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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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A friend of mine has just texted to complain that her boyfriend stopped mid-cunnilingus to go and watch Glee. GLEE.Is this the gayest thing you've ever, ever heard?
If not, what the juddering fuck is?
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:21, 147 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
that is gayfrankly though, stopping mid-cunnilingus for anything short of joining a Bono-lynch mob is pretty gay.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:23,
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it's not a question of making him waitif you finished up then he might be dead before you get there, robbing you of the satisfaction of torturing and humiliating him.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:48,
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hahamaybe that was his plan. I can't think of a much better way of persuading your gf!
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:25,
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"Look darling, I'm never going to get you to climax unless I can be secure in the knowledge that I'll be able to catch up on Glee afterwards."(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:26, Reply)
precisely this(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:31,
Reply)
She ain't scary enough.I wouldn't DARE do that (not that I'd want to, cunnilingus is the best thing EVAH! No other airline comes near it).
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:28, Reply)
This is the most tremendous display of shirterism I've heard of for quite some time.And my housemate took his missus to Sing-along-a-Sound of Music last weekend...
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Apparently they had to leave halfway throughIt was like a high concentration camp.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:38, Reply)
I imagine it was one of those things where you start offwith the same attitude as Rocky Horror, i.e., "this is going to be unbelievably camp, but it should be good for a giggle," and eventually it becomes apparent that you're the only two people in the audience who aren't taking it completely seriously.
But then perhaps I'm just making excuses for the old shirter...
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)
IndeedDon't make excuses for shirters, they'll bum you when you're not looking!
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:49, Reply)
In that case, I'm tying the spare pillow over my arse before I go to sleep tonight!(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:54, Reply)
Oh I thought you were bursting with excitementCrushing might have better, as in crushing your will to not rip off your own ears.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:46,
Reply)
Nope I was bursting with pure horror.If I was bursting with joy I would have just posted ‘Eeeeeeeeeeeee’. Hehe
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:48, Reply)
Maybe he just wanted a break so used Glee as an excuse?Although if its taking him that long, he’s clearly not doing it right.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:32, Reply)
I assume the daft bugger's allowed to come up for air...But then I did briefly picture his thought process as
"Crap, I'm running out of oxygen and I don't have an althegeordie-patented cock snorkelTM...I'm going to have to find air...but how can I preserve my masculinity? Ah, crap...what's on the telly right now...um...Glee! That'll do!"
*raises head*
"Sorry pet, I need to abandon your furry cup for a bit to go and watch the GAYEST THING ON TELLY
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:37, Reply)
Not until he finishes the job or dies trying - thems the rules!Also, everyone should have an althegeordie-patented cock snorkel! :D
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:39, Reply)
*ahem*What if you went out on a date with a guy and he turned up in a bear costume, danced a fandango, ate an entire watermelon unassisted, spluffed in your hair whilst knitting you a darling beret and then made you spaghetti hoops on toast whilst digging up your floorboards for buried treasure… would that surprise you?
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:47, Reply)
and if you want someone who can do the first thing on that list,go to one of Vipros' gigs.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:49, Reply)
you wouldn't want to go out with that guy(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:50,
Reply)
The only surprise would be that he spluffed in my hair.Being that I haven't knowingly had an erect cock near me for a while.
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girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:50,
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You should come to London,hop on the Underground, erect cocks everywhere!!
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:51, Reply)
On public transportI reckon about 76% of cocks are erect at any given time.
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whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:52,
Reply)
My thoughts exactly!Someone’s always trying to impale you on their pork sword.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:53, Reply)
It's the vibrations!(
whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:57,
Reply)
you are sounding increasingly like b3ta's version of Jo Brand(not looking like, I hasten to add)
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:50,
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just as long as you recognise it;-)
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:54,
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When Wookie was looking for pics of fat B3tans I sent him a photo of Jo Brand to use as me : )(
girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:55,
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hehtoo many pictures of actual fat me exist for my liking.
their only use is for me to look at and think "no wonder I wasn't getting any"
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:56,
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My wife doesn't like cunnilingusAm I doing it wrong? I never had a problem before I met her and she claims she just doesn't like how it feels.
I'd stop pretty much anything to join a Bono lynch mob. The gayest thing I can think of is someone having bum sex whilst watching glee. At least he was doing something not gay before hand.
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Peej, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:53,
Reply)
^ thisit does nowt for me
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rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:06,
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your wife sounds weirdI'd be gutted if my mrs didn't like it. It's one of my best skills.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:55,
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"Oh guys, I've got to tell you this, I'm sooooo good at the sex"you smug cunt.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:01, Reply)
you don't seem to quite understand that the reason I'm smug is because I'm happy and good at stuffand I like it.
what we really need to look into are your jealousy issues.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:06,
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don't encourage him(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:12,
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shitthere was almost no stopping you before, now we're screwed
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:19,
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What’s the matter with her? Really?WHAT’S HER PROBLEM? ANSWER MEEEEE!
*ahem*
Apologies I must have briefly been possessed by John Humphrys.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 14:57, Reply)
I told her I was in love with another man's wife off the internetand she went all crazy on me.
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Peej, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:02,
Reply)
Kill the husband and then do a seven brides for seven brothers type dealKidnap Internet lovely,
Do a stupid dance so she falls in love with me,
?
PROFIT!!!
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Peej, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:12,
Reply)
I can help with the ? detailsyour options are limited to a)drug or b)lobotomise
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:15,
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OooohWell I am quite partial to French Fancies... the lemon ones! But nothing beats a GIANT CHOCOLATE CAKE FULL OF CHOCOLATE SAUCE AND SPONGE, SPONGE, SOOOOOO MUCH SPONGE!
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:57, Reply)
cake is a made up drug..etc.
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:03,
Reply)
one boy was stood in front of a charging lorrybut thought he had a month to get out of the way
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:08,
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chris morrisrules
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:08,
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Shatner's bassoonmakes me laugh every time
and by Shatner's bassoon I do not mean William Shatner's penis
although that probably would make me laugh
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:16,
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Man, I can't stop giggling now(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:19,
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It was BONZAAfter I spoke to you I had very nice phone conversations with a nice'un.
And I rested with Tigger and din't go out bleddy drinking.
How was yours?
I bet you played millions of games.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:17,
Reply)
Yay, it sounds like it continued to be super! :DYeah mine was good too thank you. I gamed my little brains out and caught up on some crap telly and a few films, all in all it was a nice weekend! :D
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:37, Reply)
this^^*mind wanders*
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:42,
Reply)
That is as bent as arseholesI have a solution to the situation though:
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:00, Reply)
Is she holding the television above her?Or is it resting on a surface?
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:03,
Reply)
It looks like she's about to smash it on top of his head.(
girlinthehole, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:04,
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TBHI have no idea ...... If watching some wanky imported show is better than being face down in the holiest of holies then surely you'd just move the TV
Edit. Prolly holding it aloft.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:05, Reply)
I think they must have other surrounding relationship problemsI love Glee, but there's no way...
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:02,
Reply)
yeah, then she can fire fricking torpedoes at her boyfriendthat'll teach the cunt
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:22,
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Bloke I heard of ..This girl texts him to say her bf has left her high and wet during foreplay. And instead of getting straight round there, he told all his mates. Shirter? Fo sho'
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Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:29,
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You know how girls get incredibly horny during thunderstormsWell a friend of mine did anyway. Her boyfriend was having a games night with his geeky friends. She called him up and offered him a blowjob in exchange for fucking her, which you'd think was the very definition of a win-win. He refused. Gaming and sausage-fest more appealing.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:21, Reply)
Guess a man's gotta do what his mates wanna do.(
Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:54,
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A text from a friend:"Love you mate, but not in a gay way."
Then, five minutes later:
"OK, maybe a little bit gay."
And then:
"Alright, I'm totally gay for you."
I responded:
"Alright, gay."
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:36,
Reply)
I can't believeyou've betrayed my confidence like that!
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djtrialprice, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:08,
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You can cut your hair,but the gay keeps on growing.
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thealternativefact, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:09,
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I have been pondering on this for a whileand I conclude that I have never heard anything so bent in all my life. The fellow makes Jimmy Somerville look like Mr T.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:36,
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Pondering?Well, that's one way of putting it.
You slag.
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thealternativefact, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:44,
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Ain't I just?How the devil are you?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:47,
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I'm OK thanks,except that I'm in the middle of moving offices so I'm doing nothing except run up and down the stairs.
You OK?
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thealternativefact, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:02,
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Yes thank you!Remarkably chipper.
My staff keep eyeing me suspiciously because they are so unused to it.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:04,
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With good reason:we can all assume you're either about to go on some sort of rampage or pass out at your desk. There are no inbetweens.
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thealternativefact, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:08,
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I exist in the grey, mysterious hinterlandthat exists between waking and consciouness...light and dark....Hackney and The City......
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:20,
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DMT might.It made my friend's sitting room turn into an Aztec-themed computer game for a couple of minutes....
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:57,
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WAIT! I CAN TOP IT!How about 'we can't come to Tayyab's for the world's best company and curry because we're going to the theatre like a pair of Biblical-scale shirters instead'?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:54,
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Me too.Slighted I am, slighted.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:16,
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At the end of the day it's their own lossOpportunities to personally meet my personage in person are few and far between. Doubtless it has taken some time for the enormity of their foolish decision to sink in.
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:35, Reply)
And,moreover, an opportunity to meet the Flappy-haired League at no financial cost whatsoever....
A remarkable and extremely rare occasion.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:38,
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Well, one of these shirters is a member of the League, no lessTurning down the opportunity to meet with the League's Founders...it's just folly, I tell you. Folly!
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:40, Reply)
Christ, I'm glad I don't know a couple of woofters of such epic proportions.(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:57,
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I'll bet.They probably get 'queer-bashed' every time they leave the house.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 15:58,
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Probably.I bet they live in a great big purple house in East London, the massive Bumders.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:01,
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I would imagine that their ceiling is falling down toobecause of all the frantic bumming that takes place upstairs!
(, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:09, Reply)
*massive high fives*excellent work
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:14,
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If 'me' is 'a fucking great shirter'then yes, you still are.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:22,
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this is himen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valley_girl
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:20,
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Are you just comparing him to this article because it has 'multiple issues'?(
thealternativefact, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:23,
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hahadidn't even notice that
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 16:25,
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