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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright chums,
Today I become a true working class hero as I'm doing forklift driver training. I imagine this will grant me an instant potbelly, hairy forearms and a penchant for lager and hitting women.
what are you up to today?

Alt: What's your cool trick or talent? Is it farting the March that darth vader walls around to?

Altalt: DUCK TUESDAY. I'M HAVING DUCK!
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:22, 160 replies, latest was 5 years ago)
I'm a fucken working class hero an' all m8
Alt: I can wiggle my ears.

*waggles eyebrows*
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:25, Reply)
no you're not, you financial industry scum sucking leech.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:38, Reply)
yes I am
Are you invoking the old 'head/hands' thing?

It means nothing these days. Some of our clients are millionaires but functionally illiterate. Shop fitters, joiners, builders etc.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:43, Reply)
no.
Financial services is not a working class profession. Just because your customers are working class does not make you so.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:46, Reply)
oh god no, only a few are
Why bother with advising people with average incomes? It doesn't pay the bills.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:49, Reply)
oh yer and how is providing professional advice, of any sort, being a leech?
Are you proposing that advisers should do their jobs for free?
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:45, Reply)
calm down dozer.
Your job is necessary and helpful for many people. It's just not working class. And you are a leech. And scum.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:48, Reply)
As a Scotch he is working class by default.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:50, Reply)
plus, my private school and boarding fees were paid by the government

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:00, Reply)
^ the very definition of 'working class'

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:01, Reply)

paid by the government a complete waste of money
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:39, Reply)
I dunno, it means that I don't talk like a teuchter

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:49, Reply)
Alright winsome
I already have a forklift licence, but I never drive a forklift.
Today will be no different from yesterday or tomorrow.

Alt: I can play the Imperial March Theme really badly on the piano, but well enough to impress my son when he was deeply into Star Wars a few years back.
I now play the songs from Frozen really badly on the piano, but well enough to impress my daughter now she is deeply into the big-eyed freak show.

Altalt: WTVO?
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:44, Reply)
altalt: DUCK billed platypus. I think they're technically fish.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:49, Reply)
I thought they were a nut?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:49, Reply)
legume

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)
I love it when you talk dirty

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)
I've just E-mailed my local Crazzzeeeee Radio Station
Telling them "Rock the Boat" is not entirely suitable at the moment.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:44, Reply)
ha, yeah, that's not good.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)
FUCKLIFT

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:45, Reply)
might do a poo at some point

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:46, Reply)
I did already

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:48, Reply)
whoa ... efficient

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:28, Reply)

ici lu
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:44, Reply)
+1

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)
O< ---- QOL!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:29, Reply)
alt: I had so much duck fat in the fridge that I gave some of it to the birds
/firstworldduckproblems
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:31, Reply)
fuck dat

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:32, Reply)
eider done the same

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:35, Reply)
I'm down with this

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:48, Reply)
Can't you freeze it or sutin?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:19, Reply)
then I'd have a freezer filling up with duck fat
I'm not sure how much better off I'd be
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:21, Reply)
Fair point. My freezer is full of soup at the moment. I made over a gallon of it at the weekend.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:23, Reply)
you want another freezer
you can never have too many freezers
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:30, Reply)
This is true.
I tend to make things in big vats and freeze them so I don't have to cook so often, I can't be arsed fucking about during the week.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)
Working hard doing genius stuff.
Alt. I can throw things over my shoulder and catch them behind my back just like closet homosexual Tom Cruise did in Cocktail.

Altalt, I'm having chicken and its not even Thursday
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:39, Reply)
I like the bit where the woman knees him in his midget gems and tells him to stop juggling and make her a fucking proper Martini

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:16, Reply)
i bought the book
i was really surprised how different it is to the film. a dark seedy story of drugs and cheating and horrible people somehow became a romcom filled with tossing bottles and sex on the beach.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:25, Reply)

today's highlight will be cheesy chips.

alt: it's more of an all-over cool. like a legal ice cube.

altalt: LEAVE DONALD ALONE!
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:46, Reply)
Cheesy chips FTW
#mackem
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:48, Reply)
it's a perfect marriage
like salt and vinegar or white chocolate and lemon
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:49, Reply)
Perfect post-pub grub

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:49, Reply)

white chocolate and lemon Spoons & ice cream
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:00, Reply)
i was made to eat a sundae with a spoon the other week
because SOMEONE wouldn't get me a fork

i am still traumatised
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)
You big fucking nancy.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:05, Reply)
*rocks slowly, weeping*

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:14, Reply)
Today is mostly catching up on loads of little bits of work
I've also found that I'm entitled to £200 worth of vouchers for being fucking awesome in work.

Alt:
I have an astonishing memory for useless information, to the point where I've been banned from playing Trivial Pursuit. My memory for anything useful is fucking shocking though

AltAlt:
Salmon Tuesday for me
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:47, Reply)
me too
i can remember pointless things in incredible detail from school, but then quite frequently not what i had for breakfast. early onset old timers.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:53, Reply)
Great for pub quiz
Not so great for remembering to buy food
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:54, Reply)
we should go on university challenge
the university of old gits
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:55, Reply)
Starter for 10
Yoghurt, with a fork
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:55, Reply)
i had that the other day
but it was mint yoghurt stirred through a salad of smashed falafel, chickpeas, quinoa and roasted veg. does that count?
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:23, Reply)
Sort of

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:44, Reply)
It's not a car allowance though, is it?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:57, Reply)
It really isn't
But hey ho. Mrs Cow now earns more than me

#keptcow
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)
It's all any of us dream of.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:04, Reply)
#livingthedream

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:05, Reply)
Nobody will play Trivial Pursuit with me, either.
We should have a Trivial Pursuit b4$h.

Morning.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:00, Reply)
Morning you
I need to flog stuff on eBay tonight
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)
Hit me up later if you need a hand.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:04, Reply)
Thanking you kindly

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:04, Reply)
Thankyoupleasesir

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:16, Reply)
As a progressive male I wouldn't be phased by a missus that earns more than me. In fact I'd encourage it so I could fulfil my dream of spending my days sat on the sofa with my hands down the front of my jogging bottoms.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:21, Reply)

I trust you're going to be watching Staplerfahrer Klaus as part of your training.

Altalt: none of your ducks or salmons can possibly match my anti-hangover Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle right now.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:53, Reply)
I have honestly never finished a Pot Noodle
I don't think I could bring myself to eat one
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:54, Reply)
They're a bit like most kebabs, really,
in that you have to have been wasted within at least the past six hours to consider eating one.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:55, Reply)
I ate a kebab sober on Saturday

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:56, Reply)
Must have been a good one.
There was precisely one kebab van I would have visited sober when I was at university.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:58, Reply)
It was lovely
The chilli sauce was rather piquant
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:02, Reply)
I love it when you get up after a session, have a shower and return to your room only to realise how much it smells of kebab, farts and booze.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:23, Reply)
first thing we watched.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:59, Reply)
Black coffee and Pot Noodles saw me through my A Levels.
These days, I'm not sure I could face either.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:01, Reply)
cider and amphetamines would have got you better grades

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:14, Reply)
Probably.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:16, Reply)
and caused less cancer

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:17, Reply)
I'm the only one in our house that doesn't have cancer.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:26, Reply)
you're clearly a leading cause of cancer

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:29, Reply)
ouch

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)
I went off a phase of surviving off of '£2 for 20' frozen sausages at university.
Lucky to be alive really.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:29, Reply)
i lived on stamford street before they built the imax and before it was a cool area
we had 2 choices. walk miles to a shitty iceland (well it felt like it, carrying all the bags back) or walk miles to tesco in covent garden where you couldn't get toilet rolls, but you could get 5 types of truffle and squid ink pasta (damn you nakers).

you could get 4 cans of iceland spaghetti hoops for £1. that lasted 4 days when you ran out of cash.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:45, Reply)
My povvo student shop that lasted days was jars of smartprice bolognaise sauce, a couple of bags of smartprice pasta and a block of cheese.
Empty half of the bag and the jar of sauce into a baking dish, fill the jar up to the top of the label with water and chuck that in as well. Oven at 180 for 20 minutes, stir and add a load of grated cheese. Back in the oven for another 20. Done.

I could keep myself fed for about £5 a week.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:50, Reply)
One of the lads here has just moved out
He ate Coco Pops last week. All week
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)
Ha!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:53, Reply)
He's now getting a dog
I fear for the dog when he gets hungry
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:59, Reply)
terrible bullying of the lovely gonz

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:59, Reply)
This kid has the worst diet I've ever seen
He eats a family bag of Doritos each day with his lunch. I've never seen a fruit or vegetable near him
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:01, Reply)
he must have lovely fresh breath

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:02, Reply)
He weighs about 22 stone and smells like death

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:04, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2498025
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)
Hmmm. Tangy Cheese.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)
It amazes me how culinarily spasticated some people can be.
I briefly lived from a bellend from lancashire that literally lived on bread. He polished off the butter in the fridge, when that ran out he shifted to Philadelphia and when that ran out I caught him spreading mayonnaise on toast.

The only time I saw him attempt to cook, he chose the largest diameter pan he could find, emptied a tin of beans into it and set the hob to full boar.

He was about 28 and hadn't just moved out either.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:56, Reply)
he could just have scratched his chin and had scurvy on toast

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:59, Reply)
He used to block the toilet with amazing regularity.
As I often found when having my morning piss and nearly getting wet feet.

He was a fucking cunt.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:01, Reply)
dear god
imagine how stiff his bed sheets must have been :(
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:02, Reply)
He didn't use them.
I gave him a spare set when he moved in as he'd had to bail from his last place (which should've been a red flag, he was a friend of a friend).

When we cleared his stuff out they were still there folded on the chair I left them on for him
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:07, Reply)
fucking hell

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)
When my mate lived with him he shat the bed.
Apparently his duvet even had a comedy 'four fingered swipe' on it.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:14, Reply)
I don't like duck.
I hope you do, though.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:07, Reply)
you duckless prick

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:13, Reply)

u i
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:13, Reply)
Oh No
I love it ah
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:24, Reply)
i heard a dark voice beside me say
would you like something harder
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:32, Reply)
I like it from the Chinese, but had it for a Christmas meal once and it was tart and pretty underwhelming.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:25, Reply)
i'm still going to read this with the hilarious dick strikethrough
it's quite pleasing that way
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:31, Reply)
I've got a couple of those massive tins of confit de canard in the cupboard from a french lidl
I keep putting off doing something with them
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:28, Reply)
you've been in a lidl???

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:34, Reply)
perhaps he's not desperately insecure

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)
Supermarket snobbery is especially tragic.
Although I will concede that there are seemingly more troglodytes in Asda compared to every other shop.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:38, Reply)
^ buys his clothes at Asda

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:39, Reply)
marginally more expensive groceries are a sign of immense success

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:40, Reply)
nah
that's shoving a few bricks together and calling it an oven
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:43, Reply)
poor old gramps
missing the point again.

here, i'll help you find it. the point is the fact that baggy likes to claim he's posh. and lidl is not posh.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:42, Reply)
I've never claimed to be 'posh'
I'm just intellectually, culturally and physically better than you and everyone else here.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:48, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)
i also lol'd

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:00, Reply)
with a second class degree and a job in the commuter belt

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)
n

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:57, Reply)
oh come on ... you wouldn't have even got a job in Basingstoke with a third

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:58, Reply)
This wouldn't end well for you.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)
loggin in 2 clik diss

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:03, Reply)
Meaty!!

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:05, Reply)
alright m8te

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:06, Reply)
y u no post any more :(

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:06, Reply)
i mean this 100% when i say
it's mostly your fault
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:08, Reply)
It looks as though he only came here to bag himself an internet bird
Now he's achieved that he has no motivation to post.
(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:12, Reply)
boring innit

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)
But it could be fewer boring if you were still here

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:10, Reply)
it just ceased being 'fun' and became tedious so i had a few days off, dont worry ill be back

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:14, Reply)
It's felt a bit like this recently

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:20, Reply)
i think we all know why

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:21, Reply)
Synchronised periods?

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:40, Reply)


(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:22, Reply)
Its because I've been really busy

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:26, Reply)


(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:29, Reply)
Coffee's on.

(, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:12, Reply)

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