW is truly dead when a drab, unfunny, non-contributor like Plumdozer feels qualified to give a lecture on the rules of comedy.

Also, the irony of your deadly serious flouncing rant trying to tell someone not to take it so seriously is delicious.
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:48, closed)

Non-contributor?
I was newslettered the other week. In QOTW-land, that's fucking gold.

You do realise as well that 'flouncing' means to leave? Not to flap around like a fucking flid, like you are all over this thread?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 29 May 2013, 23:23, closed)

OK I'm off now
I expect AB to have chimed in by the time I get back.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 28 May 2013, 19:40, closed)

Whoa 147 replies!
And yet again Mr Dedd has abdicated his responsibilities, not a single Steve McDonald pic.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:28, closed)

haha!

If I could do it, I would!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:31, closed)

haha!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:34, closed)

No way man, there's an Authorised Biography of internet comedian 'Pooflake'

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:31, closed)

Seems like that took a while for you to work out...

How's that 'not-obsessed' working out for you, little man?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:32, closed)

'A while for me to work out'?
What, to type 'fat man crying' into google, click 'images', discover comedy gold, right click it, save the image source, tap in some basic html and post a picture?

Not very long, brevity etc etc. Are you taking notes here?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:34, closed)

So why the delay?...

Does it take a while to tap stuff out with your head dobber?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:36, closed)

haha, head dobber, classic!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:38, closed)

What delay?
What are you babbling on about? Do you mean the few minutes? I'm not devoting my entire evening to this thread, that's the kind of activity reserved for sad fuckers like you.

I can just see it now, wotsits being shovelled in to your gaping buccal cavity, tears streaming down your face, little feet poking out from your fankles drum drum drumming on your kitchen floor, stopwatch in porcine hand as you wait for the next devastating critique of your internet stylez.

Like I said up there, hilarious.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:40, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/thingskidssay/post1975957
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:35, closed)

I think PF here is a bit obsessed with me.
Every time I post in this thread, there he is with a witty retort.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:36, closed)

Although I must admit to pitying your collective sense of camaraderie with Monty...

There's a part of me that thinks...what draws you together is the fact that you're not quite sure which one of you is the most pathetic, so if you back each other up, then it negates the question.

Good luck with that
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:40, closed)

Again, what the blithering fuck are you talking about?
Is it that alien a thought that people might genuinely share this view of you?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:42, closed)

^^???^^...

Oh dear. You might want to jump in and ninja edit. Or alternatively get someone less angry and obsessed to type your chronic quotations for you
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 20:45, closed)

^^^ LOL^^^ !!! !!

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:36, closed)

I like kittens.
Also am extremely fond of Pooflake and Monty. Both decent blokes and both good dads. Both are frequently responsible for splitting my chubby sides. Anyone want an ice-cream?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:55, closed)

You terrible troll
Stop ruining qotw by trying to be reasonable.
You're as bad as that dreadful Bobby Davro's Grandad chap.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:59, closed)

Hahahaha :D
Sorry, I'm colossally shit at the internet - must try HARDER ;)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:02, closed)

Let's face it,
Monty's probably just jealous because he can't afford to buy his daughter a guinea pig.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 May 2013, 21:08, closed)

OH GOD I WISH YOU WERE DEAD.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:01, closed)

*smooshes*

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:02, closed)

Hang on
We don't know what flavour ice cream yet.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:03, closed)

Any flavour, as long as it's lolfatty full fat for us internet fatties innit.

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:05, closed)

I'll have kitten flavour ice-cream please...

Thank you Tourettes you sweary beauty x
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 21:24, closed)

My pleasure Poofers :)
Although I must admit I'm dreadfully out of practice at this sort of thing... Had to stick up for my *almost* bridesman innit. Monty really is a good bloke though. Eeh, this internet thingy... it was so much easier back in the day when we were content with a couple of rinsed out beans tins and a LENGTH of string *sucks Werthers Original whilst reminiscing* xxx
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:34, closed)

There really isn't any excuse
for being a complete cunt on an internet forum. Saying things from the safety of an anonymous screenname that would cause you to lose teeth IRL shows the person to be a cowardly twat of the first water. Doing it for Teh Lulz is merely an excuse for being a miserable little person on the inside, the sort who gets drunk and turns into a beergoggles hardman.

Twats, the lot of 'em to a man.
( Wanderer, Wed 29 May 2013, 2:18, closed)

oh fuck off, you humourless windbag.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 7:10, closed)

Point proven, I'd say
by one of the grimmest cunts of them all.
( Wanderer, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:37, closed)

What do you know
about the state of Janets Genitalia?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:37, closed)

When you say Monty is a "really good bloke"
How do you explain him dumping his pregnant girlfriend?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 16:18, closed)

Because she was a complete and utter psychopath, perhaps?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 16:38, closed)

Ah right
That explains why he dated her for several years before getting her up the stick and then dumped her while she was carrying his child. Oh, and then he got all angry and confused when she didn't want him to see the baby for some reason.

He's an exceptionally good bloke, obviously.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 16:48, closed)

I dated her for about five months tops in total
you witless, mong-faced creepy spastic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:35, closed)

My reply was more polite.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:39, closed)

Well that's the difference between us, dear boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:50, closed)

Too fucking true.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:50, closed)

as the voice of reason (how the fuck did that happen)
Life is not black and white. Its easy to judge when you don't know the facts and when you haven't lived through that particular situation.
Thank gods thats all over can we get back to calling each other names and eating pie now?
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:39, closed)

I could take no more when she went for me with a knife.
I realise now that what I *should* have done, which would have made me a 'good bloke' would have been to exploit her evident mental illness by pressurising her into ramming a fucking Millennium Falcon up her arse and then slathering all over the internet so all my creepy SuperMatt style pals could have a jolly old wank.

That would have been fine.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:42, closed)

Missed a trick there, Monts.
I saw gonz's business suggestion the other day - you sounded tempted.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:43, closed)

It's a really good idea
I need to look at practicalities and should really go on a couple of other ones (they do wanky 'street art' ones round my way) to see how they're run. Problem (not a problem at all, obv) is that I've got my kid half of each weekend these days so that plus my 50h a week here + 20h spent commuting means I've not really got the time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:48, closed)

Bummer.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:51, closed)

YOURN A BUMMER

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 19:40, closed)

Don't recall him ever saying he dated her for years.
Plus, she's still a psychopath. And to be fair, all he's ever wanted was to do well by his daughter; any any parent who uses their child as a weapon against their ex is a cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:38, closed)

In the hilariously non-self aware sobbing that is the top story on his profile
he complains about her smoking crack and not doing a day's work in the three years before their daughter was born. Also, most the complaints about her being a psychopath seem to date to *after* he dumped her pregnant ass. Imagine that: a recently-dumped, pregnant, hormonal woman being unreasonable? Whichever way you slice it, he's either a terrible judge of character or a stupid prick who doesn't understand how contraception works.

Besides all that, he would never have even tripped my radar if he hadn't come on here to try and belittle and bully other people, presumably to make himself feel better about the atrocity he calls his life.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 18:20, closed)

It is possible to know someone's history without having been with them for a great length of time.
Monty's already pointed out he was with his ex for about 5 months, and he's also referred to his ex's psychotic ways in that very story. Also, contraception's not always effective, y'know?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 18:44, closed)

Oh sorry, my mistake
Monty deserves a medal for dumping his pregnant girlfriend and that gives him carte blanche to be as much of a cunt as he likes to other people online. Well done you, for sticking up for such an unsung hero of our times.

Also, if I was so inclined to sleep with a psychotic crackwhore (not that I would be, but hypothetically) I'd make damn sure I didn't impregnate her. I suppose you're going to tell me the fact that he did makes him a veritable genius as well.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 19:22, closed)

So what, you'd advocate him staying with a manipulative, violent psycho
which would in all probability have a seriously damaging effect on their kid? She's been physically violent to Monty in front of their own daughter, ffs. Also, see my point about contraception not always being 100% effective - what do you think he should have done; marched her down to the abortion clinic?

For the record, I'm not saying he's right to have a go at Pooflake but I can see the context in which it was done: poster has a reputation for writing long and convoluted stories, some of which are obviously lies in order to get to an excruciating but often amusing pun or punchline; other poster makes comment relating to the unusual brevity of this particular story; all hell breaks loose as the OP has probably overreacted to Monty's comment.

I like pooflake, and I like Monty. I've met them both, and both come across IRL as genuinely affable; most people on here I've met are, despite online appearances. Al, for example, is not a terrible cunt. And I've never seen Battered with an axe.

I'm sorry if I'm being unreasonably reasonable here, but that's just the way I roll.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 19:34, closed)

Well I've only encountered Monty on here, where he comes across as a stupid, racist prick
who likes to wind other people up but then gets nasty when the spotlight is shone on his own tragedy of an existence. Maybe he's all right to have a pint with, I wouldn't really want to know.

Besides, all we really know about his ex has been filtered through the self-justifying and tremendously unflattering lens of Monty's own mind, such as it is. Not that I particularly care one way or the other, to be honest, but that story either reads "woman slaps stupid racist prick who dumped her when pregnant" or "woman needlessly assaults really good bloke...who dumped her when pregnant" depending on your own personal view of the protagonist...or the antagonist, whichever one Monty is. Like I say, I'm not really bothered which version is true - if any, since I'm assuming you didn't actually witness the incident yourself - but him being a battered husband does explain why he feels the need to throw his weight around on an internet message board and act the cunt towards other people.

See, I've never had a problem with pooflake and I've never had a problem with you or Tourette's either for that matter. You seem like decent people and if we were to meet I think we'd probably get on, given your online personas, and please don't apologise for being reasonable, reasonableness is one of the qualities this board is desperately lacking. I just think it's sad that someone of your calibre is trying to stick up for Monty, who in all fairness to him, comes across as, well, that's where we came in.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 20:14, closed)

Fair enough, but many people on here come across as utter twats
when in reality so many people gathered in one place couldn't possibly have such a high level of crippling personality disorders. You're right, I haven't met Monty's ex and don't have first hand experience, but I do know his current gf and she's said stuff as well about the situation, and I'm inclined to believe her.

Most of us say things on here that don't necessarily reflect who we are in person; I have it good authority, for example, that Rory is a decent enough chap IRL. 99% of the time it's just banter and that's what I'm inclined to believe was the initial case here and Pooflake, for whatever reason, overreacted and it spiralled.

I've got no truck with you either, tbh, and I'm not on here often enough to get wound up anyway.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 20:24, closed)

Please refer to your own sig. Ta.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 29 May 2013, 20:27, closed)

Sorry, guv.
I mean, sorry you axe wielding, Polish whore murdering cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 20:33, closed)

Nah, I'm sorry, I can't follow you there
In my experience, people who come across as utter twats are usually utter twats. If you only dip in and out, sort of twat who likes to tag my posts with "LOL EMV FINZ-P NIGGAZ" might be quite amusing but if you're here every week then it's like sharing a carriage with that tram lady, every commute. If that's your idea of a "really good bloke" then fine, but his little man syndrome is wearing thin with the rest of us. Could you maybe have a word and tell him to maybe grow up and have a life? Maybe talk to his girlfriend?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 21:15, closed)

Nah, he's a kitten really.
Granted, a tall kitten with long straggly grey hair and good teeth. But still a kitten.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 22:45, closed)

I'm sure Savile's mates said much the same thing

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:25, closed)

seconded

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:40, closed)

HARTLEY WOZ ERE
Marks another notch in the bed post \o/
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:20, closed)

Go for 200 poo.
My record's 199. Do me proud.

You did get a click from me btw but I didn't have to scroll the page at that point!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 28 May 2013, 21:24, closed)

haha!

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 28 May 2013, 21:25, closed)

haha! classic banter from forum favourites pooflake and ringofyre!!

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:33, closed)

Pooflake's still hanging around mashing F5 with his trotter every 15 seconds.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:34, closed)

I beg your pardon, I think you'll find he's moved onto stage 3: Rising Above It

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:35, closed)

He really hasn't though, has he?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:36, closed)

hard to tell. i worry that he might do something rash.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:38, closed)

What, like post a concise, amusing, well-written QOTW entry?
I've just re-read his ZINGAROONIE! up there and I still don't know who he thinks I'm quoting.

Any idea?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:39, closed)

he's probably drunk.
it's the kids I feel sorry for. imagine their little tear-stained faces when they wake up tomorrow and realise daddy's eaten the guinea pigs to Show The Internet A Thing Or Two.

:(
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:45, closed)

S'alright
He'll just microwave them a scotch pie each.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:49, closed)

Alright plummie?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 28 May 2013, 22:08, closed)

I've not read any of this
But it seems to be the happening thing with the cool kids.

So - TD WOZ ERE.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:27, closed)

join in! we're having a right old chuckle! it's all just a laugh, innit?!!!1

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 28 May 2013, 21:34, closed)

Bloody hell, what a big thread. I only skimmed it:
Who just admitted to raping his kids in front of their guinea pigs?
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Tue 28 May 2013, 23:01, closed)

I've missed all the fun :(
ps: these are really shit lies.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 28 May 2013, 22:08, closed)

Holy Shit!?!? You have breasts???

(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 22:40, closed)

Swings the BANNHAMMER

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 22:45, closed)

This thread is all too much to read, soz
so I should probably just say "cheers" and be done with it.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 28 May 2013, 23:58, closed)

Attention span and originality
aren't your strong points. Are they?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 0:23, closed)

You're probably the only user who hasn't twigged that I'm a script yet, congrats

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 0:53, closed)

Pretty nifty for a script.
What's your line number at?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 1:03, closed)

Sorry, I don't understand "nifty".
Please rephrase your query and try again.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 1:15, closed)

Wolfram Alpha you ain't.
EDIT: Interestingly I've never come across a script (server or client side) that needed to stop posting to go to sleep for a few hours.
Your code is shit.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 1:45, closed)

the replies to this thread are very sad
I enjoyed my own laughter
(TheManHimself Beer Drinkin', Breath Stinkin', Sniffing Glue, Wed 29 May 2013, 1:09, closed)

MNUNGSLPGUPMSMNUNGSLPGUPMSMNUNGSLPGUPMSMNUNGSLPGUPMSMNUNGSLPGUPMSMNUNGSLPGUPMSMNUNGSLPGUPMS

(_Battered_, Wed 29 May 2013, 3:38, closed)

You're the only person in this thread who comes out of this looking good.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 29 May 2013, 8:50, closed)

I come out of everything looking good.
What I'm saying here basically is that I'm good-looking, you see.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:08, closed)

ringofyre is commenting on this thread now,
specifically to point out how silly i am for commenting on this thread. i think he needs an intervention.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:29, closed)

Then I suggest you give him one.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:35, closed)

OHO!! CLASSIC VAGABOND!

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:36, closed)

*bows low*
I exist only to serve, madam.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:38, closed)

Just to cut through all o the crap above, can you just admit that this story is completely fabricated?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 29 May 2013, 8:28, closed)

Hi, so yeah, I'm pretty new to QOTW, and this thread seems to have a lot of replies so I'm going to post here
Why is everyone so angry? I mean, Mr Poof Lake seems to be having a bit of trouble getting on with Mr. Boyce, did they fall out over a toy or game or something?
At least Mr. Boyce seems calm, I think maybe Mr. Poof Lake should have a little rest, I find its helpful to just lie down for a bit, breathe deeply and let all the anger go.

Also, hi guys, I'm windy pig, nice to meet you all.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 29 May 2013, 9:31, closed)

i thought it was Poo Flake for years, until he pointed it out
still struggle to get on board with the whole Poof Lake thing
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:39, closed)

Really?
I assumed it was poo flake too.

Shows how the written word can be misinterpreted.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:42, closed)

No it is Poof Lake
Which is poor as he could have gone with Queer Mere
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:57, closed)

It's actually a contraction of his full name - Patrick Oisin O'Flake

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:07, closed)

That explains a lot.


The alcoholism and poor diet for starters.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:12, closed)

Frankly I am extremely embarrassed by this whole venture.
When I posted 'You're just not putting the effort into your lies these days' in response to Pooflake's lie, I genuinely had no idea what would would follow.

Sorry, gang!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:56, closed)

Well you shouldn't have got so upset and angry then.
I hope that now you've had a good night's sleep you can keep your itchy flounce trigger under control, but I doubt it
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:06, closed)

You're so right.
I'm always flouncing, me. Famous for it. I really should stop but I just can't help myself. It's just flounce, flounce flounce for old Monty. If I'm not flouncing, I'm just getting angrier and angrier at the internet.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:11, closed)

legless defence
Next you'll be saying that you deliberately wanted this all to happen, that it's only a joke and you're glad everyone hates you.

Good morning Monty, how was your night btw? Cold and lonely?
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:22, closed)

Quite the opposite.
I just observed that Poofy's heart seems not to be in his lies any more. That's it. Fairly innocuous remark, it seemed to me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:30, closed)

But you still got zinged tho
& badly it would seem.

Can't see why else you would've got so upset.
Family eh? The Achilles Heel for lots of the /qotw trolls.
Who'da thunk it?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 10:13, closed)

EDIT:
Yet you guys throw all sorts of stuff at me about my marriage, how my wife looks and really inappropriate stuff about my daughter.

Here I am, mostly happily married for 15 odd years, a fairly well adjusted, smart and active kid, financially secure no matter what I chose to do.


"Cheers"
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 10:19, closed)

I see.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:19, closed)

Sharp comeback.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 10:27, closed)

Has anyone made a profile badge for those who took part in this thread yet?

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:41, closed)

I'm getting a tattoo of the whole thing on my chest

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 9:52, closed)

It seems like Pooflake is the only one who has stopped biting
probably deserves a dignity point for that.
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:25, closed)

Not sure that puts him in credit though.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:30, closed)

AM I right in thinking that 90% of the posts in this thread can be boiled down to either
"I'm NOT upset, YOU'RE the one who's CLEARLY upset."

or

"You're a CUNT and I hope you DIE."

?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:26, closed)

I'd say more like 92% but who's counting

(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:27, closed)

I was here too
hey I like pooflake's lie/story

maybe I'm missing something here but QOTW is the the remit to collect lies/stories/crap puns/star wars/petty squabbles and cliquey ganging up on shitycunts

my stories are always true (obvs) My daughter is getting guinea pigs they were going to be called Burt & Ernie but I might have to rename them Prince Albert and Rampant Rabbit or maybe cocky & bellend
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:28, closed)

Then you'll be ousted for being a terrible liar and forced to DYAAKY
You should know that the difference between truth and lies is dictated to by Monty, Janet and Plumdozer?
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:30, closed)

they can't handle the truth
or a bigger boat
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:39, closed)

You know 'DYAAKY'? I made that up.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:42, closed)

LIES ON THE INTERNET!!!!!

(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:42, closed)

'Fraid not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:46, closed)

WHEN WILL THE LIES STOP????

(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:46, closed)

That would be a rather strange lie to tell.
Maybe I should throw in a hamster called 'Cuntbuster' or something.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:49, closed)

It doesn't matter how strange your lies are, they're still lies
whatever keeps you going I suppose
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:51, closed)

Cool!
Here's where you prove it's a lie:
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:52, closed)

Right after you prove the OP was a lie:

(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:57, closed)

Couldn't do it, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:03, closed)

I'm still waiting for you, duh.
Anytime you're ready.
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:11, closed)

The cake is a lie
I want to know what Richard Geres Gerbil is called
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:15, closed)

'Fannybatter McShitmags' - it's a Minecraft character or something

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:16, closed)

Ive heard it enjoys
Going up dirty tunnels so you could be right
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:20, closed)

I enjoyed your pie thread btw

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:20, closed)

thanks
glad to be of service on pie related matters
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:22, closed)

I think we should regularly
hijack threads and talk pie I enjoyed it
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:04, closed)

I'm up for that

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:23, closed)

Count me in
Even if it makes me hungry for more pie,
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:33, closed)

I now want a hamster so that I can call it that.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:52, closed)

I'll get you one.


NOT REALLY, IT'S JUST ANOTHER ONE OF MY LIES!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:55, closed)

When qotw is finally shut down.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:52, closed)

Morning all!...

Damn, I missed the breaking of the 300 barrier :(
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 29 May 2013, 10:35, closed)

no you didn't.
you've been bashing at F5 all night, you horrible liar.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:38, closed)

Morning Janet!
Not busy today? Perhaps you could volunteer to fill the void left in Monty's miserable life caused by the absence of his daughter? You could call him 'Daddy' and lend him money?
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:46, closed)

i haven't got any money. i'm spending your tax pounds. benefits are great.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:58, closed)

What, Thermopylae? That was ages ago.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:54, closed)

Time to sparta new question then

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:55, closed)

You are a total wanker but this is funny.
I'm a bit gutted tbh
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:56, closed)

Because you're a total wanker and not funny?

(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:27, closed)

Smug cunt.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 11:27, closed)

Hi guys!
Still rumbling on, I see. Bring me up to date, has anybody claimed TTT, yet?
( Kroney, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:45, closed)

Ploppy's outed me as a serial flouncer, Rongofyre tells me I've been zinged.
Pooflake's stopped lurked and joined it again, there are wall-to-wall spastics and some strange boy logged in about 1am and started replying to posts from hours earlier. It's simply wonderful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:47, closed)

You probably shouldn't have been posting classic foamy-mouthed UPSET ONLINE posts
throughout the thread, then. Poor old Pooflake sounded quite bemused. Pretty sure I've got this the right way around.
( Kroney, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:52, closed)

Sho' nuff, niggy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:53, closed)

Is that "Turning The Tables" or "Trolling The Trolls" ?
Could be either.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 May 2013, 10:48, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/thingskidssay/post1975443
Seeing as you're more part of the problem than the solution Rory - STFU.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 11:24, closed)

That's not Rory
www.b3ta.com/questions/tantrums/post1683174
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:33, closed)

Optimus Prime isn't in my top ten transformers either, just so you know.

( Kroney, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:36, closed)

Actually he's grown on me a bit lately
As Orion Pax in the recent comics he's been pretty awesome
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:50, closed)

YOU GOT THE TOUCH

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:04, closed)

^^That's fucking great^^
Thanks for sharing that
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:41, closed)

^ Monty's
Cock Suckers I presume.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 11:16, closed)

Seems like a bit of a leap.

( Kroney, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:32, closed)

"nomnomnomnom"
"Sorry, what?"
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 11:45, closed)

Well, that's put me in my place.

( Kroney, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:09, closed)

I generally like Pooflakes posts
I find toilet humour funny and some of them have given me genuine office lols.
There i'm out
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:17, closed)

NOW YOU'VE DONE IT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:21, closed)

What can i say
I've been in the closet for too long man
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:23, closed)

I'm with you
they are sometimes a bit long but hey I'm here to waste time after all

may as well read a great big long post as a great big long argument
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:38, closed)

Careful now...
You'll set Monty off on another jealous rant about how it's just not right or fair that anyone could ever have an opinion about somebody that is contrary to his.
(King Nightmare, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:43, closed)

Especially as he's obviously so insecure that he can't go five minutes without coming back to check this thread?
It must be terrible to have so little dignity
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:45, closed)

naah thing is I like Monty too
he's a proper cunt but he's our proper cunt

let's all have a bicky and a niice cuppa eh?
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:47, closed)

If I was Pooflake I'd be so tempted to delete the thread
just so Monty's wasted his life again
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:28, closed)

The thing is, even Plopflake isn't such a queer as to put me on 2.0 like you.
Imagine that - being more of a prick than that wanker. How does it feel?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:32, closed)

You're just not putting the effort into your lies these days.

( Peej, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:25, closed)

Last!

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:43, closed)

I'm wondering if this is going to get to 400.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:45, closed)

Over 9000 and the internet would do a lol

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:53, closed)

Over 9000 and it would BE the internet.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:54, closed)

I do hope that everyone who commented here has also liked the story, so it's displayed first in all its majesty once the question closes.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:06, closed)

what this thread needs now is more Steve McDonald

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:23, closed)

^ this is correct

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:40, closed)

oh for fuck's sake cake-is-a-lie jokes and now over 9000?
it's fucking 2013 for fuck's sake

(criticising memes just so I could be In The Thread. love you Monty xxx)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 May 2013, 16:26, closed)

I think this thread is due
To be Piejacked
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:16, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 11:55, closed)

400!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:14, closed)

Damnit!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:15, closed)

400th! is the new First!

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:18, closed)

I was sure I was in for a prize or summat.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:21, closed)

I'm going to get a guinea pig, call it Pooflake, slice it half to death then burn it alive.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 29 May 2013, 12:34, closed)

I just need a little bit more like this please.
(Bum Bag Fashion Boy Burned a home made pizza on, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:11, closed)

Nicely done.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:17, closed)

I call upon Plopflake to explain how they and Poofy, son of Poofy have the same surnames
and were precisely as cross as each other at the same time, using precisely the same desperate gambits in a flailing attempt to cause upset.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:11, closed)

Yay! You finally got your *ahem* 'self' to join in
www.b3ta.com/questions/thingskidssay/post1975627
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 13:24, closed)

What this thread needs is some tea, biscuits and a game of football to dispel the tension.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 17:51, closed)

or some PIE CHAT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 May 2013, 17:57, closed)

It's funny because it's topical!
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/may/27/york-mosque-protest-tea-biscuits
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 18:00, closed)

*Kicks ball and serves tea*...

But I don't have long because I'm off to see the new Star Trek movie tonight...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 29 May 2013, 18:49, closed)

Don't let the bastards grind you down, Poofers.
Sooner or later it's everyone's turn to be lambasted on this forum.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 May 2013, 19:03, closed)

someone mention a lamb pasty?
Oh hang on no my mistake carry on.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:32, closed)

^this deserves credit

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:21, closed)

Well!
Hasn't this one got a lot of replies! Shame I'm off out soon, I'd love to be here when it hits 500.
C'mon B3TA - together we can make it happen!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 29 May 2013, 18:54, closed)

Can we get 600 'replies' for this smiling baby?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 22:31, closed)

I hope so!
However, I'm still disappointed at the lack of input from AB.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 29 May 2013, 22:43, closed)

He's pacing himself, reckon he'll wade in at around the 850 mark

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 29 May 2013, 22:50, closed)

This is great, isn't it?
Shame I'm about to go on holiday.

I liked this and the picture of Mrs. Doyle. What have been your favourite bits?
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 29 May 2013, 23:12, closed)

My favourite bit was that 'Son of Ploppy' no-mark bleating about me being a 'non-contributor'.
I WAS RECENTLY NEWSLETTERED, HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FLOUNCING IS!

I'm kind of a big deal.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 29 May 2013, 23:25, closed)

Legend
in your own lunchbox Plummy.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 30 May 2013, 2:25, closed)

this is the joke, you antipodean twerp.
Die hard QOTW types like plopflake and son of poofy have two yardsticks of life success: 'winning' QOTW and getting newslettered.

This is highly amusing.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 30 May 2013, 7:14, closed)

i think you need to go away and look up the word "amusing"
you sound all steamed up about it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:13, closed)

Is it true they are closing down the rest of the site and we'll only be able to post in this thread?
Only that's what I heard.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 29 May 2013, 23:57, closed)

It does pictures, talk and links. What more could we ask for?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 May 2013, 0:05, closed)

I don't mind helping out with a newsletter

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 7:10, closed)

Morning everyone!
Not far to the 600 mark - let's see if we can break that barrier! If we all pull together we CAN do it!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 30 May 2013, 7:28, closed)

If every user watching pledged just ONE reply, QOTW could have a pump built that supplied clean water for all these children

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:14, closed)

Let's decide once and for all
WHO IS THE BIGGEST CUNT?

Enough of all this shit.





( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 30 May 2013, 7:35, closed)

I don't understand.
Where do I click to vote for Battered?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 8:19, closed)

Yeah right, like I was going to include that as an option

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 30 May 2013, 8:20, closed)

Is Battered a cunt?



( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:09, closed)

Come on Team Emvee!
If elected as the biggest cunt on b3ta I would be delighted to do my duty and represent the rest of you cunts. And of course, denying Monty his victory would just be the icing on the cake.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:39, closed)

Sorry, I'm on Team Rory for this one.

"VOTE RORY - it's a no-brainer."
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:17, closed)

Only 4% for me!
& I voted for myself too.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 30 May 2013, 10:26, closed)

Aw
I'd vote for you but I already voted for myself. Though in the event of a draw perhaps we could form some kind of cunt coalition?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:40, closed)

I must admit to being a little disappointed in my percentage...

:(
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 30 May 2013, 10:56, closed)

I feel like David Cameron right now

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:04, closed)

This page takes bloody ages to load now.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 30 May 2013, 9:13, closed)

I have to re-read the whole thing in its entirety, every time I refresh, just to be sure I haven't missed anything exciting.
All nine million words of it :(
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:16, closed)

Hi !
better late than never
( claptonista ,the idiot boy.........., Thu 30 May 2013, 10:14, closed)

And what time do you call this?
You treat this thread like a hotel you really do.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:15, closed)

hahaha! An entertaining anecdote.
Oh sorry, I seem to be missing the point of QOTW - I thought it was about an entertaining anecdote, occasionally exaggerated for comedic effect rather like a bunch of mates chatting in the pub.
Instead it seems that the point is for some embittered bunch of sad sacks to reply just to accuse everybody of being a cunt, then use obesity, substance dependency problems and childhood disability as terms of abuse and hound out everyone with a different point of view. Bit like a bunch of EDL mates in a pub perhaps.
Ho hum, tea break spent reading another heartwarming QOTW thread. Back to work now.
( da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:51, closed)

Bye da5id!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:05, closed)

alright

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:39, closed)

fuck off

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 30 May 2013, 12:36, closed)

alright

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:24, closed)

^ This guy gets the joke.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:36, closed)

What needs to happen at this point, right, is for Pooflake to make a minor edit to his OP. Just a hanging space at the end of the post perhaps.
This will make the replies count reset creating an 'easter egg extra' in QOTW.

Then when future generations plunder these archives to better understand a forgotten realm, the techno-architect will click through from Honda Accord to Honda Accord until the one fateful moment.

This thread will telescope before her along her digital umbilical cord, pulsing information into her very being. Eyes widening in wonder and disbelief, she calls through to Cynarius, her unsuspecting Registrar "Come! Come!"

They stare on with the growing realisation of what has been unearthed.
"Look" she whispers, barely containing her amazement "just look at these fucking bell creases."
( Pig Bodine., Thu 30 May 2013, 11:21, closed)

Hmm...

Can't hurt can it?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 30 May 2013, 11:49, closed)

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU JUST DONE?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:51, closed)

Sorry I just liked PB's idea...

On the plus side, it's earned me more cunt votes.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 30 May 2013, 11:53, closed)

hahahaha
I'd have done the same
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 11:54, closed)

I'm a bit sad we've lost mrs doyle and steve mcd

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:22, closed)

What happened to them?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:29, closed)

4EVA N R HARTZ


( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:35, closed)

( Pig Bodine., Thu 30 May 2013, 13:42, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:59, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 14:01, closed)

ploppy son of ploppy has varnished
Steve & Mrs Doyle were innocent bystanders
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:42, closed)

Ah I see. Please accept this as a replacement:

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:46, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:50, closed)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:54, closed)

this is the best one I think
Mrs Doyle with out a cup of tea is like pizza without cheese


(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:57, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:46, closed)

Great minds. SD. Great minds.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 30 May 2013, 13:47, closed)

Only 37 more pictures for the magic 600!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 30 May 2013, 14:31, closed)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 30 May 2013, 14:33, closed)

Mention the Lord Of the Rings just once more
And I’ll more than likely kill you
Moorcock, Moorcock, Michael Moorcock you fervently moan
Is this a wok that you’ve shoved down my throat
Or are you just pleased to see me?
Brian Moore’s head looks uncannily like London Planetarium
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 30 May 2013, 15:11, closed)