Morning.

( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 7:50, 358 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning miss lust
It's icy today. I was very close to slipping over when I put the rubbish out this morning... y'know like when your arms flail about and everything?

How're you today?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 7:59, Reply)

Morning.
I nearly fell over as well. Part of me wishes I did fall over and break my wrist so I didn't have to come to work today. Then I realised that it'd probably hurt quite a bit, so it's for the best I didn't.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:02, Reply)

That's a pretty desperate skive :)
One of my drivers picked me up this morning and drove at about six miles an hour all the way to work. He said 'People always in a hurry, sitting on your bumper to get you to go faster' and I thought 'Yep!'

Doing anything interesting today?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:07, Reply)

I'm fine once I actually get to work
It's just the thought of being here.
Actually, that's a lie. I fucking hate being here. I've only got a few weeks left though so I'm sure I'll survive!

I've just remembered when I used to throw myself down the stairs in the hope that I'd break something and not have to go to school.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:13, Reply)

Wow.
I often contemplated doing something drastic to get time off school or work, but never went through with it!

Did you hurt yourself?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:15, Reply)

Yeah, a few times.
I also used to drink TCP to make me throw up. What a sicko!
I really did hate school though.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:18, Reply)

You're my kind of freak :)
Although drinking TCP is incredibly desperate. If my girl's puke smelled of disinfectant I'd certainly raise an eyebrow!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:25, Reply)

My muddled young mind
thought it was a good idea. I am now aware that sipping down disinfectant isn't the smartest thing I've ever done :p

I'm gagging at the thought of it now!
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:30, Reply)

For some reason
the smell of TCP always reminds me of Victor Meldrew. Odd.

Never drunk it though. The worst thing I ever drunk was meths. That was rough.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:34, Reply)

I've never drunk meths.
I don't think I'd really want to either.
I really have put some horrible things in my body over the years.

That just sounds dirty, but I can't be bothered to word it another way.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:37, Reply)

@ Lusty
*huggles*

I've abused mine a fair bit over the years as well.

Hence my scrotum being like it is.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:39, Reply)

Lusty...

Shirley your 'drinking TCP to skive off school' story is worthy of a post on the QotW?

oh, and 'ning all!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:42, Reply)

Mr Nong Poo, BK
How're you two?

Pooflake... your response to JMG and his crew had me in stitches yesterday :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:45, Reply)

Morning pooflake.
Possibly if a self abuse teehee question came up.

Oh and morning BK. Are you still talking about your scrotum? :p
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:46, Reply)

Morning No3l, Pooflake
Self-abuse?

Surely I would win!

*edit*
Lusty, it's a favourite topic of conversation with me:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:47, Reply)

Awww...

Although being full of the fluffeh and nicesness, I do occasionally kick off, (Like Bertmonkeysex's brilliant insults thread)

but I had a great time yesterday...

It's weird, but there are some clever folk on /talk, it's just that it's a different type of humour etc.

*patronises*

It's a shame though, because there have been casualties. Badongism has gone, threatening not to return.

you know what they say about the brightest stars burning out the fastest...or something like that.

I hope he changes his mind.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:49, Reply)

BK
That's true. You are the biggest wanker I know.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:50, Reply)

@ Lusty
*glows with pride*

You say such lovely things:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:53, Reply)

Oooh, is there a wanking contest...?

Woo!

*warms up*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 8:57, Reply)

If you want a wanking contest
we shall have one!

*flops out monster cock*

*wanks*

*wins*
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:00, Reply)

Morning all
Icy as fuck this morning agreed, nearly stacked it whilst having my first fag of the morning!

I am a past master of self abuse, my body is ever more rapidly giving up on me due to crimes against it in my teenage years.

I want badongism to come back, he's cute. And funnier than the whole of talk put together and x 1000.

I'm putting the kettle on, anyone want a brew?

Edit: put my cock away lusty!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:00, Reply)

Morning all
By feck it's cold here today.

So cold in fact that my scrotum has shrivelled up like a walnut.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:04, Reply)

Morning All!
I'm pottering my way to Notting Hill Gate at the moment, behind schedule because I couldn't be bothered to get up this morning!

How are we all?
(bill, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:05, Reply)

/talkers are ok
I got some giggles yesterday when they invaded :)

badongism... a bit mellodramatic but ce la vie. Shame, but if you're going to be so prolific, you're gonna attract trolls. Simple.

Edit: wanking competition you say? I'd win. My 24-hour PB is nine :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:06, Reply)

ooh trolls...

I went to /talk yesterday to see what the fuss was about...and they were talking about me!

I felt so proud ;)

They got me spot on too...basically calling me an immature cunt with a stupid name.

One person sarcastically said I was a 'bastion to taste and decency'...fair enough.

Someone else said I wasn't 'a grown up'...this made me properly laugh

it's almost as if they've been spying on me...

*paranoids*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:15, Reply)

Morning.
Well... Having not long ago woken up, and having had just over an hour of sleep, I'm entitled to be in a bad mood.

But... Badongism? I'd rather he didn't come back.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:15, Reply)

Badongism
seems to have inflamed a lot of feelings here.

Personally I don't mind if he posts. I can always ignore him if I want. But one member of the board seems to have had a bit of a personal vendetta against him, which is taking it a bit far.

Take it outside, boys.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:18, Reply)

'ningles Kaol...

how's it hanging?

considering the cold weather I mean...

mine is like a sugar lump :(

*withdraws...pulls out... decides not to enter wanking competition*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:20, Reply)

Morning!
What's this about Badgonism? I'll have to work through last night's posts to catch up.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:20, Reply)

Well,
All I'm gonna say further on the matter is "spimf is right".
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post316654

Anyway, I've got some work to get on with, and a QOTW answer or two to write.

EDIT: Morning Poof!
It's cold here, but I'm dressed warmly, so no excessive retraction goin' on...
I keep meaning to ask you, fancy coming down for the 20th to a bash? It's a Saturday.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:21, Reply)

@pookflake
Like a sugar lump? All white and small? Or nice and sweet?
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:22, Reply)

@ Lab...
Morning!

From what I can gather, he posted something last week about fleecing vulnerable girls for money and then spending the cash on hotels...and some other stuff.

I didn't see the post, and he said it wasn't like that, but it sure wound spimf up pretty bad, and he wasn't going to let him get away with it.

Combine that with the Trolling, and Althegeordie taking the piss out of 'BOAT' and I think it became too much for him.


EDIT: @Lusty...I only said 'sugar lump' because I wasn't sure how to spell 'granule'

@Kaol...Noooo - Captain P & I have our Xmas gig on the 20th at the Brickies!

It is my intention to meet up with you guys again as soon as possible, whereby I will try my best to get you squiffy and seduce you with Bernard.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:27, Reply)

In fairness I hadn't seen the deleted story or any of the hooha about it
Still seems like mountains out of molehills to me, plenty of people have posted worse shit on here, and he's funnier with it. He does seem to have flounced off in a bit of a huff, although I recall him predicting when he signed up that he wouldn't last long because people always started to hate him on message boards!

If I have to hear this Kings of Leon song one more time I'm going to have to go on a murderous rampage.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:27, Reply)

Cheers Pooflake!
Right, so he allegedly bragged about being a cunt, and then there was the whole BOAT nonsense, and now he's saying he won't come back.

Fair enough, moving swiftly on, we're almost halfway through the working week! This makes me happy.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:34, Reply)

hear hear lab...

I would just like to add that this is my last full working week of the year...the rest of the time has liberally sprinkled days off, workin from home and the Xmas holiday...

WOO!

*Boasts*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Ah dammit Poof!
That's a shame!
Sorry I can't be there...
In other news, I'm un-affected by the power of Bernard :p

Oh, and tomorrow night we're gonna have our first attempt at playing with our brand new recording thingy.

EDIT: Damn you! I don't finish 'til the 22nd, but I do get two weeks off then.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Morning folks
Well said lab. Personally I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Nearly Friday and I've got my mp3 player fully charged today. I'm a happier bunny =]
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:38, Reply)

From a completely
neutral viewpoint, having pretty much seen most interactions between the two, and the whole "talk invasion" (which was more bop than blitzkrieg) I think he was targeted by a few people, but not without reason.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Pooflake
You absolute shitehawk!

Mind you, I have the work's xmas do next Friday lunchtime, so that'll mean I'm drunk by 4pm, and dropping my trousers by 9.

it's turned into a tradition
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:39, Reply)

I'll be honest
the whole BOAT thing got so old so quickly that it seemed like flogging a dead horse for attention.

But I liked a lot of his posts.

Yeah, moving on...
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:40, Reply)

Indeed
moving on. I'm sure everyone has their own opinion. I wouldn't mind him poking his nose through the door again, I found him quirky.

It's also funny finding out what JMG and Baldmonkey look like.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:41, Reply)

@Kaol: Ha! - you say 'unaffected'...
I'm sure that under your mean, moody (and convincingly disinterested) exterior, I spotted something dribbling out from under your right hand trouser leg by the last chorus!

Please send me a copy of whatever you & your band record - any new stuff? :)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Our work do
Is gonna be rubbish.

But on the plus side, I can't make more of a tit of myself than I did at the one last year, where I used to work...

Poof, that was whisky... I'd missed my mouth...
Er... Got a couple of new songs, yep!
One is about shooting a woman in an off licence in a botched attempt to get free alcohol.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Did we find out what JMG looked like?! I missed that.
I'm missing my works do as well as I have a meeting elsewhere. Blessing in disguise I think, I'm never at my best when unleashed on a free bar.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:46, Reply)

@himjim...
What do they look like? I am moderately interested...

It's always good to have a picture for future pisstake potential.

*acknowledges self as 'easy target'*

*burns all photos of self*

@Kaol - that song sounds interesting. May I suggest the title 'Blow your load'?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:46, Reply)

Our Xmas do's
Are awesome! They used to involve a huge meal, free booze, a comedian and a quiz (we number less than 50 at these events).

Last year they scrapped the comedian and quiz, and instead spent the budget on buying a ton of stuff from I Want One Of Those and Firebox :D

Highlights of the night include shooting remote controlled helicopters out of the air with the foam dart shotgun, and then shooting one of the sales guys in the balls with the same gun.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:48, Reply)

I have never been to a work christmas party.
Well, apart from when I worked in a pub and we went out for staff drinks in April. I got in a fight with a girl in Destiny in Watford so my mate Emma smacked her in the face and ended up being bottled.
Then I was sick on my friend Sam's shoes.
:(
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:48, Reply)

@lusty...

That's terrible! you should come to Coventry...nothing like that ever happens here...(ahem)...*cough*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:51, Reply)

My old work Christmas do
Had free wine.

Now, free alcohol of any kind is bad news for me, but free wine wrecks me.

I was the youngest person there by a considerable margin, and nearly reached critical alcohol mass.
Managed to hit on the manager's wife, then get the fear and wake up in the warehouse, behind some boxes.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:51, Reply)

Lab
My Christmas party isn't going to be anywhere near as fun. It's a meal/drinks with a disco(!) and, as seems to be in vogue at the moment, a casino with prizes for whoever ends up with most chips.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Pooflake
Last time I went out in Coventry was a while ago. A friend fingered a girl in the bum inside the Coliseum, then another friend puked over a bouncer and got thrown into the side of a taxi.

V: Every casino party thing i've been to, the winner is always a roulette player. I won the poker (by bluffing myself at one point), and only have half of what the top roulette player had.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:54, Reply)

No xmas work do for me this year
I work exclusively with muslims :)

Although I'm driving a cab on Monday for Eid, which is kinda like their christmas, and the town will be without all of its usual twenty drivers.

Ca-ching!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:57, Reply)

blimey
you go away for a few days and all kinds of weirdness happens!

how is everyone, full of rage, angst and bile as usual?

on a positive note, my latest story is running second in my profile!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Like you say
The only way to win is to get lucky at the roulette which ruins any sense of fun to me. Who cares if you won a game of luck?!

*sigh*

I think I may well be getting very drunk at my Christmas party. Shame there are no single women anywhere near my age working here =/
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Morning Vipros
That's cos your story kicks ass :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Vipros
I'm glad it's doing well, that story made me giggle, and I accidentally made a nasty snorting noise in the process.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Vipros
not only is your story badass, I want to hear about Indiana Jones dog rape.


Or is it two separate stories?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:02, Reply)

making people snort with laughter is my sole aim in life
so far I'm doing well :-)

everyone well?

himjim: two seperate stories. I'm not entirely sure why one has come to be known as the indiana ones story because it's really not anything to do with indiana jones...

not sure how well that one will translate to text, but I'll give it a go later maybe. or save it for another qotw, it'll fit in any number of categories!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:03, Reply)

I'm well but for one small point
It's very cold in my office in the mornings and, on going to the lavatory, I discovered that my penis currently resembles a pair of raisins and a baby's severed thumb.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:04, Reply)

V
that's delightful, thanks ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Morning lovelies.
I could do with a quick hug if anyone has any to spare...
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:09, Reply)

*hugs clendrix*
Everything ok?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Holy fucking jesus
For gods sake people, this is the internet. In fact, it's not only the internet it's a website based entirely on the crudest of humour, stuff you would not get away with in most pubs without being told you are a scum bag and probably beaten up by "honest, decent, hard working people".

If you put yourself online and post stories you ahve to accept that the people on this site are going to try and post more offensive ones.

Badongism may have posted a tale of him being a horrific cunt to someone, but so what, I#ll say it again, it's the internet. None of you have met him in real life so what does it matter. Spimf made his mark by random offensiveness to people who had done nothing to deserve it, he's no moral fucking compass and should keep off his high horse.

I've met a whole load of you and got on very well with most and consequently i'm not going to deliberately post stories that will upset you.

I'm also in a fucking bad mood as I can barely breathe without coughing up huge lumps of phlegm.

GRRRRRR

*coughs*

*hacks*

*phlegms*

*collapses and dies in panting heap*

Oh, and morning all. How is everyone?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

No Christmas do for me
The company I work for is too skint this year.

Mind you, judging by previous dos (buffet and karaoke at the Miners' Welfare) I won't be missing much.

The shops are full of sparkly party frocks - who actually wears the things?
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Thanks Kaol.
Yeh, I'm OK.

Nice, Al.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Al
I don't like your increasingly frequent moments of wisdom and clarity. I know you are offsetting them with more moments of disgusting filth and horror, but I preferred the happy middle ground ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:15, Reply)

*dons sparkly party frock*
What?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Al, fair point.
I'm sticking to my guns though.
But you do make a good point.

EDIT: Vipros, you're right! It's like there're two Al's, a filthy, depraved one and a cuttingly insightful one.

I say a fight to the death between them is in order.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Morning Al!
*imagines the strapping Al in a slinky, revealing-but-still-classy, sparkly dress*

*finally understands the meaning of 'pleasure and pain'*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

If I see Al in a sparkly party frock
it may just about extinguish my last reserves of self control.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Sounds like fun, Al
I look forward to Friday :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:22, Reply)

the only (and I use this term loosely) person I'm ignoring is Woodside
My incredible hatred of JMG and everything he says fascinates me, so I need to see what he does.

Special K: (this will catch on) I'm definitely up for the Al vs Al fight to the death.

Shall we try and sell broadcasting rights?

Al: it is a good idea, because she is a hottie, and should be pandered to ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Al
It's always a good idea for you to consent. Except for when Bert asks you not to.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:23, Reply)

I always
look forward to Friday.

Going back a bit, as I've been working (!) - what was that BOAT thing all about anyway? I never did get it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Well said al!
Morning al, and clendrix *hugs*

Think I've got your cold al, spent all last night drinking whisky macs to try and get over it. Woke up with a hangover as well as a cold, winner.

K2 - the BOAT thing was about nothing, and that was sort of the point of it, as far as I could figure out.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:24, Reply)

A brief history of BOAT
BOAT was a poll answer to 'What is love?'

Then it evolved into what can only be described as a complete nonsense. Basically a meme with no point or agenda, and ended up looking quite self-serving and lame.

I think that about covers it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:26, Reply)

*hugs Sam*
I think Al's icon is very apt for him today.




I like it when Al's angry.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:29, Reply)

@ Clendrix....

Hmm...is that right?

The only good Al is an angry Al...


Al, fuck off back to /talk where you belong!


*stands back*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Oh, OK thanks.
So I'm now quite happy that I didn't think BOAT was funny.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Woo!
Al's back.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Morning all
I am up before noon. That will probably be my greatest achievement today. Although there is a high possibility I will say "fuck it" and go back to bed.

*is in a jolly fucking mood today*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Pooflake,
you're a genius.

Except that your next gig is on a day I can't make it and I was determined to be there.
*cries*
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:39, Reply)

Morning TGB!
How's unemployment treating you?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:40, Reply)

So Al (If you are a real Geordie)…

(Which we've all established you're not.)

I’ll make your toast, and cover it in Bert’s spaff, spooned out of my battered clay passage…just how you like it

It just seems that today is like the slimy afterbirth of yesterday’s shenanigans…the crusty sock that remains after yesterday’s wankfest.

Can we move on and change the subject please?

Oh, and Al…that’s why I said ‘fuck off ‘BACK’ to /talk…you illiterate cuntfire

BOAT! – LOL!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Morning TGB!
Feeling any less ill?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Hey Sam
I need a job. Staying at home mulling over crap doesn't agree with me too well
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:42, Reply)

You're not invited, Al...

I'd get put off by your feverish and frenzied masturbation in front of me...

again...

But Captain Placid seemed to like it.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:42, Reply)

Looks like I stepped in this thread at the wrong time
I am hopelessly confused.

Why is Pooflake's bourneville boulevard clogged with sperm traffic?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Hey Lab
I dunno. I feel pretty crap but not sure if it's all sickness.

I really am wallowing today *sads* Is it too early to start drinking? That will cheer me up
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Jim, it's that way
Because it's a day of the week that ends in a "y".
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:44, Reply)

@himjim...
The answer to your question is 'because there's a 'Y' in the day'...

oh, hang on.

Edit: damn you Kaol - beat me to my own insult!

@Al, stop bullying me, you're only doing it for attention...I'm telling.

BOAT! Lol!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:45, Reply)

'Ning!
@ TGB - it's never too early! Get on the booze!

In other news, shaving off my beard for the cold snap was NOT a good idea!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:45, Reply)

Colonel S
Shaving off a beard is NEVER a good idea! Hang your head in shame.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:46, Reply)

I have my reasons...
(and I did take pictures for you...)

EDIT: for of
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Ooh beard pictures?
For me? *cheers up*

I'll let you off then
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

Colonel S
did you look like a tramp?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:47, Reply)

I didn't look particularly trampy
but I was itching like an unwashed whore.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:48, Reply)

What?
You mean porn has lied to us once again Al? *shocked*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:49, Reply)

*hugs Badger*
Hey I feel weirdly crap today (not illness at all).

I'll pop round. We can drink tea and watch rubbish films.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:50, Reply)

@Colonel S
If you'd kept your beard, Lusty would have rubbed it for you, and the friction would have created extra warmth!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Mine is
coming on nicely.

I'm need to grow mine to look a bit different.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Anyway,
so I'm popping out for a ciggy. Should I roll a fattie and take my time, or a skinny and enjoy it more...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Al
Please God say that you mean that some of them are brunette...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:50, Reply)

*hugs Clendrix*
I have a wide range of crap films and I will put the kettle on right now.

Al, I'd prefer one of those hot blonde lesbians you mentioned...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:51, Reply)

Skinny, Colonel!
That's what I'm about to do.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Are there no
porn grade lesbians? If not I suppose you'll do...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:54, Reply)

I shaved my beard yesterday...

Well, I say 'beard', I actually mean about half a millimetre of stubble that had started to turn ginger.

And it took about 6 weeks ot get that far...

/not particularly hairy

As previously mentioned though, my body is like a glorius pubic rainbow, proudly sporting every type of natural hair colour imaginable.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:56, Reply)

*hugs & for those who're feeling rubbish*
and empathy, cos sympathy is shit.

Definitely drink badger! You're unemployed, consider it your duty. The sun's always over the yard arm somewhere in the world...

Have one for me as well, I'm at work and don't have any booze with me :(

If you think shaving your beard off is bad for the cold snap, I have alopecia so my head feels pretty draughty in places... weird when I've been used to a fair few years of it being between collar and nipple length! Might have to shave it all off soon and that will be bastard cold.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:56, Reply)

*strokes facial fuzz longingly*
Mmmmm so warm *snuggles*
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:57, Reply)

Morning all
It's cold and horrible outside, my office isn't that much better!

But I am feeling happy and content, and not just because I'm here!

Does this day find thee all well?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:58, Reply)

Drink
I did last night.

In past experience, would any of you think it was fair for my company to pay for the Christmas party for the London office, but not to foot the bill for the one in Warwick?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 10:58, Reply)

Curse my fucking shite t'interwebz connection at work!

I am constantly about 5 replies behind in the thread.

By the time I get to talking about beards, you've already covered the much more interesting topic of lezzie porn!

and I fucking missed it!

Can you start again please?....slowly?



annnnnnnnd............GO!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Morning Dok!
In other news, I found an ancient red phone in a cupboard this morning. It's so old it doesn't have a screen or any of the fancy features my phone does, and has the old British Telecom logo on it, but it is bright red!

I've put it on the desk not connected to anything, and stuck a sticker on it saying PRESIDENTIAL HOTLINE: FOR EMERGENCY USE ONLY.

So far every single person that's come into my office has asked me what it's for.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Dok!
*snuggles*

I'm glad someone is in a good mood :)

heheh Sam that's great!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Oh Pooflake as it's you
*hops into tight, revealing corset*
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:01, Reply)

*strokes chin beard thoughtfully*
Samiam, a shaved head is bastard cold at the moment, my dedication to the righteous haircut that is the mohawk means that my bonce is pretty damn cold.

I recommend hats.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:02, Reply)

I haven't shaved my head for absolutely years
But I remember it not being pleasant on mornings like this! Getting a bit sick of looking like a mangy dog with its fur falling out though.

Also I look like a prick in almost any sort of hat I've ever heard of. Might just have to be cold.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:04, Reply)

You are too picky
about what kind of hat you will wear though Lab.

Pooflake, I'm afraid you have missed the lesbian porn talks.

When is your next gig? Did I read somewhere talk of one?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:04, Reply)

@TGB...

Yep - It' the 20th...same place. For some ungodly reason, they want us back.

We're also putting the finishing touches to the potentially timeless classic 'You can't say 'Cunt' in the brickies', after the Landlord told us that exact phrase last time.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Hats!
Poof and TGB have both seen my Hat Of Awesomeness^TM.

It's great :D
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:07, Reply)

TGB
Damn right I'm picky! With a haircut this awesome, I can afford to be ;)

Plus, stupid novelty winter hats are signs akin to lepers wearing 'UNCLEAN' written on a board around their necks.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Kaol's hat is a thing of beauty...
It took every ounce of my willpower not to rub myself up against its majesticness.

EDIT: I know I should say 'Majesty' but meh.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Yep, that's a fact.
I'm glad I don't have a gigantic head, like someone we know...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:10, Reply)

*sings I've had an absolute cunt of a day*
That song makes me happy :D

Poof I will endeavour to be there :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Badger *snuggles*
*strokes beard*

You feeling any better now? Still not all ill and sickie I hope!

Pooflake, you've got to do that I wish I could be there to see it, It'd be hillariarse!

Sam, I hope you hid the cable on it. What you need to do is when somebody walks in pick it up and fake a conversation.

EDIT Lab, I don't do comedy hats, no I don't, and don't let them tell you otherwise!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:13, Reply)

I'm only
a lickle sick and ill now Dok.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Yay for endeavour!

@Al, you only want a hat like so you can pretend to be me...

By the way, Do you have a picture of this 'massive' spunk? The only kind I've seen is very small indeed...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Of course I did Dok!
It looks like it's plugged in and it's next to the other phone. I think I can kludge normal phones into the Norstar network somehow but it requires an adaptor I'd have to go downstairs and look for, so probably an afternoon job.

I might connect it and set the extension to 666, I think it will work just as well as the voice of Satan as it will the presidential hotline. Then I can phone people and wind them up with my evil laugh, although I think the chances are fairly high they'll guess it's something to do with me...

Edit: I have the cat in the hat hat, ultimate comedy hat. It's about 2.5' tall!

@ al - eat the hottest chili you can stand. In fact you probably can't taste much so make an extra hot one. The chili will blast all your sinuses clear for a few hours at least, always works for me.

Then get on the whisky macs. Or straight whisky if you prefer.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:19, Reply)

Al...
I'd recommend menthol cigarettes.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:20, Reply)

Menthol fags
are just plain wrong under any circumstances!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

I have a tip for you Al...

After gargling the gallons of monkeyjizz that you do every day, spit it out rather than swallowing it, before rubbing your tummy and practising your Aussie accent by shouting 'That's good eatin' at the top of your voice?

Just a thought.

Or whiskey. Whiskey is good too
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Al
Sex. Sex cures everything.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Sam
If it's the phone I'm thinking of, we used to have one at home.

Does it go 'briiiiiii iiiing!?'

I know you probably don't know that yet cos it's not plugged in, but knock it on the desk and if it's got a bell it'll tinkle at you :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:22, Reply)

@TGB...
even teh bad AIDS?

Actually, if sex is your preferred method of therapy, I would like to sign up for your clinic.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:23, Reply)

It's a long waiting list
Pooflake, but I'm sure for another serenading I can bump you up the list a bit ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:26, Reply)

TGB
You are now my hero for saying that!

:edit: Not the bit about the queue the post about sex curing everything.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Oh Badger
Come snuggle up to the coat of furryness and I'll feed you chocolates again! But sex doesn't cure everything, only most things ;)

Do it Sam, plug it in and set it up.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:28, Reply)

TGB
I need you to come and cure me please. You do home visits don't you?

Also, for pooflake, here is a scale drawing of some massive spunk so you know what I'm talking about.


(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:29, Reply)

The best cure for anything
Is getting smashed then getting fucked.
:D
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:29, Reply)

*Starts writing crappy bad salad at frenzied rate*
Hold on...there's a list?

Please say that I'm higher on the list than Al...I don't want his sloppy seconds thank-you-very-much ;)

EDIT: Al, I like the picture...I look rather slim...woo!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Sadly it's not old enough to have bells on it
My description of it as ancient is probably slightly inaccurate, must be 15-20 years old or something though.

Sex cures some stuff but not all... think it would improve things at the moment though, I'm getting bored of wanking!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:31, Reply)

Al
*looks at watch* Ok I'll be there in a couple of hours.

Poof I can swing by to see you on the way if you want :p

Dok, 99% of things
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Smashed then fucked?
*sighs*
Doesn't seem to work for me, the levels of smashed-ness seem to preclude fucking.

In other news, I just fired someone, woo!
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Pooflake
You also look like you're lunging!
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Good point Al...
Besides, I'm bored with your missus mum granny sister...

Actually, above comment is a blatant lie...


I'm not really bored of your mum
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Kaol!
Did you? Is it someone you've mentioned before?
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:36, Reply)

*wades through all the sex talk*
Kaol, you fired someone? Was it awkward?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:37, Reply)

@kaol
Do them at the same time. Get a lovely lady to put your winkle in while you drink your drink of choice.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:37, Reply)

A complaint

has been sent to the IPCC regarding last night.

Other than that, I'm pretty dandy.

How are you all?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:37, Reply)

Oh trust
you Lab not to want to wallow in the filthy talk. Your new name is Piousface
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:38, Reply)

99%
Is a bit low if you ask me!

Smashed and fucked, done that a few times, so much fun!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:39, Reply)

'lo All
How are we today?

I'm busy, but lazy:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:39, Reply)

pickleface
*hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:40, Reply)

Pffft, wanderlust, chance'd be a fine thing :p
Person I fired... He was a temp.
So you can fire them for whatever.

I've asked him "not to come back".
But didn't tell him why.

He had an accident with sandpaper. And said he'd need to take 5 days off to recover. Lazy bastard.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:41, Reply)

*hugs badgerface*
You feeling any better?

@Kaol
I've never got to fire anyone before, was it fun?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Was it really an accident?
Were you holding the sandpaper?

Was it in an electric sander?
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Cripes!
I turn my back on B3ta for a day and a half and it's all gone mental!

I'm not going to wade in to the QOTW/Talk argy, there's no need. It's tiresome now.

In other news, I slipped over like a damn fool on some ice this morning and have bruises. *feels sorry for self*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:42, Reply)

Firing people sucks...

But I've also been the putrid lickspittle that had to gather evidence to get someone fired before...

and that, in my opinion, made me feel worse.

Anyhoo Kaol, do tell...Did the person say something derogatory about your hat?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:43, Reply)

What the hell
What sort of injury caused by sandpaper could possibly be that bad?!
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:44, Reply)

*waves at DiT*
Hey there fella! Sorry to hear about your fall :/

TGB, I like Piousface!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:44, Reply)

@ DiT
I fell over yesterday on the way to work - no bruises, I just kind of bounced.

Still looked like a twat though.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:44, Reply)

Poof
He was probably fired for telling Kaol that he could leave his hat on.

:edit: That's an accident with a belt sander rather than sanding paper. Unless you were attacked by a mob of angry skinheads, armed with sandpaper and with the intention of removing all of your skin I can't imagine a sandpaper injury being all that bad.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:45, Reply)

@kaol
Was he holding the sandpaper in his hand and rubbing his cock?!
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:47, Reply)

Oi Pooflake
I had to do the same once, the bloke started selling office equipment, including the print server, on eBay, then had the impressive idea of ringing us to say his printer no longer worked.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:47, Reply)

He managed to get some
Dust in his eye.

So he wanted five days off.
If I didn't fire him, it'd be a reportable accident under RIDOR, and likely to lead to an investigation, which is a waste of my time, and HSE's time.
So he's gone.

Stupid sod!

I fire quite a lot of temps, and I love it.
That delicious feeling of making someone elses day just that bit worse than your own.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:48, Reply)

Hmm
I need to go destroy someone's day...

Would probably involve getting dressed though.. seems like a lot of effort
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:50, Reply)

KGB
You getting dressed would ruin my day.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:51, Reply)

She's not naked Al...

She's wearing skimpies...

*checks through binoculars*

Anyway, Nice to see Kaol is getting in the festive spirit by sacking someone at Christmas

even if it was just a weedy temp...

Humbug?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:56, Reply)

Pooflake
Don't you watch me through binoculars!

Get your ass in here and make me a cup of tea. Milk no sugar.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:57, Reply)

@TGB...
But it ruins all the seediness fun if I pop in and put the kettle on...


By the way...*checks*...nice kettle.

*checks again* That's NOT a kettle!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 11:58, Reply)

My fall?
Christ, you make me sound like an old man! ;)

The best part of it was the string of expletives that sprang forth from me... Just as two mothers and their children passed me on their way to school.

I can just see it now... "Mummy, what's a "fucking shitting stupid bastard ice-cock"?

Actually, I live in Leytonstone, so they probably know those words already.

Cheers for the offer al... I do have a bed, and it is big. I accidentally bought a king size. Whoops!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:00, Reply)

I am sure
I can think of something to reintroduce the seediness in exchange for a cuppa tea Poof. ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:00, Reply)

Al, is that a massive bed...

For all your massive spunk?

@TGB - To be fair, I do make a bloody nice cup of tea...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:01, Reply)

Hi Ethel
Why have you complained to the IPCC?

I've decided I want VAT to go back up to 17.5%, this change is causing me a lot of headaches!

I'll have a cuppa please badgerface.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:05, Reply)

@Al...
Exactly! - That's why I have to store it up my chutney cupboard...to prevent possible bed breakage!

that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it

Besides Al, you're only jealous because my cock can reach my arse*, yet (I've heard) yours doesn't even leave the relative safety of your internal groinage area.


*I have a very stretchy arse...for reasons unknown
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:07, Reply)

I've just done all my work for the morning
Awesome.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:09, Reply)

I haven't even done half of my work for last week!
Not awesome.

Edit: 200!

Edit 2: We just got our phone bill. It's in electronic format, but they post it to us on a CD. WTF?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:11, Reply)

SoSIA
Long story, but briefly:

I got a text message saying "help" from my dad, so I rushed over to his house, and found it surrounded by police cars, who were packed up and driving off.

I went to the Police station to see what had happened to my dad, visually I must have looked a panicked wreck, but just got treated in such a way as to make me feel as though I'd stabbed someone, and that they couldn't care less if I rotted in the corner.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:15, Reply)

Ah, those friendly neighbourhood rozzers...

To protect and to serve...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:18, Reply)

I do hate sleeping in the wet patch.
Just phoned my mum she told me to stop wallowing or she would give me a big slap in the face later. She takes tough love to whole new levels *cries*

I managed to barter it to a cup of tea and a slap though.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:20, Reply)

Did she say 'wallowing' or 'swallowing'

because if it was the latter, I would recommend you ignore her advice ;)

Al, with me, there's no such thing as 'sleeping in the wet patch', unless partner of choice decides to defy both physics and gravity by sleeping on the ceiling...

or the curtains.

or down their own throat
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Hi again
I am again slipping in and out of things today.

Binoculars I don't need them to spy on you lot, I'm the bad thoughts inside your heads!

I only make tea in a teapot, none of this bag in cup crap, real tea, and a strainer.

Ethel, that's shit, what is the police farce coming too, I thought that they're job was to help people and bang up criminals!

EDIT Al she'd go out and maul small children!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:23, Reply)

I'm 'slipping in and out of things' today too...

but enough about Al & TGB...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Al
I'm so happy you said branch and not cock.

I'm a bag in cup gal. Tea people!! Tea!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Herr
Yeah, I'm so glad I'm a law abiding citizen, dread to think how they actually treat the law-breakers if they treat concerned family members like shite.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:26, Reply)

I'm writing a QOTW answer
Exciting stuff...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:26, Reply)

Got to love the police Ethel
Had an altercation with them myself last weekend when I expressed my displeasure at them acting as the BNP's force of personal bodyguards.

Was your dad alright?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:27, Reply)

Oh Pooflake
I've missed your humour.

Badger, you say you want to be teabagged? Well if you insist.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:27, Reply)

SoSIA
Don't doubt they did act like that.

Yeah hes ok thankfully, its a big palava, but its ok.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:29, Reply)

what no?
no no no no no no no

Oh go on then
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:30, Reply)

*seizes opportunity*

My plum-dangling technique is down to such a fine art that Gary Barlow himself would be proud
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:33, Reply)

dammit
now I want a bacon sandwich
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:37, Reply)

So... Er...
*coughs*
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:41, Reply)

*teabags Badger*
*hands Badger a bacon sandwich and cup of tea*

There you go, happy now?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Because you're far away
and I'm not wearing any clothes. And cooking bacon naked can be painful.

*noms* thanks Dok
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Erm...
It's been a while, so please excuse my pimping...

I'm a whore for you.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:44, Reply)

I already clicked that...
Damn you DiT!

At least your stories are better than your poems...

I need some tech-minded person to set me up an auto-clicker.
Every time DiT posts on QOTW I end up clicking.
*shakes fist*
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Badger
That's an image that's going to stick in my head you know.

Do you not have an apron?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:52, Reply)

@Kaol
That story made me clench my bum-cheeks.

I've clicked it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:55, Reply)

No
I don't have an apron. *puts on Christmas list*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:56, Reply)

@TGB
You could grill it...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:58, Reply)

Grilling it is win.
My rubbish ex used to insist on microwaving bacon.
*sighs*
What a fuckin' waste.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 12:59, Reply)

Microwaving bacon?!
It has to be grilled, crispy as hell!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:02, Reply)

There are some things
you should never microwave.

And that list includes bacon. And eggs.

And small furry animals, because that's cruel.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:03, Reply)

Oh look who's back!
I just tend to throw everything in a frying pan. Greasy goodness
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:04, Reply)

I know!
I've made some stupid choices in my past.
She was worse than most, just for the bacon thing.

EDIT: Mr. K, microwaved poached eggs actually work really well.

And on that note, I'm off for lunch. Bacon and egg baguette, I think :D
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:04, Reply)

Grilling Bacon
Is EVIL, it has to be fried and not crispy at all!

*adds apron to things to get for xmas*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:06, Reply)

*touches george foreman*
*thanks him for the grill*

Perfect bacon every time. Yummy!
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:08, Reply)

Are you referring to me above, Miss Badger?
For the record, I like my bacon grilled, but not crispy. Just enough so that the fat is cooked.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:11, Reply)

Captain
That's EVIL I tells ya, EVIL!

/potty old man voice.

EDIT K2k6, that's bacon cooked to perfection.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Oh I was refering to Lab
but I don't want you to feel left out so yay k2 is back as well *dances*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:12, Reply)

My George Formby* Grill

Is too much of a pain in the arse to clean after things like bacon.

It's aftercare policy is so detrimental to it's convenience factor that it now resides gathering dust next to my blender / breville sandwich toaster and fuck knows what else kitchen gadgets that I thought would save time.

*It also cleans windows.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:13, Reply)

That's quite OK
See, I didn't pick up on whether it was a happy tone, or a sarky one!

But yes, I'm back. Although I think I need to buy something down town this lunchtime, only I've forgotten what it was!

My short term memory is abysmal.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:14, Reply)

It's much easier than doing the washing up
Just wipe it down with some wet kitchen towel once it's cooled down enough to not be hot and burny.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Sandwich toasters are awesome
I am thinking about a cheese and onion toastie. They are a bitch to clean though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Yes, but it requires a decent amount of scrubbing...

which results in scratching all the non-stick stuff off.

...and I've got one of the older ones that doesn't have the detachable plates that you can just hoof into the dishwasher.


You see, this is why I get takeaways all the time.

my substantial gut is all George Formby's fault.

*sigh*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:18, Reply)

your gut
makes you all huggable though Poof!

*hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:19, Reply)

I always find it ironic
that you have to scrub non-stick surfaces to remove the stuff which is stuck to them.

And that this results in the removal of the non-stick coating. You'd be better not having it at all.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:20, Reply)

I thought Breville
was the name of your goat, Al?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:23, Reply)

KGB
Why would you clean a cheese and onion toastie?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:28, Reply)

I've no idea what it'll do
But I just clicked "I like this".
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:29, Reply)

My mum microwaves bacon
and it's vile. Microwaves should only be used for defrosting things, I wouldn't cook anything in one.

Bacon should be FRIED, in olive oil in a heavy based frying pan and preferably on a gas hob. What's wrong with all you grilling weirdos?

Edit: and a George Formby is well easy to clean, it's non stick! Obviously using a scourer will scrape the Teflon off, which is what makes it harder to wash. I use a normal dishcloth and have never had any problems.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:33, Reply)

Capn V
It'll act like the Hadron Collider:

www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:35, Reply)

fried greasy goodness
nom nom nom

Damn my cheese and onion toastie isn't sounding half as good as a greasy egg and bacon sandwich
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:35, Reply)

@Sam
You can grill bacon while naked, without danger of hot fat splashing onto sensitive bits. This is a serious problem when doing nude frying.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:37, Reply)

Sam
No. You've got it all wrong.

Bacon should be griddled, on a dry griddle. The eggs should be fried afterwards on the same griddle using the bacon fat and residue.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:39, Reply)

I agree
with duckie :)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:40, Reply)

As much as I love being naked
I would sacrifice my nudity and put my tea lady apron on, rather than resort to grilling bacon.

I thought grills were illegal in Scotland and everybody had to shallow or deep fat fry everything. Must have been mistaken, or maybe you're a renegade plastic Scotsman :p

Edit: I've heard this theory before duckie, I like a small splash of olive oil to lubricate things first though. I don't fry in an inch of grease or anything! Agreed on cooking eggs in the bacon fat obviously, bonus points if you can manage to feed them to vegetarians who will no doubt compliment you...

I only wash my main frying pan about once a week, I had an amazing tasting bacon/black grease sandwich at about 2 this morning!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:40, Reply)

Stop it with the toasties!
You'll make me get mine out!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:41, Reply)

Shhh, Sam
Don't tell everyone. I've got a whole country's reputation to uphold.

It's only bacon though. I wouldn't grill a Mars Bar, for instance.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:42, Reply)

Duckie
I think you should make me a bacon and egg sarnie that way and I will judge if it is the best :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:43, Reply)

Another b3tan bites the dust.
What an odd couple of days around here.

Mr Noon folks!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:44, Reply)

Noon No3l, al, and everyone else
I've just had a nom-worthy lasagne. Now I'm sleepy!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:47, Reply)

Mr Noon No31!
Who's bitten the dust now?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:48, Reply)

TGB
I would, but I'm slightly lacking in both bread and bacon. I could do just a fried egg, but eating that with fingers might be a little tricky. :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:51, Reply)

well go buy some Duckie
chop chop :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:52, Reply)

I
feel an experiment coming on...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:53, Reply)

Aaaargh
I meant my Breville Sandwich Toaster, not my winky!

Al you're a very naughty boy!

The only thing that should be grilled in my oppinion is Cheese on Toast, and only because it can't be done in a toaster.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:54, Reply)

A grilled egg
would probably burn on the top before the inside was even warm. However, if by some odd chance you like your eggs half raw and half blackened it's the ideal way to go.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:54, Reply)

lost, aka SenorBurtReynolds
His profile says he's gone.

Did someone say George Formby?

Edit for spazness:

www.b3ta.com/board/6648025
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:55, Reply)

noel what?
what what? what? That was random....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 13:58, Reply)

And I'm back.
Hope you all didn't miss me too hard.

This afternoon I've gotta do some design work.
Exciting...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:02, Reply)

I'm confused now
Never tried grilling eggs, but I have cooked them in a George Formby. The key is finding something to prop the front up before you start cooking, unless you particularly want to end up with your eggs in the grease tray, or semicircular burns across your fingers for about 6 weeks.

Dok - can't cook cheese on toast in a toaster? You lay it on its side, amateur!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:03, Reply)

But Sam
the cheese would melt and drip off....

oh, that side!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:06, Reply)

But Sam
The cheese goes all melty and drips onto the heating elements, you can't get them clean, and and the whole house ends up smelling like burnt cheese for weeks!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:07, Reply)

Some people
just create problems.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:08, Reply)

*becomes a problem creator*
Two trains traveling towards a common point. One from 546km away at 60 km/h the other from 463km at 48km/h. Which gets there first?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:11, Reply)

Not the one I'm fucking well on.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:11, Reply)

@ Badger
Not the British one!

Afternoon all!

*huggles*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:11, Reply)

Dok,
That's why you put foil in first.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Aww
*gives Clendrix boob hugs and a cuppa*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Train A
It's gotta be train A
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:12, Reply)

It's the first train TGB
Kaol knows how to use a toaster!

When I was a poor student I had a dedicated cheese on toast toaster permanently on its side with half the elements disconnected, cos I didn't have a grill.

Edit: damn you Cap'n V, I was too busy adding the toast bit to my response.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:13, Reply)

And some have the horn thrust upon them.

Ta Badger!
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Who's getting horn?
I want some.
:(
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

The thing I liked most about being a student
Was having a toaster on my desk. That was until I was making toast at 4am one morning. Turns out I wasn't awake enough to a) Remember I was making toast b) Notice it was burning until the fire alarm went off.

I wasn't very popular that day.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:16, Reply)

How about this problem?
Two trains are heading towards a central point. One is 40 miles away and travelling at 26mph, the other is 35 miles away, travelling at 19mph and has a non operational buffet car.

Find the sum of the square of the other two sides and divide it by the time taken for six men to dig a third of a hole, including their tea break. Remember to show all your workings.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:17, Reply)

@Sam
Banana.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:18, Reply)

I had toast for lunch, it was very nommy
*makes no comment re horn*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:18, Reply)

Al!
Go on then!

Would you like me to thrust anything back?
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:19, Reply)

Sorry TGB
*tickles*

Any excuse to drop that pic in :)

Someone did mention him tho!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:19, Reply)

*blows horn*
*doodle doo doo doooooo dooooooooo* Badger Pooooower!

No3l I was more randomised by the lost thing. He was saying some shit yesterday he was going to leave though. Sadly I have no sympathy today so just don't give a tiny rats ass.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:20, Reply)

Wanderlust...
You want some horn?

I've got a whole fuckin' stack of antlers here.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:20, Reply)

I dread to think why
Kaol
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:21, Reply)

That's for me to know
And her to find out :p
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Kaol
No foil is rubbish, I hates it.

Hi Tulip *waves* *hugs*

Who's got the horn?

*checks pants*

Not me!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:22, Reply)

Hello again all!
*waves*

I'm now in full on air-drumming, feet-tapping, head-banging mode, mainly because loud music helps me get through nasty work!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:26, Reply)

yeah kaol
Chuck them my way.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Oh!
*enjoys thrusty goodness*

What a lovely way to spend the afternoon.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Ok...
If by them, you mean it...
And if by chuck you - Ah fuck this, I give up, I can't steal Al's one joke...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:31, Reply)

I think I need more tea
the excitement of all the thrusting is just too much

*excuses self to kitchen*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:32, Reply)

Yeah... I know...
*sighs*
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:37, Reply)

I only have
one teabag left *cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:37, Reply)

I'll let you have my teabag
for free TGB
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:39, Reply)

Running out of tea
is no joke people!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:41, Reply)

*continues being thrusted*
I feel like I'm on my way to the moon!
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Goatse moon
Clenny?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:43, Reply)

Badger
Didn't you do the whole teabagging thing earlier.

Maybe you should have kept them!

WOO & YAY and a very loud WHOOHOOO. I've just sorted out what I'm doing on NYE.

EDIT

She's off to goatse moon
She followed Mr Al
Goatse moo-oon
Oooohhh Aaaaaaaaah
Goatse Moo-oon
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:43, Reply)

Ethel!
Stop trying to sully a romantic moment.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:44, Reply)

*slaps Dok*
There will be no mention of that horrible santa holiday or fucking new years eve in my presence.

I fucking hate both of them and everyone that mentions them. *grinches it up*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:45, Reply)

*sprinkles xmas dust*
Cheer up KGB, or you won't get your present!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:46, Reply)

I choose
being miserable over presents.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:47, Reply)

Here here
NYE is so stupid I don't know what to say about it.

I quite like Christmas though but only in December
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Even
An EthelPresent^TM?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Ouch
*holds sore spot*

That's not fair, I'm all excited about it! But I would have spent it with you if only you'd said* ;)


may or may not be true!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:49, Reply)

*slaps V*
it's "hear" fucking "hear" representing the fact you have heard and agrees with what the speaker i.e. me has said. On a visual medium I would accept see see

Major fucking pet peeve. I am really fucking cranky today *slaps self*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:50, Reply)

Your grouchyness has made me do this Badger
I never wanted to unleash this on a totally unsuspecting world!

Feel the power of

*FUCKING AWESOME HUGS*

Thou shalt be grouchy no more, m'Lady!

Captain, even I saw that one coming!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:57, Reply)

*rubs cheek better*
That hurt TGB but to be fair I'd have slapped myself if I'd been alert enough to notice it.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 14:58, Reply)

*returns from lunch*...

Did I miss anything?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:06, Reply)

@pooflake
No, but you seem to have scared everyone away.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:17, Reply)

poof is very scary
*snogs lusty*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:18, Reply)

Hahaha!
*grins*
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:18, Reply)

Oooo
Girl on badger action!

*watches*
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:19, Reply)

*touches TGB's boobies*
*motorboats*
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:21, Reply)

Woohoo
*jiggles*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:25, Reply)

*spluffs*

ah well, see you again in 15 minutes or so...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:27, Reply)

What
is the point of asking me to upload a cv on a job application then make me fill out boxes for every fucking thing that is listed on my fucking cv. arghghgghghhghghghhghg
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:36, Reply)

I'm back from the shops.
Sainsbury's was great fun, what with Al thrusting away.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:37, Reply)

Aaargh
You'll feel my pain on this TGB...

I have just thrown a box file at the speakers due to hearing a policeman on the radio talking about some woman who got run over whilst being carjacked. Apparently she's 'seriously ill' in hospital. Eh? Since when is getting run over an illness? Seriously INJURED is the phrase you're looking for.

/nicotine-craving based pedantic rage
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:38, Reply)

Have you just been to Sainsburys?
Rubbish, I'm out of Reggae Reggae and you can't buy it anywhere else!

Can you pick me some up if you go back al?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:43, Reply)

Al and I
are now banned from Sainsbury's.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:45, Reply)

Drixy and Al
How on earth did you get barred fron Sainbury's?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:49, Reply)

Dok
Thrusting.
And smearing jam around.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:50, Reply)

I was wondering...

I've got something a bit serious to say regarding what has happened to some fellow b3tards recently...I don't really expect any replies because it's more like a rant.

Should I post it here or put it as a thread on off topic?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:55, Reply)

this application form is wank
I am annoyed. I may have to go for the last teabag.

*cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:55, Reply)

Pooflake
Up to you, it'll get more attention from everyone if you post it in OT rather than HSH :)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:56, Reply)

Poof,
I'd go with main OT.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Cheers Lab...

I'll put it here then. It's not really attention I'm after really. I just want an outlet.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Yesterday...
Amongst the trolling and wotnot, something else happened that I’m not overly chuffed about. I’ll try and explain without naming names and going into too much detail, also because I believe it has now been dealt with.

A regular favourite on this site (whom I greatly admire) started to receive unprovoked abusive, accusing, unfounded gazzes by someone’s meat puppet about matters with which they did not know the full facts.

This wasn’t just standard accusations - which also involved other B3tards who I know well and am incredibly fond of – but they were based on conclusions that had been jumped to by mixing 1% of fact with 99% of conjecture, hearsay and false opinion…which was the business of nobody except those involved anyway.

The repercussions of these accusations could have had a devastating effect on the relationship of the people involved. At best it was needlessly very upsetting for all of them.

I was confided in as a friend, & I tried to discover who the perpetrator was but to no avail. The victim however, had more success and managed to find out who the sender was…

And it was somebody that not only have I met, but I have shared a beer with, had a laugh with, and someone whom I thought was genuinely nice.

Shows what a good judge of character I am. I am truly shocked by this.

(I know, I know, ‘It’s just the internet’, ‘That’s life’, ‘Shit happens’ ‘There’s fuck all we can do about it’ etc, but I still fucking hate it when spiteful wank happens like this.)

I apologise to those who know the incident to which I am referring. I am probably not doing anybody any favours by dragging this up again publicly; but I would just like to say that I wish sometimes…people could think for a fucking milisecond and keep their cocking noses out of stuff that does not concern them.

Especially when they don’t know the facts.

Rant over, can we please resume the normal service of huggles, snogs, sexeh talk and taking the piss out of each other?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:01, Reply)

HURRAY!
I finally posted a QOTW answer.

It's been a long time.

I need to lie down for a while.

Edit: Blimey, Poo.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Poo
Read, understand and agreed.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:04, Reply)

People
are generally cocks. But it sucks that happened and I hope it all worked itself out.

*snogs poof* haha now you have the bad fluz
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:04, Reply)

I'm sure all has been resolved.
Most likely it was a misunderstanding of some sort, or perhaps the result of some sort of malicious tinkering by someone with /\/\4dd H4XX0R SKILLZ who wanted to stir the shit for lulz.

Either way, I can't imagine that real unpleasantness would continue in such a wonderful place as this one. Really, we do have one of the nicer corners of the Internet here, and I'm sure we all wish to keep it that way.

Rest easy, Pooflake. I'm confident that the perpetrator will be found and dealt with summarily.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:11, Reply)

I feel left out now
That story needs names pooflake!

Gaz me if you don't want to post them. Or just ignore me.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:12, Reply)

LUSTY!
Are you still here?
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:16, Reply)

I'm here.
For another 8 minutes.
( wanderlust, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:19, Reply)

Well,
I'm gonna gaz ya quickly then!
*hugs*

Ooops. Didn't mean to kill things with my secret messages.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Hahah threadkiller.
Fetch the hat!

*bimbles in*
*looks around*
*bimbles out again*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:30, Reply)

Bugger off, Wookers
you lurky bastard.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:32, Reply)

Woo, I just got a rejection email
For a job I was kinda hoping to get an interview for...
*sips coffee*
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:35, Reply)

*returns*
*flicks V's*
*wonders if the apostrophe is necessary*
*departs*

EDIT - Sorry to hear that Kaol, did they give you a reason?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:36, Reply)

I'm back from my shower
I'm sorry, I didn't realise I smelt so bad before...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:37, Reply)

You all sad Al?
Sorry you could have joined me in the shower if I'd known sooner, cheered me up :D
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:41, Reply)

Kaol,
erm...don't know what to say. Twats?
*hugs*

Wookiee! I would expect better apostrophe usage from you, young man.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Thanks :)
No specific reason, but it was a nice, if somewhat generic email.

Ah well! Time to keep on looking!
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:50, Reply)

At least you had an email
I've applied for about 15 jobs that I have heard nothing from. joyadoodle doo
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:53, Reply)

Well I'm off home
With a bottle of wine from work. I'm looking forward to some dinner then the pub =]

Laters folks.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:53, Reply)

Yeah, that's what I mean,
I've been applying for jobs for about a year now, and only very few of them actually bother to reply with a "no".
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:55, Reply)

People are idiots.
Someone's gonna snap you up.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 16:58, Reply)

I know that :p
Just a matter of keep looking.

Tomorrow is looking quiet, so it'll be new QOTW/look for jobs day :D
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:01, Reply)

Absolutely!
Unless the bugs come back...
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:03, Reply)

*itches*
Those damn bugs :(

You've not heard the last of them though...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:05, Reply)

Oh dear...
the only interest I have in those bugs is that they might lead to lovely lunch dates with fit, young men.

*releases new batch of bugs*
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:07, Reply)

Al
It's saving grace is that its got whats-her-face in tight rubber
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:12, Reply)

Al...
From yesterday...

"Well, I had to go to a certain hotel to measure up some rooms for new furniture.

Because they'd had to gut the rooms completely, due to "too many bugs".

I know most hotels have bed bugs, but how bad does it have to be before there are "too many"?

How do you think they measure it? Bugs per square inch?
Bites per guest per night?
Grams of bugs per room?

*shudders*

*looks for carbolic soap*"
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:13, Reply)

Oooh, I know this, kind of!
I did my work experience for what was then MAFF, and there was an official mites/g total that was considered unacceptable. You hoover the beds/carpets etc, take a sample of the dust, wash and filter it then count how many creepy-crawlies are left on your filter paper, then you work out how many per gram that is.

I think the number is lots :(

Obviously the amount of dust you get per bed/per room is also taken into consideration.

I only got to do that for a day though, the rest of the time there was working for a man called Bushy who had an interest in bees.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:22, Reply)

Wookiee.
You're wasted, you really are.
(Not drunk. For a change. Unless something has happened in the last ninety minutes.)
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:26, Reply)

Not drunk yet, no
Although I have just been invited to my old department's Xmas drinks this evening. Thankfully/sadly I'll be working to late to catch them before they naff off to their fancy restaurant, so my Drinking A Little Bit Less week remains on track.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:28, Reply)

Fantastic!
Although, Mr. W, this was a bed-bug infestation, not dust mites (which aren't bugs, as I'm sure you know)...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:29, Reply)

Nice one.
Perhaps we should have an orange juice after work tomorrow to celebrate your new lifestyle.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:30, Reply)

Well quite, Kaol.
However I am informed that the procedure for counting is identical.

Also, if I recall correctly, the sample is washed in alcohol for no other reason than that if they're pissed, the little buggers don't move around so much. If you don't count quickly enough they start wandering all over the place.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:34, Reply)

Funny,
cos the more pissed Kaol gets, the harder he is to control.

And the more pissed Wookiee gets, the wobblier he is.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:35, Reply)

Nice!
See, alcohol makes everything better.

EDIT: Hahaha! And what about you? The more pissed you get... *shrugs*
I'm normally too drunk to realise you are too...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:36, Reply)

I haven't been drunker than you...
yet.

I lose my sense of direction, as Wookiee will tell you.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:39, Reply)

Hahahah,
"I thought you meant the other ULU!"

Hahahah.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:41, Reply)

So do I, Al. So do I.
Wookiee - shall we start a war here on the thread?

EDIT: I feel mean for posting this. Stupid affection for friends.



King's Cross Toilets
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:44, Reply)

FIGHT!!!!!!
I love it when the internet gets exciting.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:45, Reply)

Oh!
Well in that case...

No, I can't.
:(
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:46, Reply)

Evening al
I see we've been playing with the retards today
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:47, Reply)

'lo MM
I am ashamed of nothing, Clenderton!

Besides, I've pretty much told everyone anyway, I think...
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:48, Reply)

And we all know how much you love
watching me dangle my cock in their mouths.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:51, Reply)

I can believe you have no shame.

I think I'm done with sitting at this desk. I'm going home :)
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:51, Reply)

Hey all
Madame Bin has started a new thread here.

I feel she would appreciate your attendance.

*ushers*



*ushers some more*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:53, Reply)

Oh yeah.
I think I have a photo of that somewhere....
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:54, Reply)

evening all
in a move of utter selfishness I have started an Evening Thread.

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post318728#qotw-post-318743
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 3 Dec 2008, 17:58, Reply)

Aww, sure
Just ignore me Mrs Bin.


*cries*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 3 Dec 2008, 18:06, Reply)