Anything interesting happen over the weekend?
At the club on friday there was a little person man guy bringing shots around and my friend told him I wanted to lick his skin.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:15, 138 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Did you lick it?

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:16, Reply)

he said it wasn't allowed
but asked for a kiss on the cheek instead
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:18, Reply)

If you'd managed to lick a midget, you'd be my new favourite b3tan.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Who is your favourite b3tan?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I haven't got one.
And I won't, until someone licks a midget.

Actually, by my own midget-licking criteria, it probably has to be CHCB.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

well, I did manage to give him three kisses on the cheek, he kept saying "c'mon, the last one wasn't wet enough"

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:33, Reply)

*high fives*

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I went to a Ballroom competition
We came second.

That is all.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:19, Reply)

coming second is better than not coming at all

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Very true
In the Intermediate event we came last. But we made the final, which was bloody brilliant. Not making the final would be the effective equivalent of not coming at all
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:25, Reply)

well congrats!

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Thank you honey
most kind x
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Maybe your ballroom needs a lick of paint or some renovation.
If you will let your ballroom fall into disrepair, no wonder someone else won.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Annoyingly,
I can't think of a witty response to that.

*doffs cap*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Weeelll....
I went for lunch with my brother and cousin in West London – shortly after I left someone got shot in the street. Staggering off home I stopped off at my local park London Fields to see a chum, to be told I’d missed a gun battle between rival ‘youth gangs’ an hour or two before. So some people had an interesting weekend, if not me, it seems.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Oh for fucks sake
fucking amateurs! that cost me £10,000!
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I heard a 'trendy' got shot by accident and died

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:27, Reply)

It's so trendy in London Fields
that there were women wandering around with trays of cocktails in plastic cups, for sale. This is, amazingly, not a joke.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I would like that alot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

It was quite handy - if inordinately gay.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:38, Reply)

from the brilliant Allie


hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:35, Reply)

I read that as "shortly after I let someone get shot in the street"
I thought that was callous even for you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:31, Reply)

That "someone" was David Bowie
so it's hardly surprising.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

*dreams*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I went to a comedy club in Bath and listened to right-on leftie comdians swear
then went for a drink afterwards and saw lots of people on cocaine.

I've decided to stay in more as people seem to be massive twats.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:24, Reply)

oh man, I totally want to go to a comedy show

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

So did I
I can't see myself going again anytime soon. Swearing & sex is funny up to a point, but i'm not a giggling 12 year old so it quickly loses its humour.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

they should have let you on the stage
you could have done a live reading of some qotw answers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:42, Reply)

They should have let you on stage
you could have wiggled your boobs and all the men would have spontaneously ejaculated. You would have come out looking like a plasters radio.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:47, Reply)

that is monday nights
silly al
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:49, Reply)

This was you after the bedshitter
farm4.static.flickr.com/3100/2655131321_7a61fe3c53.jpg

SFW
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:50, Reply)

al, i don't know what to say
no, really. i don't. revel in the silence!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:52, Reply)

www.wrekincom.com/images/radio_with_plaster1.jpg
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:53, Reply)

That's very kind of you Miss Swipe
but i'm not sure how well it would have gone down with the pissed-up hen/stag parties who wanted to howl with laughter at willy jokes
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:47, Reply)

god
was it worse than a qotw length gag??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Some of the material was as old as that gag
One of them even did an anecdote about being strip-searched at an airport, a subject that has been done to death by comedians. He even mocked S-Club 7, a group who were around about 10 years ago.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I got burnt, which is odd as I usually have fairly burn resistant skin

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I was talking to a girl in a nightclub (LIES!)
and one of my female friends decided it would be hilarious to run over to me shrieking "how could you, you bastard!" and punch me in the face. Then I had to spend five minutes talking a bouncer out of throwing her out.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I'd have let him throw her out

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:30, Reply)

You should have kicked her in the box

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:31, Reply)

If I'd actually been trying to pull the other girl, I might have.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Was it Clendrix?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Not this time, thankfully.
I'd have a broken jaw if it had been.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I walked around a lot
got very hot, got quite bored.

I don't live an exciting life.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Mine is much the same with less walking
And a lot more failure to do laundry (damn other people in college, always using the washing machines *shakes fist*)
My life is even less exciting.
I did, however, end up throwing a frisbee about with the executive committee of Oxford Model UN, but only for about 1/2 an hour or so, and that was the most exciting thing that happened (aside from the random bout of photoshopping last night)
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Do it very late at night
Or very early in the morning.
My friend is an insomniac and does his at four in the morning.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

isn't that Rape-O-Clock?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:43, Reply)

*sets alarm*

New meaning for 'rape alarm' right here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I have a rape alarm
I always forget it though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:46, Reply)

We had practical jokes with those in school
taped them to chairs and ran away with the pins
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:49, Reply)

You wag, you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:50, Reply)

She once turned a roadworks sign round
it was even funnier than rape.




alarms.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:51, Reply)

^^ MONTY MADE A TYPO!!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:56, Reply)

When my flatmate is feeling particularly annonying, she takes mine and hers,
throws them in someone's room and then hides the pins.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I want one of these
www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8c52/
Similar concept, more subtle.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:53, Reply)

My dad has one.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:54, Reply)

That is evil
I want one.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I bought one
after some guy at Salford Crescent train station asked me if I wanted to wear the blindfold that he carried around with him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:55, Reply)

:/
I think that was a good idea. Was it Al by any chance?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I never ask

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I did that.
I went to Chorlton, sat in a beer garden for half an hour, decided it was too hot, got an ice cream from a garage and went home.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I played one of the best games of the noughties
and got drunk. Spent the Sunday in a very hot garden in Tunbridge Wells. All in all a classic weekend!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Half Life 2?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Portal?
Its free until today you know

proper guess:
COD4? (singleplayer obviously, the multiplayer is good but not fantastic)
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I love Portal
I have completed it on the hardest mode. Looking forward to the new release in November.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Cooperative play!
It's either going to be fantastic or just a complete mindfuck
Or both
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Red Dead Redemption
I would advise you to get it.

Portal is in my top 5 though!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Thought that came out this year?
And hence isn't the 00's?
Waiting for the PC release due to lack of console
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Unfortunately
because you used the term 'noughties', I am now obliged to send Althegeordie round your house to duff you up.

Nothing personal, you understand: rules are rules.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I'll get my duffing up gloves

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:48, Reply)

also known as turkey-basters

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Don't start that shit again, please

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:16, Reply)

I couldn't think of another way to phrase it really
it's a bad thing.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:59, Reply)

'of the last ten years'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:17, Reply)

I chilled in the sun a lot
Did some revision.
And got texted at two o'clock sunday morning to tell me to get online so I could be skyped, because someone was drunk and wanted a chat.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Did you let them touch your fanny?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Skype, you fool
Not IRL.
He has in the past though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

she rubbed it all over the camera like a hyena in heat

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Hahaha

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:40, Reply)

you fucking furry

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I prefer midgets

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I always leave my phone on vibrate in the kitchen.
It's rare that I get a full night of quality sleep, I'm not letting some twat fuck up my sleep.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

the kitchen
oh, what's the point, you can see what's coming next anyway
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

rofl

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

</marvin>

( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:41, Reply)

the kitchen my vagina
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

THAT TOO
*shudders*
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:38, Reply)

You were online about 1:45 this morning, what was your excuse then?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Revising.
I did have an exam this morning you know.
I was also sorting out Download stuff with my mates. And just general chatting on fb chat.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:39, Reply)

By revising
do you actually mean not really revising but arsing about on the internet trying to contain your panic?
that's generally what I was doing when I said I was revising...
(berk, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Yep
This is precisely what I was doing. In fact, its what I'm doing right now. Only with less panic as my next exam isn't til Friday.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Excellent work
what do you study?

EDIT: it's on your profile. *belms*
(berk, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:43, Reply)

What it says on my profile :)

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:48, Reply)

why do you think i'm here?
That pretty much sums up my revision strategy for the next couple weeks
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Mon 24 May 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Did you record it in your journal?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I remember because I had to close facebook before you started talking to me.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Before *I* started talking to *YOU*?
That's a good one.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Nope
Most of my weekend was spent trying to turn myself a Zoidberg-type colour. Actually, no. I wasn't really *trying* to, but I have.
(berk, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I went surfing
it was glorious
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:38, Reply)

everytime you say surfing
it puts Weezer in my head.

Stopit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:57, Reply)

You take your car to work!
I'll take my board!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Boss weekend
Drink, food, boy, beach, beer gardens, moosic, quiz, meeting up with old mates, drives in the country.
And I discovered that I am a domestic goddess.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Meh
Nothing much to be honest.
( djtrialprice, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:45, Reply)

*sigh*
I'm too tired to bite.
It's a left turn. Ok?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Even though a road may look like it's going straight ahead

A sign like this designates that it's a left turn. If you want me to go down it you have to say, "Turn left."

Conclusion: you suck.
( djtrialprice, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I am never going to tell somebody to 'turn left'
when the action involves hands at ten-to-two and NO TURNING.
I understand it may be classed as a left turn, but it was your pedantry that caused you to ignore my gesturing and pointing at the continuation of the road, and my saying, "Go straight over, here."

I accept it is correct, but I am not going to sit a theory test just so I can give you Highway Code-approved directions. Use yer loaf.
You also suck.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Please children
lets take these frowns and turn them upside down.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:08, Reply)

It's ok Al
It was quite funny. For a first row.
There needed to be a badly-placed barn so that we could drive through it and emerge covered in straw and chickens.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Bullet point A
I was looking at the road, rather than your spasticating gestures. Point B, you can shove your upside down turning shenanigans up your ass you mincing dandy.
( djtrialprice, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Any sub-sections here?
Or am I sufficiently told?
;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:13, Reply)

<ul> tags don't work on b3ta :(

( djtrialprice, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Is that underline?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Bah
n00b
( djtrialprice, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Shurrup, Melchett!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I tidied my cellar
it's now a proper room again rather than being a junk depository.

awesome.
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:45, Reply)

ready for your sex slaves

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:46, Reply)

ceiling's a bit too low for that
sadly
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Clearly
shackles are the answer. What would a sex slave need to stand up for, anyway?
(berk, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:55, Reply)

shackles or midgets, of course.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:56, Reply)

well anyone under about 5'8
is fine. sucks for me though.
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Marijuana farm, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:06, Reply)

i prefer
Recording STUUUUUUUUDIOOOOOOOOOOOO.

which is what it is. more or less
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:10, Reply)

for midgets?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:17, Reply)

whatever turns you on

(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I was out for a walk with my folks yesterday.
My mum mentioned she'd had two calls from a guy who was looking for someone called Emma. It was a wrong number and if told him so both times. She got a text from him while we were stopped for lunch detailing very explicitly how he was going to lick her ladybits and stuff his manwand deep inside her etc. She started reading it out and got as far as 'I can't wait to go down on you and lick your...' before dad and I started laughing.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I'm impressed you managed to text your Mum whilst in her company without her noticing

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I have incredibly deft thumbs.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 24 May 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Worth knowing
Next time I find a dyke with a hole that needs plugging, I'll let you know
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I would imagine the nightclubs you go to
are full of them.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Lezzers plugged by small dutch boys' thumbs to stop them gushing and flooding the Netherlands

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:05, Reply)

He wouldn't know
he spends all his time in the toilets. With a paper bag on his head.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I set 'em up, Monty...
...and Al makes a joke about my face. My horrible, horrible face. Am still waiting for my Molly Ringwald moment where I get this makeover to reveal that I've been beautiful all along. Could happen.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I'm waiting for your Molly Ringwold moment when you put on lipstick
by holding it between your collosal man boobs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:09, Reply)

You spend an obscene amount of time thinking about my physical appearance
I think you fancy me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:27, Reply)

I think
you need Gok Wan to make you feel beautiful, girlfriend!
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:36, Reply)

Yeah, you so want me

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:43, Reply)

Ha, finally!
www.b3tards.com/u/2d02d2b686cbd66f1844/deft.gif
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 24 May 2010, 17:29, Reply)