Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Apparently this was the funniest joke at the fringe festivel:'A joke by comedian Tim Vine about a vacuum cleaner has been voted the funniest at this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
He won with the one-liner: "I decided to sell my Hoover... well it was just collecting dust."'
Do you know any funny jokes?
alt. are you a model employee or do your regularly take liberties?
I always put 100% in my work, no matter the job.
altalt. Cake? Cake.
LUUUUUNCH
Fuck off.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:05,
140 replies,
latest was 10 years ago)
The only good jokes I know are YM ones, typing 'alright' and pointing out spelling mistakes/typos(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:09,
Reply)
In short:b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2351293
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:10,
Reply)
Something funny happened the other day, but I have been sworn to secrecy.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:11,
Reply)
I heard you told Stunned and possibly others(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:14,
Reply)
Not even Stunned, can't believe it.Unlike some people when I'm sworn to secrecy it means something to me.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:15,
Reply)
They're not really jokesMore like the glue that holds this place together.
(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:10, Reply)
the fancy restaurant we are going to tonight has gnudiwhich has made me all excited about NEW YORK IN NOVEMBER. we are totally going to the spotted pig for arguably the most famous dishes this year - gnudi and a burger.
thespottedpig.com/?page_id=7
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:10,
Reply)
I've never heard of Gnudi before today(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:12,
Reply)
it's basically gnocchi without the wrappingso like the middle of ravioli, but without the pasta. then dipped in all sorts of delicious and fattening things.
it's pronounced nudey, hur hur hur.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:13,
Reply)
THEN YOU LIKE GNOCCHIIT TASTES LIKE POTATO AND PASTA HAD A BABY
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:45,
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I like rhubarb and I also like riceIt doesn't mean they should go together
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:52,
Reply)
I thought gnocchi was made with flour and potato(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:17,
Reply)
I think she means tortellini or something(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:20,
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Or the plastic box it comes in(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:25,
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Dozer comes in his inflatable girlfriend's plastic box(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:38,
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sighread this. educate yourself. go home and heat up the oil until it's spitting.
then put your face in it.
www.thepauperedchef.com/2010/04/homemade-gnudi-from-the-spotted-pig.html
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:29,
Reply)
That doesn't really explain where you said "it's basically gnocchi without the wrapping" and the fact gnocchi doesn't have a wrapping#justsayin
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:36,
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Just admit you meant ravioli and we can all move on(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:37,
Reply)
i didn't thoughravioli is a pasta pillow. gnocchi is a potato/pasta chewy thing.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:38,
Reply)
You agree if you don't reply before 13:42(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:41,
Reply)
silence is not acquiescenceeven in the equitable doctrine of estoppel, where you might just succeed on an argument that it is, there still has to be a legal duty to reply. here there was none.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:43,
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Bollocks on the internet I make that 2-0 to me(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:53,
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That shit needs deep frying or you can forget it.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:13,
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i might ban you from meat that dayyou can look at other people's world famous burgers, but you have to eat vegetarian nudey and like it.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:14,
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I can see this working well in the frogswipe household(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:15,
Reply)
I expect I will have to eat just vegetables on your birthday, it's sounding less and less like a holiday every day :((
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:16,
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Why the fuck would you do that?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:17,
Reply)
Might be nice to take her to a vegetarian place on her birthday?No, you're right. Maccy D's FTW
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:18,
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Let her pick the placeYou eat what the fuck you want
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:24,
Reply)
no fucking wayhe has to pick somewhere nice and surprise me.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:31,
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Surprise! BBQ MEAT FEAST!You didn't expect that did you!! Look at her face!!
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:32,
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you have a bad history with 'trying to be funny using shit tired old memes'(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:35,
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a raddled scottish old hooker had a bad history with a raddled scottish old drunkand dozer is the meme they produced
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:36,
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That's never going to get you laid on match dot com(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:41,
Reply)
nor is shoving half a ton of metal through your gurning features(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:43,
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Im sure loads of places in LAAAANDAAAAN will cater for both.Unless they all have 'limited menus'
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:39,
Reply)
*checks notes**makes adjustments*
Oh well even moreso there.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:41,
Reply)
Me neitherI'm more of a retort kind of chap than a joke kind of chap
Alt:
I take the piss. I'm currently using the work wireless to torrent stuff onto my home tablet to watch with a brew. I do get a lot of work done though
AltAlt:
CAYKE!
I had noodles with chicken, chilli and spring onion for lunch.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:10,
Reply)
You love your double entendres... strikethrough enders.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:15,
Reply)
Forty minutes getting Google Hangouts to work on one user's machine :((
Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:25,
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I have my phone synced with thatIts rather annoying that conversations I have on my PC turn up on both
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:27,
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What's most annoying is that when I do get it to workI then have to see the user's ugly cunt face. Bleurgh.
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Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:27,
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I hate the photo of me on oursI'm not allowed to change it
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:28,
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My works pass makes me look like I'm going to be sent on a long-term custodial sentence without normal courtyard exercise duties.(
Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:45,
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I appear to have been varnished(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:51,
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What's a vampire's favourite hobby?EN-GRAVE-ING
:D :D :D
Best joke since Noddy Holder went to a tailor, that.
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Kroney, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:25,
Reply)
It doesn't workVampires feast on the living, not the dead.
If it had been "what's a necrophiliac's hobby" it would have worked.
(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:35, Reply)
My name is JackI'm a necrophiliac
I fuck dead women
'cos they're better than the living
I get frustrated
When they get cremated
'cos fuckings a must
and you can't fuck dust
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:39,
Reply)
i can think of several peoplewhose technique is so shit that it would be like fucking dust
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:44,
Reply)
"I went on a management course for the insecure- it led to a degree."
alt: I'm here, ain't I? That should tell you something. Mostly it means I am awesome enough to piss about on here and still do my job.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:39,
Reply)
Yep. Im on here but still get my work done.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:40,
Reply)
Everyone stop now and Google "greggs"then check the logo on the right of the page
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:50,
Reply)
This wouldn't have happened when I was in charge of Whitbread 2003-2007(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 13:57, Reply)
You'll have to post a screen shot.(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:03,
Reply)
Though this is my favourite one...
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:12,
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I think "pie themed tattoos" is inspired(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:15,
Reply)
That just made me regret getting angry sun(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:16,
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As if I would really, angry sun is the best and greatest tattoo in the world(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:18,
Reply)
You say this like thats a bad thing(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:33,
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Thanks, I feel a bit better about it now.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:35,
Reply)
Looks likesomehow the Uncyclopedia link for the logo has been put in instead of the genuine one....
(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:15, Reply)
Yeah, thats the link on it(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:15,
Reply)
In additionif you look at the Wikipedia entry for Greggs, check out the 'History' section.
(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:34, Reply)
Haha, the 'anus' bits have been edited out, but the bit that calls Osborne a wanker simply has a 'citation needed' put on it(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:42,
Reply)
Hang on Milla Jovovovovvovovovitch is a fan and offered to be the face of greggs? Really?
(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 15:01, Reply)
They found a cockroach on the bakery floorbut told her it was a resident weevil
(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 15:12, Reply)
*proudface*You can also thank us for lucozade
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 15:02,
Reply)
I provided a nom gateau for my staff on Sunday, all rhe way from m and s, very nice.Lunch is before lasagne, as I'm feeling gay. Xx
(, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:15, Reply)
I like my lunch before lasagne too(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:15,
Reply)
Terrible bullying of Two Hats(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:22,
Reply)
That wasn't the predictive text, that was your fat spaz hands(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Aug 2014, 14:25,
Reply)
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