Another one that started in Vipros' thread.
Tattoos.

What's your opinion on them? Do you have any/want any? If so, what are they?
What's the worst tattoo you've ever seen?

Mine in replies.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:42, 103 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tatoos are fine
as long as you dont mind looking common
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Three weeks old today
here

*looks common*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:45, Reply)

looks good me old son
*gives it vipros seal of approval*

better feed that seal. he likes fish
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:04, Reply)

ive got one on my back
a tramp stamp. he didnt let me lean on anything so my natural reaction was to move away from the pain. jogged the first CRUCIAL bit.

the end result was something that looks a lot like the fucking millenium falcon. sad times.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)

That's a bit of a shit tattooist there.
I have a "tramp stamp" too.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:49, Reply)

me too
Anyone surprised? No?

I prefer slag tag
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

I have a friend who calls them
Essex Handlebars
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Al's is
very curly script that says "I wish TGB had a penis so she could fuck me hard up the ass"

It's all on one line as well as AL is very wide
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)

That's what all the laydeez say!

Sadly they are talking about my ass.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)

*makes beeping noises as Al backs up*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Hey cut that out!
*shouts for his banksman so he can turn around*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Arse antlers.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

I have to live in Essex.
This is worryingly true.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:01, Reply)

I'm sure everyone's seen mine
and is bored of me talking about them

I want more though more more more
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)

There is one of two tattos that I want, and have wanted for quite some time now.
I'll get around to it at somepoint.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)

Very informative 7/10

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:48, Reply)

I've got three
but would quite like to get a futurama one.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Something on your shiny metal ass?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Er no

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:01, Reply)

Ten internet points to anyone who recognises it.
Mine

Worst tattoo I've ever seen: My short, chubby, slightly ginger and very white ex had 'Fo'Shizzle' tattooed on his shoulder. No joke.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Where is it?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Just below my right hip.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

You ahve
very black skin
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Ha!
That's the t-shirt I took it from. I didn't think to post an actual picture.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Shame
And I thought you had good taste...

Black Stone Cherry are pretty poor!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

GTFO.
*cries*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:06, Reply)

But....but....
Don't I get internet points?

I DEMAND VALIDATION FOR HAVING A CONTROVERSIAL OPINION!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:10, Reply)

You made a girl cry
that's not cool.

That's not cool at all.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:11, Reply)

You make me cry all the time
:(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:11, Reply)

That's different though

(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:14, Reply)

Yeah, well...
Erm...

Yeah, I have nothing.

Arse.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:20, Reply)

You get half internet points.
Because I don't like the answer.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Pretty poor?
They're generic shite.
If she admits to liking "Down" I'll be paying her a visit.
With a funnel, a rat and five litres of industrial bleach.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:09, Reply)

What?
I disagree!

Down are the best band to come out of Pantera.

Superjoint Ritual - Wank.
Damageplan - One half decent song, dreadful album.
Hellyeah - Shite.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Damageplan
had a few good songs on that album I thought.

Hellyeah were okay, but they took themselves a little seriously.

I've never heard Superjoint Ritual.

I quite like some stuff by Down, but they still aren't good.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:13, Reply)

As I thought.
You officially have your critical opinion invalidated for all time.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:13, Reply)

I thought that happened...
When I admitted I'd seen Busted & McFly live?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:21, Reply)

That could've been an accident.

( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Nope...
Bought the ticket and all.

Didn't want to see McFly though, they were wank.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Never heard of Down.
Maybe we're not the same person.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:15, Reply)

I wouldn't bother.
It's some prick who's past his best talking in a stupidly low voice about how great he is, whilst conveniently forgetting that his early albums were shit glam metal stuff.
Pantera were good, no doubt about that. Down are not.

For reference:
Phil Anselmo, second from left:
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/bf/Panterapowermetal.PNG

And he expects to be taken seriously.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:22, Reply)

Well, he looks like a twat.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:24, Reply)

But now he's
"Mr. Serious Rocker"
i110.photobucket.com/albums/n116/blackshuck05/Phil.jpg
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:28, Reply)

Be fair though
They did one glam metal album with Phil, then released "Cowboys From Hell", automatically making up for it!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:28, Reply)

Like I said,
Pantera did some very good stuff.
But he's still a fucking stuck-up mong.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:30, Reply)

There we go
Something we can agree on, you cocking fuckmuncher.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:33, Reply)

There are two I'm certain I want
A dot to dot robot on the inside of my left forearm.
Li₂CO₃ on the inside of my right wrist.

Both will be dark brown.
( Captain V, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Until you get this
shut the fuck up about it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:53, Reply)

She ASKED
If you like I'll keep a log of everything I say, ever, and never repeat myself at all even when people don't hear me the first time.

:edit: FFS I thought no3l started the thread rather than applebite.
( Captain V, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

are you sure?
are you sure?
are you sure?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)

That would be grand
Also I'm pretty sure Apple is a she...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

It's a SHE you tosser

(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Yea yea
I fixed it, ok?
( Captain V, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:57, Reply)

No
No it's not ok. I demand a written apology.

3000 lines of "I'm sorry I thought you were a man"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:58, Reply)

Fuck you badger man/woman/thing

( Captain V, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:59, Reply)

You're so mean
Gettinglaid regulary is supposed to make you more chilled out what the fuck is wrong with you
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Erm
How long have you got?
( Captain V, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

About twenty seconds.
There was a lot of cyanide in her coffee.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Excellent
Thanks Kaol. I'll have a brown envelope full of cash for you next time we see each other.
( Captain V, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Bitchin'.

( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:10, Reply)

I have
3 hrs 55mins
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Kaol was funnier
You suck.
( Captain V, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:06, Reply)

You being mean to me
feels like my cute little puppy suddenly turned into a wearwolf and mauled me.

I think you hurt me more than anything AL and Becky say about my vag. *cries in the corner*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:08, Reply)

Thank you.
But I'm actually Kaol.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:59, Reply)

OMG Me Too!

(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)

NO WAI
Me too
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

With a sig like that,
You've gotta be.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Months of internet deception ruined
All because Ed didn't gaz me cock pictures :(
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Damn you Ed!
Damn you to hell!

All that pandering time wasted on an internet boy!

I was totally getting in there as well.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:06, Reply)

Thats what YOU believe.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:08, Reply)

That's what Hitler used to say too.
Now look at him.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Living it up with Elvis
And Michael Jackson.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:21, Reply)

I've been wanting one for a while
and I've always known what I want, it was just a matter of finding a place to put it.
Now I've kind of decided on a place. So I'll essentially have an arrow on my hip pointing to my coochie.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Classy

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

I'm a classy kind of bird.
*drops can of Special Brew*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

with a sign saying
'slippery when wet'
(massively_optimistic that's terrific!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:54, Reply)

yes,
but in gothic font. So it looks classy.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

I think "Wookey Hole" would be better

(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

I think we should have an outing to Wookey Hole
and then to the Cheddar Gorge, since it's nearby.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:58, Reply)

yeah do it
I'm not far from there
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:12, Reply)

We could bring packed lunches
and hire a school bus.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:16, Reply)

And we could all wear school uniform!

(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:18, Reply)

We've had this conversation before.
I'm not dressing up as a catholic school girl so you can spank me with a ruler.

End of.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:19, Reply)

Why would you say that?

Well, there's pretty much no point to my life any more.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:25, Reply)

My job here is done.
Time for a shower.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:27, Reply)

*engages pandertron*

(Bazongaloid, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:28, Reply)

No.
You've burned it out already today.
( Cawl, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:28, Reply)

What about the guy
who tattooed most of his body (including scales all over his head) so he could look like a lizard? Google his pic "lizard man)
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

What a twat.
I cannot imagine what he's getting out of that, unless he's a mentalist.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:05, Reply)

The worst
Was when my ex-wife turned up with a very badly drawn tattoo of a black cat on her shoulder that looked like an overweight labrador.

She topped that by going and getting my name in Cantonese tattooed on her arm. Quite why I do not know, I certainly didn't encourage it.

It's still there.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

Or what she thought was your name
but actually said Toilet
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)

She had your name
tattooed on her AFTER you broke up? Thats...odd.
(berk, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:15, Reply)

One born every 30-odd years.
Mate of mine has 2 of the shittest tatts ever.

On his forearm, visible to all when he’s wearing a t-shirt, is the surprising combination of ‘Marvin the Martian’ and Tweety Pie.

Both were seemingly drawn by the YTS lad.

Thankfully, Half Man Half Biscuit made the song ‘Shit arm, bad tattoo’ which has made its way onto my mobile and is now his very own ringtone.

And he paid to have them both done – the nobber.

Even he now thinks he may have a been a bit hasty in getting them done.

All he needs now is some Chinese writing and a Celtic band around his arm and he’ll have the full set.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:12, Reply)

I have a buddah on my back.
I'm hoping to get some text on my wrist.

Breathe, (can't remember this bit), and go slowly.

Some quote from a tibetan monk but relevent to me, I feel.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:14, Reply)

I Have Two.
Not to everyone's taste though.

Right Arm

Left Arm

Took me 30 years to finalise the designs and get brave enough. Now want more and wife won't let me have any more. She hates tattoos.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:21, Reply)

I love tattoos!
I've got the Thundercats logo on my chest, half sleeve tribal on left arm, a small one of my right arm, LEV 19:28 on outer right leg, Levellers 'sun' on inner right leg, and a ancient germanic pattern down my spine (from scrolls that predate christ)

I was thinking of having the Timelord emblem, possibly on my belly or left leg next.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:28, Reply)

have two planned.
one on my wrist that says "love" have been planning on it for a few years. Have had it done in henna too and really liked it.

one on my left shoulder, dotwork, concentric circles forming a sun. Really looking forward to getting that one.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:39, Reply)

I luuuurrrrrve dotwork stuff
Thinking about getting something on my foot but I am aware that's going to hurt like a bitch
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 13:31, Reply)

Idiot
A guy I used to know 10 years or so ago handed a tattooist a piece of paper with a word written on it and told him to ink him.

The guy proudly came into work the next day with "Redemt" on his arm. *facepalm*

Nobber, we took the piss for weeks until he could afford to get it fixed.

I on the other hand, have 0 interest in tattoos nothing really makes enough of a statement to me that I would want it perma-branded on me.
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 13:50, Reply)

What was it supposed to be?
Receipt?
Respect?
Reject?
*Misses point again*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 14:17, Reply)

I believe it was supposed to be "Redempt" which, funnily enough, isn't a real word either.
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 14:23, Reply)

That makes it funnier!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 14:24, Reply)

Check out my tats
I need to go back for some colour consistency work, but essentially, there it is. Took me 6 years and the determination to lose 3 stone before I got the one on my back in January 09.



And they had to work around my moles, damn celtic skin!
(Biscuit Burlesque wants to be Dita von Teas, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 16:37, Reply)