On my way to a Biology exam earlier
I was walking alongside my flatmate, making various "Your mum" jokes, getting him more and more annoyed. As we got into the room just outside the exam hall, I made as if to check the seating chart. "What are you doing that for?" he asked. "You know what your place is". "Yeah, on top of your mum" I replied as he pulled open the door to the exam hall.

It was at that moment he lost it briefly and said, very loudly into the deathly hush of the exam hall "OH JUST FUCK OFF". He turned bright red as three hundred people lifted their heads to stare in astonishment. I have seldom had to try harder not to laugh my head off.

What has amused you today?
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:21, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cheese

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Your mum

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

That story
Thank you, it's just made me laugh my head off!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:25, Reply)

You sound like a right ZANY character
Non stop hilarity(!)
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Every day's a lolerday.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I'm laughing at myself
I'm in a oversized cricket jumper, listening to the Circle of Life.

It makes me feel very happy and content.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Someone emailed me
wanting help identifying a sex toy in gay porn.

Tickled me no end.

Edit: Why the hell did it reply down here :/
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:31, Reply)

to provide an adequete contrast
between Lampito's lovely peaceful Cricket jumper day, and your own sordid experience
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I was listening to Spandau Ballet though
I'm wearing shorts.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:38, Reply)

But could you identify the sex toy?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Yup
Butt Buster
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:52, Reply)

My dad just emails me about computer things and telling me to ring my mum.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I'm saying your dad watches gay porn by the way.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I love how you always clarify your jokes
making out that the reader is stupid, when really you've just worded them badly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

love how you always clarify your jokes
aking out that the reader is
, when really you've just worded them badly
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm calling you stupid.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

see, this is exactly what I'm talking about
that was abysmal striking through, even for you.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Of course it's exactly what you were talking about, that was the joke.
You act like you don't need the joke explained.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I needed that strikethrough explained
because it was shite.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Peter is not amused
i40.tinypic.com/33e526u.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:08, Reply)

I love listening to Disney
it always cheers me up
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:51, Reply)

What are your top three soundtracks?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Aristocats
Lion King
Aladin
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Aristocats is definitely top
Lion King
Little Mermaid (because it was my first ever Disney and has been watched so many times I can still remember all the dialogue verbatim)
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Aladdin
Hercules
Lion King
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Happy birthday tosspot

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Cheers bitch face

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Disappointed there's no
Robin Hood amongst the answers.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:31, Reply)

I did enjoy Robin Hood
but the songs weren't as toe-tapping as the Aristocats.

I also really like watching Fantasia now, whereas when I was a kid I hated it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Empire Strikes Back syndrome
When I was a kid we regarded Empire as the weakest of the Holy Trilogy because there's no happy ending, no Death Star to destroy. Only when we grew up did it become apparent that it's the third best film ever made. Fantasia doesn't have your typical Disney plot so it seems rubbish when you're a kid.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Why has no-one mentioned Beauty and the Beast yet?
Be our guest, be our guest, put our service to the test...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

With a week
til payday, I actually have money left in my bank account. That's not so much amused as overjoyed, I suppose...
(berk, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I saw a man fall and land on dog poo...
...but the ladies don't find it funny as they feel empathy for the faller.
I don't - it was very amusing.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I feel bad for people in real life
I don't feel bad for people on Youtube because they posted it on bloody youtube! My favourite is the girl who falls off a treadmill but the end of the treadmill is against a wall so she just keeps rolling.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:52, Reply)

A girl at work just said
"There is nothing of use in my box."

It took all my will power not to make a crude joke.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

OH JUST FUCK OFF

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Are you all right?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Cool ta.
You?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Great.
I was just worried about the Tourette outburst. Thought you might have hurt yourself.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:41, Reply)

I refer my honorable friend to the original post.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Right you are Ted.
Will pay more attention in future.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Someone in the office tripped over her waste paper bin,
and got it stuck on her foot in proper old-school slapstick style.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 20 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

You can't beat traditional visual stuff.
Every day I spend hours outside of butcher's shops just hoping that a dog will steal a string of sausages and that a bucolic looking butcher wearing a straw hat and stripey apron will shake his fist as the dog runs off down the street.
(Cave Duck, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I once saw two men carrying a sheet of glass across a road
at around 6am. Unfortunately, there was no high speed chase to interfere with them and they made it safely to the other side.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:06, Reply)

You should get the H&S squad
Paper bins should be removed from the office as the are a trip hazard. What if your colleage had fallen, broken an arm and taken the company to court?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 12:36, Reply)

serves them right
for not looking where they were going.

Sure, H&S rules are there to help us, but if you're thick as shit and don't take care of your own fucking actions - tough shit
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:41, Reply)

You can't say that in my office
There are some very, very stupid rules, made for very stupid people.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

what kind of office do you work in?

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Engineering Consultants
And you can't do almost anything without writting a safety plan first.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

it's true,
you could end up like this poor woman:
www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/I-was-walking-through-reception-and-slippedWHO-CARES-SORT-YOUR-FRINGE-OUT/110093092362904?ref=search&sid=545540716.2096663190..1
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Well, strictly speaking it amused me yesterday
But it's still providing some amusement today. Apparently in 1993, when Ritchie Blackmore quit Deep Purple for the second (and last) time, there was huge tension between him and Ian Gillan. Gillan is quoted as saying, "there are certain personal issues that I have with Ritchie, which means that I will never speak to him again. Nothing I'm going to discuss publicly, but deeply personal stuff."

This naturally led me to speculate, and myself and my colleague both independently came to the conclusion that Blackmore must have tried to bum him on tour.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:01, Reply)

aww
when love goes bad, rock groups break up.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:06, Reply)

You really have an anal fixation, don't you?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Well, ever since you 'outed' me...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

You mean he tried to give him a 'deep purple helmet'?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:17, Reply)

The acrimony is still sky high:
Gillan refuses to refer to Blackmore by name, preferring instead to call him ‘the banjo player’…
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Ha, well even that might give some insight into what this "deeply personal issue" was...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Dan at work has lost his keys
Its hilarious.
( Peej, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:13, Reply)

the fact that my boss
seems to think i find xml interesting
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I got tons of cheese related jokes
And I understood most of them!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 12:37, Reply)

FISH JOKES
It isn't the right plaice.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 20 May 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Those are more difficult
I don't know most of the fish names in English. But I understood that one!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:08, Reply)

don't start those again

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

...for Cod's sake.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I hake you.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

A sole.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Oh! Yes! how could I forget!
That proves how out of my mind I'm today!

I had my interview to get chartered yesterday, after a 2 years process, and it went terribly well.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Hahahaha, yes, YES ! Hahahahah, oh man, hahahahha, that's litterally the best thing I've ever heard in this entire day.
Oh man, that was great, it had Your Mum jokes and a guy swearing loudly in a quiet hall full of people, hahaha, oh god, that's great, oh man oh man.

OH JUST FUCK OFF

Hahahahah, oh man, I sware, woz u creasin' blud?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I'm eating liver that I cooked two days ago
and it tastes quite nice. This is more bemusing than amusing but it still counts, yeah
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

whose liver?

(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Some census taker's
Anyone got some fava beans?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:25, Reply)

The turks do deep-fried liver that's been battered.
It's soooo good, with an onion salad.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)