Come on B3ta *clap clap*
www.metro.co.uk/2014/04/30/man-attacked-by-squirrel-for-taking-a-selfie-4713598/
Ever had an unfortunate incident with an animal? Share with the group.

alt. weekend food plans.
altalt. GUM clinic tales
altaltalt. Favourite sequels
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:51, 103 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Does having to bagpipe a hide bone out of my gay dog the other week count?
Alt:
Not sure as yet. Might have me some steak

AltAlt:
Never been

AltAltAlt:
Godfather II
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:53, Reply)

I cooked a ribeye last night. Blow torched the chunk of fat in the middle first - that way I could have it rare and have the flavour of the fat.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:55, Reply)

Good idea!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)

I will do it again. Really worked well.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)

hmmm flavoursome fat

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)

almost maeks the heart attack worth it.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:58, Reply)

I fucked a monkey and got a weird virus which has now spread endemically though the gay community
alt: monkey fucking
altalt: I fucked a monkey and got a weird virus which has now spread endemically though the gay community
altalt: monkey fucking 2
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:55, Reply)

officelol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Sick fuck.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)

you like to fuck sick?
You disgust me
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:59, Reply)

What kind of monkey was it?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:00, Reply)

A sexy one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:01, Reply)

as if there is any other

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:07, Reply)

an orang-utan
if you know who what I mean
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:22, Reply)

An elephant threw shit at me at Edinburgh zoo when I was a child.
alt. Shredded beef and chorizo burritos tonight. NOM
altalt. I didn't get the aids.
altaltalt. Terminator 2
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Not the first time a 'trunk' has been covered in shit in your vicinity.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:04, Reply)

I thank you for the compliment

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:09, Reply)

something about an orang utan ho ho ho

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:57, Reply)

altaltalt. Any Which Way You Can

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 11:58, Reply)

That wasn't my intention but you know what this lot are like innit.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:00, Reply)

yer

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:00, Reply)

Right turn, MEATSNAKE.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:01, Reply)

You are in a room. In the middle there is a table. To your right there is an orang utan....

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:03, Reply)

i pass! HAWT!
do you?

metro.co.uk/2014/05/02/this-simple-finger-test-can-tell-you-if-youre-good-looking-4716173/
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:04, Reply)

Of course.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:06, Reply)

This simple finger test
does it involve insertion?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:08, Reply)

I do
Which comprehensively disproves the test
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:09, Reply)

Me too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:09, Reply)

That test was invented to make the darkies feel better about themselves.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:09, Reply)

they cant touch their chins or noses whilst doing it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)

Depends how pouty Im feeling really

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:10, Reply)

Which chin did you press your finger against?

( Muns, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:49, Reply)

I can't really tell the two girls apart in that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)

Interesting take on squirrel intelligence there
Not "attacked WHILE taking a selfie", but "for". Thereby suggesting that squirrels are clever enough to identify a cunt when they see one.

I think the poor thing was just camera-shy. Or the Sean Penn of squirrels.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:10, Reply)

Got chased by a herd of cows and charged by a pubescent bull on two separate occasions. Bovines fucking hate me.
alt: dinner and drinks on Saturday. Barbecue on Sunday with the mrs' family so her sister can "introduce" her new baby. Apparently it's a fucking massive kid. Ripped her open all the way from Hull to Grimsby.
( Kroney, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)

*glares*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:15, Reply)

*flares*

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:15, Reply)

*stares*

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:17, Reply)

*Lionel*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:21, Reply)

*jizz hands*

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:23, Reply)

Anyone had any UKIP flyers at work?
6th floor office and they are trying to recruit!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)

Kick them in the balls for me.

( Kroney, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:12, Reply)

I though Nigel wasn't a fan of flyers.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:13, Reply)

hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:15, Reply)

I don;t think they will win now. The media has done a marvellous job of making you vote otherwise or not at all.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:16, Reply)

Is that the word on the street?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:17, Reply)

It's not the word based on actual opinion poll data, which still has them very high

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:18, Reply)

That is of no use to Jason,, he gets his info from the word on the street

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:19, Reply)

he should try looking closer at the No Entry signs then.

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:24, Reply)

"We're full. Fuck off"

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)

I said this and got ridiculed!
I don't care though, it's nothing to be scared of.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:24, Reply)

But you like UKIP?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:17, Reply)

Im not too fussed about them. I prefer them to the Tories and the Lib Dems.
I think I would benefit from a UKIP/Lab coalition.

I don;t follow politics enough to make an informed decision.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:25, Reply)

politicians are all cunts
they should scrap the lot and put me in charge. i'd like that.

for about a day, anyway.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:26, Reply)

You really don't know anything about politics if you think a UKIP coalition would benefit anyone
let alone if you think a UKIP/Labour coalition could even happen.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:35, Reply)

Hence why I said it.
It's all about opinion anyway.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:41, Reply)

No, it isn't.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:51, Reply)

That's your opinion.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:56, Reply)

I work in Nottingham
They didn't hang around long enough.
( Muns, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:51, Reply)

A moose once bit my sister.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:29, Reply)

No way to talk about YM, have some respect.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:34, Reply)

my friend's brother got sprayed on, like a full on tomcat spray, by a tiger at the zoo
he said in his flat stockport accent, "i was just standing there, thinking 'ello mr tiger, you're very pretty', when the bastard walked up to the bars and pissed spray all over me." took 3 showers and binning the clothes to get rid of the smell, apparently.

alt: afternoon lunch at fancy bistro. tomorrow, wedding. sunday and monday, no food to make up for the first two.

altalt: none.

altaltalt: dead man's chest was ok.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:33, Reply)

is eating no food at all not damaging?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:34, Reply)

i was being a bit flippant
salads and other such stuff. lucky old frog.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:38, Reply)

im too ill to eat anything ever again im dying :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:38, Reply)

Poor Frog.
Get some vitamin c down you and sweat it out.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:41, Reply)

he's got his orders to lock himself in the spare room at mine when i am away all weekend
and then to be better by the time i get back on sunday
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)

That poor room is tainted.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:51, Reply)

She's hiding me out the way Jase, I ent got leprosy :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:52, Reply)

Hiding you away when she's not even there anyway.
I'd read between them lines m8
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:56, Reply)

It's almost like she wants me to sleep and rest and get well, but does't want to catch it herself.
What a bitch.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:58, Reply)

he was invited
but i declined on his behalf. weddings suck when you don't know anybody.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:58, Reply)

and when you're ill!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:01, Reply)

+ with G
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:07, Reply)

ON NOES! She is too embarrassed to take Meatsnake!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 2 May 2014, 13:20, Reply)

I quite like all the Pirates films
including the claymation one they did.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:36, Reply)

i love them
johnny depp is a genius. AND i've cruised around the grenadines in one of the boats that they used (an old wooden frigate, not a tacky pirate cruise. great fun, esp walking the plank or jumping off it, but fuck me not a single comfortable place to sit or lie all day)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:39, Reply)

These were the best Pirates movies
www.imdb.com/title/tt0477457/
www.imdb.com/title/tt1266097/
( Peej, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:44, Reply)

I'm not clicking them, but I think I know what they are.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:57, Reply)

i wish i hadn't :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:57, Reply)

Its OK you were young and needed the money

( Peej, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:58, Reply)

I'm sure IMDB is full of NSFW links

( Peej, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:57, Reply)

I don't think it would look good if your search history included imdb links for porn films.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:01, Reply)

My favourite pirate film was E.T
I had it on betamax.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:48, Reply)

My cat used to lick his chuckers all day. Lucky sod.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:34, Reply)

A little bit of peanut butter and he will lick yours too

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:17, Reply)

would this frighten you?
www.live5news.com/story/25402310/california-woman-lives-hitchcock-movie-as-birds-swarm-home

i say no, but if they were spiders, i'd be out of there like a mother when battered turns up for a bit of soft play
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:37, Reply)

I would be a bit concerned rather than frightened.
If it was seagulls, however!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)

i think they must make the most godalmighty mess
one tame budgie can destroy a living room if you let it, never mind 300 wild birds
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:46, Reply)

Only YM
Alt: Goat curry on Sunday, that should be good.

AltAlt: Pissed in a pot, didn't have anything wrong. Left.

AltAltAlt: Boondock Saints 2, Empire Strikes Back, Terminator 2, and possibly Amazing Spiderman 2.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:44, Reply)

No
Food
What?
The Bodyguard 2
( Peej, Fri 2 May 2014, 12:53, Reply)

Titanic II

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:14, Reply)

Raise the Titanic

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:19, Reply)

Altaltalt. Tricky to chose between any of these:
Cervix Tickelers II - this time it's gyno.
Grannies Gag on Black Mambas 2.
The muppets.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:26, Reply)

too much anal fisting in that last one

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:40, Reply)

Wasn't convincing either.
Always felt to me like it was someone else pulling the strings.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 2 May 2014, 13:44, Reply)