Alright chums,
Today I become a true working class hero as I'm doing forklift driver training. I imagine this will grant me an instant potbelly, hairy forearms and a penchant for lager and hitting women.
what are you up to today?

Alt: What's your cool trick or talent? Is it farting the March that darth vader walls around to?

Altalt: DUCK TUESDAY. I'M HAVING DUCK!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:22, 160 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I'm a fucken working class hero an' all m8
Alt: I can wiggle my ears.

*waggles eyebrows*
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:25, Reply)

no you're not, you financial industry scum sucking leech.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:38, Reply)

yes I am
Are you invoking the old 'head/hands' thing?

It means nothing these days. Some of our clients are millionaires but functionally illiterate. Shop fitters, joiners, builders etc.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:43, Reply)

no.
Financial services is not a working class profession. Just because your customers are working class does not make you so.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:46, Reply)

oh god no, only a few are
Why bother with advising people with average incomes? It doesn't pay the bills.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:49, Reply)

oh yer and how is providing professional advice, of any sort, being a leech?
Are you proposing that advisers should do their jobs for free?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:45, Reply)

calm down dozer.
Your job is necessary and helpful for many people. It's just not working class. And you are a leech. And scum.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:48, Reply)

As a Scotch he is working class by default.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:50, Reply)

plus, my private school and boarding fees were paid by the government

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:00, Reply)

^ the very definition of 'working class'

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:01, Reply)

paid by the government a complete waste of money
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:39, Reply)

I dunno, it means that I don't talk like a teuchter

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:49, Reply)

Alright winsome
I already have a forklift licence, but I never drive a forklift.
Today will be no different from yesterday or tomorrow.

Alt: I can play the Imperial March Theme really badly on the piano, but well enough to impress my son when he was deeply into Star Wars a few years back.
I now play the songs from Frozen really badly on the piano, but well enough to impress my daughter now she is deeply into the big-eyed freak show.

Altalt: WTVO?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:44, Reply)

altalt: DUCK billed platypus. I think they're technically fish.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:49, Reply)

I thought they were a nut?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:49, Reply)

legume

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)

I love it when you talk dirty

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)

I've just E-mailed my local Crazzzeeeee Radio Station
Telling them "Rock the Boat" is not entirely suitable at the moment.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:44, Reply)

ha, yeah, that's not good.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)

FUCKLIFT

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:45, Reply)

might do a poo at some point

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:46, Reply)

I did already

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 8:48, Reply)

whoa ... efficient

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:28, Reply)

ici lu
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:44, Reply)

+1

(McChinaman banned, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)

O< ---- QOL!

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:29, Reply)

alt: I had so much duck fat in the fridge that I gave some of it to the birds
/firstworldduckproblems
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:31, Reply)

fuck dat

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:32, Reply)

eider done the same

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:35, Reply)

I'm down with this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:48, Reply)

Can't you freeze it or sutin?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:19, Reply)

then I'd have a freezer filling up with duck fat
I'm not sure how much better off I'd be
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:21, Reply)

Fair point. My freezer is full of soup at the moment. I made over a gallon of it at the weekend.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:23, Reply)

you want another freezer
you can never have too many freezers
(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:30, Reply)

This is true.
I tend to make things in big vats and freeze them so I don't have to cook so often, I can't be arsed fucking about during the week.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)

Working hard doing genius stuff.
Alt. I can throw things over my shoulder and catch them behind my back just like closet homosexual Tom Cruise did in Cocktail.

Altalt, I'm having chicken and its not even Thursday
( Peej, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:39, Reply)

I like the bit where the woman knees him in his midget gems and tells him to stop juggling and make her a fucking proper Martini

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:16, Reply)

i bought the book
i was really surprised how different it is to the film. a dark seedy story of drugs and cheating and horrible people somehow became a romcom filled with tossing bottles and sex on the beach.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:25, Reply)

today's highlight will be cheesy chips.

alt: it's more of an all-over cool. like a legal ice cube.

altalt: LEAVE DONALD ALONE!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:46, Reply)

Cheesy chips FTW
#mackem
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:48, Reply)

it's a perfect marriage
like salt and vinegar or white chocolate and lemon
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:49, Reply)

Perfect post-pub grub

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:49, Reply)

white chocolate and lemon Spoons & ice cream
( Muns, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:00, Reply)

i was made to eat a sundae with a spoon the other week
because SOMEONE wouldn't get me a fork

i am still traumatised
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)

You big fucking nancy.

( Muns, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:05, Reply)

*rocks slowly, weeping*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:14, Reply)

Today is mostly catching up on loads of little bits of work
I've also found that I'm entitled to £200 worth of vouchers for being fucking awesome in work.

Alt:
I have an astonishing memory for useless information, to the point where I've been banned from playing Trivial Pursuit. My memory for anything useful is fucking shocking though

AltAlt:
Salmon Tuesday for me
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:47, Reply)

me too
i can remember pointless things in incredible detail from school, but then quite frequently not what i had for breakfast. early onset old timers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:53, Reply)

Great for pub quiz
Not so great for remembering to buy food
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:54, Reply)

we should go on university challenge
the university of old gits
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:55, Reply)

Starter for 10
Yoghurt, with a fork
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:55, Reply)

i had that the other day
but it was mint yoghurt stirred through a salad of smashed falafel, chickpeas, quinoa and roasted veg. does that count?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:23, Reply)

Sort of

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:44, Reply)

It's not a car allowance though, is it?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:57, Reply)

It really isn't
But hey ho. Mrs Cow now earns more than me

#keptcow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)

It's all any of us dream of.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:04, Reply)

#livingthedream

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:05, Reply)

Nobody will play Trivial Pursuit with me, either.
We should have a Trivial Pursuit b4$h.

Morning.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:00, Reply)

Morning you
I need to flog stuff on eBay tonight
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)

Hit me up later if you need a hand.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:04, Reply)

Thanking you kindly

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:04, Reply)

Thankyoupleasesir

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:16, Reply)

As a progressive male I wouldn't be phased by a missus that earns more than me. In fact I'd encourage it so I could fulfil my dream of spending my days sat on the sofa with my hands down the front of my jogging bottoms.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:21, Reply)

I trust you're going to be watching Staplerfahrer Klaus as part of your training.

Altalt: none of your ducks or salmons can possibly match my anti-hangover Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle right now.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:53, Reply)

I have honestly never finished a Pot Noodle
I don't think I could bring myself to eat one
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:54, Reply)

They're a bit like most kebabs, really,
in that you have to have been wasted within at least the past six hours to consider eating one.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:55, Reply)

I ate a kebab sober on Saturday

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:56, Reply)

Must have been a good one.
There was precisely one kebab van I would have visited sober when I was at university.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:58, Reply)

It was lovely
The chilli sauce was rather piquant
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:02, Reply)

I love it when you get up after a session, have a shower and return to your room only to realise how much it smells of kebab, farts and booze.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:23, Reply)

first thing we watched.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 9:59, Reply)

Black coffee and Pot Noodles saw me through my A Levels.
These days, I'm not sure I could face either.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:01, Reply)

cider and amphetamines would have got you better grades

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:14, Reply)

Probably.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:16, Reply)

and caused less cancer

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:17, Reply)

I'm the only one in our house that doesn't have cancer.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:26, Reply)

you're clearly a leading cause of cancer

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:29, Reply)

ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)

I went off a phase of surviving off of '£2 for 20' frozen sausages at university.
Lucky to be alive really.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:29, Reply)

i lived on stamford street before they built the imax and before it was a cool area
we had 2 choices. walk miles to a shitty iceland (well it felt like it, carrying all the bags back) or walk miles to tesco in covent garden where you couldn't get toilet rolls, but you could get 5 types of truffle and squid ink pasta (damn you nakers).

you could get 4 cans of iceland spaghetti hoops for £1. that lasted 4 days when you ran out of cash.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:45, Reply)

My povvo student shop that lasted days was jars of smartprice bolognaise sauce, a couple of bags of smartprice pasta and a block of cheese.
Empty half of the bag and the jar of sauce into a baking dish, fill the jar up to the top of the label with water and chuck that in as well. Oven at 180 for 20 minutes, stir and add a load of grated cheese. Back in the oven for another 20. Done.

I could keep myself fed for about £5 a week.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:50, Reply)

One of the lads here has just moved out
He ate Coco Pops last week. All week
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)

Ha!

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:53, Reply)

He's now getting a dog
I fear for the dog when he gets hungry
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:59, Reply)

terrible bullying of the lovely gonz

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:59, Reply)

This kid has the worst diet I've ever seen
He eats a family bag of Doritos each day with his lunch. I've never seen a fruit or vegetable near him
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:01, Reply)

he must have lovely fresh breath

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:02, Reply)

He weighs about 22 stone and smells like death

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:04, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2498025
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)

Hmmm. Tangy Cheese.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)

It amazes me how culinarily spasticated some people can be.
I briefly lived from a bellend from lancashire that literally lived on bread. He polished off the butter in the fridge, when that ran out he shifted to Philadelphia and when that ran out I caught him spreading mayonnaise on toast.

The only time I saw him attempt to cook, he chose the largest diameter pan he could find, emptied a tin of beans into it and set the hob to full boar.

He was about 28 and hadn't just moved out either.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:56, Reply)

he could just have scratched his chin and had scurvy on toast

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:59, Reply)

He used to block the toilet with amazing regularity.
As I often found when having my morning piss and nearly getting wet feet.

He was a fucking cunt.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:01, Reply)

dear god
imagine how stiff his bed sheets must have been :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:02, Reply)

He didn't use them.
I gave him a spare set when he moved in as he'd had to bail from his last place (which should've been a red flag, he was a friend of a friend).

When we cleared his stuff out they were still there folded on the chair I left them on for him
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:07, Reply)

fucking hell

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)

When my mate lived with him he shat the bed.
Apparently his duvet even had a comedy 'four fingered swipe' on it.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:14, Reply)

I don't like duck.
I hope you do, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:07, Reply)

you duckless prick

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:13, Reply)

u i
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:13, Reply)

Oh No
I love it ah
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:24, Reply)

i heard a dark voice beside me say
would you like something harder
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:32, Reply)

I like it from the Chinese, but had it for a Christmas meal once and it was tart and pretty underwhelming.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:25, Reply)

i'm still going to read this with the hilarious dick strikethrough
it's quite pleasing that way
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:31, Reply)

I've got a couple of those massive tins of confit de canard in the cupboard from a french lidl
I keep putting off doing something with them
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:28, Reply)

you've been in a lidl???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:34, Reply)

perhaps he's not desperately insecure

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)

Supermarket snobbery is especially tragic.
Although I will concede that there are seemingly more troglodytes in Asda compared to every other shop.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:38, Reply)

^ buys his clothes at Asda

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:39, Reply)

marginally more expensive groceries are a sign of immense success

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:40, Reply)

nah
that's shoving a few bricks together and calling it an oven
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:43, Reply)

poor old gramps
missing the point again.

here, i'll help you find it. the point is the fact that baggy likes to claim he's posh. and lidl is not posh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:42, Reply)

I've never claimed to be 'posh'
I'm just intellectually, culturally and physically better than you and everyone else here.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:48, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)

i also lol'd

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:00, Reply)

with a second class degree and a job in the commuter belt

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)

n

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:57, Reply)

oh come on ... you wouldn't have even got a job in Basingstoke with a third

(lol man river definite greek god, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 10:58, Reply)

This wouldn't end well for you.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)

loggin in 2 clik diss

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:03, Reply)

Meaty!!

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:05, Reply)

alright m8te

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:06, Reply)

y u no post any more :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:06, Reply)

i mean this 100% when i say
it's mostly your fault
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:08, Reply)

It looks as though he only came here to bag himself an internet bird
Now he's achieved that he has no motivation to post.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:12, Reply)

boring innit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:09, Reply)

But it could be fewer boring if you were still here

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:10, Reply)

it just ceased being 'fun' and became tedious so i had a few days off, dont worry ill be back

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:14, Reply)

It's felt a bit like this recently

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:20, Reply)

i think we all know why

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:21, Reply)

Synchronised periods?

( Muns, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:40, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:22, Reply)

Its because I've been really busy

( Peej, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:26, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:29, Reply)

Coffee's on.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 21 Apr 2015, 11:12, Reply)