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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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'tis Wednesday
Let us gather herein and speak forth our daily musings.


(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:43, 367 replies, latest was 17 years ago)
Good morning one and all.
Everything well this morning?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:45, Reply)
Ancrenne!!!
*jumps on for a morning cuddle*
morning lovely!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:47, Reply)
Ah, morning ladies
*jumps on wanderlust and ancrenne*

*gets up off slightly squashed and bruised people on ground*

Oh, sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:52, Reply)
Mornin'
*sticks on kettle*

How many for tea?
(Moniker, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:55, Reply)
Good Afternoon, one and all
From the hot but perilously sweaty Honkers.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:56, Reply)
@ancrenne
Yups, I shall be there with bells on!
Actual bells if I'm allowed.

Edit: @Moniker, I'll have tea please. I need something to help me feel more alive.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:57, Reply)
Morning/afternoon, Moniker/Edmond
Sorry ancrenne. I got carried away there. The bruises will fade soon, I'm sure.

No tea for me thanks, M. I don't do hot drinks.

*gets Irn Bru out of fridge*

Anyone?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 8:59, Reply)
List of things Edmund misses about Scotland, number 327
...Irn Bru, made in Scotland, fae girders :(
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:00, Reply)
*Rushes in
and gives K2k6 his own hug*

Wanderlust is lovely! Mini Bash was very mini and very nice indeed.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:02, Reply)
Irn Bru? Bleurgh
Only good in ice cream. I'll stick with my tea and toast ta.

*passes teapot to wanderlust*
(Moniker, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:03, Reply)
*hugs clendrix back*
That's better. Needed that.

Edmond - it's your other national drink, I believe. Hasn't it reached Hong Kong yet? I would have thought some enterprising ex-pat would have started importing it by now.

Edit@Moniker - you must have a dominant English Irn Bru-hating gene!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:04, Reply)
thanks moniker
Good morning clendrix! You're not so bad yourself either misssy.
I had a lovely time last night and was very smiley all the way home.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:07, Reply)
I know I'm a freak K2k6
Perhaps it's a mutation?!
(Moniker, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:08, Reply)
I wonder if Wobbly Wookie
will make it in for 9.30 this morning. A lot depends upon it.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:09, Reply)
I would say it's a mutation, Moniker
but Kaol would disagree, so I'll shut up!

What's Wookie up to at 9.30, clendrix? I take it he was a bit worse for wear last night?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:11, Reply)
Wobbly Wookie
was fine from the neck up. He just had slight balance issues.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:12, Reply)
Wookie is a stealth drunk.
During a conversation with him, you'd never know he was half-cut, but when he stands up and wobbles a bit, it's clear.

He has to be on time today so that they'll agree to make his contract permanent.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:14, Reply)
Hi fellow shirkers.
For today I shall shirk no more. I have to get lots of work done as my boss,(my step-dad), has agreed to let me pay for my trip to London and the B3ta bash on the firms credit card. This means that guilt will not allow me to sit around and pass the time with you lot.

I may be on later.

*Big hugs to you all*


Can you tell I'm in a good mood.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:17, Reply)
Hurrah for BGB!
Right, I need to give Spakka breakfast and put him on the train to Bath. Then I'm off to 'work', so I'll see you later!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:18, Reply)
@BGB
That must be the best work perk ever!

@'lust, clendrix - Ah, I see. I'm not like that at all when drunk. I lose control of all voluntary functions at roughly the same time. If I can't do joined up speaking, I can't walk properly!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:20, Reply)
Morning all
I've just had a very weird happening on the way to work this morning.

Was driving along and something in my head made me look in the glovebox, and there was my passport I'd lost and need for my holiday next month. I've been frantically looking for it for ages!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:22, Reply)
@K2k6
I am very much the same, though I really don't like being that drunk. It's never much fun the next morning.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:25, Reply)
I can be pretty
Co-ordinated when I'm drunk.
There's a line that I seldom cross, but when I do, walking becomes an exciting adventure.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:31, Reply)
Only once
have I been so drunk that I was unable to play the keyboard. Fortunately it was just a post-gig session, rather than a paid performance (I don't drink at gigs as a rule) so it didn't matter. I had to get someone else to open my hotel room that night as the key-lock interface procedure was beyond my comprehension and available fine motor control.

And like wanderlust, I don't look forward to the hangover the next day.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:37, Reply)
I've found
the older I get the worse my hangovers get.
I'm getting too old for late night drinking sheningans. I think I broke myself too early on.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:39, Reply)
Broke Yourself?
Now THAT's an image ...
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:41, Reply)
'ningles all!
*bounces in*

*beams*

*snogs everyone*

Look! I brought Tunnocks Teacakes and Bru!

Yay!

*does a little dance*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:44, Reply)
Woo!
Tunnocks teacakes as well? Excellent!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:47, Reply)
@edmund
I didn't mean my hymen or anything. Just generally ruined myself.
That doesn't sound any better. I think I'm going to be quite now.

I can't believe I used the word hymen.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:50, Reply)
Morning!
After finally getting out of here at 2am, I am back in the office!

THAT is commitment to a bonus.

*yawn* how are we all?

EDIT: I think there's a point, in your twenties, where hangovers really kick in. I live in hope that they go away again, my Mum, for example, doesn't seem to get them.

Damn evil things, they are. Hangovers, that is.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:51, Reply)
'lo mr devil
*feeds coffee*

WAKE UP!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:54, Reply)
Ooh, Tunnocks teacakes
The snack of the gods!

HLT, you are truly a naturalised Scot.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:55, Reply)
Wha?
Whassat?

Oh, it's you, HLT! Thanks for the coffee!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 9:59, Reply)
Morning all
I'm very, very tired.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:00, Reply)
@ all the tired people
it's that horrible mid week slump.
Just think though, when today's over it'll nearly, sort of be the weekend!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:04, Reply)
*forms B3ta tired club*
*sets up rows of comfy beds with fluffy pillows and bacon sarnies*

Morning, poultry madame!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:04, Reply)
Morning betighted one, lady of poultry
You all seem rather knackered today. Have some Irn Bru.

It wakes you up and cures hangovers.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:05, Reply)
I think I need to drink copious amounts of coffee
It's my own fault - I climbed really, really hard last night and was so pleased with myself that I drank two cans of diet coke and sat up until nearly 1am watching the final episode of season 4 for Grey's Anatomy.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:07, Reply)
@ k2k6 *blushes*
aww thanks.

although I got a bit annoyed last night when some random man wandered into the theatre and asked me what was showing. then when I said "Just rehearsals this week, actually, then we've got a rock covers band on Friday and some funky jazz on Saturday", he told me that we should all be speaking Lowland Scots and how the Highland Scots weren't really thieves but were just taking what was theirs, and told me I was a southerner (How dare he! I'm from the midlands!!) and from his general tone of voice it was clear I was little more than something he had just scraped off his shoe. then he went away, muttering.

why do the english get picked on? I mean, individually. Not yelled at collectively at Murrayfield, which is fun :)
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:09, Reply)
@HLT
The English get picked on because they (most, not all) deserve it.

Morning all, anybody for some carrot cake?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:15, Reply)
Poppycock!
See, it's just that type of thing (and thinking) that puts me off a move back north.

...and as for speaking lowland Scots - well I was born and bred in Falkirk (you don't get much more central lowlands than that), and that's a big pile of nonsense too.
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:18, Reply)
"Why do the English get picked on?"
Hmm. Could be because of:

1) the collective chip on the Scottish shoulder as we perceive having being ruled by England for so long, and hence
2 jealousy, or
3) the English being an easy target!

Or all three. Many Scots get annoyed by white settlers (primarily English) who inhabit villages and are seen to be 'taking over', whereas in fact they're only trying to become part of the community and be useful. It's the 'aye beenies' who complain most. They're the people who resist change, and don't like incomers because they try to change things for the better. The old codgers don't like that, because it's fine the way it's 'aye been'.

So, Sassenachs. You're quite welcome here. So long as you aren't chavs, and preferably if you agree to my one in/two out immigration policy.

Edit - and especially if you bring cake!

Having said all that, I do like to watch Scotland beating England in sporting events!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:19, Reply)
...and just to prove my point - look at this nonsense
Scottish Parliment website - in Scots

It's not a language - it's just an accent. Grrr
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:20, Reply)
^But that happens so rarely...
*runs*

EDIT: That website has to be a joke, shirley?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:21, Reply)
@Fireflee-er
Aye, I ken - I've seen that afore. Wha needs that? It's no like we cannae understaund the Queen's English. Whit a lot of havers, and a waste o' siller.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:23, Reply)
I only wish it were...
"Scottish Citizen Languages:

Arabic, Bengali, British Sign Language (BSL)British Sign Language, Chinese, Gaelic, Punjabi, Scots and Urdu."
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:23, Reply)
Scots vs. English
Is a tough one.

Both my parents are Scots but my mum left at 4 years old so has no accent, my dad left at 15 and when he goes back he's got a really broad accent.

I regard myself as both Scots and English. Scots by blood but English by birth. I've got Scots friends who didn't know straight away of my heritage but guessed soon enough with some of the words I used and understood. The language *is* different.

But when I go to visit my granny and all the relatives I'm clearly English - I don't speak like them.

And there are bigots on both sides.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:24, Reply)
Scots Parliament Website
That looks a bit like Doric tae me, y'ken...
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:27, Reply)
I would say
that Scots is more of a dialect (or a range of dialects) than a true language. Linguists would disagree with me, but apart from a few grammatical differences in word order, most of the time the only changes are word-for-word.

I do like Scots words, and indeed speak the dialect with friends, but can and do speak more or less standard English when appropriate.

@chickenlady - if you pronounce Auld Lang Syne with an 's' sound then you know you're a Scot!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:29, Reply)
@ Chickenlady
Yes, the language is different, but to me it's only in the same sense that the language in Cornwall, Lancashire, even Essex is different. It's all English with regional variations.

It's the same even within Scotland. When my mum moved down from Arbroath, she took about 6 months to figure out what "going for your messages" was. (grocery shopping) And I don't think any of my friends ever figured out that "the switchies" were (a travelling fairground).
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:30, Reply)
I pronounce 'syne' with an s...
Does this mean that I am secretly Scottish? Or just culturally sensitive?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:31, Reply)
Scotland v England
I say they deserve it on the grounds that most of the English people I've met back home in Dundee are complete and utter twunts who think that because they're English they're better than everybody else.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:31, Reply)
@Fireflyer
As you'll no doubt know, Gayfield*, home of Arbroath FC has the 'switchie end', which is the end next the funfair. (from 'switchbacks', in case anyone was wondering about the derivation)

I'd have thought Arbroath folk would have known about going for their messages though.

*no sniggering at the back

@DiT - you're either secretly Scottish, or you're just made of win. Most folk say 'zyne', which really gets on my tits.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:34, Reply)
'Flier...
"even Essex is different"
Thanks for that...

*frowns*

Issix'z a bit speshil, like.
Y'no itz a shit place wen 'dey all talk like dis mate.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:35, Reply)
Morning all
*hugs and passes imperial mints around*

I feel like a stranger to these parts recently - not had much time for B3ta.

And I'm getting a bit hacked off with certain users who, having been a member for a few years, think that b3ta actually belongs to them and that noobs should just fuck off 'cause they don't have any right to contribute to THEIR website.

Grrrr. Wankers.

Am back at work after a prolonged weekend of getting the house sorted so that building work can begin. We now have a gaping hole in our bedroom ceiling where the loft access is going. And dust. Lots of dust.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:35, Reply)
True, it is English with a regional variation
But some of those variations make it very much closer to its joint roots in other European languages. Many Scots words are also used in German, for example. Gelt is money in both Scots and German and ken is know in Scots, kennenlernen is to get to know in German. Sometimes the word order is entirely different too.

And I seem to remember reading somewhere - this is entirely going off at a tangent - that one of the Indian languages uses exactly the same grammatical structure as English, not because they are from the same root but because English was forced upon the native speakers and they colonised it for their own language.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:38, Reply)
Hurray!
Alright, DG?

*takes imperial mint*

I have noticed a bit of that too. I try not to think about it, though, we've got a cool little community, so let the people who are all tough because they've got a keyboard in front of them worry about it!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:39, Reply)
zyne?
who on earth would say it like that?

it's an "s"!

for crying oot lood.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:41, Reply)
DiT
True. It just pisses me off sometimes when they try to be diliberately offensive to people just because they perceive certain users / boards to be irrelevant to them.

Ah well. On the Scots vs English debate, where do I fit in, hailing as I do from Berwick upon Tweed? As a kid whenever I went to Edinburgh the natives thought I was a Geordie, and when I went to Newcastle, vice-versa.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:42, Reply)
@DG
Berwick is speshul. You choose!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:43, Reply)
Morning DG
You're right, some people do see b3ta as their empire online but the site is big enough to accommodate those types and I'm sure it will continue to develop and evolve over time so either they'll have to put up and shut up or shove off.

Onwards with the kittens I say.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:44, Reply)
@HLT
Click here, and look at the pronunciation key - it uses a z. Then click on the loudspeaker to hear it being said wrongly.

Most non-Scots (and also some natives now too) that I've encountered pronounce it zyne. I don't know how this came about. After all, nobody talks about a road zign, or a zine wave, do they?

Edit @DG - You can be an honorary Scot. All people down as far as Teesside qualify automatically. Others are selected on an individual basis.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:45, Reply)
Ah!
But they do in Zummerzet. Where the zoider comes from.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:46, Reply)
Hello hello
I'm going to be dipping in and out today, lots of work to do!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:46, Reply)
"some people do see b3ta as their empire"
Er... It is...
And I demand a tribute of a thousand bulls.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:47, Reply)
b3ta is our empire
We even have a resident Empress!

Not that newbies aren't allowed to join in of course. I think you need to name and shame, DG
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:49, Reply)
Mornin' all
How are we all today?
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:50, Reply)
Speshul
Hmm. I regard myself as being English, and am proud to be so. But I have a strong affinity with and admiration for Scots and have never had any hassle anytime I've gone over the border, as it were. Probably for the reasons that K2k6 mentions - the Scots I've met seem to have an affinity for people from the North East of England, which tends to break the ice.

*edit* well, Woodside Industries, Gilgamesh and Jam Master Geordie for starters...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:50, Reply)
Morning, MM
how's you?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:53, Reply)
As a southerner
I don't get this divide that the northerners seem to have made up.

EDIT: Just dandy DG, and yourself?
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:53, Reply)
'nings
@ DG - i've only been a member (hehe) for a few months and i read the FAQ's and everything but this is the only place i don't feel scared. On the off topic board i mean, not at work. work scares me. Hence me not doing any and chatting to you lovely folk.

i'd really like a boiled egg with soldiers right now :o)

How is everyone? apart from tired of course...
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:54, Reply)
Mornin' MM!
Tired but ok, thanks! Alright?

@DG - It pisses me off too, especially this "ignore everyone over a certain user number" thing. These tend to be people who lambast others for 'taking the internet too seriously', yet seem to have nothing better to do themselves. It's so very hypocritical. Have you noticed how, in the main, they use big words, seemingly to try and sound witty and urbane (like wot I just did)? Dicks.

Aaaand that's why I try not to think about it.

EDIT: Ning, kitten. People on the main board are generally OK too, I find, as long as you're not a troll and your images aren't hyooge... (I've only ever posted 3 images, though...)
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:54, Reply)
Thing is DiT
They're only doing it to get a rise. All they want is to see a little list of people being pissed off with them so that's why I (generally) just ignore it.
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:56, Reply)
I'm English
Obviously, I guess.

I love Scotland, beautiful place, wonderful alcohol.
99.7% of the people I've met there were lovely.

The 0.3% that wasn't was a man in a pub who heard me order a drink, then shoved me into a wall later in the evening, shouting "You're fucking English, aren't you? I fucking hate English people".

I'm afraid that by this point I was really very drunk, and having a major psychotic moment.
This resulted in me clinging onto a pillar, staring into the middle of the room, muttering "there's a vortex", over and over again.

It was at this point he realised he wasn't going to provoke me to a fight.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:57, Reply)
god bless scotland
and all who sail in her.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 10:58, Reply)
Mmm
I once posted a photo of a full moon that looked like a cock, because of camera slippage. And promptly got lambasted by the oh-so-clever types rather than welcomed. Whereas, unless a noob has posted something so utterly vile and repellant on QOTW, they're generally welcomed with open arms. And even then, criticism of an inflammatory post is often constructive rather than "fuck off you cunt".

So, I'll stick with what I'm 'good' at. Of course, the definition of 'good' is debateable...

Hello kitten, I don't think we've met.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:01, Reply)
I'm a benevolent Empress
and welcome one and all, however long they've been members. Apart from the twats, and people who post too many links in quick succession, pushing old posts off the board.

And I love Scotland, despite being a true Southerner (well, Cambs).
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:04, Reply)
i'm crap
at 'puters so i never post piccies or anything.

i'm more a dwarf than a troll. only 5'1, ho ho.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:04, Reply)
@DG
I've had Woodside Industries and Gilgamesh on Ignore for ages, so don't see their shite any more.

@Kaol - I apologise on behalf of my fellow cuntryman.

Morning MM, baby_k. How do?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:05, Reply)
Because an office worker
can never be queen of knickers
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:09, Reply)
What I don't like
Is people posting images on the main OT board.
I'm not a big fan of them in threads on here either, gets a bit annoying if I'm at work.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:11, Reply)
morning Pant Princess!
how goes it?

*snogs*

hot? where hot?

it's just nothing weather here. not cold, not hot, like it can't be bothered.

*sends cool weather*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:12, Reply)
office work...
is bummle (thats like bum-hole but ran together).

our dialler is broken so we're sitting around doing 'manual' work.

i am 'manually' drinking coffee and posting here. excellent interpretation i think.

@DG - i don't think we've spoken before but i enjoy your QOTW bits and bobs :o)
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:13, Reply)
I have finally drifted into the office.
I've found my spot here again, and that's my tasks for the day completed.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:13, Reply)
You're so right, MM...
As usual! :)

Welcome back, ancrenne! I can see the sunshine from my window, mocking me for sitting inside on such a lovely day.;
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:14, Reply)
Morning Clendrix love
Did you get Spakka onto his train alright?

EDIT: DiT, you make me feel so speshul *dribbles*
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:15, Reply)
The sky here
is pure white. Not blue or grey. Just a layer of high white cloud.

That's usually a precursor to rain. Actually, being in Britain is usually a precursor to rain.

My gran had a superstition about the cat washing behind its ears meaning that it was going to rain. When I pointed out that the cat always washed behind its ears, she said "Aye, but it's aye raining".
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:19, Reply)
Morning MM
Lovely to have met you at last!

Spakka looked like he was heading in the right direction at King's Cross, but who knows...?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:19, Reply)
Clendrix
Did he stay with you last night or summat? And lovely to meet you too
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:24, Reply)
Gilgamesh
I had him on ignore because of the 'waaaaaaaahmbulance' diatribe he posted a couple of weeks ago on an Aspergers post. then took him off again because it looked as though he was being reasonably apologetic.

He's back on ignore now, though.

Thanks for the kind words kitten. And MM, I'm good, cheers. Rather not be at work today though.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:27, Reply)
Right
I do believe it's time for breakfast
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:31, Reply)
Breakfast?
*nods*

I've got a bag of small oranges, a bottle of water and a... No, that's it.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:34, Reply)
Yes, he stayed
last night - better to use our spare futon than pay for a hotel, really. The cat looked most annoyed at being usurped from her bed though.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:35, Reply)
I have had coffee
So feel more awake and less tired.

Now I am having a wobble because I have to be grown up and submit some short stories to Proper Literary Magazines and it's scary.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:36, Reply)
Woo 100
Unless Kaol plays a trick....
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:37, Reply)
Nah, nothing to gain by
Playing a trick.
You won, fair and square.
I had people in my office, milling around.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:43, Reply)
Morning all.
I made it in on time!

I may have been a little wobbly earlier, but now I have had deep fried cheese and all is right with the world.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:47, Reply)
Deep-fried cheese?
That's amazing!
What kinda cheese?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:49, Reply)
Deep fried cheese?
Has the world discovered the perfect dish?

There is deep fried Cheesecake of course...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:50, Reply)
The McDonalds kind, sadly.
But it's still deep-fried cheese, so it's still awesome.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:51, Reply)
Well done, Wookie!
(on the timely arrival, not the cheese consumption)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:54, Reply)
Still good.
*jealous*

Erm...
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/dorset/7520842.stm

I hate sand.
Reading that article made me nearly throw up a little.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 11:57, Reply)
ooh, lunchtime
I'm having ham and cheese savoury with extra onions and lettuce on a ciabatta. And some doritos. Lovely!

*Edit* From Kaol's linky above: "But the best thing is in the morning the tide laps through the door, what a great way to wake up".

Yeah, right. After a night on the piss and one kebab too many, the first thing you want to think as you wake up in a hotel made of sand is "Shit, I'm gonna drown".
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:04, Reply)
Lunchtime
I am having fear on toast with a side order of lack of confidence all rounded off with a lovely glass of pathetic-ness.

I am entirely disgusted with myself...I should go and eat chocolate.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:06, Reply)
Chickenlady
why are you having that? What's wrong?
Did I miss something?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:09, Reply)
Lunch...
Still got 50 minutes to go.
Great.
*frowns*

I want a powerfully meaty sandwich.
I'm thinking a chicken, pastrami and bacon baguette, bit of green-stuff, and some tomato.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:11, Reply)
With you on that
Apart from the tomato. For they are the devil's pods in 'is it a fruit or a vegetable' form.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:13, Reply)
@ Clendrix
I am pulling my metaphorical finger out and ensuring my academic job is a permanent fixture....so I have to submit some writing to journals. I hate doing this because I'm scared of rejection.

*sigh*

It's pathetic.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:14, Reply)
arse tits and buggerywank
Some bloke just called from the opticians to say my glasses were finally in, and in answering my mobile I knocked my lovely ham and cucumber sandwich onto the dusty floor! Bollocky flangespunk!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:15, Reply)
For what it's worth
I've just had a couple of rolls wot I made up with ham, tomato and mayonnaise, followed by an apple, and washed down with some Bru.

And for afters I'm having a chewy mint.

@chickenlady - Fear on toast doesn't sound very nutritious. Perhaps some deep fried bravery would be better.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:15, Reply)
@ chickenlady
i know what you mean, if it's any consolation your writings on here are excellent. i like your stories :o)
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:17, Reply)
lunch?
but it's only half past coffee!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:18, Reply)
They're fruits, aren't they?
I only like the cherry tomatoes. The others can just fuck off.

I think I'l maybe go for Chicken, Bacon and Spring Onion sarnie for lunch. But it's not til 1.30!

BOO!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:18, Reply)
@HLT
Some of us have been here since quarter to breakfast.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:20, Reply)
b_k
Do you have somethng nice to say about everyone?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:21, Reply)
Tomato based sauces
Are fine. But tomatoes in their natural state? Yeeeeeuuuuucccchhhh!

It's a texture thing. I detest most other fruits for the very same reason. Except apples, for some reason. But only green ones.

I do like smooth fresh orange juice though. And blackcurrant juice. The rest of it is the devil's spunk.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:22, Reply)
I had a big breakfast
so it's waaaaaaaaaaay too early for lunch.

@chickenlady - oh! Not pathetic - understandable. But we have every faith in you.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:22, Reply)
Deep fried Bravery!
Of course that could only come from Scotland.


I must gird my loins, hold my own hand, pull myself together and give myself a kick up the arse.

Without falling over.


What's the worst they could say?

No.

But until I try I won't know.

Bugger it.

I'll let you all know how I get on.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:22, Reply)
@ Kaol
no everybody. just most people. having been a lurker for a while and only really chatting on here recently it's nice to actually talk to the people who have made me laugh when i've been feeling poo. not literally feeling poo, that's just wrong.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:25, Reply)
@k2k6
yeah, well, some of us were here till late o'clock!

edit: and now its brochure delivery time. back later!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:28, Reply)
Well, that makes sense
It opens up the strange world of "There could be loads of non-posters reading my crap", though.

There could be legions of people out there, scowling in anger every time I post, or flocks of adoring fans, hanging on my every word.
And I'll never know.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:28, Reply)
well..
i'm quite a fan of pooflake, it would seem that frankspencer has disappeared off the face of the b3taworld and legless has done EVERYTHING.

those are my observations.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:30, Reply)
@ Kaol
Sometimes I think we regular posters forget that we're not just writing to each other on here....there are thousands of people who read our stuff on a daily or weekly basis. Many of those are lurkers who click *I like this* on some of our better tales but there are far, far more out there who never sign up but follow our misadventures and laugh or rail at our words of wisdom.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:32, Reply)
@B_K Must be hard
to get around enough to do everything with no legs, maybe he should be commended for his efforts?

*Ninj'd
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:33, Reply)
Kaol
Have you not noticed the groups of people, hurriedloy whispering to each other, as you walk down the street?

Listen closely... They're saying "is that the Kaol... Go and talk to him! No, you!"

Hordes? Armies of adoring fans, more like!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:34, Reply)
Chickenlady
I don't believe that.

At all.

A CHALLENGE TO LURKERS:
Prove me wrong.
This is an open invitation to post a simple "Yes, I exist".
If you don't want to do that, send me a gaz. I don't bite.

Edit: DiT, kinda, but most of 'em're scared incase I stab them and wear their lungs as a hat.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:34, Reply)
I exist...
..but have been coming out of lurksville recently.

I've been lurking since September though, just to scare you...

Where IS frankspencer these days?
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:37, Reply)
@ Chickenlady
It's true you know for I was one of those, and there is still a guy in my office who has not signed up but still reads every couple of days.

He takes great pleasure in regaling me with everybodies exploits. I don't have the heart to tell him that sometimes he's talking about me to me.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:38, Reply)
lurkers...
we don't just lurk on here....you know when late at night you think you see something out of the corner of your eye in the garden....or when you get that funny feeling that someone is watching you...that's us. we're EVERYWHERE.

well, not me, i'm generally at work, but i've seen them.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:42, Reply)
Well,
I've had no lurker-generated feedback yet.

You're RUBBISH lurkers. RUBBISH!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:44, Reply)
Okay...
So someone out there must know how we get to look at the viewing figures for the site....

It regularly reaches the top 10 for magazines like FHM and some newspapers too - as one of the top humour sites in the UK, or even worldwide. Plenty of the images have ended up in the wider media - look at how Zoo magazine always nicks pictures from the main board.

So...if that's the case with the images, who's to say the same isn't happening with the QOTW?

Some months back a bit from the site was used on QI and one of the researchers came clean - he's a b3tan and lifted a bit of banter for use on the programme.

I had a lurker ask me if his company could use my grammar rant - his company was a commercial radio station.


So there are people out there apart from this merry band you see before you!
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:44, Reply)
Lurkers
They're out to get us! Quick to the B3tacave!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:51, Reply)
Hello chaps!
I've been very busy today but I've taken time out of my hectic schedule to say hello.

Hello!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:53, Reply)
Nah,
They fall firmly into the same group as "God", Nessie and the Underpants Gnomes.

Until they prove that they exist to me, I won't believe in them.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:54, Reply)
@ kaol
Quivering in fear more like.

"The master has posted again! We must read it now, lest we be poked with pointy things!"

"Quickly, quickly - he's getting the garden shreder out!"
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:54, Reply)
Kaol...
...the Underpants Gnomes? I feel this needs the story behind it explaining!
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:55, Reply)
*prays for media types to give me a column in Top Gear*
What? Nothing wrong with having a dream, is there?

SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION:

I have just made a new QOTW suggestion. I think it could be a good one. See what you think!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:55, Reply)
Perhaps we're just not inspiring
lurkers to join in. We do waffle on rather a lot.
Hello BGB! Get back to work.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:56, Reply)
I've always wondered
if there are any b3tans living nearish to me. I know there's a large posse in and around london as that gets mentioned quite a lot. I live in Stoke-on-Trent, the land of Robbie Williams, pottery and the oatcake. It's a thrilling place to be.

Aren't the underwear gnomes the little buggers who pinch your pants and hide them in strange places like the fridge or the under the cat's bed? i think i have them. could be something to do with my inability to function when intoxicated, but i have no recollection of any of it so i'll assume it's the gnomes.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 12:59, Reply)
Yep.
Closely related to the Sock Gnome, who always takes one of your socks as a toll for using the tumble dryer...
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:00, Reply)
Lurkers
I find it quite daunting to think that out there, there are thousands of non-registered people seeing my name on the page and thinking "Oh Christ, he's not ranting about his ex wife / collection of Daleks AGAIN is he?"

Or something. However, in the unlikely event that anything of mine turns up on QI, I would be highly flattered. And then sue. Bwahahahahaha.

Right. I had better try and do some work, I suppose.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:01, Reply)
Gnomes
don't just steal pants. I have a Comb Gnome (ooh, I likes teh rhymes). I have a room in a hall of residence that is just about larger than the average rabbit hutch, yet I completely managed to lose my comb yesterday. Which meant going out with Amy Winehouse hair. Damn those pesky critters!
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:02, Reply)
^Better than going out with an Amy Winehouse *face*.
Or a debilitating crack habit (allegedly).
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:03, Reply)
I'm off for some lunch
Later!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:04, Reply)
@DiT
I too get visited by the sock gnome.
The one that he takes, I always make sure I put it's twin in to pay the toll next time.
He never takes it though, always has to be one of a pair!The fiend!
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:05, Reply)
@ H_G
Are you sure you didn't lose it in your hair, if it was that bad?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:09, Reply)
@Holloway_Girl
I too have been visited by the comb gnomes, it got so bad that I have now stopped buying combs. Not that I need one, I don't have that much hair!

@Clendrix Hi there, when did yuou sneek in?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:10, Reply)
What is it with socks
I can never make a pair these days... Where do they go?

Is there a singularity in a parallel universe that's composed entirely from odd socks?

Perhaps we could one day harness the interdimensional gateway feature of your average washing machine as a means of interplanetary travel?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:11, Reply)
Hello Dok!
I was here early, but I finally sneaked into work at about eleven as I had to dispatch Spakka to the City of Bath beforehand.
Shame you weren't at the pub with us last night!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:13, Reply)
@ PJM
If you climb into your washing machine, I'll switch it on and see what happens?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:14, Reply)
@ Teh Unready One
First place I looked. Bought a new one yesterday, and on combing the bird's nest this morning, the old one did not fall out...'tis truly a mystery.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:14, Reply)
Hey clendrix!
How be you?
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:15, Reply)
@ H_G
I must firstly commend you on your British history knowledge, or did you ask the nice Mr. Google?

I lost my comb and it ended up on the floor behind the toilet?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:16, Reply)
Hi BK
I'm OK, but I feel like something's missing. Something beginning with f.
Yes, a four letter word, beginning with f.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:17, Reply)
@Clendrix
Fluf?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:18, Reply)
Fiji!
.
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:19, Reply)
Foof?
Fido?

Farm?

Flip?

Flan?

Fall?

Face?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:20, Reply)
@ Unready
Since Google is banned at my work (1984! 1984!) I could claim a good knowledge of British history.

This would, however, be a LIE. I learned it from Eddie Izzard.

"Ethelred the Unready. What did he do to be called that?"
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:20, Reply)
BK knows.
BK can fix me.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:20, Reply)
Hmm
Flop

Flap

Flaw

Fine

Fort

Fowl

Fork

*Edit: Funk
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:21, Reply)
@ clendrix
Yeah I'm sorry I missed it as well, but I'm getting ready for my hols atm. Lol, only a week and a half early this year, normally I leave it all till the night before.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:22, Reply)
@ H_G
Do you work in the Chinese embassy?

Weirdos! (Means you can't cheat at your job *ahem* I mean, improve your knowledge)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:23, Reply)
Yes, Funk.
Must be Funk - that's the only logical answer.

*Shouts*

Everybody? Clendrix has lost her funk - can you all have a look under your chairs please?
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:25, Reply)
@Ethelred
I know, tis retarded. It does actually hamper my job, too: if I can't contact another firm, I can't look on Google for their website for new contact details. And yet b3ta gets through the filter (not that I'm complaining)!
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:26, Reply)
@clendrix
Your wish is my command

*flex*

There we go.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:26, Reply)
Smells a bit funky round 'ere
Maybe I've stepped in it?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:26, Reply)
Oh dear...
I'm causing everyone great distress - BK, where are you? I need a fix!

SQUEAL - YES!

*swoons*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:26, Reply)
*catches clendrix*
You ok?

I really shouldn't do that when I have this effect.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:28, Reply)
Quantum sock theory
is the current best quantum mechanical explanation of how odd socks appear. PJM almost hit the nail on the head. In fact*, there is an interdimensional wormhole portal at the back of every washing machine, through which single socks can tunnel. Due to the Pauli exclusion principle, a pair of socks may not coexist in the same quantum state, therefore only one sock of a pair can get through the tunnel at a time. Meanwhile, an equivalent, but different sock is making a random journey from another washing machine.

When you open the machine, the wormhole closes, and you are left with odd socks. Not only does this explain why some of your own socks go missing, but also why you always seem to end up with some you don't recognise.

Also, because the wormhole is part of the time-space continuum, you could possibly end up with an odd sock which you have yet to own.

*May not actually be fact
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:28, Reply)
Wahey science
It's scary that when put in technical language, I'd believe almost anything...
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:31, Reply)
^ Hilarious.
FACT

BK - No, it was a nice swoon. How ya doing?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:31, Reply)
@ H_G
It is obvious: B3ta is the portal for all knowledge!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:33, Reply)
@clendrix
Overworked and underpaid a bit and awaiting a text and getting paranoid that I haven't had it:(
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:34, Reply)
@ Ethelred
That, or the IT guys are b3tans too...(scary thought)
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:35, Reply)
BK
Intriguing!
*keeps fingers crossed*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:36, Reply)
@ H_G
I'm a friendly neighbourhood IT guy....

Mwhahaha
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:36, Reply)
^Have you had the phantom vibrate, yet?
Don't do what I do and keep turning the 'phone on and off 'just in case it needs rebooting'.

It'll happen in time!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:36, Reply)
@Ethelred
You got nothing on me...you're skiving too! Bwahahaha right back! (was scared for about 20 seconds though and scoured profile for references to locality)
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:38, Reply)
@ BK
Go out for a bit and leave your mob at home/work...

... works every time.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:41, Reply)
@ H_G
I would have said that was the best 20 seconds of my life, but that sounds just as wrong.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:41, Reply)
@Ethelred
Not many good things happen to you, do they! Or at least, not for longer than 19 seconds...:p
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:43, Reply)
@ H_G
Keep the sympathy going, it brings out fluffeh thoughts of a life I have not had
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:44, Reply)
@Ethelred
*plays miniature violin*

appropriate soundtrack?
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:46, Reply)
@ H_G
Are you being nasty about my size again?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:51, Reply)
^ Do I detect
an apology for length coming on?

Remember your flirting is public, and that we're all watching! Even the lurkers.

Especially the lurkers...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:53, Reply)
Again?
Maybe I was mean about your size in a past life...

...in this one, I was picturing myself as a small fairy-like creature perched on your shoulder with a mournful violin. I thought it was poetic, but I'm a pretentious git.

I'm not allowed to be mean about size, my mum is 4'11"!
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:53, Reply)
@k2k6
Nobody should have to apologise for (lack of) length.

And flirting? Watch it, I'll set the lurkers on you!
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:54, Reply)
Yay for short Mums!
Mine is 4' 10.5".

As I grew up, her mantra was "the half an inch is very important".

I now realise why my Dad used to leave the room.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:55, Reply)
@ k2k6
why did you mention anything, they were getting steamy then. i swear the underwear gnome was about to make an appearance.




however this does prove you were right about the lurkers watching :oP

edit: off for lunch, honest. i'll avert my eyes while you get on with it :D
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:56, Reply)
Not the underwear gnome!
The gnomes scare me!

So do the lurkers...
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:58, Reply)
No flirting here
Just pure seximan-ness
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 13:58, Reply)
You should be wary of b3ta-flirting
You might end up involved with a fellow QOTW-er.

It could happen to you!

Also, lurkers don't exist.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:00, Reply)
seximan-ness
on my part, naturlich.

It just occurred to me...I should have lied on my profile and made myself into a bald 50-year old man who enjoys cheese and re-runs of Blind Date. Just as a thought experiment. Intriguing... *plots evilly and cackles*
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:00, Reply)
@Kaol
hang on, QOTWers aren't real people, are they? *scary reality hit*

I thought you were all figrolls of my sordid imagination sent to amuse me...
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:02, Reply)
Nothing wrong with flirting
I'm not exactly innocent of it myself! I was just saying, in case it was in danger of embarrassing either of the participants.

Carry on....
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:02, Reply)
@HG
I am real, but I'm those other things too.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:03, Reply)
Er... They are real people
Honestly!
Unless the meet-ups I've been to aren't real, and the lovely woman I've been spending weekends with doesn't exist too...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:04, Reply)
HG
maybe you DID lie on your profile and you really are that bald, cheese-loving man.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:05, Reply)
@clendrix
Damn, you're too clever for me...I am very partial to a nice chunk of feta.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:07, Reply)
@ Kaol, H_G
Ever seen The Truman Show?

Mwhahaha
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:07, Reply)
The Truman Show
scared me at age 15. I went around testing people for acting and looking really hard at streetlamps to see if there were cameras in them.
Ethelred, stop scaring me today, you IT-lurker type!
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:10, Reply)
I'm not real
.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:11, Reply)
We know you're not real, HLT
Tulips can't use computers.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:12, Reply)
@ K2k6
With the new Accessibility Options in Vista, anything can use a computer, thanks for testing!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:13, Reply)
The Truman Show?
Starring a certain shit-faced-cock-master of an actor?

No.
I refuse to see his films.
Any of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:15, Reply)
@ Kaol
Brings too many personality clashes to your thoughts?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:15, Reply)
true
but I'm not really a tulip, either.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:16, Reply)
^
HLT is a fake!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:16, Reply)
Real?
If reality is what you experience then only three QOTW'ers other than myself exist!

Maybe the four of us made you lot up?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:17, Reply)
@ER
Yes, but are you a Dark Ages king...*pot, kettle*
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:18, Reply)
Nah, he's just an idiot.
Like Nicolas Cage.
And Will Ferrell.

Not worth wasting my time on their films.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:18, Reply)
Ethelred
If that's the case, how come I find Vista so bloody awkward then?

I know it's because I'm a Mac man, but I'm just stirring it
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:18, Reply)
@ H_G
A bad one at that...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:19, Reply)
@ K2k6
I'm surprised you can use B3ta, it hasn't got lots of teh fluffeh gheyness?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:19, Reply)
@Ethelred
*attempts to refuse to take bait*

*fails*

No, actually I find it remarkably intuitive and easy on the eye. And I can fix easily any minor problems which do occur, rare as that may be. Everything is so logically set out.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:23, Reply)
</geeky stuff>

(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:23, Reply)
@ Kaol
I stand by your point on Will Farrell.

I like Nick Cage though, he is a person to aspire to.

*cough*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:26, Reply)
<tumbleweeds>

:-(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:28, Reply)
*frowns*
In my mind, "American Comedy" is an oxymoron.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:29, Reply)
@ Kaol
Americans *are* the comedy.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:30, Reply)
Lurkers
Hello :)
not been lurking all that long, but my new job has lovely loveley unrestricted internet access and I magically got the only desk that faces towards the door with my back to the window!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:31, Reply)
Only in the same way
That laughing at roadkill is funny.

Also, FYI, QOTW and OT aren't that fast moving, so if you crave faster stimulation, I'd recommend /talk.

EDIT: Well shut my mouth! A lurker!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:33, Reply)
@ weekirst
Welcome to the hell hole that we inhabit virtually!

Lucky you! I have a desk with my back to the door :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:33, Reply)
Lies!
She's not a lurker, she has posts in her profile.
*frowns*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:37, Reply)
Aha!
I have a desk in the corner with my back to a lot of files. It's grrrrrreat!

/talk is too fast for my tiny brain. it confuses me. Besides, months of stalking lurking have familiarised me with some of you...and convinced me you're not scary :)
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:37, Reply)
@ kaol
Are you sure you're not on the payroll of teh Furher and being paid for getting more users signed up?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:38, Reply)
I am all alone
in my little office.
It's luvley.

Edit: Ooh, the ice-cream man's outside! But he's playing a tune, and we all know what that means :(
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:39, Reply)
@ H_G
Hmm can we swap desks?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:39, Reply)
I'm freelance, baby.
*puts on sunglasses*

In other news, I'm off to the staff screening of The Dark Knight at the local cinema tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:39, Reply)
@ER
Only if you want to spend your afternoon and evening digging through old files and phoning bored third party solicitors for less than £9 an hour! (actually, not bad money for my age).
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:42, Reply)
H_G
I'm on £7.50... Count yourself lucky.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:44, Reply)
@ H_G
Hmmm, point taken!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:45, Reply)
@Kaol
Poor soul. Work for a law firm...dull drudgery and you're always somebody's bitch, but the money's good. Bloodsucking pays off. At least you're freelance though, lucky goyt...
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:45, Reply)
*runs in*
*offers cake, tea and sweeties*

*gives everyone a cuddle*

*runs out again*
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:45, Reply)
OOH CAKE!
Can I have battenberg and jelly tots :D *hugs wanderlust, as food is the way to my heart*
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:48, Reply)
I'm not freelance at all
That was a terrible lie.

But yeah, money isn't great.
*shrugs*
I've got enough to enjoy myself, and that's all that matters really.

EDIT: H_G: Food? Damn... I thought through your chest was... *hides scalpel*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:48, Reply)
Sweets and a cuddle
*sighs happily*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:49, Reply)
@ H_G
Oooh Battenburg! A girl after my own heart!

I had to buy 2 in a BOGOF offer in ASDA the other day, felt sick as it was obligatory to eat them :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:50, Reply)
@Kaol
Maybe it is your low-paid job that is making you have homicidal urges...(please don't frown at me). Most young men are more interested in the outside of a lady's chest than the inside...

@Ethelred - I want 2 Battenburgs! Give me 2 hours and they'd be gone with no hint of sickness :)
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:52, Reply)
ooh, thanks wanderlust!
*enjoys cuddle*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:53, Reply)
hello guys and gals
Hello people, its been a while since i've had time to stop and chat.
how is everyone?
Kaol - tell me an interesting animal fact please, i feel the need to learn something new!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:53, Reply)
@ H_G
Sickness is natures way to tell you that you've successfully fulfilled your needs.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:54, Reply)
Hey Lucy
How's the agency hunt going?

*hopes it was you who was looking or will feel embarrassed*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:55, Reply)
Afternoon Lucy,
how did the job hunt go?

I have lots and lots of cheap Viennese whirls, but not as many as I had yesterday.

*noms*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:56, Reply)
@Ethelred
You're asking for this, but I can't resist an easy joke!

There are some needs of mine that I certainly don't feel sick when they are fulfilled...

...you don't have a bulimia fetish do you?
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:56, Reply)
Hello clendrix!
It was indeed me, I think i have applied for every single job in London that requires Spanish and Italian. I am flipping wiped. i'm currently waiting to hear if I have made it through to a dundundunnnnnnnnnnnn...telephone interview!
And its bloody hot and sweaty here today. yuk.
edit - Hi wookie!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:56, Reply)
Cripes, this place has exploded this afternoon!
Interesting animal fact: Dogs can't look up.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:57, Reply)
Lucy...
I'll give you two...

Newts can re-grow entire limbs.

A frog vomits by coughing it's stomach out of it's mouth, squeezing the contents out with it's hands, then re-swallowing it.

*frowns at H_G*
The taste of a human heart is better than sex.

DiT: You're a filthy liar!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:58, Reply)
@ H_G
*sigh* I knew someone would be as dirty minded as me, but thought I'd let it slip... *cough*

I've got an eating disorder, I tend to eat too much.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:58, Reply)
DiT
Loving the quote! My other half says that all the time. Especially whilst winding up my parents dog. Who most certainly can look up, generally when food is being waved above his head!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:58, Reply)
@DiT
No. Really? *Imagines dog trying to see treat above head*

*sniggers*

Surely they can look up?
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:59, Reply)
Thanks Kaol!
Although that froggy one is pretty gross. Do all frogs do that?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 14:59, Reply)
I am naive
Told you I'll believe anything.

*runs and hides from teh Frown of Kaol*
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:00, Reply)
Yo DiT, lets kick it
*End of Vanilla Ice impression*

*waves*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:00, Reply)
@Lucy
I'd imagine it's only sick frogs.

Good afternoon, by the way.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:01, Reply)
Lucy
Let us know when you hear!

DiT: stop telling fibs.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:02, Reply)
waves at K2K6
Good point. Only poorly frogs puke. mental note made.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:03, Reply)
Interesting animal fact
An echidna has a four headed penis. Two heads are used each time it has a shag, alternating the heads each time.

That's a neat trick.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:03, Reply)
All frogs can do it
At will.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:04, Reply)
@k2k6 re echidna
But why? Qu'est-ce-que c'est le point?
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:05, Reply)
*reincarnates as echidna*
*squeals*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:05, Reply)
No, seriously, Big Dave said so...
Dogs can't look up.

*kicks it with ethelred*
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:05, Reply)
@ Kaol
Glad my name isn't william
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:05, Reply)
Red...
You suck.
That was terrible.

*gets out de-cocking shears*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:07, Reply)
@ kaol
Chickenlady said the old ones are the best.

Unless that was a chatup line to get me interested in the older lady :\
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:08, Reply)
@Kaol
De-cocking shears? I should get some of those. They sound useful for controlling the other half!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:11, Reply)
@ H_G re: Echidnas
Think of it this way,

You'll always get a fresh clean double?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:12, Reply)
@H_G
Maybe it's so Mrs Echidna can take note of which pair of heads he used last time, and will know if he's been playing away from home if it's the same pair next time they get down to it.

Unless he's been unfaithful an even number of times...

@clendrix - if you've turned into a female echidna to enjoy the multiheadedness, just remember you've no nipples now.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:12, Reply)
Echidna
OK, why doesn't this creature ever come up in the evolution vs ID debate? Not to bring that up again *hides*

although, not exactly intelligently designed. Maybe the echidna proves the existence of the god of chaos.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:13, Reply)
@Ethelred
What's wrong with one decently sized one and good personal hygiene? Works in most other species!
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:14, Reply)
@H_G
Isn't it just an evolutionary dead end, which survives in Australia due to its being adapted to the climate and having no natural predators.

Edit: It's a fair size too, in relation to the animal. Have a look at this!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:15, Reply)
hmm.
Talking of evolution debate, my friend used to work for a text question company, where he'd basically google those questions that drunk and stoned people ask. Anyway, the point is, if all animals were the same size, proportions and everything, which one would win in a fight?
I say honey badger.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:17, Reply)
Afternoon all
Was so nice to see some of you in real life at last! Pity some of you couldn't make it but I enjoyed the ones who did. Want to hug everyone I met all over again.

Am now in a Youth Hostel in Bath. Have got 18 minutes left before my time runs out, so won't be on long. Will then head off to the Spa. Might be on a bit late in the eve.

I'll see some of you on Saturday.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:17, Reply)
@ H_G
True. Just testing the water for a double...


Anyone in the London area fancy sorting out a B3ta meet for Sept 18th or 20th? I'm in town strutting my stuff for the Nickelback concert on the 19th, and have a couple of nights to see the sights and sounds of the fair capital.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:18, Reply)
Ah, b3ta meets
I have to wait 'til 1st November for a Northern one. I'd like to disprove my theory that you are all figrolls of my overactive imagination.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:20, Reply)
Lucy
A Honey Badger would be turned into steaming offal by a Mantis Shrimp.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mantis_Shrimp
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:20, Reply)
Q: How many badgers are there in a sett?
A: Some. There are some badgers in a sett.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:21, Reply)
Can you draw a Venn diagram
with badgers?

Sett theory.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:22, Reply)
Kaol
That may be but I think my badger would die with honour.
a fearless beast indeed.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey_badger
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:26, Reply)
@kaol
Its not exactly lies... I'm more of a sporadic poster, there are only a few! Ha ha ha!
Its just Really really slow at work this afternoon...
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:26, Reply)
heh heh heh :o)
i want to meet up with b3tards too :o(
will somebody with some level of authority/experience please suggest a midlands bash?
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:28, Reply)
I might be around in September...
But I have to say... Nickelback? will you be taking a bag of rocks with you?

They have a guitarist who is stupidly aggressive, considering the band he's in...

EDIT: Not having a go, I just don't like 'em is all!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:28, Reply)
.
@wanderlust:
I appreciate the sacrifice you made by breaking yourself. May your repair go swiftly and smoothly.

@clendrix: Made it to Bath in ne piece. Will head off when my time runs out.

@ethelred: There's a Southhampton bash on the 20th. See the calendar.

@everyone else: Don't have time to catch up on the chat threads, but feel free to share my warm glow.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:29, Reply)
Lucy,
I know what they are :p
I played with the skeleton of one at uni.
Hefty bastards.
But still, my money's on the armor-plated beast that can punch with the force of a .22 bullet...
If we're scaling that up, even double, it'd be able to punch through steel plates...

Kirst, it's ok, but you're still not a lurker :p
I still don't believe in them!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:30, Reply)
@ DiT
Well it seemed like a good idea when I booked the tickets, and since The Nutter* has gone, and I have no takers for said tickets, I'm currently set to go alone with spare ticket :(



*see previous posts
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:30, Reply)
Time almost out
Bye!
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:33, Reply)
I have cake!
Actual battenburg, there was half of one lurking in work kitchen which I helped meself to.

That is all, I'll be off for a bit now as I transfer buildings.

I'm with Kaol, by the way...Mantis Shrimp look eeeevil.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:33, Reply)
:p
Kaol please believe me, I did not for one moment doubt your superior animal knowledge.
i just wanted to do a link!
and ok, your shrimpy dude wins. but i still love my honey badger.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:34, Reply)
@K2k6
No nipples! I'll need to think about that - I'd appreciate some advice , O Nipple Expert.

@Spak - glad you made it OK.

@Ethel - I'll be around. Don't trust DiT though cos he'll say he's around but might not be after all.
*sulks*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:34, Reply)
H_G
You're not with me, we just happen to be in the same place at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:36, Reply)
@Kaol
Isn't that scientifically impossible?

OK, OK, I agree with Kaol. D'accord?
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:37, Reply)
@Ethel
Cripes. Having read that post, it's probably a good thing you're going on your own!

TRUE FACT OF THE DAY:

If you're ever holed up in a house, and there are people shooting at you outside (lets assume they're using 9mm pistols), hang wet towels in the windows.

If a 9mm bullet hits a wet towel, it will not pass through. The towel will take all of the momentum out of it, and the bullet will drop to the floor, rendered useless.

EDIT: Now come on, Clendrix. I have apologised. AND, to make up for my rubbishness, I shall actually wear tights to the August bash.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:37, Reply)
@clendrix
Echidnas have no nipples because they are monotremes (the evolutionary dead end mentioned earlier). They do secrete milk, but it's out of patches on their skin.

I'm not actually a nipple expert. But I'm always willing to learn, so if you need me to take a look anytime...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:38, Reply)
DiT
Can't we just wrap ourselves in the wet towels and run away?

Edit: K2k6, next time I'm in Scotland...
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:39, Reply)
@DiT
Is this true true, or "dogs can't look up" true?

Note to self, do not trust DiT...
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:39, Reply)
Honey Badger vs Ebola Virus?
That would be one heck of a fight...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:39, Reply)
PJM
You're making a massive assumption that a Honey Badger would even be affected by ebola.

I'd say "unlikely", what with it being a virus, and the cell-surface antigens that ebola binds to being exclusively primate in origin, and a badger being a mustelid.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:42, Reply)
@HG
The towel/bullet thing is true, as told to me by a member of the Close Protection Unit.

Trust DiT, I never lie!

@Clendrix - wrapping in a towel wouldn't work, the towel needs to have a degree of movement in it to decelerate the projectile... :)
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:43, Reply)
@Kaol
You have a wealth of knowledge of the animal kingdom and so on. WTF are you doing working in a sawmill?

Edit @clendrix - Deal! *makes notes*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:44, Reply)
Ooh, cuddly Mantis Shrimp
Star of the dish 'Pissing Shrimp'?

Gets stabbed with a spear to encourage it to evacuate it's bowels before being lobbed in the pot?

Who in the name of Bob first came up with this cooking method?




"Hmm, lets see, lets find a really aggressive steamrollered Cambodian, with jabby shearing claws with the power of a .22 round, and poke it with a spear to get it to..... fuckit, lets call Domino's"

Delia this is not.

Bears for me. Kodiak/Grizzly/Polar. They will kill you, they will eat you, and they can run at 30mph before turning you into terrified-hiker-tartare. Photogenic bastards.


*Edit for DiT - a wet army blanket will stop a full magazine of 30 9mm rounds on full automatic. I have never met anybody willing to stand behind said blanket and test the theory. However a dinky wee .22 will go straight through, which means the wet towel wouldn't stop a mantis shrimp either*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:45, Reply)
Kaol...
I wondered what a Honey Badger sized virus would look like...?

Edit - size for size... Honey Badger vs Leopard would make for a good punch up. Brute strength vs reflexes.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:45, Reply)
badgers
are not mustard lids.
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:46, Reply)
K2k6
I don't work there anymore, I moved from that company.

Now I work for my family's business.
The main rival of my old job...
In a sawmill.

Hahaha!

Er... There really aren't many jobs that involve "knowing stuff about animals".
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:46, Reply)
Oh I don't know, Kaol
Johnny Morris and Terry Nutkins did OK out of it.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:48, Reply)
K2k6 is right
(as usual!)
Film some lizards and then dub the footage with your own hilarious interpretations of their supposed conversations.

*nervouses about future trip to Scotland to be examined*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:49, Reply)
Terry Nutkins
Lost a finger to an angry sealion didn't he?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:49, Reply)
Al
9mm is a lady's cartridge, that's why. How can it hold it's head up in the world of macho ballistics when a mere towel will defeat it (see- I told you Douglas Adams knew what he was talking about)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:50, Reply)
Yeah, they did.
But it's not exactly the easiest field to get into, it's all about having contacts "in the business".

I grew up in a field in Essex. I'm sorely lacking in contacts.
*shrugs*
I'm still trying though.

Mr. Osok, nice to see you about!
I agree with bears, fucking evil bastards. Polars especially. One of the few animals that truely gives me The Fear.

EDIT: Clendrix... Anthropomorphism gives me The Anger of a thousand burning suns.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:50, Reply)
@Al
Sadly, no. As osok says, anything bigger than 9mm and you're toast.

So you'd better be pretty fecking sure that the enemy only has 9mm pistols.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:51, Reply)
You do realise, clendrix
that Kaol is going to have to Google this to have any idea what we old buggers are on about?

Thank you for your (sadly misplaced) confidence in my knowledge, by the way!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:51, Reply)
Nutkins' finger
I wonder what the sealion did with it afterwards?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:52, Reply)
I'm surprised we haven't been reminded
about our assignation twenty two years ago...
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:53, Reply)
@ HLT
balanced it on their nose of course!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:54, Reply)
Re the towels vs bullets thing
If you scale up the bullets, you need to scale up the towel. Not by making it thicker or heavier - the inertia of that would be too great to allow it to slow the bullets much - but by using multiple layers so that each towel slows the bullet a bit.

If the bad guy's using 20" shells, then you're still stuffed.

Edit@clendrix - I have an alibi for 1986!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:55, Reply)
DiT
And don't forget the humble .22 does a fairly good job of penetrating Kevlar and has an authenticated lethal range of just over a mile.

Now all we have to do is work out some way of firing mantis shrimps at the opposition - some sort of catapult thingmy? They laugh at towels.


Kaol: try reading 'Shipwrecked on Top of the World' re Polar Bears. Accepted fluffy bear-fecking-off routine is to fire a flare up it's snotter and hope it ambles off. There is no point whatsoever in running, you'll just die tired.



Edit: K2K6 - multiple layers is effectively what Kevlar does, which is why a narrow pointy impact (such as hypervelocity 4-6mm ish ammo which has been developed to penetrate Kevlar Body Armour and helmets at frightenly long ranges) will go through, or a very powerful larger impact (such a fullbore rifle) will blast through, which is why you have ceramic plates over Kevlar these days. Moral of the story, don't get shot.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:58, Reply)
Nutkins
lost two fingers to the same otter on two separate occasions, I believe.

A subsonic .22 round will penetrate further through water than a whacking great .50 shell. Thankyou Mythbusters!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 15:58, Reply)
Ah, Mythbusters...
How I love thee. It has nothing to do with Kari Byron, oh no.

ok, so it does.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:01, Reply)
K2k6
You might have an alibi for '86, but I was born end of '85, so scale back nine months, and you need one for then...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:01, Reply)
@Kaol
*does sums*

That would mean that you were conceived sometime around my 16th birthday then....

*recalls*

*dons poker face*

*says no more on the matter*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:04, Reply)
Al
Hydrostatic shock wouldn't do you any favours if someone was to fire .50 Cal at you as you were practicing your Flipper impression, even if it missed. If you've ever seen one of these rounds, they are HUGE.

Pass me a Barrett .50 and a few Polar Bears. Anyone fancy a rug?



Edit - actually I could do with a trip somewhere cool as it's too hot for me as a thin-blooded Porridge Wog.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:05, Reply)
Osok
I'll take a bear-claw necklace.
And cuff-links.

Fuckers.

But don't eat the meat.
I'm sure you know why.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:06, Reply)
@osok
Your advice is noted - I do not intend to get shot!

@Al - hydrostatic shock waves aside, you have to hope that your breath lasts longer than your enemy's supply of bullets...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:06, Reply)
@ Osok
But a .50 shell would make too much mess of the pelt for it to be of any use.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:07, Reply)
The kinetic enegery from the bullet
Has to go somewhere, if it's decelerated rapidly, then that'll cause shockwaves in the water - same thing which makes the towel flap when you shoot it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:09, Reply)
Kaol
You'll be all right as long as you don't eat the liver.

Not all vitamins are good for you folks!


This has been a public information announcement for those contemplating eating polar bear organs.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:09, Reply)
Hydrostatic shock
Is shockwaves moving through water with much greater force than they would through air.

It's what makes dynamite fishing so effective.

EDIT: Osok, it's just the liver is it?
What about that parasite thing?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:10, Reply)
what about Fox's Glacier Mints?
there's a picture of a polar bear on the front of the bag, are they ok to eat?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:10, Reply)
Herr Doktor
Depends where you hit it - all the tiger skin rugs and museum exhibits from the days of empire were usually shot with a soft lead bullet from something between .375 and .460, carried by a bloke in a pith helmet with an unflattering moustache.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:11, Reply)
I have cable...
And I hate it. 200 channels and I only ever watch the 5 terrestrial ones and the movie channels. And the sport channels.

The record function is good though - a whole season of the gadget show to get through.

mmmm, Suzi Perry...

EDIT: This was a reply to Al and looks weird sitting here.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:12, Reply)
Polar bears
Aren't they one of the few creatures which will actively hunt humans?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:12, Reply)
@al
Ever see that footage of the home made liquid explosive device that government scientists made during the trial of the airline bomb plotters?

Remember the shock wave coming from it , visible in the slo-mo? That's what would hit you, only in the water, which is much more dense than air, and so would couple effectively to your body and transfer more energy to it.

The water itself is not moving in bulk, hence the -static bit - it's just a shock wave caused by microscopic motion of the water molecules transferring energy to each other very quickly.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:13, Reply)
Kaol
Wasn't planning to eat it raw. Anyway, I've eaten worse - I've been to MacDonalds

EDIT- PJM Yes, which is why they are scary and fully deserving of their status of big scary fucker. Luckily they are restricted in range (get too hot) but if anyone ever develops a bear sized Philishave, we're goners.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:13, Reply)
Dynamite Fishing? Pah!
My Dad used to fish with an old feller who regularly shot Pike as they basked near the surface with a .45. Didn't have to hit them, the shock was enough to kill/stun so all he had to do was scoop them up.

The effects were also graphically illustrated in the 'Cruel Sea' (book and film)- survivors of U-Boat attacks were regularly killed by the shock of their own escort's depth charges exploding - not a nice way to go as you tend to split on the line of least resistance.

Non-compressible mediums, doncha just love 'em?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:19, Reply)
Factoid
The skin of polar bears is actually black

Yep, they're very scary fuckers indeed.

I'm glad I'm not a seal.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:20, Reply)
Another Fact
Their fur isn't white.
It's clear-ish, and hollow.
Thus it acts as a fibreoptic-type thingy. And appears white.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:24, Reply)
Another bear ting
And they'll happily swim for miles in Arctic waters to get to the next island/icefloe jammed full of crunchy seals/ reindeer / tourist expeditions.

Everyone who goes up there, even to film the fluffy polar bear cubs, is tooled up. Yes, even Billy Connolly was issued with a .303 (although I for one would have paid good money to see a Bear appear as he was doing the 'get yer kit off and dance' routine that has become his trademark)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:28, Reply)
Polar Bears
In that case, I want one elected as my MP.

I'd pay money to see what one would do let loose in the houses of parliament.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:32, Reply)
This is turning into a very odd thread
From Tunnocks Teacakes to Polar Bears in one day.

I now have to take my 19 month old (who, rather worryingly, has not done a poo yet today and is bound to explode as soon as I get onto the bypass) to collect the demon child, and worse, collect my wife and say something complimentary about her new haircut.

I feel like the first and last scenes in Apocalypse Now - Herr Sheen staring at the ceiling sweating a lot in the depths of despair and the final "The horror...the Horror".

Normal service will be resumed if I live.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:32, Reply)
Good luck with that Mr. O.
20 minutes 'til I blow this joint.
I've got an all Megadeth mix-CD, the keys to a Jag, a pair of sunglasses and a pack of chewing gum.

Fuck. Yes.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:38, Reply)
@ Kaol
Almost Blues Brothers Stylee
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:39, Reply)
Yeah.
But with more Megadeth, and 200% more knives.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:41, Reply)
Do you have
Boadicea wheels?

And what sort of Jag?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:46, Reply)
Right chap(esse)s
I'm off. See you later, maybe.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:47, Reply)
No to the wheels.
*frowns*

It's a 3-litre S-Type.
It goes fast, and it's black.
*grins*

EDIT: And I'm off...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 16:48, Reply)
:(
I've just trekked all the way from central Manchester to Old Trafford to find...everyone leaving the OT board. *cries*

Anyone lurking?
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:04, Reply)
H_G
I R still here
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:08, Reply)
Auntie Ethel
You have beenhere ALL DAY.

Longer than me, in fact.

Glad to see we're both bleeding our employers dry.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:10, Reply)
I'm still sort of here,
while frantically trying to get things finished so I can go to the pub again.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:12, Reply)
Pub!
It's a lovely day, what I wouldn't give to be sat in a beer garden with a frosty pint of cider instead of sat in an office with NO WORK but stuck here 'til 8. *sob*
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:16, Reply)
I'm here.
I think I've exhausted the internet...
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:17, Reply)
Its one of the perks of being the IT guy
"Yeah, yeah, just reboot your machine" all the while we are b3ta'ing, woo
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:20, Reply)
I'm still here
stuck in the office til 6. QOTW day tomorrow, w00t.

anyone doing anything exciting tonight?
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:20, Reply)
@babykitten
Nice b3ta name, by the way.

I will go home at 8 and...WASH MY CLOTHES! How exciting does summertime student life get?

Maybe I'll drink wine while I do it, and keep my pretty dress on.
(Holloway_Girl To err is to be human, to be a fool is to believe, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:22, Reply)
Exciting?
No. I don't think so... I'm absolutely pegged after doing 8am-2am yesterday and 9am-now today.

I'm going home to sleep!

'Night people!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:23, Reply)
Buy one get one free beer tonight.
Woo!

I shall try to restrain myself though.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:24, Reply)
I'm off home now too
woo yey and usual fluffeh kittins
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:24, Reply)
unfortunately
i wouldn't be able to afford to buy one beer to get another free. but i'll come drink your free ones if you want?

and wine in a pretty dress is an excellent idea :o)
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:49, Reply)
Evening all
How's things this fine evening?

Anything much been happening, in order to save me reading through everything?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:51, Reply)
I dunno
I looked away for 10 minutes, came back and there were another 200 posts. I can't keep up!

* Drowns in cake and kettehs *
(I helped save b3ta! Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:53, Reply)
I'm off
laters taters :o)
(baby_kitten was loving your work on, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 17:57, Reply)
We are now
In here for the evening, so come join us.

Or don't. Your choice really.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 23 Jul 2008, 18:26, Reply)

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