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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Christmas
It is looming up like YM over my helmet. What preparations are you doing/have you done? What is Christmas like in your house?
Alt:
Best present/Worst present
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:30,
261 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
I'm preparing by taking at least a day off a week between now and then
Someone else can look after the present buying.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:33,
Reply)
We have identified presents for the kids and are getting them now
I'm not getting anything I dont think
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
Hungover usually.
I have already ordered TWO presents, for me this is highly organised.
Alt: My sister bough me a nice fossil and display a bell jar thingy, and a really lovely book on 'Cabinets of Curiosity' last year, they were my favourites.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:35,
Reply)
No plans as yet.
Not that arsed really. My mum' s cat Buttons used to give my cat Macc a packet of cat biscuits every year. Nice of him.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:35,
Reply)
Its just what he wanted!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
It was very nice of him. They were properly wrapped with a label saying "to Macc love Buttons" Macc never bought Buttons anything though.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:40,
Reply)
WOT A CUNT
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:41,
Reply)
Staying at home and getting drunk, going into the office in between Christmas and New Year because no one else will be so it will be chilled and easy and saves on leave.
Presents - basically the rule is the bigger and more expensive it is the more you love them. This is scientific fact, and anyone who claims otherwise is a stupid hippy hipster twat, and probably a nonce.
(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
The office between Christmas and New Year is normally excellent
We stole the massive sales HDTV and rigged up a Playstation to it last time. I spent 3 days being paid to shoot people, eat pizza and drink beer for 2 hours each lunchtime
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:41,
Reply)
I almost always do the taint of the year in the office for that reason
commute is a piece of piss too, everyone else is tucked up in bed.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:56,
Reply)
my mum made it really magical
we had Christmas eve presents, by-the-bed-first-thing presents, table presents, pudding presents, santa/family presents, stockings and then boxing day presents. all co-ordinated and planned out. plus croissants and champagne for breakfast, full Christmas lunch, and proper Yorkshire tea. no way is anyone replicating that.
which is why we fuck off on holiday instead and forget about it all.
alt: probably the holiday every year.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:40,
Reply)
No wonder you're such a spoilt brat.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:43,
Reply)
at least the other kids at school didn't mock me for being a hippy beady beardy weirdy love child
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:44,
Reply)
No, they mocked you for your deep voice and big hairy hands
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
no, they mock your kids for being different
and for living in a yurt with a goat instead of a car.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
You're joking, all the other kids are well jealous of little tangle's goat and yurt
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
I might go on holiday this year. For Crimbo.
I've volunteered at homeless shelters before that' good.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:45,
Reply)
It's good that you don't like to talk about your charidee work, I respect that.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:47,
Reply)
I don't no.
Seriously if you've spare time over.the.hols they're always grateful for time/help.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:56,
Reply)
Crisis?
I was a shift leader there - did 9 years before stopping when micro was on the way.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:54,
Reply)
Local one called Lifeshare.Through the year they open at weekends for breakfast.
Open all over Crimbo, brekkie, lunch.dinner. Dentist, doc etc. Good people man.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:01,
Reply)
i never thought i'd like it
but turns out Christmas in the Caribbean is pretty enjoyable. although it always freaks me out to see the Christmas trees when you land at the airport; somehow it doesn't quite go with palm trees and turquoise sea.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:59,
Reply)
For the first time in years I won't have to spend it with my cunt inlaws in Edinburgh, where 14 people sit down wearing fucking jackets & ties for a catered lunch & where the gifts (even for children) aren't opened until about 7pm.
This year I have micro all Christmas Eve & Christmas Day before she then goes to Scotland for a week. I shall do a full traditional Christmas with her - tree, stocking, mince pie for Santa etc. The fucking lot. She'll get a few gifts from me, but nothing OTT - I don't want to raise a spoiled child.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:45,
Reply)
\o/
I dont get the whole thing about waiting for your presents on Christmas Day. AS a kid it was great getting up and opening all your presents in a massive mess of wrapping paper.
We have booked the Santa train for 10:40am on Christmas Eve then the panto for the afternoon
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:47,
Reply)
Oh no you haven't.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
^^TGGI
(
Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:53,
Reply)
Best days of your life
"ITS BEHIND YOU!"
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:57,
Reply)
well this is depressing
when read together
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:00,
Reply)
That was indeed TJ
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:02,
Reply)
yeah well
thanks for that
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:06,
Reply)
*70's panto star dressing room flashbacks*
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:03,
Reply)
i agree with delaying opening presents, although not staring at them all behind bars until 7pm
that's why ours were staggered throughout the day, as otherwise kids rip all the paper off, get totally overexcited for 30 mins, don't take anything in, don't appreciate it properly, and then spend the rest of the day in a totally irritating anti-climax.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:48,
Reply)
I think what I'll do is her stocking after breakfast & then other gifts after lunch. Rather vulgar to everything within 5 minutes of waking up.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
They don't give that much of a shit about it at her age anyway
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:50,
Reply)
well no
not when they're unwrapping a home knitted scarf and a can of chickpeas
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
We don't wrap them, the wood nymphs hang them from the trees
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:52,
Reply)
excccceellent
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:59,
Reply)
that sounds nice
it's too much to take in otherwise. and it means you can really enjoy watching her open stuff, rather than a whirlwind ripping off paper and then being down because it's all over.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:50,
Reply)
I may well dig my video camera out, so I can embarrass her when she is older with the footage of her being excited.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:55,
Reply)
definitely
and also it will give you something to sob over when she's 15 and spotty and spends her life in the bathroom and hates you because you won't let her wear a miniskirt/smoke/shag her boyfriend in your house.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:58,
Reply)
HA HA.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:59,
Reply)
It is most amusing to watch Christmas Day videos
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:58,
Reply)
When the grandkids were little
they were allowed something like three presents a day, which meant their huge pile of stuff under the tree lasted them almost till they went back to school.
I'm not sure that isn't a tad excessive, but they're definitely not spoilt, and when you do give them anything, they're genuinely gracious about it.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:00,
Reply)
Your inlaws sound delightful.
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:50,
Reply)
Utter cunts. Being dragged to the morning service at the cathedral etc.
The first Christmas Day with them I suggested I might pop out for a quick pint before lunch. You'd have thought I'd shat all over the turkey from the looks I got from them.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:53,
Reply)
No one likes to see their daughter married to an alcoholic though, do they?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:55,
Reply)
POW!
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:55,
Reply)
Crimbo lunchtime pint is traditional!
(
Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:58,
Reply)
did you say "i" or "we"?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:58,
Reply)
They pride themselves not having been to the pub in all the 40+ years they've been together. Pubs are for 'manual workers'.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:00,
Reply)
hahaha pretentious twats
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:02,
Reply)
I fucking hate them.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:10,
Reply)
drop me their address.
I'll arrange for some "manual work" for them
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:10,
Reply)
Just look for the biggest cunts on Heriot Row.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
Oh come on.
I'd never be able to decide.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:14,
Reply)
what?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:14,
Reply)
Posh part of Edinburgh.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:18,
Reply)
It was a Herriot Watt joke
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:19,
Reply)
Meh.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:20,
Reply)
r
(
Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:00,
Reply)
I once went to a dinner party at a place on Heriot Row
it was at the Aunts of my then girlfriend, I met the sub editor of the Guardian (Scottish edition)
I just put this out there in case I bonked your missus before you met her.
More interesting facts as they happen
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Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:54,
Reply)
As opposed to after he met her, like the rest of us?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:02,
Reply)
Sexy train time
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Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:03,
Reply)
All aboard!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:11,
Reply)
chooo choooo
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:16,
Reply)
RIP my niggah
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:21,
Reply)
I may see if I can better last Christmas Day's EPIC breakfast
I found 12 extra rashers of smokey bacon that I'd bought for the turkey so they all went in a sandwich
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 9:59,
Reply)
12 in one sandwich?
Fucking hell.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:01,
Reply)
Thin rashers though
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:02,
Reply)
Alright Adam Richman
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:09,
Reply)
Man vs Bacon
Man won - and washed it down with Bucks Fizz
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:11,
Reply)
I used to love Bucks Fizz when I was a kid.
Apparently, my parents were going to buy me tickets to go and see them, but the awkward fuckers decided to roll their bus and called off the tour.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:12,
Reply)
Any excuse for you to whip your skirt off
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
It doubles as a handy marquee for the garden.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:15,
Reply)
Fucks Fizz
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:19,
Reply)
they probably couldnt make their minds up
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Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:55,
Reply)
golf clap
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:55,
Reply)
Was disappointed that noone else had made the "joke"
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Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:03,
Reply)
Christmas is a booze fest at Kroney's parents'.
This year the girlfriend and I are going to Bruges for a few days beforehand. Then I suspect we'll have to decide when to go to people's houses.
Alright sporto, haven't seen you around in a couple of days.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:04,
Reply)
Is this an open invitation?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:08,
Reply)
Morning sir
Had far too much work on so took yesterday off to chill out a bit
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:10,
Reply)
You didn't miss much. Apparently I should have started going out with an ugly bird.
That's about it, really.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:11,
Reply)
Any reason?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:12,
Reply)
because they are apparently "more grateful" I should imagine.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:12,
Reply)
cakeful
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
I can live without that sort of gratitude.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:22,
Reply)
Nothing rational, no
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Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:14,
Reply)
I see
Normal service resumed here.
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:16,
Reply)
because he's pig ugly and thick as pig shit
obv
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:24,
Reply)
APART FROM THAT
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:25,
Reply)
Every year I struggle to give a flying bollock about xmas.
I used to really love it, but I think that's because my mum and dad used to make it really special. Now, we really only do presents for the kids, and they're at the age where all they want is Amazon vouchers or cash.
Having a December birthday used to be fun when I was younger, too. I always had the decorations up in time for my parties, and December used to be a whirl of fun and presents. These days it just means that I can't go out anywhere because everywhere is either fully booked with xmas parties, or has doubled the prices.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:07,
Reply)
Give it a few years and they'll start getting nostalgic for it and enjoy it again
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:09,
Reply)
I usually do them a pile of stocking filler type presents
which they say they like.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:11,
Reply)
+ or I spend the rest of the day sulking
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:12,
Reply)
I'm buying both the kids Lego this year
as this means I get to play with Lego all day
I may or may not stick it up my arse
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
Alright Emvee.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
Lego arse jeopardy.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
He's going to shit out a lego house.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:14,
Reply)
Ed Sheerin's lesser known.....zzzzzz
(
Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:35,
Reply)
who are also, ironically, headlining InFest this year.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:14,
Reply)
hahahaha!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:16,
Reply)
Clicko
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Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:17,
Reply)
I'm a very good present buyer, thank you very much.
Hippy.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
No preparation at all.
Just gonna keep an eye out for presents from now, buy them as and when I see something good.
It's always a nice day, just chill at dad's place, eat meat and veg, watch silly TV, gorge on pringles and quality Street and pass out on the sofa from port consumption around 10.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:24,
Reply)
tggi^
Best thing about Christmas. I aim to consume at least 10,000 calories
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:25,
Reply)
We always get up early on boxing day,
As there is a daft mummers play, that tours the pubs in my dad's area. Usually half the local population is pissed again by midday and shouting at the shit Morris dancers to hurry up so we can watch the same daft play we saw at the previous 4 pubs. It's better every time as the cast gets drunker too.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:29,
Reply)
We took the kids to see a mummers play in a tiny village near my folks' house last Boxing Day
Then one of the villagers brought round a tray of booze, which was nice.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:30,
Reply)
They're technically Morris,
But I let them off because it's hilarious.
Our local is King George vs. The Turkey Snite (Turkish knight, lol racism) what did you see?
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:38,
Reply)
They do a local one called The Stoneleigh Play
It's just the right side of Morris to be acceptable.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:44,
Reply)
There is no right side of Morris
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:11,
Reply)
What is Mummers?
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:09,
Reply)
Do you not own an google?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mummers_Play
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:12,
Reply)
Easier to ask if you don't really care.
You're a right fucking moaner these days
MOANY MOANERSON!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:15,
Reply)
I blame the poor record sales :(
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:16,
Reply)
You're complaining about me providing a link to the information you requested and I'm the moaner?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:16,
Reply)
That sounds excellent.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:30,
Reply)
There are also carol bell ringers,
Probably the shittest form of music ever. 9 middle aged women ringing bells that vaguely sound like silent night if you really try. Last year a local at pub number 4 fell through the bell table in the middle of "oh rest ye merry gentleman" the cheering could be heard for miles around.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:36,
Reply)
they are doing massive quality street boxes this year
like a massive purple one, just filled with the purple ones. my dad loves a nice purple one, he's so getting one of those.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:25,
Reply)
YM loved a nice purple one too
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:25,
Reply)
well, who doesn't?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:27,
Reply)
Port sounds like a good idea. I might introduce that this year.
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:27,
Reply)
I'm a big fan.
Sonehow last year we polished off nearly a bottle each, on top of all the day time beer and early afternoon wine.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:30,
Reply)
I do love a nice port
Nice with a bit of Christmas cake and a slab of cheese.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:31,
Reply)
Mmm ... port.
When I first stayed at with Mrs V's family for Christmas we got through nine bottles between four of us one evening.
The following morning wasn't pretty. Unless you think blood-red spew and an entire house full of people sounding like a WWI operation tent is pretty.
(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:59,
Reply)
I find getting pissed on Port one of lifes great and wierdest feelings
I don't know what it is but I find it very trippy
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:02,
Reply)
By "port" do you actually mean
"mescaline"?
(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:12,
Reply)
As his attorney, I advise him not to comment on this matter
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:14,
Reply)
I like this.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:15,
Reply)
as do I
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:17,
Reply)
I dont
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:19,
Reply)
Worst wedding ever
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Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:28,
Reply)
No just port
Maybe its just me and trippy isn't quite the right word to describe it but it get a bit slow motion from it and while my brain seems to be processing things correctly it is a bit disembodied from the rest of me.
I love it.
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:18,
Reply)
Gonz bigs up the chocolate port
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:31,
Reply)
Just apropos of nothing
I've just had a phone call from 'Michael' of 'Microsoft Customer Services'. I managed to keep him talking for about five minutes before I got bored.
Any suggestions as to how I can string him out longer next time? We're getting about four or five calls a week at the moment.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:27,
Reply)
tell him you think your foof is haunted with a computer virus.
demand he logs into it and sorts it out.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:30,
Reply)
I say!
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:36,
Reply)
Is this a shit in her cunt joke?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:11,
Reply)
Ask him which computer
I've had him go through about 3 laptops worth of virus downloading instructions before I say "whoops, this one is Linux, where was the virus again?"
(
Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:19,
Reply)
My phone contract renews today.
I'm going to upgrade my handset so that I can watch Simon's Cat on a screen twice the size :D
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:43,
Reply)
Simon's Cat Prolasped Anal Granny Cum Sluts 4.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:46,
Reply)
Well, that too.
I'm a man of varied interests.
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 10:48,
Reply)
There's a 4??
*fires up amazon*
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:11,
Reply)
Well, they left a lot of loose ends in 3
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 12:11,
Reply)
This is good, but an hour too late to get any credit.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 12:13,
Reply)
I know, but I couldn't not post it.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 12:20,
Reply)
My family don't really do much for Christmas.
Last time I trekked home for a lacklustre meal and ended up checking into a hotel after 2 days.
My other half isn't one for Christmas either so we will be doing a little gift exchange (no puns please), having a few spliffs and Im cooking dinner. Maybe a few Christmas films like Die Hard and Gremlns.
My folks are getting a hamper delivered.
Job done.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:04,
Reply)
D'ythink it's because your folks are disappointed that there are no grandchildren for them to enjoy?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:08,
Reply)
I know my grandparents certainly enjoyed me on Christmas Day
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:10,
Reply)
I couldn't sit down until New Years Eve
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:10,
Reply)
Happy New Rear!
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:11,
Reply)
My resolution was to buy a cork
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:13,
Reply)
Are they fuck.
Soon as I came out the went on a round the world cruise with my wedding fund.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:11,
Reply)
Ha ha ha
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:13,
Reply)
That was then
Now they're getting older and struggling to find a purpose for their continued existence.
Plus their friends are starting to have grandchildren and keep going on about how wonderful they are. It's only natural to measure yourself against your peers.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:15,
Reply)
MOANY MOANERSON!!
Not everybody is a dried up old yurt dweller past 40.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:16,
Reply)
He's just deflecting.
His parents are well to do and middle class. They have to explain their terminally filthy yurt-dwelling grandchildren to the guys down at the marina. It doesn't go down terribly well. In fact, I heard they pretend Tangles is dead.
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:19,
Reply)
preten hope
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:20,
Reply)
Whenever their friends spot Tangles rocking up they loudly say
" NO BIG ISSUE FOR ME THANKS, BUT HERE IS A BISCUIT FOR THE DOG ON A STRING"
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:21,
Reply)
"Oh no, Petunia, we don't *know* him. It's just a bit of charity work we're doing"
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:26,
Reply)
Woah, who is past 40?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:20,
Reply)
Everyone would assume you?
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:22,
Reply)
This is the correct reaction
I hope you have recently pointed out that they better get started again.
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:19,
Reply)
I don;t do gay marriage.
Each to their own but I don't see the point apart from if you have property/finances together. You can get papers drawn up for that without the wedding hooplah.
Saying that I've been Best Man at 2 and my third is next year!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:26,
Reply)
oooOOOOOOOooooo
aren't YOU popular.
Once was enough for me. Best man speeches shit me up.
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:28,
Reply)
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2134809
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:31,
Reply)
YEAH PARTY WOO
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:32,
Reply)
Well enough people want to do stuff at this next one so speeches are full up.
I get away with just walking down the aisle and looking pretty
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:33,
Reply)
You not getting a sham one then?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:26,
Reply)
69's
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:27,
Reply)
You could at least buy me a drink first
and wash THAT
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:31,
Reply)
I dont Wanna
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:42,
Reply)
+dude
(
drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:38,
Reply)
I have a craving for pan fried sprouts and pancetta now.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:12,
Reply)
oh, what???????
rank!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:32,
Reply)
I am tempted to feed micro sprouts, just for the lols as I expect she'll hate them.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:34,
Reply)
My two like them
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:42,
Reply)
Minimalistic Halloweening from sporto
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:43,
Reply)
I couldnt think of anything better, sorry
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:44,
Reply)
I actually kind of like the whole Swedish chalet style name changing.
It's efficient and shows off the natural beauty of the pine.
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:45,
Reply)
*nods*
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:47,
Reply)
I'm in!
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:47,
Reply)
You must have used a lot of lube
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:48,
Reply)
spit and shove
like throwing a hotdog down an alley
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:50,
Reply)
I birthed a shite this morning so big it felt like I'd been split in two
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:52,
Reply)
I'm not sure why yours is a Halloween name
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:46,
Reply)
I've always associated it with Halloween.
So that's why.
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:52,
Reply)
*hears the word of the Lord*
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:52,
Reply)
A preachy vegetarian. How unusual.
(
Kroney, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:54,
Reply)
Sounds it but the end result is delicious!
Unless you hate sprouts.
and bacon.
(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:47,
Reply)
In which case, you couldnt be more wrong than Savile bumming Gary Glitter
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:48,
Reply)
Fry in a little lemon juice as well...
(
Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:48,
Reply)
Stop making me think about Christmas this early.
I'm doing my usual... over to my parents for a few days then back home as quick as possible so I can spend as much of the gap between Christmas and new year in a pissed-up haze.
(
Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:44,
Reply)
I have started a new thread.
You lucky cunts.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 11:49,
Reply)
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