Self belief?
I'm confident in a lot of my actions, but know that I fall short in many ways due to a lack of confidence. Eg, I don't think I've ever walked into a bash alone, I've gone with others or met people outside. I fear rejection, but don't crave attention if that makes sense.

I know my strengths and weaknesses and have for the most part accepted them.

How do you deal with confidence issues?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 21:49, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alcohol
Like last night - I'd been drinking all day and I was still bricking it before I went on.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 21:50, Reply)

Trying not to care what others think.


That, and caffeine.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 21:54, Reply)

Anyone looks at me funny
and I cunt them in the fuck. You've met me, you know this is true.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 21:55, Reply)

You'd hide behind me whimpering like a girl and you know it ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 21:59, Reply)

alcohol
lots of cigarettes, and the extraordinary ability to blather utter bullshit.

BTW, fancy another joint birthday bash this year or would you prefer I didn't rock up, get drunk and eat all of your cakes?
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 21:57, Reply)

Yeah, that'd be fun. I didn't get much cake last year as it all mysteriously disappeared
How old are you going to be this year?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:00, Reply)

I only had 3 slices!
um mumble mumble mumble 35 mumble mumble
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:00, Reply)

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YER OLD
mumble mumble 31 mumble
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:03, Reply)

nah its ok
most of the time I can pass for late 20's and the joints haven't started going yet
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:06, Reply)

I ignore the fear - honestly, I just stop listening to it
I find it's a bit like getting into a cold swimming pool - if you do it quickly it's easier.

You simply have to man the fuck up!

That said, I'm usually bathed in sweat within seconds which is very, very attractive! At the first bash I went to (a /board one a couple of years back) I knew no one and was utterly terrified but within a very short space of time I was lifting my t-shirt up and showing how sweaty my back was - I'm classy me.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:07, Reply)

Or wear Chuck Norris Action Pants

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:36, Reply)

why do you think i'm here?
Mostly hiding online :P
Never really found a good way to get over my shyness until i know people fairly well (case in point, will barely talk to people on my corridor in college, just because we don't see enough of each other for me to be comfortable around them, they're nice enough blokes). A little booze generally helps, but can sometimes just send me the other way.
The best way i found to speed up this process at college was to have a massive party at mine every so often and invite all the people I vaguely knew and wanted to get to know, so I could chat to them while mildly tipsy and in my own territory. Can't do that at uni though, and dislike clubbing, so still don't really know most of the year. (note, when I used college near the top I was referring to my university college, Oxford language gets confusing...)
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:08, Reply)

Hello newbie
stay a while and tell us about yourself
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:21, Reply)

I try to face it head on
I might be a bit flustered and tongue tied for a bit, but I'll get there eventually. Training as an actor can do wonders for a shy disposition.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:10, Reply)

Self deprecation
Always works for me.

I'm not a confident person; that said, I'm a hell of a lot more confident than I used to be.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:14, Reply)

I don't have any confidence issues.
Simples.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:18, Reply)

Clearly

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:20, Reply)

Ouch.

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:21, Reply)

bitch

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:27, Reply)

Saucer of malk for
Table Becky.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:34, Reply)

You make no sense boy.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:39, Reply)

so are we all a bunch of fairly shy bastards then?
I've worked hard at it and these days I can just do it. What's the worst that can happen? We've all made arses of ourselves before and bounced back.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:19, Reply)

I'm awful with self-depreciation
to the point where someone said they didn't need to take the piss out of me, I did it myself. It's an annoying habit and as a result if anyone ever says anything nice to me, I think I've just guilted them into it.

The funny thing is that everyone always says I'm really happy and a great person to have around etc. etc. It always pops up in refferences and reports, that I'm always the one that livens things up. I don't see that at all, I'm just bland and boring and pretty mediocre.

How do I have self-belief? I don't. I tend to cling to the nice things people say until they are disproved. One thing that never fails to make me laugh (sadly) is that the one person who always tells me how great I am and how I should be proud of myself is a guy I really like, that I thought didn't realise, but it turns out everyone knows and it's a massive joke. So I crack jokes about it, and I'm pretty much over it, but he's seriously amazing, and it's annoying that he can care for me without liking me.

It's fairly obvious from this that I'm a whiney bitch. And I try to ignore it, and act confident. Most people don't notice I'm putting it on; and I hate whingers, so I tend to rant like the above in relative anonymity, like here, or to people I trust. Though I always feel tht I want to be liked and accepted, anddon't like uspetting people.

You know what? I'll shut up.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:23, Reply)

Scratch my face like a flea ridden paedofile
and hold eye contact for a minimum amount of time.

Getting better with the eye contact thing though.
(TheColonel, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:28, Reply)

I also tell myself regularly, "It's not all about you!"
Seriously.

I know that at times when I'm feeling rather shy or lacking in confidence that it's because I've become self-absorbed, it's all me, me, me, me, me.

Concentrate on other people and what they're saying - that way everyone thinks you're a great listener.

Sadly I also like the sound of my own voice rather too much. I also find my jokes utterly hilarious - for example, at the last London bash I went to I was near on wetting myself with a terrible pun about DJTrialPrice having Stockholm syndrome (he'd just flown back from there) - I couldn't even tell people why I was crying with laughter because I was....crying with laughter.

*sigh*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:35, Reply)

I spent
a decade having my confidence undermined and eroded to the point of nervous collapse, and didn't think I'd ever feel like a "normal person".

Not sure I do now either, but a couple of things have got me over it:

The support of friends and family who never stopped believing in me.

My mum's advice about lack of confidence, to fake it until you make it. Feel the fear and do it anyway, that kind of thing. And then it gets easier and easier until you wonder why the fuck you were using all that energy getting so worked up about it.

The realisation that life's too short to get hung up on this shit. As someone else said - what's the worse that could happen? You could make an arse of yourself? So fucking what? Laugh about it (and the world laughs at with you).

It all passes. And then you, and the rest of the world, move on to the next spectacle.

EDIT: Disclaimer: Ha! Like I'm dead sorted now - not really. I'm still self-diagnosed Aspergers underneath.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:40, Reply)

JMG?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 22:50, Reply)

what confidence issues?
Just ask yourself: what would CHCB do? I might get that put on a t-shirt.

It helps that suffer from delusions of grandeur - a phrase which, incidentally, I invented.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 23:36, Reply)

Take a Pooflake with you.
It's worked for me so far! Everyone's either laughing at his antics and general funniness (the guys) or frothing like bottled bass at his sheer manliness (you know who you are!).

I tend to slip in the back.



Ooer Mrs etc.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 0:17, Reply)

I'll try and keep this short
coz I can ramble on about this forever.

One thing I try and do is pretend my nervousness is actually giving me an adrenaline rush (see also this post).

And yes, despite having been to many b3ta-bashes, I still get the pre-bash nerves when I go to them.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 2:09, Reply)

By being incredibly loud!
Or incredibly quiet. It's really hard having both a superiority complex and an inferiority complex at the same time.
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 3:12, Reply)