Jam Doughnuts
Somerfield jam doughnuts are much inferior to the ones from my local bakery. I had to eat 3 of them to confirm this. However, the local bakery doughnuts suffer from excess jam, a large glob of which has fallen on my 'q', 'w', 'a' and s keys and which will undoubtedly dry out to be incredibly sticky so that I am unable to type the word 'wasq'.

Give me your jam doughnut ratings here. Krispy Kremes are out of the picture as, deliciously amazing though they are, they aren't jam and I'm not craving them. Also they are expensive and difficult to obtain.

Please be so kind as to include brand, value for money, jam distribution, level of greasiness, sugar topography and taste. No Bob Marley jokes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:13, 109 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I never eat them
if you're going to eat something that bad for you, you might as well choose something with chocolate in it

mmmmm....chocolate...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I've gone off chocolate.
It tastes really weird at the minute. Most sweet stuff is unappealing but for some reason the greasy jaminess of a doughnut hits the spot.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:18, Reply)

The last doughnut I ate was a tescos own
it was crap, lots of sugar, ok amount of jam but it was stale. I microwaved it but all that did was turn the jam into molten lava.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

weird tastes and cravings?
UP
THE
DUFF
(ragged, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Aye, the sig gives it away,
as does the 13 week ultrasound picture (although the baby looks remarkably like a monkey nut).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Sayers
Iced rings, jam-filled, sugared. Any. They rule.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I haven't heard of these but will seek them out.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Sayers was what we had before Gregg's
Now we have both. Sayers is called Hampsons in Manchester, but I don't know if they're just North West-based...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

do they
make you feel like dancing?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I wanna dance the night away

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

You...
...make me feel like dancing.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

The very thought of that man makes me feel queasy

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I used to always get him and Gilbert O'Sullivan mixed up

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

When fantasising about which to kill first?
Me too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Gilbert's got a few little gems

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:31, Reply)

c'mown, git daaahwn!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I have never heard anyone complain about too much jam in a doughnut before.
Tesco's are better than Morrison's. The ones you get at Alton Towers are the best.

My mum once tried to make doughnuts at home. The lesson learned here was that it's much less faff to let someone else do 'em. And they were awful.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:18, Reply)

I helped my friend make doughnuts for Hanukkah
and we got to inject the jam with a syringe (into the doughnut. I don't mainline strawberry jam).
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I should hope not!
the pips would block up your arteries something chronic!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Mmmm chronic!
And then buy doughnuts.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

The jam was one of the things that went wrong with my mother's attempt.
The batter can't have cooked all the way through, but it was still hot. The result was a pink gooey mess all over the kitchen - and probably sugar burns as well.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

My mother is a serial jam-maker.
Under no circumstances whatsoever stick your finger in 'to see what it tastes like'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I learned that
at a young age. The boiling point of jam is higher than molten rock.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Brighton rock?
Or actual magma?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Both
it would appear. Although the latter may be a slight exaggeration.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:28, Reply)

It's like fruity napalm

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Best of all the napalm.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:10, Reply)

We had a doughnut maker when I was in halls as a present to one of the rich students I lived with. We all oohed and ahhed at the amazing doughnutty smells it produced
but like chocolate fountains, it produced so much mess and the resultant doughnuts were really not worth the effort as they were tiny and a bit crap.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Same applies to pasta mills, too.
I love the idea of making and rolling my own pasta, but it's been a long time since I actually did so. It's just waaaaaay too much effort.

Plus, though fresh home-made pasta tastes better, the texture isn't as good as the dried stuff. You can't get it al dente.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I gave mine away,
smiling privately to myself as I handed it over.

'My only condition is that you use it a lot and have me round for supper regularly'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Tesco jam doughnuts are pretty ace
But you have to warm them in the microwave for 10 seconds first. Less than that and they taste a bit stale even if they've only just been made. More than that and you run the risk of speaking like a special person for a few days while your epiglottis recovers.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

This is a good tip, right here.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Great call on the microwave...
...but the question is do you have tea, coffee or hot choc with it?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Coffee
(decaff, bah)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

None, I don't do hot drinks

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Before our American friends suggest Dunkin Donuts...
..I would like to point out that although they are great value for money there is too much jam - or 'jelly' as they call it - and that the use of icing sugar rather than fine granules loses them many points. (Same with Morrisons.)

For value I suggest Tesco but fear that quality doughnuts need to be purchased from an 'old school' bakery.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

what about Tim Horton's?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Greggs
The sugar's a bit grainy, and they're pretty greasy. Good level of jam though.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:20, Reply)

The mini ones you can buy big bags of in European supermarkets
Otherwise, they're too big and sloppy and cannot be dunked in tea
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Christ I'm bored

(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Should doughnuts be dunked?
This is controversial stuff.
Biscuits, yes - it softens their brittle consistency - but doughnuts...?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Plain yes..
..jam no.

Heresy.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I've found
that doughnut freshness is the primary factor affecting enjoyment.

Any more than an hour or two old and they go stodgy, but still-warm doughnuts are great. Obviously there's a difference between makers, but it's not the most significant thing, in my experience.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

jam is for bread and biscuits
my biscuits, not yours
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Bread, yes
but not toast.

Toast should only have savoury toppings. Many people disagree with me on this, but I know I'm right.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I quite like eggs on toast

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Yes
Eggs are savoury, see.

Edit - except Creme Eggs, of course
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I like eggs.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Oooh -
The stall at Baker Street Tube sells fantastic doughnuts.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Baker St, eh?
*does sax solo*

*is not Bob Holness*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:24, Reply)

*cracks up*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I really used to like the chocolate doughnuts that
you could get in Sainsburys - I'm not sure if they still do them, but they were amazing! Their jam doughnuts were also really up there!

In mu humble opinion, Waitrose jam doughnuts win overall. They don't have too much jam, the jam is actually nice and I've never had a dry one yet! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Fnar fnar

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I miss those Sainsburys doughnuts
Hmmm... must find a Sainsburys close to me and investigate! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:32, Reply)

The downside with Waitrose
is that you need a mortgage to cover an elementary grocery shop.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:28, Reply)

We had to tell my mother that her John Lewis storecard would NOT work in Waitrose
because they'd have ended up homeless and I would have no house to inherit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Hehehehe
That's very clever!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Well, i have to protect my future, Flim!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Indeed
Don't we all! It would appear that my mother is spending my inheritance on crafts via QVC - One day my dad will see her bill and will cancel Sky - its the only way to stop her! Hehe
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Christ, we really do have the same mother

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Seriously
I think that's quite scary! We're both going to turn into that one day as well *fears*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:41, Reply)

My mum would NEVER think of opening a stuffed cat museum in her deceased parents' semi
So I think I'm safe there.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Hmmmm
Maybe there's still hope then! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:45, Reply)

People always say that
but I do most of my shopping with Ocado and M&S and they have the best offers on MEAT and the quality is AWESOME! :D

It actually costs me more when I go to Tesco as I just buy tons and tons of crap and assume it must be cheap as I'm shopping in a cheap-oh shop... this never ends up the case! :(

EDIT: You can get two 500g packs of proper lovely aberdeen angus mince from M&S for £4 - that's a bargain my friend! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:31, Reply)

That's only £1 worth of meat for a spag bog or chilli for two people!
That is a superb deal there.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Indeed
They also have bacon in the same sort of deal and chicken legs and breasts - seriously people shouldn't knock M&S and Waitrose until they've had a proper wonder around and compared the prices to Tesco.

Waitrose actually price match against Tesco on Ocado all the time. I think Tesco don't bring up Waitrose on their adverts because they hope that people will continue to assume that their food costs megabucks!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Krispy Kreme are overrated
I only bought one from their kiosk as it was the first place I found that accepted my then new OnePulse PayWave card, so I had to try it out.

Other than that, Tesco Extra stores seem to sell them.
( le brian, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Krispy Kreme
are the downs syndrome of the donught world. If some else has got one, I'm happy for them, but I don't want to get one of my own.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Best similie of the day

Have a medal that shines like a freshly polished helmet
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I like this
and hope my unborn child is not a Krispy Kreme.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Your majesty, you are like a big jam doughnut with cream on top
It was one of Wilde's.
( djtrialprice, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:42, Reply)

If you saw the putrid vat of oil

taht Krispy creme donuts slowly flaoted though whilst cooking you would never eat them again. Seriously
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:45, Reply)

I think you underestimate my love of all things Krispy Kreme

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:46, Reply)

It's distressing
but still slightly arousing. A bit like DiT.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Fnar
DiT holding a tray of doughnuts - I'm there! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I'm there first
already lubed.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Oi
I married him, I'm there first!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:00, Reply)

*sulks*
FFS, I never get first dibs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:01, Reply)

You do
On your own lady!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Even the name is revolting
Krispy Kreme sounds like the name of somebody's wank rag...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

All I'm hearing is that I get your share of the doughnuts
is that correct?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I prefer apple filled donuts because I'm kinky like that
On a separate note CHCB, can you please spell your name phoenetically for me so I can pronounce it correctly in my head? That would be most good.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Crack House Kay-Lee Band

(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I wanted it spelt like Marillion :(

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 16:58, Reply)

She's Irish, therefore she knows how to spell
ceilidh properly.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:01, Reply)

No I mean when you were telling it to Kitty
I wanted it to have an anguished cry of "KAY-LEIGH!" in the middle.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Oh I see
I've never heard anything by Marillion so I wouldn't know how to.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Fair dooz

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:06, Reply)

omg
Marillion are all kinds of awesome. *breathes in, breathes out*

Don't worry, I'll make you a mixtape. It'll have liner notes and little hearts all around it. And song names that spell out a subtle, yet blindingly obvious message.
( djtrialprice, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Awwwwww, that's so sweet
will you seal the box with a kiss?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Most assuredly
a kissmy jism
( djtrialprice, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:14, Reply)

I.O.U. for your loooooove

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Fugazi was quite a good tune, I think
otherwise, shite.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:26, Reply)

sir, you have clearly
heard naught from the excellent 90s / 00s Marillion backcatalog. Anoracknophobia (2001) is one of the best albums ever.
( djtrialprice, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:28, Reply)

You're right, I haven't.
They do get a good writeup when they release stuff these days I suppose. Their last one was self-financed, I believe - this is the future for a lot of bands I think.

Without that mong 'Fish' on board I imagine they have improved immeasurably.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:38, Reply)

You cunning linguist, you!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Marks and Spencers.
Perfect in every fucking way.
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:00, Reply)

almost...
They have shit lager.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:26, Reply)

They do lager?
How common.
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:33, Reply)

I know, ghastly isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 17:38, Reply)