According to Google, today is the
International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women 2013

What efforts are you making for the women in your life?
A nice steak for each black eye?

I can't remember last years to be honest.

alt. With Christmas fast approaching, are you getting on with the inevitable present shopping? Do you have a lot of people to buy for?

I only have my parents, Gran and a festive- hating boyfriend.

altalt. Favourite insult.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:37, 139 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

34" leg which sits nicely on my shoes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:39, Reply)

Oh, sorry, were you not finished?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:40, Reply)

no
Zip fly, 4 pockets
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:42, Reply)

I got some pretty fit Burgundy Chino's at the weekend too.
Found them for a fiver from some warehouse thing on Amazon. Well dodgy but they look cool as fuck.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:45, Reply)

mine are bottle green
We'd look well christmassy together!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:55, Reply)

strikethrough gay

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:56, Reply)

Some would say you both already do.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:57, Reply)

Some would get a swift kick in the sweetbreads.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:02, Reply)

I reckon Swipey ought to learn that posting totally blurred photos on facebook is going to make her deserving of a cunt punt or tit box.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:39, Reply)

Have they not been censored by the mods?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:41, Reply)

She's not actually in them, so there is no reason for them to get involved.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:43, Reply)

oh man
I could NOT stop them from blurring, it was really irritating. in the end I figured my friend would rather have blurred pics than no pics, and her mates were sick of me blinding them with my flash, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:59, Reply)

Yes she is

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:00, Reply)

not the blurred ones, sadly
I look nothing like that, as of today. farewell nice light hair, hello morticia :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:03, Reply)

I will try not to hit any women today, other than that, effort? Nah.
Alt: A few, kids are easy to buy for, adults are a pain in the arse.
Altalt: Fucking twat is a favourite, simple but elegant, and one which I say immediately after putting down the phone pretty regularly.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:45, Reply)

Adults ARE hard to buy for.
Have just sent my parent's a hamper.

No idea what to get my lovely Grinch of a boyfriend. Best thing about this is we just buy each other a bag full of little gifts. Saves money.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:46, Reply)

My Mum and my Uncle are a fucking nightmare.
Mum claims not to want anything, Unc would like anything over £10,000. Pair of wankers.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:50, Reply)

a
nightmare

Explains a lot,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:57, Reply)

2.5/10

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:59, Reply)

Wrong Frogulater
it is very witty I will have you know
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:27, Reply)

Don't blame me champ, I just average out the scores from the judging panel.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:30, Reply)

ahahaha
I like this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:03, Reply)

Oh, well, I suppose if there's an official day for it, I had better stop battering my wife.
Yeah, I'm having to buy a fair bit this year. I'll start it next week.

I generally only use insults when I'm not being serious. People can usually tell when I'm angry without the need for me to call them names. I consider it a bit childish, like you can't muster an adult argument to defend yourself.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:55, Reply)

Though prick is a good under the breath swear for use after phone calls.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:56, Reply)

Well, er, I did give mother a nice view from the window
And the vanish worked wonders on her clothes!

alt: I'm all finished bar the wrapping
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 14:56, Reply)

hating

Looking
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:02, Reply)

*comes once a year*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:03, Reply)

Yeah right. Like two men in a relationship together abstain from sex!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:06, Reply)

Mrs Cow has just been told that OFSTED are in tomorrow
That'll be her working until midnight and being stressed to death then

Alt:
Had Friday afternoon off to go shopping and got 95% of it sorted

AltAlt:
CUNT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:03, Reply)

Can you please stress to her that people need to be taught what "irretrievably" means
otherwise I shall be mildly put out.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:05, Reply)

Any reason?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:09, Reply)

Yeah phone call this morning.
The guy was a proper grown up and everything. Broken Britain.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:10, Reply)

irretrievably

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:22, Reply)

Always sticking their beaks in

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:07, Reply)

i get proper raped at christmas
eg my older brother - him, wife, 3 kids = 5 people to buy for, big, small and silly presents for each of them.

i get just 1 present from all of them. and some shite like school pics of the kids.

repeat for the other brother.

fucking families. i wish i'd gone abroad with my friend instead :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:05, Reply)

Raped at Xmas? That ent a very good present.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:06, Reply)

How do you go about exchanging?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:07, Reply)

One does not give merely to receive.
Although your lot might.
*shrugs*
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:08, Reply)

Depends how drunk I am

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:41, Reply)

My mates and family know the fucking rules
Once you have kids I will buy presents for your kids but not for you. Same applies to me. My brother has no kids therefore he gets a gift. My sister has two kids so she can fuck right off, she's not getting a present. I have kids so I'm not expecting one either.
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:23, Reply)

yeah... mine don't adhere to this
birthdays, the kids get presents, my younger brother and wife get presents, they buy presents. older brother doesn't bother, so he doesn't get a present, fine. but his wife's birthday is Christmas eve, and as we're all together, we all have to buy her a present.

EVERY YEAR WE GET STUNG LIKE THIS.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Just kill them all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:32, Reply)

Yeh but you earn fuckloads more than me so suck it up
and off
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:35, Reply)

THAT'S NOT THE POINT

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:51, Reply)

Sensible...
My family have a rule of once you are 21 and have a job etc, you don't get a gift, a card (or possibly a joke £5 gift like a really shitty teatowel) and that's it.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:39, Reply)

We also have the £5 rule
I break it every year but its a good guideline. Birthdays are different, but the true meaning of Christmas often gets forgotten but not in my house, we know its really all about the nuts.
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:41, Reply)

my and the missus tend to have a £50 budget for each other
that's more than enough for a couple of nice thoughtful gifts
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:45, Reply)

I swear down I changed my signature before you posted this

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:06, Reply)

Going up to Leeds to celebrate/console after her viva
Should be fine though.

Alt: Not even started yet, going to raid the Amazon sale tomorrow.

AltAlt: Cunt.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:11, Reply)

If she's got a Viva, she won't be celebrating
plan for tears
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:12, Reply)

Vauxlols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:13, Reply)

fancy a pint in Brewdog, yeah?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:19, Reply)

How about an international day for the elimination of violence towards anyone?
Speaking as a book bruised husband here.
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:17, Reply)

meh, i've only met you once
and i'd happily nut you with a book
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:20, Reply)

nut you with a book suck you off about the bins
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:21, Reply)

well duh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:30, Reply)

Be a man. Throw it back at her.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:23, Reply)

He's only got little flid arms

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:24, Reply)

Like a carroty t-rex

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:24, Reply)

It's a wonder he can wave those "Free Cornwall" placards
he lieks to march around with outside Penzance town hall.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Yeh right
Like anyone goes to that scag filled shithole.
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:35, Reply)

Pirates?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:36, Reply)

Girls exercises

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:40, Reply)

lacist

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:42, Reply)

Sorry mate, I didn't mean offence.
I'm just not fully aware of the nomadic movements of the dispossessed population of the provinces.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:38, Reply)

A miner issue

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:38, Reply)

So you should be
I only wave my placards in places like Truro
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:39, Reply)

That image of that chap with the full length Druid beard all wrapped up in the Cornish cross
is one of the funniest I've seen on here.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:40, Reply)

Did I show you the picture of why we don't vote for the cornish independence party
or was that lusty?
( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:42, Reply)

I would have thought that the whole idea not voting for a Cornish Independance Party
would be self-evident. I don't remember any image other than that flag chap, I'm afraid.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:45, Reply)

Well apart from the obvious no-one can bring themselves to vote for this guy

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:46, Reply)

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:47, Reply)

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:47, Reply)

Not even with those sexaaaay shades?
Madness.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:48, Reply)

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:48, Reply)

But PJ, why ever not?

( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:47, Reply)

He has a total of 10 toes

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:48, Reply)

Open palm though.

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:24, Reply)

+s

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:25, Reply)

Open leaf

( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:26, Reply)

Spineless.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:31, Reply)

I'll probably ask for more new trousers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:36, Reply)

Are you a horse?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:37, Reply)

no but I once told a donkey to fuck off

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:55, Reply)

I thought about doing that, but then I thought
"what a shit present to receive".

Which is why I've asked for a laser and an RC helicopter. I'm going to blind some bitches.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:39, Reply)

I hope it doesn't spin out of control slashing your face with ts blades until you're just a bloody pulpy mess

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:47, Reply)

First thing I'm going to do is fly about your area looking
for a floppy haired Fogle prick in pink trousers. That's the first cunt that's getting his corneas burned.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:50, Reply)

I don't wear my pink trousers in the winter so :p

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:56, Reply)

I'll just have to target any foppish metro dude that looks like he shops at Hackett.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Cock off, knob jockey

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:39, Reply)

Bounce on my balls, bitch.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:43, Reply)

Hey, you asked!

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:44, Reply)

Oh! You need to put alt.alt there or it is just plain hurtful.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:47, Reply)

Cock off, knob jockey!

( Peej, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:49, Reply)

Afternoon Gayjay.
Bah fucking humbug.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:51, Reply)

estranged from family, no friends or money so hates chrimblepops ^

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:57, Reply)

I don't know how people can hate Christmas.
It's sole purpose is to brighten up one of the coldest, most horrible months of the year.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:58, Reply)

I used to really like it, but the last one was shit, and this one will be too.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:01, Reply)

C'mon Octodor, you gotta have a positive outlook on these things

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:02, Reply)

Nah, I've been forced to be 'positive' about something already this week, I'm not doing it again.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:03, Reply)

More christmas rape?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:06, Reply)

You can never have too much

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:13, Reply)

It's what you make it. All mine will consist of is good food, wine, spliffs and the other half.
Much the same as any weekend but with added shit Christmas telly, a few gifts and some time off work.

Lovely.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:03, Reply)

I get to endure awkward family nonsense. I really can't be bothered.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:04, Reply)

I went home to Newcastle a couple of Christmasses ago and it was just that
My Dad sat on the laptop and my Mam sat reading. After a half arsed Christmas dinner and palpable boredom I booked into a hotel halfway through Boxing Day
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:08, Reply)

Would it not have been cheaper to just go out?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:13, Reply)

I did.
and woke up in a lovely hotel room with a cooked breakfast and room service!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:15, Reply)

I really enjoy Christmas.
I used to be a bit down on it, but that was because I thought I was too grown up for it. I like it for nostalgic reasons.

Plus its always funny to see my mum drunk.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:03, Reply)

The only Christmas Day I didn't enjoy
was when we had a pub lock in for the day with free access to the alcomonolics and I told my Mum to fuck off cause I was getting (Stella-fuelled) emotional about my lost (and first) love from earlier in that year and thought the best way of expressing this was mis-quoting Shakespeare at the top of my lungs. Teenage-me was ripe for a mercy killing.
(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:19, Reply)

I actually don't disliike Crimbo at all I just like wearing a nightcap and nightgown.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:08, Reply)

You're an oxy....and a moron!

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:51, Reply)

Let me guess, you're the bitchiest one in your group?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:04, Reply)

This may be true, but who am I to judge?

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:10, Reply)

Hello other bear.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:10, Reply)

Hi there

(Xav loves PhillieJoe, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:11, Reply)

i have not punched myself in the face today
for a change

alt: I'm proud of myself for having bought a christmas present not only before christmas (unusual in itself) but before December. Kids are easier to buy for. They all love cocaine
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:17, Reply)

I told a woman to fuck off today.
instead of smacking her upside the head.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:17, Reply)

Return of the MACK!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:29, Reply)

i totally have a gig I'm playing in this evening
this makes me proper cool
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:19, Reply)

is it a gig involving a wandering band of larper minstrels?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:22, Reply)

nope
real instruments and chairs
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:22, Reply)

WOW!! real chairs?!?!? crikey.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:24, Reply)

it's classy

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:25, Reply)

you must be excited then, you don't often get associated with that.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:26, Reply)

with my constant wearing of monacle and top hat
this is a word often used to describe me

(I seem to have written that sentence like a clue in 'Going For GOld')
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:28, Reply)

are you Mr. Peanut?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:30, Reply)

Ms Peanut to you

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:31, Reply)

If I saw somebody walking around with a top hat and monocle
the word I'd think of wouldn't be "classy".
( Kroney, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:31, Reply)

I almost bought a bowLer hat today

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 16:39, Reply)