HEADFUCK.
Mentalex (tm) has just texted me to tell me she's pregnant by some bloke she split up with a couple of weeks ago. I didn't know she was seeing anyone, not that I would have cared unless my daughter started calling him 'daddy', but I feel decidedly odd about it all.

For a start, why has she turned to me for advice? I feel desperately sorry for her and I really shouldn't. All I could say was that if she went through with the pregnancy I wouldn't treat her other child differently from mine, as in if I were taking my daughter to (say) the zoo, they'd both be welcome etc.

What am I supposed to say? And why am I bothered by this?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:09, 171 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You're supposed to turn up at her door
with a bottle of jack and a coathanger
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:10, Reply)

"Here you go, this coathanger's for you.
Right, I'm off home to drink this whiskey. See ya!"
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:18, Reply)

You're supposed to say "I don't really know what to say"
and you're bothered by this because she's not just your ex she's the mother of your daughter.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Although technically this could be a Misstext and should have been put in the previous thread.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Maybe I should say
'if he needs some advice on court procedures etc tell him to call me'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Yeah, that'll really help matters.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:13, Reply)

It was a joke, yeah?
I'm far to scared of her to make a crack like that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Pussy.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Fucking right I am.
My attempts to 'get tough' with that harridan cost me six grand.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:19, Reply)

I didn't realize new teeth were so expensive

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Ah, but these are GOLD FRONTS, niggah.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:33, Reply)

represent

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:35, Reply)

*rolls up one trouser leg and walks with pretend limp*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:46, Reply)

haha
do that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:13, Reply)

You should probably do this as well
Although pregnant hormonal woman = even madder and unreasonable than before, so possibly not. Not if you want to see your daughter in the next 9 months.

On the plus side, you may actually get to see your daughter more.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Because you're a massive shirter
With all the 'emotional capacity' that goes with such a designation.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Problem with this...
Is if the ex boyfriend decideds he wants to treat your first born the same as the new sprog. You daughter will have more than one father then.

More than one father, but less than three. There could be a 1980's American sitcom in that.

I'll call it 'My double dads' because there are TWO of them.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:13, Reply)

reckon she's telling the truth?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:14, Reply)

In this sort of situation, assuming they're telling the truth is much less dangerous than assuming they're lying.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

that is very true
I was curious about whether she is likely to make it up though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Pretty much definitely.
She's been even odder than usual lately.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:20, Reply)

does she have much in the way of friends or family about the place?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

They're all ghastly proles
who live in Canterbury. She cannot face telling her mother, she says. I'm not surprised: her mother is a hatchet-faced witch who is a considerable part of my problems relating to my child. She's a cunt (not my child, obv).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

it's taken as read that your child as at least half cunt
I have no words of advice for you I'm afraid
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Offer to take your daughter off her full time
so she can cope with the baby.

That probably won't work. I don't know what I would do in your situation but not being in your situation I find it very easy to think I would tell her "Sorry not my problem, stop fucking me about with visitation rights with my lovely daughter and I might help you out when you need me"
( Peej, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Warning: Opinion approaching.
Don't get involved. She seems to be quite the emotional artist and appears to be able to twist your world upside down in an instant with her meddling and well-documented mentalisms. Give her a quick and simple 'good luck to you' and work out your feelings by yourself, here or with friends. Don't give her any more ammunition to use against you in the future.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I think "you never helped me when I really needed you"
is perfect ammunition to be used against him in future.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Online peer therapy is definitely the way to go though.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:19, Reply)

No it fucking isn't.
It's only real use is a relativley public but anonymous place to vent.
Anyone who takes serious advice from here is a retard.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:22, Reply)

here me

Yay! My first strikethrough
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

It can only get better.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

It I
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I was wrong

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:35, Reply)

was am always
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:36, Reply)

hehe

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I was my face is

Ok, ok, I'll stop now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I was my face is

Ok, ok, I'll stop now.

dude, EVERYONE'S been here!
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:42, Reply)

no fair
I've only just learned how to strikethrough, now I have to master bold, italic AND underlined?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:10, Reply)

ha check me out

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:11, Reply)

DG was joking.

( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I was being facetious...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Fair enough,
I wasn't having a go at you by the way.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I figured that.
You child of the 80's, you.

*ruffles hair*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I think keeping away from the mad woman is worth the risk of this happening in the future.

( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

He can't keep away from her.
He's got a kid with her, he just has to make it work as best as he can.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Can I re-iterate on behalf of Monty here.
SHE IS AS MAD AS A BOX OF FROGS.
( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

So?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:27, Reply)

According to Monty she isn't the type of women you can reason with.
Hence it's all in the lap of the Gods.
( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

It's possible to share parenting with the minimum of contact between the parents.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:27, Reply)

It's not ideal though and it's also not nice for the child.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Nicer than parents who bicker and hate each other.
Yes, it is ideal if the parents can't get along amicably.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

you're like a really arsey
Dear Deidre
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Haha

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Doesn't anybody use contraception any more?
I know they don't in Barrow.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Why, is that where you're from?


*runs to the fucking hills*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Haha sod off, you knows where I'm from
Seriously though, if you keep feeling sorry for her I will stop feeling sorry for you.
And then I'll punch you in the face.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:27, Reply)

IT'S THE ONLY LANGUAGE I UNDERSTAND.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I squeeze a lemon into their bits after I'm done.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:25, Reply)

you do realise men can't get pregnant right?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Is that why you hate gays so much?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:27, Reply)

there are two outcomes here
Outcome 1: I say "I don't hate gays", you say "aaah, you love gays"
Outcome 2: I say yes or no, and you say "aaah, you hate gays"

I don't know which to go for
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Because you're scared he'll say you love the gays
when actually you hate the gays.

You child abuser.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

damn your eyes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I thought you wrote "Mental alex"
and were referring to me. LOL!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:27, Reply)

MentAlex (tm)
"He's a bit of a nutter"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I'm totally Ker-A-Zee me
I have a wacky tie and am the life and soul of the party.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Do you have Homer Simpson socks as well?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:32, Reply)

aaaaaand we're back to Bruce Dickinson again.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:35, Reply)

What's that got to do with Bruce?
Unless wearing Homer Simpson socks makes you an amazing vocalist.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Monty thinks Bruce is the Colin Hunt of the rock world

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

thinks has correctly pointed out
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:41, Reply)

has correctly pointed out is a gargantuan pillow-biter and thinks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:42, Reply)

That's the kind of homphobia I've come to expect from you.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Ken Hom is terrifying!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

He has a mad Wok of POWER!
And he's chinese, so he's probably a commie.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:51, Reply)

He has the shifty looks of a sex tourist about him.
And his repeated references to 'ricewine' make me feel ill.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I'm totally listening to Ynqwie J Malmstean and gurning RIGHT NOW!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

what song?
he does one called I am a viking, which is amusing for the line that goes "you are a loser"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)

That's not on the song,
that was your missus talking to you when you were listening to it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

she sounds suspiciously like a man
and had previously been mentioning, at length, how she is a viking.

serious note: I can recommend Yngwie's song Flamenco Diablo.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I've heard a few of his records
and have to say they were everything I dislike about 80s 'heavy metal' - fast but not tough enough, widdly for the sake of it and with more in common with virtuoso violin performance than rock'n'roll.

I'll give it a try on your recommendation, but I have him pegged as a poodle-permed showoff so it'll be a job to convince me otherwise...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:08, Reply)

He really is the worst of the guitar wankers
but you can't get away from the fact that he can really really play guitar. His guitar versions of some classical pieces are superb, but his own 80s metal stuff is pretty fucking awful.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:10, Reply)

My favourite story about him
is that he was doing a telephone interview and was walking around and didn't look where he was going and walked into his swimming pool.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:11, Reply)

that is excellent
he's a big freak

my understanding is that he was a troublesome child with no friends when he was young and got bought a guitar to shut him up. By the age of 8 he was practising all the time, until his fingers bled.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:14, Reply)

To be as good as him
you would have to be such a loser that you do nothing but play guitar all day everyday. It's like Slash, he's a great player, but as a kid he must have been a real geek to get that good, hence when he made it big, straight on the smack and whores.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:16, Reply)

yeah
the best guitarists I know got that way by having no lives. Now one of them is in the navy, on submarines no less.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:19, Reply)

You hate him don't you
you hate him because of his love of backdoor shenanigans.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:20, Reply)

no
I hate him because he's a twat
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:23, Reply)

It was "Fire"
Now it's damageplan, and now it's Less than Jake.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

WIDDLING FURIOUSLY

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

You're an Alex?
Interesting. I always had you down as an Alan...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Ah-haaaaaaaa!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:35, Reply)

But you've met me
surely I told you my name? Or maybe I didn't, I'm quite rude like that.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Yep.
You introduced yourself as Al. The suffix was still open to speculation!

(Fear not, I also leapt to the assumption that Becky was a Rebecca, and not, say, Engelbeck or Beckingham Palace.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I wish she was really called Beckingham Palace

(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

Well, it's still not been confirmed to me that she isn't...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Fuck off, I'm a Tamsin really

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)

...really?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 17:47, Reply)

He's Albert really

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I want him to be Albequerque

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Hot dog
Jumping frog
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

You've lost me there...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:45, Reply)

You're not the King of Rock'n'Roll

(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:46, Reply)

This is very true.
Sadly.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

it's a Prefab Sprout reference.
Don't worry old bean, it was a fucking shit tune with an even worse video, you missed nothing.


EDIT and possibly a worse band name even that Half Man Half Biscuit - something I believed to be scientifically impossible.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Well, that's a relief.
But it's still one more daily reminder that I'm still not the King of Rock n'Roll. *sniff*
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Want to be a 25-stone, pill-addicted, toilet-dying sellout?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)

It's a niche I can see myself slotting into quite comfortably.
Would prefer a more dignified death, mind...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Dio isn't dead yet!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

nor is Little Richard, the REAL king.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Ah, now going bi and growing a massive afro seems like an even better career move
Not to mention the fun of blacking up for the role...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:34, Reply)

prize goes to Albert!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

That's what I thought for a while too.

(bill, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I always thought it was just Al
like Al Murray.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

For you and one of your corsets
I'll be anything you like.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I would like you to be a duck billed platypus
as I've never seen one in real life
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I do a good impression
all I need is a photo of a girl with tattoos under her breasts with out anything on
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:55, Reply)

haha
I was wearing pants!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)

It will still work
just e-mail it over.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

just get psychochomp to do a search for the thread
he loves those searches
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:12, Reply)

You are so right

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I had something similar to this with own Mentalex a few years back
Now mine nowhere near the same league as yours, but she did present similar symptoms - calling me up, not long after we'd broken up, crying and whingeing because some arsehole with whom she'd just had a one-night stand wasn't interested in seeing her again. I cared partly as it was basically my ex ringing me to tell me she'd had it off with someone else, you know, just to make sure that old wound stayed open, but then I also cared because I had loved her at one point. And, like yourself, for some reason I felt sorry for her.

As for why she's turned to you specifically...does she have friends of her own? I know I got my ear chewed because my ex had a habit of driving any other friends away. I suppose there is also the issue that, if your daughter's likely to have a half-sibling some time soon, it's probably best that you hear it from the mother first.

In my own case, the best thing I ever did was to finally MTFU and tell her to fuck off, however clearly your daughter makes it a much more difficult decision. I wonder if it might be in your daughter's best interests if you can be vaguely supportive and keep things civil between the two of you, but at the same time you've got to watch out that the bitch doesn't start taking advantage of your good nature.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:32, Reply)

She has very few friends I suspect., being a CUNT and all.
And yet I cannot help feeling sorry for her. I wish I was harder-hearted but it seems I am indeed the shirter I am so often accused of being, when it comes to matters such as this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

SCORE!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

You feel sorry for her because you're not a cunt
To be honest, being simultaneously dumped and unexpectedly pregnant is not something I'd wish upon anyone, however much of a cunt they were. I'd be inclined to suggest thinking coldly and logically about what is going to be best for your daughter in all this, and above all making sure psychomum doesn't stop you seeing her, or use her own situation as an excuse to suck your blood for nine months.

(But then that's my great-big-shirter logic for you, and comes with no warranty or guarantee of good sense...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:55, Reply)

It's sound advice, thank you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:14, Reply)

It is, actually.
Listen to the Crow, Monty, for his is a wise beak indeed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

On the bright side
it's good that your daughter will have a sibling - a bit of solidarity and companionship for her when living with a psychomother.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:36, Reply)

that's true
although I had solidarity and companionship with my mother because we lived with my psychosister.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

are you planning on having a second one?
;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:41, Reply)

not a fucking chance

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:42, Reply)

ha
Place your bets now. I have another one within 18 months
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

months minutes
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I'm surprised you aren't up the duff after being in a room with catface

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

haha
his sperm is like a fine mist that coats you upon entering the room
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I thought I felt a bit weird the other day

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

That's because you were near a gay
and you hated them so much it made you feel sick.

And pregnant.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

who was the gay?
my money is on TGB
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I would tread softly with this one mr
1. She might not even be preggo
2. She's clearly a mental
3. If you try to help her somehow she'll make it all your fault

If I were you I'd steer clear and say very little.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:44, Reply)

steer clear and say very little
is good advice when dealing with every woman ever.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Truefacts!
Just hand over the chocolate and back away slowly!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I prefer to throw the chocolate, like I'm feeding ducks

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

This also works well
So long as the chocolate doesn't fall on the floor... then its a big no no!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Bollocks
You would so eat chocolate off the floor.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Depends on the chocolate
and the floor for that matter.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

5 second rule

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:55, Reply)

With Flim-Flam it's more like 5 minutes
and that's if it's a sticky floor. In her own house she has been known to sweep out under the sofa, notice an errant rolo and chow down like there's no tomorrow.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

You're an errant rolo!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

*ducks and runs for his life*
Help I'm going to be eaten by Flim-Flam!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:03, Reply)

*inserts*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Oooh er mrs!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Couldn't resist!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Ya bleedin' hussy!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:23, Reply)

you know me!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:28, Reply)

RAGING GENERALISM ALERT!!!!

( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:48, Reply)

doesn't mean it's not 100% accurate

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Indeed-o

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

*steers clear *

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

"Congratulations" ?
it's a bit early to know how things are going to go.
I wouldn't even discuss it with her because it will be a few years before the babe will be able to do anything with it's sibling.
But tread lightly because you may end up becoming a father figure for the babe, you should be prepared to deal with that at least.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

that's true
also, if you become attached to second child, you may have similar problems with her being a dick about contact. With the second one, she'll be able to throw in the added hurt of "it's not yours"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

As long as you're single she'll keep trying to play you like a Stradivarius.
Get out there and find someone nice.

You can't have me. I'm holding on for Jeff.
( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:02, Reply)

ha culture win
I would have said "like a cheap banjo"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Monty is cultured.

( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:16, Reply)

in the bacterial sense

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I don't want to.
I really don't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Buy her a Bowie mask and insist she wears it whenever you she her.

( Peej, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:07, Reply)

she her?
is he Sean Connery?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I just did an actual 'lol' there

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I'd edit but your reply made me laugh

( Peej, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I wish I had been there to see your reaction.
-If you want Monty to stare at his mobile while the Eastenders "Dum dum dum dum dummmm" music plays, press A now.

-If you want Monty to say "OH BOY" followed by the Quantum Leap theme tune, press B now.

-If you want Vipros to tell Monty that David Bowie is the father, press C now.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Oh now this is brilliant.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 18:19, Reply)