There are so many crap films on the cinema right now...
I can't understand they haven't done Ender's Game yet.

On the other hand, if they did, it'd probably be shit and I would be very upset at them for not following the story word by word.

So, which film do you think Hollywood is missing?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:37, 233 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A sequel to Serenity
A big budget BSG movie.
A remake of Logans Run.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I'd like a sequel to Serenity too
There are so many good films to be done. Why do they insist in making stupid furry animal things?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Yes. But only if they could somehow get Wash back in without it being tacky.
Yes. More Captain Apollo please!
Neutral, never seen it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:40, Reply)

He asked to be killed off, so that's not going to happen.
you should watch Logans run, it's dated but still good.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I'm pretty sure he didn't.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Well that's what I read on the internet, so I'm going to argue that it is a fact!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Don't believe everything you read on the internet.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that of the cast, it's Alan Tudyk that has been pushing hardest for a sequel.

I used to be a proper diehard Browncoat.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I've seen Innara and Kayleigh in real life

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:47, Reply)

Why do you give me so many reasons to hate you?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I haven't got a stick to beat you off with.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Ew.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:52, Reply)

That's exactly what I was thinking when I saw those shoes you linked.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:54, Reply)

What a coincidence!
It's also exactly what I think everytime you post.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:56, Reply)

No it isn't

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Mmm, yes it is.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:00, Reply)

You hang up
No, you hang up!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I bet you don't ew at this
fakescience.tumblr.com/
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Will you ever give up?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:27, Reply)

maybe if I get the job I just applied for.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

SABRIEL.
Guilleremo del Toro, if you are listening, please, please make this film. You're the only one I trust to do it right.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Ender's Game has been in production
for about ten years. It would make a very bad film because it would rely so heavily on being able to find talented child actors.

I think Hollywood is missing Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens 2
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:40, Reply)

You can find good kid actors
Just have to try very hard, but I'm sure it'd be worth it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

nah
remember the kid from the Phantom Menace? They'd cast his clone as Ender
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

They could try animation , then
In a very cool and professional way, of course.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Actually if it was made properly
I would absolutely love them to make Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World into a film.

Or a really good version of Dorian Gray
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Yes. To HW&tEOTW.
Dorian gets wheeled out as a play or film when the political setting requires it.

Whenever I read a book that deserves a film it seems it has already been a TV mini-series.

Then there was Revolutionary Road which I really wanted to be a film but which inexplicably I have not yet seen.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:53, Reply)

HW&tEOTW would have to be made in Japan though
I wouldn't really want Hollywood getting its mitts on it, and making the main character American, and the setting New York or something ridiculous like that.

There was a decent older version of Dorian Gray but it strikes me that there is just so much potential which is pretty much untapped in how to explore it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:56, Reply)

I like it when we agree,
As an aside to the thread - I've put 'Traveler' on my holiday reading pile. I got to chapter five and realised this was going to need serious reading. And re-reading. Thanks.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

you're very welcome
I'm surprised you didn't like Robin Hobb though, why was that?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

MOAR NAKED JEFF BRIDGES ROM COMS.

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I wasn't expecting anything like this
You made me laugh!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

: )

( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Did I ever mention I do all Jeff's body double work?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:54, Reply)

No you didn't.
Will you give him my phone number the next time you see him.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:59, Reply)

That's harsh

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I was thinking the same
But she's on a bad day, so forgive her.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:06, Reply)

I found it dead funny like
But then she wasn't mocking me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:07, Reply)

You and your British humour.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:08, Reply)

That and I love BGB like a sister
My more-northern, more pretty sister.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Are you implying I don't love her?
(In a non-lesbian way)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I'm not implying anything
And what the two of you get up to is your own business.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Oh yes, he asked me to stand in when his pecs dropped.
Expect a call shortly.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:05, Reply)

A sequel to Big Trouble in Little China

( M o D, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Oh I'd forgotten about that film,
I'd love to see a return of the big budget american kung fu movies.
Forbidden Kingdom was great.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Big trouble was way ahead of it's time
Used wire fighting before it was popular in hollywood.
I saw forbidden kingdom recently, it wasn't to bad at all.
( M o D, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:55, Reply)

have you seen they're remaking the Karate Kid?
with Jackie Chan and Will Smith Jr
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Forbidden Kingdom was a lot like a modern Karate Kid.
I will reserve judgment on the remake until I see it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:45, Reply)

A film about a man being shot whilst high on DMT
Then his spirit floating about a Japanese cityscape.

Oh wait, there is such a thing

www.buf.com/visual_effects.php?display=movie&id=882

Lovely extended trailer/making of sequence, with some lovely music and fantastic visuals.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:51, Reply)

*buys*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:53, Reply)

This is a cinema experience buddy
I have toyed with the idea of getting shroomed up when it gets released here in September. Do you think the unfolding trippy visuals are a good representation of the DMT experience?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Real life 'Lord of the Flies'
where all the Hollywood 'stars' all get stuck on an island and bully each other and then die.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:52, Reply)

What about the pretty ones?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Spit roasted.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:55, Reply)

but who would be Jack and Ralph
I'm opting for Brad Pitt to be Jack.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Couldn't he be "The Beast" instead?
I've always thought his head would look good on a stick...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

haha
Brad Pitt as a rotting airman. Yeah I can get behind that.

Who do you suggest then?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:18, Reply)

Well, if I remember rightly,
he needs to be someone quite objectionable and more prone to savagery than whoever plays Ralph. A person who's obviously been bought up to behave better - being the head choirboy and that - but who is all too ready to rebel against it and release the feral, deviant, violent character within...

Oh, sod it. Give the role to Eddie Murphy and we'll turn it into a crass blaxploitation flick.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I think I might be sick

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:36, Reply)

And then we'll cast Bootsy Collins as Ralph
Bringing the kids to order not with a conch shell, but a horrifically self-indulgent slap bass solo.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:41, Reply)

Well this is solving
the calorie intake problem
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Althought joking aside,
It would be quite nice to have Morgan Freeman as the voice of The Beast.

That or Christopher Lee.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Christopher Lee has one of the best voices of all time
he always gets the baddie roles
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Yes Christopher Lee would be good

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:04, Reply)

This will shock you,
but I was being vulgar.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I know what spit-roasting is
I was asking who should be cast as the three obvious participants- Jack, Ralph, the Beast
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Jude Law has the face for the film, so has Dominic Cooper.
Frankly My dear -
most merkin film actors are just not up to it.
How would it play as an all female cast?

edit - no wait, Giovanni Ribisi could play either Jack or Ralph.
Now I'm interested.
Of course, I see it as a musical. Think of Mama Mia meets Preditor.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Any film of a William Golding book.
"The spire" would be good.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:57, Reply)

A Deadpool movie
With Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool (yes I know they're already thinking about this).

My only proviso is that they follow the comics religiously, and don't fuck it up like they did in Wolverine by utterly changing the character to the point that I wanted to nuke all of America just to make sure the writer had learnt his lesson.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Or the following comics:
Preacher
Transmetropolitan
The Boys
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:58, Reply)

apparently Preacher is on the cards
since Watchmen was so popular
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:39, Reply)

They had better not fuck it up
Keep the swearing, sex, violence and Bill Hicks references in it, or there'll be hell to pay.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:40, Reply)

There are some cracking books out there by Conn Igguldon
one lot are about the rise and fall of Ceasar, the other lot are about Gengis Khan. Rather than re-hash Robin Hood for the umpteenth time, Ridley Scott should give them a big screen outing (although ditch Russel Crowe, he's the Bono of Hollywood).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:57, Reply)

And he's got a face like a muffin.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Well that's me put off muffins for life

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I really rate Crow in those sort of films,
Gladiator and Master and Commander are both great and he pulls them off.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

You want to pull him off

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

them me
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

If you love Russel Crowe so much why don't you marry him?
This Childish comment was brought to you by Colonel_Dracula Industries, embracing immaturity for the 21st Century
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:05, Reply)

And what happened to a M&C sequel?
The whole ending was set up for it - bah.

Obviously I cannot wait for Crowe's 'Hood', as it were.*

*(May contain irony.)
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:10, Reply)

No, it doesn't contain irony
It's sarcasm.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I'm sure you're right.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

I learnt the hard way
But now I know the difference.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

*Yawns*
Sarcasm and Irony have a very close relationship with one another. Both tend to be used to make a poignant or entertaining statement. Often times, people say something is ironic when it is actually sarcastic and vice versa because the two concepts have become so intertwined, whereas, in actuality, sarcasm is a concept that utilizes irony. In many instances, sarcasm is a remark seasoned with irony. You can think of irony as a vessel to express many things in a sarcastic way. For example, if a girl takes an especially long time to get ready as her date patiently waits for her, when she finally emerges, her date might remark with a deadpan tone "Well, you certainly don't take long to get ready." In the circumstance, again, irony is utilized to express the opposite of the actual situation to mock the extended length of time it took for the girl to actually get ready. Irony is employed, but the humor that is achieved though its use is sarcasm. In addition, sarcasm is always considered a form of wit, whereas irony can be found in any type of situation, be is funny or quite serious. Irony takes on many forms (generally tragic and situational irony) that are very saddening and in no way considered mockery. In this sense Irony is a bit more varied and far-reaching in its scope than sarcasm.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Well, that was just fascinating.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

(!)

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Wasn't it though?
Edit - Actually, my response to Aberracion was quite un-necessary, and I wish to apologize. No irony, nor sarcasm, contained herein.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

^ actually you're right.
He's a fabulous author. I'm a huge fan of his - and of Romans, and of Genghis Khan. I'm surprised and disappointed there's not been a sequel to 'Mongol' made. My brother was disappointed to find it wasn't a cast of Downsers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Ha! I had to inform my father that term "Mongoloid" was no longer appropriate.

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Sometimes is it most appropriate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Horse Porn 3D

"Just when you thought it was safe to back into the stable"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Other options are:
A decent less camp version of Dune,
and a trilogy of films based on the RingWorld books.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:58, Reply)

It's a crying shame David Lynch made such a mess of Dune
Even if you overlook the not-very-overlookable gaffe of casting Sting, it really doesn't do the book justice.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:19, Reply)

The Sci Fi TV series a while back was ok
A billion and one times better than the Lynch abomination
(bill, Mon 10 May 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Any film that isn't
a) another romantic comedy
b) a sequel/reboot/re-imagining of a perfectly good film.
c) described using the words "darker" or "gritty"
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I like "dark" and "gritty" films
Batman Begins/Dark Knight benefit greatly from being dark and gritty, rather than "twee" and "nipply-batsuit".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Yes, but it's gotten to the point where fucking everything is described with those two adjectives.
Films like that are excellent, I just wish Hollywood would read a bloody thesaurus and get some new words.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Obscured and gravell-y?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I'll take anything.
Anything at all.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:09, Reply)

FILTH

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Hell, I'll even take them knock-kneed and bald.
Edit -
Buggar -I mis-quoted.

Man, I'm gonna tell you my story
-Go on and tell about it, go on and tell about it more
-Just what I've been doing
-What you've been doing, Ry ?
-Well, you know I used to be particular about the womens that I picked
-Aha!
-Yeah! They used to be tender, lean and tall, that's all
-But the way things has been going, I'll take 'em knock-kneed and bow-legged
-What ?
-I'll even take 'em bald! Man. I'll tell you why
-Please, tell me why!
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I'm not that easy, dear.
I do have some standards
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:19, Reply)

I somewhat doubt that

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

:(

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:22, Reply)

This is true.
If you're going to do a non-serious Batman flick then at least do it in the style of the TV show. Otherwise it's just shit.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Much as I liked Begins/Dark Knight
Part of me thinks they should just abandon Christian Bale and re-cast Adam West, replete with the all the old sound effect screens depicting "POW!", "BAM!" "SHAZAM!", "SODOMISE!", etc.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Only if there's judicious use of shark repellant

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

repellent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Thank you.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Yes you are, but what am I?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

A shark

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
Which is not, as some people might have you believe, a film about a ham omelet.

I'd like to see Hamlet given the Baz Luhrman treatment that was used on Romeo and Juliet.

And not because I'm Danish. Oh no.
(JohntheDane, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:06, Reply)

Ken's film was good, if a little long.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I wouldn't like to see anything
given the Baz Luhrman treatment
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:21, Reply)

I'd like to see Baz Luhrman given
the 'savage beating' treatment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Hmm. As I see it, the biggest problem with Baz Luhrman's version of Romeo and Juliet
was that it was absolutely fucking shit.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:34, Reply)

An 100% proper version of War of the Worlds.
Instead of the updated to modern America shit that they keep making.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I haven't replied to your better halfs gaz
but I am down as an almost certain for your thing in october.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Cool.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:04, Reply)

Yes
set in late victorian london where it takes two days to get from Kings cross to my house.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Don't they take out a couple of the tripods by slamming Ironclads into them?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Thunderchild

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Only one
and Bartleby is correct, it was Thunderchild.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

There were ships of shapes and sizes
scattered out along the bay
and I thought I heard her calling
as the steamer pulled away
The invaders must have seen them
As across the coast they filed
Standing firm between them
There lay Thunder Child!

*widdle diddle diddle dee do do deeeeeeeeee*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Pretty much.
I just think that the juxtaposition between shiny, technological fighting machine against a 19th century English backdrop would look quite cool.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Apart from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

THERE IS NO LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:16, Reply)

It's okay, man, it's okay

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I actually quite enjoy that film...
*ducks*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:18, Reply)

me too
Dorian Gray was hot.

*hides with Applebite*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Yes! He was so hot.
And so was the American dude.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:55, Reply)

aww yeah,
his jaw could cut glass.

I loved Mr Hyde's voice, I know it was computer generated, but still. He should read bedtime stories.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Mmmm, he could cut my glass anytime.
Haha, yeah! And I have to admit, I found Sean Connery strangely, (albeit grossly) attractive too.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:11, Reply)

Tom Sawyer?
Who shouldn't even have been in the fucking film?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Don't care.
I enjoyed the fact that he was there.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:10, Reply)

I hated the vampire
she was annoying.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Well, yes.
But that was decidedly steampunk. I want to see proper futuristic fighting machines that look good now but will be horribly dated in ten years time.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

Haven't they done a remake of Repo men?
Anyone seen it?

Edit - scratch that. It's not a re-make. It's something completely different.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Did you mean Repo Man by Alex Cox?
that was a good film, and unless Cox remade it himself, would not be right.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Yes.
Might get in on DVD now.
( girlinthehole, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Yeah, I was disappointed too.
Whatever happened to Harry Dean Stanton?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I'd love to see a remake of Jaws (!)
with actors in the lead roles that aren't as good as the three 'R's and a CGI shark that, whilst technically well rendered, completely lacks the simple charm of a rubber model mounted on a gimble.

Oh, and a new sub plot involving pollution and how that has made the shark extra big and hungry.

And more children eaten in the name of blockbuster entertainment.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:07, Reply)

I can always go for the 3rd one

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:10, Reply)

The best thing about that film
was that they didn't even have a shark until nearly the end of the shoot so Speilberg was forced to use his brain and pretend to be a good director. You want to know what would have happened if he had all the special effects he wanted? Indiana Jones 4, that's what.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

THERE IS NO FOURTH INDIANA JONES FILM

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:14, Reply)

It's okay man, it's okay.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

*whimpers*
hold me
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

It's much maligned, that shark.
But I think it holds up reasonably well and is quite effective, more so for being used sparingly. And it's still one of my favourite films ever.

I haven't seen Indy 4 yet.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

*twitches*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Yup, the shark is fine, if anything it adds to the scaryness
the bit where Robert Shaw gets chopmed shits me up every time
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Don't get me wrong
I like the shark, but the shark is that much scarier for only appearing at the end.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Damnit, I'd just about forgotten that.
Now I have to think about it and the massive disappointment again.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:16, Reply)

With this statement you've somewhat scraped a modicum of my respect for you back
After your ELOG-liking fiasco.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

I don't liek it because its good in anyway,
It's mindless entertainment I can veg out to when I can't be bothered watching a proper film. Like the Mummy.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

I enjoyed The Mummy
Except it was then pointed out to me that I look a little like Brendan Frasier.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Hi Brendan.
Yeah, and Wookie looks like Ade Edmondson.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Yes he does!
Although smaller.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

But Brendan Fraser is all rugged and fit in the Mummy.
I fail to see the problem here.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:36, Reply)

He is?
In one slight way you've just complimented me, so that's all I'm going to focus on. Thanks!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:38, Reply)

he's totally hot in George of the Jungle

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Eh, he still looks like a public school boy to me
I did have one pic where I look scarily like him, just after I had my dreads cut off.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Share.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Nope
Besides, it was taken over 5 years ago.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Awwww, pleeeeeeeeeease?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:57, Reply)

He looks like my old chum Jethro,
and therefore, so do you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Anytime.
Very rugged and manly, with the guns, and the fighting and the tight trousers...

What were we talking about again?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:49, Reply)

I don't think I look rugged and manly
Although I haven't shaved in a while, and am slightly sweaty from wrestling alligators.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Do watch out for stingrays, won't you?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:58, Reply)

I make no promises

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:01, Reply)

The mummy returns is the shittest film I'll watch again and again.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Likewise
I'll forgive a film an awful lot if it gives me a chance to ogle Rachel Weisz.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Meh, she's nothing special,
the best thing about that film is the line:
"by putting that bracelett on you've started a chain of events that could bring about the next apocalypse"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

That is delightfully daft
Either that, or a very cleverly thought out piece of causality, in a similar vein to the board game Mouse Trap, except for the fact it culminates in the end of the world, as opposed to a cheap plastic cage falling on a plastic mouse. But that's less likely.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:37, Reply)

I'd like to see The Subtle Knife and the Amber Spyglass
but the Catholic church in Merka got their knickers in a twist about The Golden Compass Northern Lights so that it is now not economically viable to make in case God fearing Merkins don't go and watch it.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:14, Reply)

No, the problem was that the first film was shit.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

It wasn't brilliant...the actor who played Scorsby had a right old rant about the church and why a sequel had been canned

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:16, Reply)

The church thing is just an excuse for a bad film
If they had made it a good film (which they should) it would have made money and they would have made the sequels.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

It made money, twice the budget I believe

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

It was critically panned
And they were clearly hoping for a lot more return.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

I did hear once that due to the balance of flops V successes

most Hollywood film studios could make more money investing their film budgets in relatively safe financial bets.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

it didn't do very well
commercially or critically. For the main reason that it was shit. The books would be hard to translate to screen because so much of it requires actual thought
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

You know what, I'm just going to blame Nicole Kidman
She's awful in everything
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Not that I've read any of them
But why did the Merkan God-botherers start kicking up a fuss about them?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

they need to make more erotic books into films
Sin series by Sharon Page, The Pleasure House series by Kate Pearce oh man, I'd camp out to see that shit
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Just watch porn, think of it as edited highlights

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:18, Reply)

negative
I actually enjoy the stories
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:21, Reply)

And you read Playboy/girl for the articles too?
I bet you like the character development, y'know, from flaccid to rigid.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:22, Reply)

have you ever actually seen playgirl?
yeurf
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

I don't know if yeurf is a good or a bad sound?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Depends
Is it coming for you while you're in bed with a girl, or from Big Barry behind you while you're in Clapham Common public loos?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:26, Reply)

say it outloud to yourself

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:27, Reply)

It doesn't sound good in my head.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

exactly
the one thing I remember from the one I've seen was some 60 year old buff cowboy showering outdoors with his little pecker poking out
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I know Pete Steele from Type O Negative got his cock out in it
He had a massive cock apparently.

Dead now. Shame.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:27, Reply)

I've only bought one because Billy Currington was on the cover
unfortunately he didn't get his cock out
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:29, Reply)

I don't know who that is.
Enlighten me?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:33, Reply)

Country music singer
webpages.charter.net/obliquity/BillyCurrington.jpg
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Hello.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Then watch proper films, with proper stories
not Mills and Boon brain farts
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:22, Reply)

they're not mills and boon cookie cutter crap
and what's the difference anyway, all the films these days are trying to be more lolWaCkY than the last
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Druss the Legend.
Before Brian Blessed dies.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Sequel to Flash Gordon
maybe slightly less camp but with more of Mings daughter
( M o D, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Have you tried
Flesh Gordon?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Flesh Gordon was rubbish.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:46, Reply)

I haven't seen it
I just thought it was one of the wittier titles for a pr0n remake.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:50, Reply)

It really is abysmal.
However, the opportunity was lost for a wittily titled X rated version of Buck Rogers, I feel.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Mmmm Wilma Deering

( M o D, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:21, Reply)

"Ulimate Force - The Movie"
It could be about a fat old bloke who is inexplicably a member of the SAS and single handedly defeats Johnny Foreigner with lots of explosions and shit.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I think the Americans have already kind of cornered the market on that one.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:40, Reply)

But I want to see Ross Kemp stop 9/11 pt.2

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I'd like to see him save the day in a curiously A-Team / Ross Kemp hybrid style
Using the remains of his airline meal and plastic cutlery, combining them with his headphones and shiny bald head to make a gherkin-cheese-plastic explosive and nobly sacrifice his life for his country by blowing a fucking big hole in the plane, dropping the passengers out over a conveniently placed lake and fighting hand-to-hand with a hundred beardy terrorists while the plane crashes into an industrial estate where dynamite and fireworks are manufactured.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Pitch it to Hollywood
this time next year you could be a meewl-yown-naire (assuming you're not already).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I'd quite like to see more Terry Pratchett films
I think a big budget could really make some of them great.

Or destroy the stories I know and love.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Some of the animated ones are good,
but I don't think they'll really transfer to the big screen.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 10 May 2010, 15:56, Reply)

He's shit.
He makes me wish I had Alzheimer's, then I could forget I'd read his shit books.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Monty in "I don't like *select popular culture reference of choice* shocker!
Internet collapses in disbelief.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 16:07, Reply)

You're shit.
You make me wish I had Alzheimer's, then I could forget I'd read your shit posts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:08, Reply)

You say the nicest things, old bean.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I jest, old chum.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I NOES, RIGHT?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 May 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Tayyabs makes me wish I had Alzheimers of the arse
then it would forget I had eaten it the night before.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:10, Reply)

From our food critic there.
Any more reviews you'd like to share.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I'm OFFICIALLY EXCITED now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I love him
I've always found his books an enjoyable escape.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Going Postal is going to be on soon!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:10, Reply)

I wish they would hurry up and tell us when
Instead of playing the same fucking trailer in every add break
( M o D, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:22, Reply)

ooh sounds good
I've seen Hogfather, Death is my favourite character. Reaper Man is my favourite book of the series.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Mort is mine
Utter genius.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Night Watch!
now that would be a 'dark and gritty' film...
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I think Sean Connery in his younger days would make a good Vimes

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:43, Reply)

apparently
Sir TP pictures him as a younger Pete Postlethwaite. I could agree with that.
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Mon 10 May 2010, 17:04, Reply)

My favourite pun in any book was in Hogfather
when the Raven is talking about his lack of selectiveness when it comes to food and he says "We ravens eat what we like. Carrion regardless if you will".
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:43, Reply)

That's fucking terrible.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:45, Reply)

is the REALLY BRILLIANT David Jason in it?
I like him. He's really good. I really think he's great.

"You plonker"

*dies laughing*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 May 2010, 16:44, Reply)