Okay, no more song lyrics.
Ever buy anything drunk / stoned? How surprised were you when that four foot inflatable sheep turned up at your door?

Alt: What was the last thing you bought online?

AltAlt: Best/worst customer service?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:34, 106 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

( Peej, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:34, Reply)

( Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:37, Reply)

( Peej, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:39, Reply)

( Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:39, Reply)

You're both cunts.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:40, Reply)

( Peej, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:42, Reply)

                          
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:57, Reply)

        
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)

                          
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:03, Reply)

( Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:37, Reply)

         
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:45, Reply)

        
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:02, Reply)

      
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:09, Reply)

this place is shit today
do better OT
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:40, Reply)

Alright swipe?

( wanderlust, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)

hello sexy gorgeous girl

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Can't polish a turd.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:44, Reply)

but you can roll it in glitter

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)

glitter shitter

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:49, Reply)

"PEDANTRY ALERT"
You can actually polish a turd, Dorodango
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:02, Reply)

I bought 3 pairs of shoe laces yesterday burgundy, blue and brown waxed 70cm
and I bought mrs ape a swimming cozzie
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)

Did she ask you to buy her a cossie
or are you just going to present her with it?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:46, Reply)

she asked me to, we're off on hols and she hates internet shopping

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)

I've just bought a new camera :O

( Kroney, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)

What did you go for in the end?
Nikon is usually pretty good for macro lenses, but if you're going DSLR you can add whatever lens takes your fancy, I suppose.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:43, Reply)

I actually ended up going with the Pentax K30.
My dad's old camera is a Pentax, with I think a 50mm prime lens. I should be able to attach it to this new one.
( Kroney, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:46, Reply)

Expect to pay three times as much for lenses as you did for the body.
Expensive business, 'taking pictures'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)

I'll go second-hand, probably.

( Kroney, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:50, Reply)

check for mould

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:58, Reply)

He wasn't talking about YM

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:16, Reply)

Kebab shop burgers.
Alt: Shoes that still haven't turned up despite being 'out for delivery' for 3 days.............and a load of E-Cig liquid this morning.

Altalt: My customer service is best, as I pretend to like everyone to get their money.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:43, Reply)

Alt: I've been waiting for a replacement phone battery and a pair of glasses for over a week.
I might have to look into chasing them up.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Royal Mail? Royal FAIL more like!
*sigh*
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:45, Reply)

They once broke £150 worth of ornament I had sold on eBay
and offered my a book of six stamps as compensation. Cunts.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)

Stamps *have* gone up!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)

After I threatened them with the mail equivalent of an ombudsman, they ponied up.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)

same here when they didn't deliver an acknowledgment of service to the court
and the other side got judgment in default. my client had to pay me to get it set aside, cost about £3k. and he was offered 12 first class stamps and some advice to use special. ie their own staff admit they are shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)

they DO have a point though
if it;s importnat use special delivery ffs
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:58, Reply)

it's fine for anyone else except them to make that point!
we all know they are shit, but they shouldn't admit it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:12, Reply)

Just wait until *whoever* takes over.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Yeah, we always end up with better services following privatisation.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:50, Reply)

I think that was kind of 'The Joke'.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:51, Reply)

I'm not so sure

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:52, Reply)

It set off my irony meter...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:52, Reply)

If my tongue was any more in cheek...
... I cant think of a witty enough retort
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:17, Reply)

e-cigs are for benders
throw them away and put something proper in your mouth. like that sailor's cock you've always wanted.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:46, Reply)

E cigs are for COOL PEOPLE actually.
Still look cool and NO cancer*






*until further information on the long term effects is available.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I've heard a lot of good things about them.
Especially the USB ones.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:53, Reply)

I have been using mine exclusively for a month and haven't missed having a 'real' one at all.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:58, Reply)

Good man.
Filthy habit.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:03, Reply)

\o/

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:04, Reply)

bit like my wife and the dildo :(

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:04, Reply)

Typical woman!
*rolls eyes*
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:05, Reply)

*picks up eyes, rolls back*

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Or just start smoking again
It's not like he has much to live for
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I still look cool AND save money. Plenty to live for sunshine!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)

smoking is a dreadful habit
I hate it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:49, Reply)

IT'S SMOKING HOT LIKE ME

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:50, Reply)

                          
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:00, Reply)

Thing is, I don't become some sort of out of control prick if I'm drunk or stoned, so why would I buy something stupid?
Alt: Goggles
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:43, Reply)

Can you get that pissed on yak's milk?

( wanderlust, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:45, Reply)

If properly fermented, yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:46, Reply)

good times.

( wanderlust, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)

Many a drunken Amazon cd has arrived weeks after a late night browse.
Alt. Think it was clothes.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I almost forgot my BEST OF HADDAWAY CD

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:49, Reply)

+ shite

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:00, Reply)

CDs aren't too bad.
You should see some of the shit gonz buys when he's muntered.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:50, Reply)

nah, he just has fucking awful taste

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)

e ting bowels
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:09, Reply)

tastting bowels?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:11, Reply)

*deletes account and kills self*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:14, Reply)

I swear man, my manger is doing my tits in, I told her I need a code-example from another dev and she's gone to the client asking for it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 11:55, Reply)

AWAY

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)

Don't you dare start with xmas carol lyrics.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)

I wish I was in Dixie

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:24, Reply)

A.K. A.K.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:27, Reply)

+H

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:05, Reply)

+HADD

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:07, Reply)

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:00, Reply)

Use some lube, then.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:07, Reply)

Down a dark dark Street.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Hear the word of The Lord

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:26, Reply)

I used to often do my food shopping shit faced.
Never went terribly well.

Alt: electric screwdriver

Altalt: I had a waiter call me a cunt for complaining my rare steak was clearly well done.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:13, Reply)

altalt: wow...did you kill him?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:15, Reply)

Nah, just walked out.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:16, Reply)

with a steak knife?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:16, Reply)

under your jumper?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:20, Reply)

WHAT DO YOU CALL A KANGAROO IN A SWEATER?

...







...






...



A WOOLLY JUMPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:28, Reply)

What if it's a nylon sweater?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:32, Reply)

it's not a scouse kangaroo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Star wars poker set... went on ebay shortly after

Alt: Rodney Mullen's book

Altalt/ BT ARE FUCKING APPALLING
(RonSwanson, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:22, Reply)

do you reckon there is any non creepy way to tell a girl that she smells nice?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:27, Reply)

yes
i get loads of compliments on my perfume. only a small percentage are creepy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I LIKE YOUR MUSK PRETTY LADY

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)

"I myself cannot. You use Evian skin cream, and sometimes you wear L'Air du Temps, but not today."

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Just make sure you get up really close and take in a big deep breath through your nose before you tell her.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?

The woman replies, "It's Battered, the dwarf."
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:33, Reply)

LOL^

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:42, Reply)

EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:43, Reply)

*looks* what now?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Sniff me

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:45, Reply)

I can smell your cunt.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:45, Reply)

i think you meant "you're a"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:45, Reply)

Goes without saying innit bruv

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:46, Reply)

Immediately rush off and buy her a bunch of flowers?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)

tell her that you want to know what perfume it is, because wish your wife smelled like that
instead of sour milk and nappies?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Sep 2013, 12:43, Reply)