Bad news! My trusty Smeg fridge has broken down and I have to take day off work to wait for the new one
Good news the weather is fucking sublime, the kids are at school, the wife is at work and I have a couple of books to read in the sun.

Good News Bad News thread!
( Peej, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:30, 316 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

GARDEN CANS!!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:34, Reply)

Bad news - I have to be on a training course at UK head office today
Good news - the course is being given by one of the European head office hotties.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:34, Reply)

bad news, its a sexual harassment in the work place course!

( Peej, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:42, Reply)

Unfortunately not
I went on a sexual harassment course once - I was really surprised to find it was all about how not to sexually harass colleagues! And I'd put in so much practice beforehand, too.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:50, Reply)

I went on a sexual harassment course and the woman was bit uppity and serious
A quick slap on the bum and a "cheer up darling!" sorted her out though.
( Peej, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:55, Reply)

placid the harassing creep

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:13, Reply)

practices touching his colleagues

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:14, Reply)

Good News
• Holiday time soon, which means:
• Philliejay visiting London soon too
• Your fridge broke after I 'willed' it to happen while I was practicing the dark arts last night
• General feeling of contentment and positivity in regard to the future

Bad News
• My bum exploded
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:57, Reply)

It was terrible meatsnake
I only noticed because I went to make a martini and the olives were warm! It's going to take time to get over that one.
( Peej, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:59, Reply)

Oh jesus! Stay strong m8!
Good News
• The pink SMEG fridge is going away 5eva when we have the kitchen done!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:02, Reply)

Our Smeg fridge is stainless
Wife told me to take the stainless off to scrap. I told wife to fuck off.
( Peej, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:08, Reply)

I used to live with a builder who used the back garden for his 'scrap pile' that he would collect then weigh in during winter.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:01, Reply)

Explode.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:09, Reply)

Good news: I'm making elderflower cordia l. Bad news: I'm not a seventy year old WI member

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 7:58, Reply)

Turn that frown upside down!
frown upside down! Elderflower cordial in to wine,
( Peej, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:00, Reply)

Add it to your G&T.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:07, Reply)

I'm tempted to give making ginger beer a go.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:02, Reply)

good toimes

( $$ ✅, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:08, Reply)

good news: alright
Bad news: alright
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:15, Reply)

just to keep everyone up to date I've added this year's Yom Kippur to calendar
www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/25784
( $$ ✅, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:45, Reply)

Bad news: my heid's killing me.
Good news: my cat food's arrived.
( .Yeti., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:51, Reply)

It'll be the démon drink that caused that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:56, Reply)

You're not wrong.
I'm still going to paint myself as the victim for internet points though.
( .Yeti., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:07, Reply)

Good News
It's Supersonic festival this weekend!!!! I hope there are lots of well cool Oasis tribute bands playing.
I shall also be mentioning this later in the week when we do a weekend plans thread.

Bad News
I still haven't managed to be independently wealthy and not have to work for a living.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 8:55, Reply)

Good morning team
Good news:
Working from home today with a MASSIVE pot of coffee.

Bad News:
Calf 2 has literally written off his mattress yesterday due to Exorcist level vomiting/squirts. I had to skip it and buy a new one.....which he promptly vommed all over
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:14, Reply)

Was his mum into dogging?

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:15, Reply)

and then some....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:24, Reply)

Genuine lol this morning.
The Village Voice's critique of the new FIFA film "not merely ham-fisted but pork-shouldered, bacon-wristed and sausage-elbowed".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:14, Reply)

Sexy as fuck.

( .Yeti., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:21, Reply)

mmmmmmm, sausage-elbows

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:22, Reply)

You can't lick them though :o(

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:25, Reply)

no but if we all stand in a circle we can lick each others
And then once we have done that we can try the sausage elbows
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:42, Reply)

PLAN!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:43, Reply)

Will there be vegetarian sausages?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:45, Reply)

my sausage is 100% vegetable if thats counts
I had it replaced by a small courgette after an unfortunately potting shed accident
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:47, Reply)

i had to have 4 smegs in total
nothing wrong with the fridges, the clowns at the shop kept getting it wrong. sent a left handed one instead of a right handed one, bashed it on the stairs and tried to pretend it was meant to come with a dent in the door, that kind of shit. but the 4th one has worked perfectly for years. you must have done something to it.

good news - off to palma with some girlfriends on thu.

bad news - or maybe not. fucking striking cunts.

actually this has cheered me up: Palma Airport which serves Majorca and has around 600 flights a day was anticipated to be badly hit by the strikes but it was reported today that there was little disruption.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:49, Reply)

More importantly Frog will probably get himself a kebab

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:52, Reply)

i keep coming up with things for him to do
nice things, like having mates or family over. standard response: fuck you, imma lie on the sofa and do nothing.

I suspect the drugs and hookers will be round before I've even left Gatwick.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:53, Reply)

I'm coming to stay with him on one of the nights you're away

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:55, Reply)

^drug mule hooker^

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:00, Reply)

^ stating the obvious ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:01, Reply)

^upwards arrows^

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:02, Reply)

<<<<<<<<<<<<<

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:04, Reply)

Bit of pin money, innit.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:02, Reply)

I'll save you some of the quorn chili I made last night.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:02, Reply)

My youngest pointed to a picture of Mo Farah the other day and said "Look a chocolate man!"
haha kids say the funniest things you couldn't make it up!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:04, Reply)

My niece pointed to a mole on my face when she had just started talking and said 'chocolate' :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:06, Reply)

Alright Chesney

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:15, Reply)

I think you mean de niro m8
anyway i think it's fading to skin colour, it isn't a skanky raised one, so it's probably face c&cer but it will look nicer
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:17, Reply)

we went on a cruise one christmas when my nephew was about 18 months old
when he saw the "butler" for our row of cabins, he burst out sobbing and said in terror, "nooooooo black, noooooo." he'd never seen a chocolate man before (well not that he remembered). by the end of the week he fucking LOVED him, they were proper best buddies.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:07, Reply)

You should probably have a long debate with shambles over the relative merits of cruise holidays here

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:15, Reply)

i don't think they have many merits
I'm glad we did it, we had a brilliant family holiday and saw lots of lovely places, but it's not something I'd do again until I'm about 70.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:25, Reply)

next week?

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 12:41, Reply)

I blame that Lynx advert.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:08, Reply)

I don't know if they broadcast Lynx adverts in the breaks of Peppa Pig

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:14, Reply)

they might if they knew your smelly children were watching

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:15, Reply)

How would they know that?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:18, Reply)

they're watching you through the television

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:20, Reply)

Not my telly, they're not
Took the precaution of wrapping it in tin foil, didn't I
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:21, Reply)

because the electricity use goes up in your yurt by 90% when you let them have the telly on for 15 minutes a day
the other 10% is your wife using her mains powered 'personal massager'
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:21, Reply)

All this and more in the next episode...

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:56, Reply)

I think chicken cottage has reopened now too, worth remembering

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:57, Reply)

My smeg is both left and right handed you just switch the hinges which has been very useful as we have moved it around a lot
But it is also dead
( Peej, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:16, Reply)

Samsung 4LYF

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:50, Reply)

You have a separate fridge for smegma?
Fucking weirdo.
( Muns, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:58, Reply)

he means his underpants

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:01, Reply)

I had a smeg fridge and a semen freezer.

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:01, Reply)

I wanked into my wife's knicker drawer, is that the same thing?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:02, Reply)

We've all done that.

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:03, Reply)

I thought some of them didn't taste like mine

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:05, Reply)

I eat a lot of asparagus and pineapple.

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:10, Reply)

Spunk flavoured ice lollies for the wife.

( Muns, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:03, Reply)

With chocolate sauce and sprinkles.

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:03, Reply)

+' +' +' +'
( Muns, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:07, Reply)

In b4 delolt

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:43, Reply)

too late ... somebody has delolted the ice cream and beetroot sub thread

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:46, Reply)

Oh man.
I miss all the good stuff.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:48, Reply)

it was thrilling

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:52, Reply)

Anyone recap?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:53, Reply)

"cheapskates make their own ice cream"

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:54, Reply)

It's really easy to do these days.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:55, Reply)

it must be if the spastics on here bother wasting their time doing it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:56, Reply)

:(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:57, Reply)

it'll be no viennetta

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:58, Reply)

It's piss easy
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:59, Reply)

i'm not gonna lie
that may be one of the most depressing looking gadgets I've ever seen.

it's sadder than a penis pump.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:01, Reply)

I drew a smiley face on my penis pump and now it's a lot more fun

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:03, Reply)

This is piss easier
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:02, Reply)

Yeah, but where's the fun in that?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:04, Reply)

I don't *do* fun

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:05, Reply)

I know you're lying.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

You know the rules for getting along with people: avoid talking about religion, politics and beetroot.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:48, Reply)

and making your own ice cream

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:51, Reply)

I would make my own ice cream, but it would be vanilla flavour and I would drink the gin instead.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:54, Reply)

Vanilla ice cream is shit.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:56, Reply)

unless you cover it in sauce
whatever happened to ice magic??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:57, Reply)

That shit was amazing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:57, Reply)

reeses do one that promises a similar effect
but I've never tried it.

ice magic used to do choc mint and choc toffee flavours too. that shit should be available on prescription.

www.hotukdeals.com/ask/ice-magic-chocolate-sauce-for-ice-cream-that-hard-1892924
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:58, Reply)

JLC was bringing it back at one point but he beat up a dirty vile whore instead.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:58, Reply)

Making your own ice cream is excellent
I made some stem ginger ice cream last year and used all the syrup to sweeten it. It was, as they say, NOM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:57, Reply)

Wouldn't your time be better spent working late in the office?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:58, Reply)

why are these the only two choices?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:59, Reply)

Because we IT people only deal in binary choices

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:00, Reply)

False. I deal in coasting and uttering the mantra 'it'll be alright'

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:02, Reply)

I thought 'working late in the office'
was code for 'drinking heavily and seeing the office bike'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:02, Reply)

quite often it is code for "dinner in fancy restaurants and getting cunted in shitty city pubs", aye

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:03, Reply)

I don't need to work late for that, I live with her

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:03, Reply)

>:(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:03, Reply)

STOP FOLLOWING ME!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:03, Reply)

FOLLOWING TOUCHING
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:05, Reply)

i got a beautiful bonus this year
that will buy many many ice creams, to misquote homer simpson.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:00, Reply)

How much time will it buy?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:01, Reply)

enough to make sure i never have to spend a minute of it in coventry

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:02, Reply)

Pity, it is a city of great historical significance.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:04, Reply)

i've been to kenilworth
that was enough.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

kennel

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

bit rude about tangles

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:08, Reply)

Nice there, isn't it?
But you are getting mixed up, Kenilworth is a town outside of Coventry and not the same thing at all.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:11, Reply)

depends if you think modern bungalows in a row are nice
but from Kenilworth one can see bits of Coventry, one might even have to drive into it to go shopping, and that's more than enough.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:13, Reply)

Eh?
It's mostly pretty old, but there is a Waitrose behind the new high st, so you don't have to go to Cov.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:18, Reply)

Eclipse shut down years ago m8

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:09, Reply)

Still fondly remembered by rat-faced gurning ex-ravers.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:12, Reply)

hi!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:51, Reply)

I was enjoying that, too.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 10:53, Reply)

it appears to have kicked off again
dunno what the point is of delolting a conversation then repeating it verbatim
(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:09, Reply)

I don't think this board attracts the brightest sparks.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:21, Reply)

Hiya!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:24, Reply)

'Anarchy in the UK' indeed.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:01, Reply)

Virgin are the record label too. coinkydink?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:03, Reply)

amateurish lack of deloltion

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:02, Reply)

New rules - there will be no more threads, we're just going to stay in this one forever, talking about beetroot and ice cream

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:05, Reply)

I don't like beetroot or ice cream that much

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:06, Reply)

But what about beetroot flavoured ice cream?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:06, Reply)

You can have it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Alright Heston

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:08, Reply)

I would rather ice cream flavoured beetroot

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:54, Reply)

Controversial

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

But if I did i'd buy ice cream and make my own beetroot

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

looser

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

up yours

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:08, Reply)

Oh. I was going to make this for you :(
uktv.co.uk/food/recipe/aid/631746
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:07, Reply)

Don't bother, you can probably just buy it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:08, Reply)

A deliciously 'different' dessert.
Why do these people think that different = better?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:09, Reply)

Because idiot

(yo man river INVINCIBLE, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:10, Reply)

it's a word that sounds like a compliment
but really it's not. "darling, marvellous is NOT the word."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:12, Reply)

I'm gonna make Méga Démon ice cream tonight.

( .Yeti., Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:10, Reply)

300

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 11:09, Reply)