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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning cunts!
amuse yourself here you workshy fuckers

or not, see if I care

No, you can't have an image, kiss my ring
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 7:50, 339 replies, latest was 17 years ago)
Needs more cowbell
Where's the picture? Gotta have a picture.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 7:56, Reply)
Also
Morning!
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 7:57, Reply)
Morning!
I've got to give some newbies training on a particular piece of software this morning. I've been allocated 3 hours, when at most I need 1.5.

I'm also spectacularly exhausted, although that's down to remembering my guilty pleasure for American Pie 2 that was on last night.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:32, Reply)
Don't call me a cunt
You fucker! /grins

Howdy y'all. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:37, Reply)
Morning Vagina Cunt
How are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:47, Reply)
Sauce dilemma
Everybody knows that with a sausage sandwich one has tomato sauce, and with a bacon sandwich one has brown sauce. Today I have had a sausage and bacon sandwich. I went with tomato sauce since sausage beats bacon.
What would you have done?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:48, Reply)
Hi labradoodle
I'm well thanks.

Lic. I would have not had a sausage and bacon sandwich at all cos I don't like bacon
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:52, Reply)
Morning all
And how are we this fine day?

I feel inordinately chipper today, I spent last night jamming with Pooflake and his bro, sank a rather good bottle of red and slept like a rohypnol'd co-ed. I have today off and I'm going for lunch later with my G/F and her daughter. Later I'll be going to see the Chuckle Brothers in Leamington with them.

Life is good.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:54, Reply)
sounds awesome Mr Placid sir
Have an awesome day!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:56, Reply)
That's a valid position
And I respect your pig-based product integrity.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:56, Reply)
Morning Captain
The Chuckle Brothers? Really?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:58, Reply)
well even if it's not valid
nothing you can do about it :P

Nah nah - I actually really don't like bacon at all. I find the taste too overpowering.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:59, Reply)
Morning all
Cap'n life is good, except for the Chuckle Brothers that is.

Brown sauce is the spawn of satan and should be wiped from the face of the universe.

EDIT Vamp, you've just been eating the wrong bacon!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 8:59, Reply)
How can you not like bacon?
It's like saying you don't like beauty, or love, or life.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:01, Reply)
Isn't the Chuckle Brothers show
this year based on Indiana Jones type malarkey?

Edit: It's Chuckle Trek - The Lost Generation :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:01, Reply)
I love beauty love and life,
I just don't like bacon. haven't eaten it since I was about 11. Just went off it. I can cook it for other people just fine - but I just can't eat it myself. It ruins my food.

Did I mention I eat very little meat in general? I'll try everything at least once but usually stay away from something if I don't like it.

EDIT: Hi Dok and lusty and everyone else!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:04, Reply)
Morning all.
No comic this week, my brain was trying to claw it's way out of my skull last night.

*twitches*

Today is my Friday, got tomorrow off.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:05, Reply)
Halfy
Where's my fucking HSH picture? You'll have to be punished for that.

Morning all you other fuckers! I'm a little delicate this morning after pound a pint night yesterday :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:06, Reply)
hey kaol and tgb
don't worry. it'll all be okay. :)

Kaol - maybe you'll have more luck tomorrow.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:07, Reply)
Kaol
Boooooooooooooooooo, your comic make my Thursday doable.

Hi Lusty & Badger.

*hugs* for all.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:09, Reply)
Haha!
I'm out from tonight 'til Sunday night, so I doubt it :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:09, Reply)
It's our very own Chuckle Badger
Morning TGB.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:10, Reply)
Morning all
*yawns*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:11, Reply)
Morning!
I'm tired.
(Kaol - Scourge of Wales, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:13, Reply)
Mornin'
I too am wholeheartedly disappointed by the lack of HSH image.

But in the meantime, here is a last-minute whoring of my Valentine's-day themed post.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:13, Reply)
Bacon
I never used to eat bacon, and I still don't like it burnt aka crispy. But a nice piece of pink bacon is ok now and then.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:14, Reply)
Bacon
I eat bacon, everything is better with bacon!

In fact I will eat any meat that is served to me, I'm an equal opportunity eater.

Morning X, V, And Spakka. You all missed the hugs.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:16, Reply)
Dammit I want a bacon sarnie now =[
I might have to go see if I can acquire one.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:17, Reply)
hehehe chuckle badger
I like that :)

Yesterday I went compleatly crazy at about 510pm. I was ranting about what a big pile of wank M Night Shalymalymanaman's films are but it all got a bit silly and I just ended up not being able to breathe I was laughing so much!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:18, Reply)
Badger
What do you mean you went crazy. You're crazy already. ;)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:20, Reply)
Bacon did you say?
BACON!

EDIT: @HDL: But we're all crazy already!

* hugs back *
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:21, Reply)
Spakka!
My mind has just been destroyed!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:24, Reply)
I want an image goddammit!
And ok, I went crazier
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:25, Reply)
Post whoring
I noticed that last week's newsletter had a funny names corner, so would like to pimp my "aptly named" link. I'd link to it direct but that's REALLY hard on my mobile so please check my profile...
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:25, Reply)
Yes Spakka
We're all crazy in some way, except me that is, I'm perfectly normal. I'm just here to make sure you lot take your meds!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:27, Reply)
Chains
What link on your profile?

I'm even slower today as the alcohol bunnies have eated through all my brain relay thingies
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:29, Reply)
actually
I'm off meds!! I'm so happy about that!

3 months and counting since I stopped taking it!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:32, Reply)
Bacon is my med
Anyway, I've now highlighted the names embedded in my Valentine's post (in a reply).

I must now head off to the office. See you in the evening-thread you sexy beasts!
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:35, Reply)
Meds?
*laughs*

Meds are rubbish.

I've still not smoked since Tuesday night... Going well so far.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:36, Reply)
well done Kaol!
that's awesome!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:43, Reply)
Thank you!
We shall see though, got a band practice tonight, and a b3ta-bash on Saturday, both of which are things I'd normally smoke lots at.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:46, Reply)
I haven't smoked for about
an hour...
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:52, Reply)
Nice one Kaol
Keep up the good work there.

I myself have not had a smoke for about 10 minutes.

Never been on meds, but a number of people think that I should have been at some point or other.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:56, Reply)
@TGB
The "including 11 links" bit. :-)
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:58, Reply)
CUNTS!

That's what all you lot are.





Morning.

xx
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:58, Reply)
I haven't smoked for 2 years

but I still crave them when I'm pissed, just thought that you should know.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:59, Reply)

You bunch of fucking bastards. Absolute bastards GET BACK TO WORK before I snap your backs.








Morning all...
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:01, Reply)
Good morrow fellow intermewebbers
and al.

Today is good. I'm off work, and later, I go to Edinburgh on a piss up.

But right now I'm going back to the coffee as I feel like shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:03, Reply)
Has anyone noticed how everyone seems tired, demotivated and jaded at the moment?


I blame the winter, immmigrnats taking our jobs and Russell Brand.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:05, Reply)
I blame that preacher what doesn't want to get deported
and Harringey council. It's all their fault.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:06, Reply)
I wish someone would deport me to Barbados

Just for a couple of weeks mind.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:07, Reply)
I blame Jesus,
Michael Jackson, and all the other kiddie-fiddlers.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)
Internets. I need your help.
Which jam should I have on my toast this morning?
Apricot or raspberry, or should I just go crazy and have a slice of each?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)
Marmite or

Pate.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:08, Reply)
@nakedape
Tired, jaded: check. De-motivated: that doesn't count, I've never been motivated in my life.

It's all due to a trauma I suffered as a sboolboy, I was attacked by Mr Motivator.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:09, Reply)
Marmalade
I don't like jam.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:10, Reply)
I don't like marmite.
It tastes like dead :(
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:10, Reply)
heeeeello lusty
your presence has motivated me enough to go get a coffee and some breakfast.

I'd go for the raspberry.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:10, Reply)
Apricot, clearly.
Rasberry has Seeds Of Evil in it.
Horrible stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:11, Reply)
Go mad lusty
have one of each. *imagines lusty covered in jam*

*slips off chair*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:11, Reply)
Bleurgh Marmalade is rubbish.
It promises so much, it's like jam, but made with oranges, I love jam, I love oranges, how can this be a bad thing, so I eat it and BLEEEERRRRUGGGHGHGHGHGHG It's horrific!

Have a slice of each, they are both awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:11, Reply)
And apricot is made of apricot
which is the Devil's own heomharroids.

Yuk.

*EDIT* al, you are wrong on so many levels. Marmalade is all of the win. Especially the lime marmalade.

Jam, however, is Jade Goody's heavy menstrual flow. With bits in.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:12, Reply)
always go both ways Lusty
Always. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:12, Reply)
I would probably starve to death if Marmite were to disappear.
Sometimes I like to dunk my knob in it so the dog marmite loving misses can lick it off.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:12, Reply)
I have decided to have
a slice of each.

I wish I had loganberry jam. The king of all jams.

Oh well fucking thanks DG! Now I can't finish my fucking breakfast.
I don't hate you as I could never hate you, but I'm pretty close. You bastard.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:14, Reply)
Raspberry is the sensible option really

Apricot is good on croissants though
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:14, Reply)
Morning, all!
I'm bloated from eating 3 slices of toast. 3 frigging slices of toast!!!!! What am I doing for lunch?! Lick the back of stamp?!

How are we today, ladies and gents?
(The Stig, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:14, Reply)
Noooooooooooo!
Jam is wrong. I refer you to above for evidence.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:14, Reply)
Hello Recent Arrivals
Lusty I'd go with the Rasberry myself, I don't like Apricot.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:15, Reply)
The worst of all fruit
Is blackberries.
I'd rather make myself sick than eat blackberries.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:15, Reply)
Come to think of it
I don't like fruit much (OK, at all) which would probably explain my aversion to jam.

But not marmalade, oddly enough, even though I don't particularly like oranges either.

Am I weird?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Then welcome
ooh, chemotherapy wig, welcome. In Jam.

Jam

Jam

Jam
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:17, Reply)
You massive roaring purple vagina

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:19, Reply)
Kaol
What about Gooseberries?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Morning al, ape, DW, DG etc
You spacktards.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Blackberries = good

Balckcurranst = minge, unless they are in ribena format
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Kaol
Nowt wrong with blackberries.

Though, I have a soft spot for Peanut butter.

Very underrated foodstuff.
(The Stig, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:18, Reply)
You can't really go wrong with fruit
I can't really think of a fruit that I don't like off the top of my head, though I'm willing to bet some exist.

The only "fruit" I have issues with are banananananananananas. I never know how to spell them and they give me terrible indigestion.

I am aware that they not fruit. I think they are herbs are they not?
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:18, Reply)
What?
"Balckcurranst"?
What the fuck're you talking about lad?

Gooseberries are awesome.

EDIT: So is peanut butter, very true Mr. S.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:18, Reply)

Mango is a fruit, yet you cannot make Mango jam. It is referred to as Chutney. Same with Bananas - where is my Banana Jam?
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:19, Reply)
Did you know you can get red bananas?
I've seen them with my very own eyes.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:19, Reply)
Red bananas?
Skin or flesh?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:20, Reply)
All fruit is evil
In its unprocessed state.

I quite like fresh orange juice, blackcurrant juice, apple juice, and wine though.

But 'proper' fruit makes me gag. Bleeuuurrrgh.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:20, Reply)
Peanut Butter tastes like

someone scraped the shit out of a swamp dwelling rat that had been fed nothing but peanuts and spunk for a year.


*balks*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:21, Reply)
Hmmm...
I think grapes are awesome.
Can you get grape jam?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:21, Reply)
You can get all sorts of bananananananas
Because bananananananas fruit in a non sexual manner, all the yellow bananas eaten all over the world are pretty much the same plant, just split up a lot.

So once a nice disease arrives, all the banananananas in the world are totally fucked.

Does anyone else find the "FAST" adverts about strokes quite funny?
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:21, Reply)
Fig Jam
is my favourite jam.

BUT I LOVE NUTELLA MOSTEST OF ALL!1!!!eleventyone!!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:22, Reply)
Skin
The flesh is the same as a yellow banana if I remember correctly.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:22, Reply)
I don't like banananananans either
I am incredibly hungry now though
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:22, Reply)
and yes Al
Althugh I saw one yesterday and it had removed the big flying letters that I found particulary funny
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:23, Reply)
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

try telling that to my Grandad who had a stroke in 2003 and now can't wipe his arse.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:23, Reply)
*Sighs*
I'd love to stay and play, but I must have a shower and then take the car to the garage as it has a fuel leak and then go to Edinburgh to get roaringly drunk. Again.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:24, Reply)
@nakedsape
I suppose that's one way of putting it!

Grape jam? There's a thought.

I heard of the radio (I think it was LBC) that M&S are selling a jam sandwich for 75p.

Now, considering one can buy a cheap loaf for about 50p and a cheap jar of jam for 60p, does this jam sandwich smack of being a rip off?

I don't care if Dervla Kerwan's voice is advertising it!
(The Stig, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:24, Reply)
My mum had a mini stroke.
*is scared*


I don't like watching the advert.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:26, Reply)
I'd prefer it if her arse was advertising it

Get your strokes here, 50% off this week only and we'll throw in a free facial expression simulator.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:26, Reply)

Edinburgh is my favourite place to get roaringly drunk.
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:26, Reply)
By that logic
any pre-made sandwich is a rip off.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:26, Reply)
I would prefer it if her minge
was advertising it. The implication in teh advert being that if you eat this food, you could also eat this.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:28, Reply)
and on another note.
What is the point of putting a phone number on the back of commercial vehicles so you can comment on their crappy driving. Who can remember a licence plate number and a phone number while driving on the motor way and miles away from a pad and pencil?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:28, Reply)
Irish kebab

Like a normal kebab only mildy explosive...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:28, Reply)
You're paying
For convenience.

I'm eating a bag of McCoys.
In theory a potato and some oil would've been cheaper...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:29, Reply)
Al
not really, a crayfish and rocket salad would be a faff to make and a stretch to sell for £2.75 (because they can get crayfish at a cheaper price, etc).

But a jam sandwich?

It's just 2 flipping ingredients!

Kaol,

Try Walker's baked crisps. They are flipping lovely!
(The Stig, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:30, Reply)
you pay for the convenience
Sure Al's mum charges 50p but I could buy a huge pile of fish innards and other assorted farm yard guts for a mere 10. The same thing all in all but more effort is required.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:30, Reply)
*sigh*
I want beddybyesteim :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:31, Reply)
A packet of rocket seeds
costs about 12p. Flour costs very little, as does yeast and powdered milk.

You can buy a massive bag of frozen prawns (you couldn't tell the difference between the cheap ass crayfish they put in sarnies and a cheap frozen prawn) for a couple of pounds.

You can therefore make about 15 sandwiches for the price of one or two ready made ones. But you don't want to do that.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:32, Reply)
Al,
you also couldn't pass off prawns as crayfish.

That'll cost even more in legal bills! :O)

My point is this, at 50p, maybe M&S might have had a point. But 75p? Seem costly, to me.
(The Stig, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:34, Reply)
@djtrailprice
Pffft!
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:34, Reply)
I was worried I'd taken it too far
but then I remembered who I was talking to.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:39, Reply)

who I was talking to. I was wanking furiously into my own mouth.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:41, Reply)
:D
It's like you've got a webcam on me the whole time.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:45, Reply)
I bought a pepparami this morning
It's sealed in a foil packet, so why is it then wrapped in plastic. My food is essentially wearing a prophylactic!
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:36, Reply)
I may have a subway later
*happily skips around her her own little world not caring about how much jam sandwichs are*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:37, Reply)
I used to like subway
but i've gone off them as they are too salty.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:39, Reply)
I feel the same about you, Al

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:39, Reply)
love subway
it's awesome.

anyone here like Bojangles?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:41, Reply)
Noms
I have a chicken, cheese and lettuce sarnie with lots of sweet chilli sauce on for lunch. The ingredients cost about £5 maximum, and last me five days. Result!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:42, Reply)
I was going to say Clendrix
you should probably get some Canesten, you're starting to taste a bit fishy.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:42, Reply)
My problem with Subway
Is that the bread is some kind of dehydrated thing that combines with the moisture in the filling to form a glue-like paste that falls apart.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:42, Reply)
subway doesn't do that here!
our subs are awesome.
Fresh bread made daily.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:43, Reply)
mmmm subway
My fav Italian BMT is sub of the day today woot woot
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:44, Reply)
Fishy?
Is that why you keep sticking your worm there?

Hello everyone else :)
Kaol - yes, I agree.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:45, Reply)
MY problem with subway
Is that it's shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:45, Reply)
Yeah...
But it's not really bread.

I do like Subway, by the way. Maybe I just have too many moist items in mine...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:45, Reply)
I plan on having
A ham salad baguette from the canteen made fresh for £1.91.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:46, Reply)
hello miss drixy
*jiggles*

I'm being a very forthright young man today.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:47, Reply)
Actually it's true
Subways in Oz is far better than Subway here. That's probably why I stopped liking them actually, It was because I came home.

What I love in Oz are the massive food courts you get in shopping malls all selling nice fresh food. I had a massive double decker turkey, bacon, salad, ham and cheese (fresh cooked bacon too mind) and it cost about 9 dollars (that's four quid give or take).

I thought that was awesome value.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:47, Reply)
DJ
It's nice to see you here, as frisky as you are...
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:48, Reply)
My lunch
Is going to be a ham roll made at home. I'm no pawn of a neofacist communist Nazi corporation that's stealing all my freedom...man.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:49, Reply)
I don't like Captain X
He's not a patch on that lovely Captain V we used to have.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Agreed.
Captain X sucks.
(Kaol - Scourge of Wales, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:51, Reply)
Captain X
talks too much
*gets ball gag*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:51, Reply)
the raft
of different Captains confuses me.

Dammit, everytime I write a reply to this thread I see Halfy's invitation to kiss his ring. Quite frankly it's a bit disturbing.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:53, Reply)
It's no disturbing once you try
It's delicious.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:54, Reply)
DJ,
It's a kind of subliminal messaging.
Next time you see him, you'll not be able to help yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:55, Reply)
I'll keep that in mind
*goes for the mind bleach*
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:56, Reply)
I recommend
Wearing some kind of hockey mask.
Bring a machete, just in case...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:57, Reply)
On this day in 1878
Louis Pasteur presented his Germ Theory of infection to the French Academy of Medicine. Thank him for your germ-free lunch.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:57, Reply)
I'm the one true Captain, I just keep changing my letter cause V got nicked
And I don't think I talk too much. I consider myself to be quite reserved, on the most part, when it comes to talking.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:58, Reply)
Oh dear...
You'd have all kinds of problems if your food was all "germ free".

You'd get digestive problems, possible gut lesions, er... Possibly horrific constipation.

But anyway, three cheers for Luis Pasteur.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:00, Reply)
lmao
I hadn't noticed that little fact of ring kissing invitations.

/yawns. I'm tired.
off to bed soon I think
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:01, Reply)
I'm tired too
but looks like I'm stuck here for another 6 1/2 hours :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:05, Reply)
Alright Kaol
Just the cheese and milk then.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:05, Reply)
*grins*
Cheese and milk indeed.

G'night Vampy.
*looks at time*
Six more hours of work.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:06, Reply)
not going to bed yet
you guys are too funny to leave so soon!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)
I wish Luis Pasteur had been called Luis Mongo
so we could drink mongoed milk.




Erm, I'm afraid that's as good as it's going to get from me today.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:07, Reply)
Luis?
Nah...
Johnny Mongo.
Best name ever.
Johnny works with almost any surname ever.

Like the time I was drunk and requested "Ring Of Cash" by Johnny Fire.
*sighs*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:09, Reply)
/disagree
Johnny Mongo doesn't scan well.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:12, Reply)
It's got
The balance though.

2/2

-- / --
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:13, Reply)
*dances to the 2/2 rhythm*
*throws some vowels at rhythm*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:14, Reply)
Kaol
you are a little whacky you know that don't you?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:14, Reply)
*is a slave to the rhythm*

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:15, Reply)
Feel the rhythm
Feel the rhyme
Get on up
It's bobsled time
COOL RUNNINGS!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:18, Reply)
"whacky"?
Hmmm...

I'm gonna assume I'm the only one here who's read the Johnny The Homicidal Manic comics...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:19, Reply)
*is hard to the core*
core to the rotten.

Kaol: You would be incorrect to assume that.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:19, Reply)
Kaol
First is a spondee, second is a trochee.
Messy.
But actually, I think it's more to do with the vowel sound.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:20, Reply)
*sings Jamacian bobsleigh team song*
Why hello Mr Majora how's you today?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:20, Reply)
Well then Lab...
You won't be surprised when I kill everyone here for the mentioning of "whacky".
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:21, Reply)
I wouldn't be surprised
And i've never read them. I just know what you're like.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:22, Reply)
TGB
I've worked enough hours overtime this month to not have to work next week, however that's not an option.

I have also spent the morning training some newbies. I'm tired, easily irritable, and signing a piece of paper that will cost me a lot of money over the next 6 weeks (tenancy agreement for new apartment).

I'm jus' peachy!

Kaol: Nope, no surprise here, I'll just keep out of your way ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:23, Reply)
Morning, just.
What shall I do today?
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:25, Reply)
Lab you've found a flat already?
wow that was fast :) When's the housewarming?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:26, Reply)
Rhythm is a dancer.
Stat.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:27, Reply)
Mrs Bin,
You shall draw me a picture of a dog eating a baby.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:27, Reply)
Badgerington
Yes I have, a two (well, 1.5) bedroom groundfloor apartment in a quiet area of town, close to the town centre (between PPD's place and town, actually).

I'll have a housewarming as soon as I get some furniture in there ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:29, Reply)
You gonna be living on your own Lab?
Can I come live under the bed and play Fallout?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:31, Reply)
I can't draw Kaol
and I have no idea how to use drawing packages.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:31, Reply)
Shit Labs...
don't invite b3tans round after you get new furniture.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:31, Reply)
Instead of a house warming
Why not have a house party and do it before the furniture is in there? No need to worry about a mess then!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:31, Reply)
Ooh groundfloor
that will make my stalking/spying a lot easier
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:32, Reply)
If you have no furniture
there will be nothing for us to poo under.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:33, Reply)
gah
i need sleep now. i'll talk tomorrow you lovely people!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:34, Reply)
But will it have a cat Lab?-
All new apartments need fresh kitteh :)
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:34, Reply)
Labs, Al has been to my house
so I can say here and now - he's being serious.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:34, Reply)
X & Clendrix raise good points
Kaol, of course you can!

On a side note, if you consider being part of the illegal narcotics trade, I do not recommend taking hi-res images of you and your friends doing large amounts of narcotics, and i certainly don't recommend keeping them on your computer.

Dumb cunts.

Edit: Becky, sadly I'm not allowed kittehs under the agreement :( Guess that means you won't be visiting!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:35, Reply)
morning all
you horrible little people

How is everyone today?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:37, Reply)
horrible

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:37, Reply)
horrible
but happy to be under Clendrix
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:38, Reply)
Becky is a kitten?!

(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:39, Reply)
Damn I'm
under Al

*feels dirty*
Oh X can sheld me from Al
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:39, Reply)
Becky is a different kind of animal
But she said she'd visit if I got a kitty.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:40, Reply)
I'm
allowed kittehs in my new place, so that's something I'll have to sort out soon.

I've made a fatal error though and bought new furniture already...
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:40, Reply)
Becky is teh fluffiest of all teh kittehs.

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:41, Reply)
No more fucking kittens
I'm allergic. And as a badger I like to maul them. *sharpens claws*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:43, Reply)
In mother Russia
Kitten mauls Badger.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Yeah well in
London Badger mauls Captain.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:45, Reply)
In my imagination
Badgers are naked and oily.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:45, Reply)
I'm naked
and oily right now
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:48, Reply)
kittens are teh fluffy
I love the way they wiggle their little paws at the bottom of a bucket of water.

*is a dog person*
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:49, Reply)
sorry, TGB, what was that now?

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:49, Reply)
Oh god the mauling
Make it stop make it stop!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:50, Reply)
That I am naked and oily?
Yup and I'm rubbing some more oil into my breasts. Very slowly of course. Whilst stretched out on my desk
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:54, Reply)
Can you imagine biting a kitten to death?
Picture it.


You're doing well.


Now stab yourself in the face with that biro.

Goooooood...
(I helped save b3ta! whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:54, Reply)
filth
I'll never look at another badger in the same way now
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:55, Reply)
neither will I...
:)
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:56, Reply)
Then my work here is done

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 11:58, Reply)
I need to start looking for a place to rent
Can anybody recommend a decent under one roof style website or am I best just looking at the websites of my local letting agents?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:07, Reply)
I normally peruse
www.rightmove.co.uk/
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:09, Reply)
I used
this place.


When I fancied a good wank.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:16, Reply)
I used rightmove
To find the place I've just signed the tenancy agreement for.

I'm quite excited about living by myself!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:17, Reply)
I found
this place pretty handy.

Afternoon all.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:18, Reply)
Thanks Al
it's a good place to have a wank
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:19, Reply)
Thanks guys
Now I can look for somewhere to live have a wank.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:21, Reply)
TGB
It doesn't half make the screen messy though, my colleagues have started complaining that the fish in my screensaver appear to be floating in a foggy haze.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:24, Reply)
*is glad Bert's back*
*tries to hide it*

*fails*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:25, Reply)
Oh my god Bert is back
*gets excited, slides off chair*

*puts hand down pants*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:29, Reply)
Bukkake party
On TGB's profile.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:30, Reply)
Woo, sixth on the "Best Of"
A respectable finish, given the other stories.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:31, Reply)
Nobody likes a gloater, Kaol.
Or you, for that matter.

Except EVERYBODY. I love you really Kaol, we all do*.


*n't
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:37, Reply)
Oh Burt...
I love myself. Hard.
And that's all that matters.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:38, Reply)
I've tried that
It reaches right that way round to my own arse, but I can never get the damned thing in.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:40, Reply)
I love myself
with hard items
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:40, Reply)
You tried using salad tongs?
*shrugs*
And mayo. Obviously.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:41, Reply)
My salad tongs are spikey
so the sex is uncomfortable.

TGB when you say hard items, you mean Phil Mitchell.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:46, Reply)
Him and Grant
I do them both at the same time
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:47, Reply)
They're bald
and almost certainly impotent.

Do you use their shiny heads as sex aids?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:49, Reply)
Phil likes the front bottom
and Grant loves the backdoor action.

Do you have to grease up their heads with engine oil first?
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:49, Reply)
Yes I do
Luckily I have a lot of engine oil in supply
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:52, Reply)
TGB
has got a compartmentalised cunt.

She could easily fit Grant, six dwarves and a cast member from Dads Army in there.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:54, Reply)
I have
four dwarves up there right now
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:54, Reply)
Grumpy, Doc, Bashful and Dopey
Happy's sixteen inches up my sphincter as we speak.

I can tell he's still Happy, by all the joyous twitching.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:58, Reply)
"Joyous twitching"?
That's late-stage asphyxia...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:00, Reply)
Well, you're the expert, Kaol.
Edit: Oh! It seems I am an expert at death, too.
*glees*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:06, Reply)
What?
Wait a minute why am I up Badger?

More to the point, why am I complaining?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:31, Reply)
Hmm
All this talk of badger sexehteim is making my hungry.

*dons hat and sulks in corner*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:36, Reply)
After all the sexehtiem
I had to have a footlong sub to restore my energy.

nom nom nom
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:48, Reply)
*reads thread*
*fwaps*
(Bert Monkeysex2 loves teh cock, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:50, Reply)
TGB said
"footlong"

tee hee!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:58, Reply)
Afternoon off
And I sit down with my mug of nettle and peppermint tea to this.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:58, Reply)
TGB
isn't happy with anything less than a foot long.

Or a foot.

She's partial to the odd foot.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:00, Reply)
Well
it's got to be better than Nettle and Peppermint lube...

Edit: Al, and you have two exceedingly odd feet.
(Bert Monkeysex2 loves teh cock, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:00, Reply)
ooooh toes!
I did eat my footlong not use it in other weird ways for the record
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:04, Reply)
Danbury
That made me wince. And clench.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:05, Reply)
oooh clenching!

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:13, Reply)
how apt for me to wander in now
*fwaps furiously*

Ooh, where are my social skills!?

Hello everyone!

*waves with left hand as right hand is otherwise occupied*
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:13, Reply)
Not the good clenching, TGB
Peppermint lube would be bad enough, but add nettle and that's just nasty.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:14, Reply)
Mmmmmmmmm Lube
Strawbery is my favourite.

Hi Tourette's
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:17, Reply)
Dok have you
been eating lube again?

Yo Tourette's happy fwapping
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:18, Reply)
Badger
It said it was non toxic, and it tasted yummy.

Why make it in a flavour if you're not meant to eat it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:20, Reply)
DG has just informed me that "fwap" is an acronym
for "furiously wanking at porn."
So apologies to TGB for being tautological before ;o)
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:24, Reply)
There is some debate
about the etymology of "fwap". It is equally possible that it's just a pleasingly onomatopoeic word for the noise a young boys hand makes as it slaps rhythmically against his slowly developing pubic hair while he thinks about his english teacher.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:29, Reply)
But Al
All my English teachers were fat, ugly, old, and men!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:31, Reply)
Al
I assumed it was an onomatopoeic word too...
(I helped save b3ta! Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:32, Reply)
Which only goes to prove my point doesn't it Dok.

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:32, Reply)
Didn't stop you jerkin' it though,
Did it?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:34, Reply)
Yeah
I just like it as it sounds nicer than wank.

Although wank is good for being angry at things and calling it a big pile of wank
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:34, Reply)
I used to think about
My Geography teacher, she was young, pretty, and very well stacked!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:34, Reply)
*Dons hat*
I killed the thread again!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:46, Reply)
Isn't it usually *fap* anyway?
fap: 7.8 million hits on google
fwap: 180 thousand hits
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:47, Reply)
'Sup, muthafluffers?
Just thought I'd drop in and say byeeeee.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:47, Reply)
LiC
I think fwap is a b3ta thing. Not sure it's really said much outside of here.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:48, Reply)
You could be right, Cap
Interesting that when B3tans masturbate it makes a different noise.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:49, Reply)
fwap is a much better word

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:51, Reply)
clearly we all have such top-of-the-range genitals
it needs an extra letter.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 14:57, Reply)
I always thought it was fwap
well when other people do it anyway. When I do it, it's fwappage :)
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:02, Reply)
Surely when ladies
do it with their own ladybits there is less of a "fwap" noise unless they are really going to town with a bit of hot finger and/or dildo action. If they're just having a quick rub off it's more of "shwoosh" noise.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:04, Reply)
I'm fwapping right now
over the thought of becky inserting a toblerone up althegeordie, as TGB does a sexy minge dance on his face and Davros's Granddad plays the lute somewhere in the background, while he desperately tries to fight off his future Mrs's enthusiastic advances upon his exposed, wobbling genitals.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:04, Reply)
It's fwap, or ladyfwap
I'll save mine until later.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:07, Reply)
Mmmmmmm


"lute"
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:07, Reply)
*dances on Al's face*
Why is it only 3 :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:08, Reply)
I just spotted
this thread www.b3ta.com/questions/hypocrisy/post371523

Why was I the first person to post that?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:09, Reply)
There's no
hot chocolate in the machine *cries*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:17, Reply)
I believe in miracles
Where ya from?

You sexy thing, sexy thing you...

*dow-der-ner-ner-ner-now*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:19, Reply)
It started with a kiss!
Never thought it would come to this.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:21, Reply)
But it was a kiss
on my ladyparts Al, you knew it would end with cum on your face
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:25, Reply)
Well, that stopped traffic.
Somebody hand me a towel.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:35, Reply)
I'll just finish
wiping my face with this one.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:37, Reply)
TGB's new nickname is
Supersoaker 2000
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:38, Reply)
Cheers Al
Can I keep it for my collection?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:41, Reply)
Afternoon all
I've made Cornish Fairings (ginger biscuits) and re-joined the gym today. What have I missed?
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:42, Reply)
Sweet a new nickname

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:44, Reply)
Shut it, Squirty McPeescoomb
You're spraying us all with your mimsy juice.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:45, Reply)
Lab I'm shocked
It's never ladyfwap, it's ladywank. Far more acceptable :)

*readies toblerone*
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:45, Reply)
Bert I know you
bottle my lady juice to savour at later occasions.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:46, Reply)
You're wrong, becks
It is ladyfwap.

Everybody knows that you ladyfwap over the Hoff in old episodes of Knight Rider.

Not the film though, that was shit.

TGB I bottle it and sell it as Jade Goody's new perfume 'Eau de Cancerre'
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:47, Reply)
I have far better things to ladywank over Bert
Like your face covered in bees and treacle, family guy which was suprisingly turn on-able last night and custard without the skin on :)

Never the Hoff.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:48, Reply)
You battered your bessie
over the disabled cop winning that race?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:52, Reply)
Nah, christmas episode :)
May have something to do with the pr0n story I was writing at the time as well though.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:56, Reply)
Afternoon, peoples.
Say, would any of you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)
You have to post the pron story now
don't keep us in suspense!

What was so sexy about Mrs Griffin getting all irate over chrimbo?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 15:59, Reply)
Yo Tighty
me please :D
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:00, Reply)
Hey, wait a minute
These chocolate-covered internet pretzels are imaginary!

I want my money back.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:02, Reply)
*giggles*
Here you go then, Badger!

Take my advice, and don't take the one that's in my left hand, okay?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:03, Reply)
You money is imaginary
I want my time back for having to read your post and write my own
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:03, Reply)
Becky!
Give story now!

please?

*manwanks*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:03, Reply)
Nope not sharing
as it's not very good. Worked for me though :)

Eww chocolate pretzels just remind me of the ones in Mallrats.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:05, Reply)
Becky
I think that's all they need to know.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:05, Reply)
Aww Lab
I remember when you didn't even post on OT as you were scared and look at you now *gently strokes Mo* I'm so proud
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:06, Reply)
I've never tried writing porn
Although maybe I should try some day.

Edit: Believe it or not, I can be quite shy at times. That soon fades with familiarity though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:06, Reply)
Give it a go Lab
but don't draw on your own personal experience, you've seen too much.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:09, Reply)
Bertitude
I don't think about work while I'm at home with the raging horn, otherwise said raging horn just wouldn't happen!

I have read plenty of porn stories, some good, some very very bad, and some truly hilarious (Top Gear slash fiction...).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:12, Reply)
Well I think I have enough porn stories in my profile to keep you guys going
so won't be sharing anymore for a while :)
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:15, Reply)
Go on, Lab
write us a nice story about a farmer called Bert and his mohawked horse.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:15, Reply)
There was once
a farmer called Bert who had a massive cock that he was forever greasing up with engine oil.

"Ooooo, what a big greased up cock" said TGB breathily "why don't you rub it all over my face while I wank off your mohawked horse?"

So he did and they all came and stuff.

edit - TGB was like totally touching her mimsy
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:21, Reply)
There once was a farmer called Bert, and he had a mohawked horse.
They had a very unhealthy relationship with each other.

One day, Pastor Giles caught the horse roughly rogering Bert in the stables.

Bert stammered "I tripped over and the horse landed up my bot bot with his wee wee."

It was too late though, as Pastor Giles was already waggling his flaccid member in his gnarled and liver spotted hand.

They never spoke of it again.

The end.

EDIT: Damn, al got there first...
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:22, Reply)
al
PHWOAR
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:22, Reply)
Well that made me wet, dunno about you guys
Oh wait, no I spilled my drink in my lap.

Edit: Why do I get the feeling that everyone else is furiously wanking right now?
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:28, Reply)
All this horse porn
is right up my alley, so to speak.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:28, Reply)
*looks innocent*
I'm not wanking

I'm tossing Bert off
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:30, Reply)
definitely not wanking
I'm ladywanking.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:30, Reply)
I'm afraid I'm not.
It's kind of frowned upon in the work environment.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:31, Reply)
Same here DiT
Especially to illegal material like horseporn...

Srsly.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:32, Reply)
Woo
One of the directors of another company in my building has, based on a reputation I seem to have developed, asked if I can do some freelance work for him. Awesome times.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:32, Reply)
So has the whole of
Off topic just turned into one massive sticky mess?
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:33, Reply)
It has now you're here!

(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:34, Reply)
Well I'm wet and sticky Mrs L
due to copious amounts of 7up landing in my lap, I would get changed, but I finish at 5, so not really worth it. It's the clingyness of the fabric that's annoying me now.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:35, Reply)
Oh dear
shall I fetch a damp cloth? You'll want to get it off before it stains.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:36, Reply)
Becky
We don't find that to be annoying at all.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:37, Reply)
*watches Mrs Bin towel Becky off*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:38, Reply)
I do as it's sticky and I'm not in flattering clothes for them to be clingy
merely work stuff which looks odd and gapes in strange places due to the cling. Oh well.

*enjoys towelling off from Mrs L*
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:40, Reply)
*gapes in strange places*
Ahem, sorry*

*I'm not.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:41, Reply)
*spills water on Clendrix's top*
Oh no I'm so sorry *towels off*



*slowly*

*in circular motions*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:42, Reply)
You bunch of tarts!


*wants to join in*
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:48, Reply)
*pours Fanta over hairy chest*
*hair gets matted*

*knits into fetching, crotchless trousers*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:48, Reply)
Points and laughs at Bert
This is for ladies only silly.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:50, Reply)
Lusty
I'm sure Badger and I won't mind if you help!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:50, Reply)
I am a lady
don't discriminate just because I've got a cock.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:52, Reply)
Sure you are Bert
See my sig
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:55, Reply)
Yay!
*helps feel up dry off clendrix*

Oh no! I appear to have spilt this whole jug of strawberry angel delight all over beckyletters and TGB while they're standing in just their pants in a paddling pool! Whatever should I do?

*sighs*

It looks like I'm going to have to get clendrix to help me lick it off.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:55, Reply)
I do as a matter of fact
I'm a master topiarist of my pubic hair, and I'm currently sporting an effigy of Howard Jones around my cockwannet.

EDIT Lusty, you just made my day. Angel Delight is awesome, but poured over the likes of Becky and ol' crotchgrabber McGee, I'm just lost for words.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:56, Reply)
I can't believe it!
My happy place has come to life and is happening on the internet as I'm sitting here workwanking
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:58, Reply)
Argh I'm covered in strawberry angel delight
*sees if I can lick my own nipples*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:58, Reply)
TGB
I can lick my own nipples, so you should be able to too.

Don't ask me how I found out I could.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 16:59, Reply)
Awesomes
I'm leaving now, but my angel delight covered self thanks you and your tongues muchly xx
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:00, Reply)
I can actually lick them
But I do have to move my boob up a little to reach
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:01, Reply)
I have to push my tits up
and get a crick in my neck reaching down.

But it's totally worth it.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:02, Reply)
Bert
How did you find out?
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:02, Reply)
It's a lot easier for me
to lick Clendrix's and Lusty's nipples
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:02, Reply)
DiT
The same way he discovered auto-fellatio.

Boredom.

*waves at Becky*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:03, Reply)
It's not an interesting story
I was just bored watching tv in my pants, saw Peter Griffin do it and thought, 'I bet I could do that better than him.'

I bent my neck like a car crash victim, stretched my tongue and pushed my nipple upwards. I was then licking my own boobies like a pro.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:05, Reply)
See?
I sawknew it!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:07, Reply)
All the b3ta men
are going to go home and try it now.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:10, Reply)
I beg to differ!
Go home? Why waste time?

*cricks neck*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:12, Reply)
Visions of b3tans licking their own nipples while Al watches should be disturbing.
But they're not.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:15, Reply)
I imagine al grading us
Grading us hard.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:17, Reply)
Disturbingly errotic
*waggles eyebrows*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:17, Reply)
I will be submitting my report later on



into a wadded kleenex.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:20, Reply)
I'm more of a
'leave it in your pants and hope it goes away' kind of a guy.

It's better for the environment that way.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:21, Reply)
Dear Off Topic.
I wish you all happy weekends.
I'll see some of you on Saturday night.
Bye!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:24, Reply)
Bye Kaol
Have a good one!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 17:25, Reply)

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