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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Cunting flying ants have invaded this bus and there's still half an hour til I get to my destination
What would you like to destroy with fire right now?
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:41, 146 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
The bus you're on.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Cunt

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)
quiet you, that was HILARIOUS

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)
Slow



















































Clap
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)
That describes a night of passion with Chompy exactly.
As in, The Clap*, rather than performance rating


* What the hell is The Clap anyway? Is it sythalious?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)
It's nasty. That's all I know.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)
gonorrhea innit?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)
I thought chlamydia was the clap

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)
No I'm right you're wrong
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gonorrhea
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)
wow, the Signs and symptoms section is some nice reading...
but it has given me a new insult, en.wiktionary.org/wiki/gleet
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)
That makes for some grim reading, and I don't like that they have a UK and US section =/

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:29, Reply)
I donno, but Martina Cole has called it a "a round of applause" in a few of her books, I like that name for it.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)
You know how much I hate line breaks.
*tries to get you banned*
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)
*grumble grumble grumble*
nothing
*sigh*
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)
That's not the attitude young lady,
are you an American or an Ameri-can't?
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:48, Reply)
I'm just too nice.
Sir.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)
All these damned tyres.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)
most of the people in my office
and my office in fact
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)
Peter Mandelson
His existence offends me.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)
I don't see the reason for the hatred.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Really?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)
Yeah, he's a bit smarmy and a bit arrogant
but he comes across as a smart, almost funny, slick professional politian in interviews. Don't see why he's portrayed as Satan apart from the fact he looks a bit evil.
And we're beyond judging people on looks surely.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)
shut it rape-eyes

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)
Scruffy cunt

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)
carefully cultivated scruffiness I'll have you know

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Oh that makes it better,
spending 2 hours deciding what jeans/trainer combo makes it look like you don't care what jeans/trainer combo you're wearing.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)
haha
given that I only have one pair of trainers, and that my jeans are chosen by the "which one is at the top of the drawer" system I don't think that applies :-)
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)
As long as they're at the top of your drawers
Rather than precariously perched halfway down your arse.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)
Oh mandy

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)
-gets out mandolin-

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)
I read "Counting flying ants..."
And thought "Good, there's someone even more bored than me"

I'd destroy pollen. I've had puffy eyes for 3 months straight, and it seems it's going to be like this for another 2
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)
Does chlorphenamine not work for you?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)
No, it doesn't
It works for throat and nose, but doesn't help with my eyes.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)
I found that terfenadine was most efficacious for the eyes
unfortunately I think it's hard to get hold of these days due to some kind of undesired heart buggeration.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)
The business end of an enromous reefer, please.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)
seconded

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)
Thirded
Although my bloke seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth, so I'm saving what I've got for Sonisphere. Sad times :(
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)
I smoked a lot less than expected at the weekend
so I'm feeling flush
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)
actually, this
man, that would be nice
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)
I am doing this now watching
the horrendous news that joe cole signed for liverpool. damnit
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)
We got him?
Sweet!
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)
four year deal subject to medical
bloody good signing for you, especially if gerrard goes.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)
Can't see Gerrard or Torres going tbh
I'm glad we've offloaded Insua though, just need to get a decent left back in who isn't a midget.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Torres no as he is crooked but Gerrard
maybe, unless he has just given up on winning prem. Insua is pretty balls so best shot, not many instant replacements out there though. I'm just hoping Barca do one and we keep Fab for one more season to give Wilshere and Ramsey a chance to get good.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Bert Monkeysex

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)
why would you set yourself on fire?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:07, Reply)
so i'm not chompy anymore, i'm bert?
even i'm struggling to keep track of who i'm supposed to be.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)
identity crises are not good things
you should sort that out.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Should I?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)
yes I should

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)
don't you start as well, i'll need therapy

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)
I blame y'all
for confusing me. I'm just andy and that is all.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)
You were Bobby the other day
Edit: I've just noticed that you used the contraction "y'all", apparently in a non-ironic sense. I must therefore distance myself from you whilst tutting
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)
good, spandex and lycra give me a rash

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)
You'll build up a tolerance eventually
You all will
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)
nobody should have to.........

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Why do you think talcum powder was so popular in the 80's?
Poor preparation
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:28, Reply)
because idiots will buy anything as cocaine?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:36, Reply)
Haha!
Now you're me? You tit
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)
I don't know who I am anymore?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)
The girl in my office who's sending me inane IMs
"I just been round Norwich lol"

What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)
say
"I'm going to wear your face like a gimp mask"
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)
"thanks for letting me know, now I can update my twitter"

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)
I only ever tweet about poo
Literally
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)
only thing I like about twitter is that it if it had never existed I wouldn't be able to sing "you're tweeting me like tweety bird on your iphone"

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Urgh
I've been chatting to an extremely lovely girl from work recently, only trouble is that she's 'lol'ed at me twice today, and she wrote 'their' when she meant 'they're'.

Bitch.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Goddammit
Why don't people understand how unsexy poor grammar is?
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)
This is probably were I'm going wrong.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)
because it's not really that important on a website like this is it?
think happy thoughts Darth.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)
My pants
because they're too constrictive in this heat
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)
But surely
fire would make them even hotter.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)
I take them off first, you scottish dolt

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)
Oh I see
Of course.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)
N-Dubz

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)
Nah-na-niiiiighhh

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)
I like their "Pappa can you hear me?" song, that's quite good.
But the one about the girl coming home and walking up the stairs is something out of a GCSE drama project that gets a C at best.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)
noooooooooooooo
I love them
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:28, Reply)
Packing, moving house
moving down on a particular day, morals, FUCKIN' EVERYTHING.

When your mother tells you your morals are too strong on more than one subject, you know shit's bad :(
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)
my mum effectively called me a loser
so I has a sad
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)
:(
My dad asked me if I was gay.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)
You're not a loser.
You are awesome.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)
haha thanks
She didn't mean it to come out the way it did but it made me feel like a loser :(

Multicoloured drinks tonight will make it all ok though
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)
Only losers get their kicks from drinking multi-coloured drinks

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Fuck off.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)
You're well mean, Lampito
I thought we had something special :(
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)
:D

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)
that's not true
everyone loves cocktails and you know it.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:37, Reply)
I don't, it's really hard to know how drunk you're getting on cocktails.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)
This place does 12% beer
that's pretty nice.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)
That's true I suppose
but I just stop when I get tipsy.

Or carry on until I'm unconscious.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Hahaha!

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)
In recent discussions with my friends, we've come to an agreement that my Mum simply died because she didn't like me
Makes sense tbh...
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Oh come now, i'm sure she loved you very much.
She died because you touch yourself at night.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:26, Reply)
and he's such a disapointment.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)
no wonder she didn't like him

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Nt as disappointing as ur speling

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)
It was missing one p,
get over it.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)
i'll have a 'P' please Bob
and then a nice big shit
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)
harsh
I suppose it circumvents awkward family gatherings though
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)
What because his mother is dead???
you heartless fucking bitch.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:28, Reply)
he brought it up
that means it's ok to joke about.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Yeah, so I'm allowed to mock what your dad said to you until you cry then right?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)
I'm gazzing the mods on both of you

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)
All the mods have got you on ignore, you know that.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)
what did my dad say to me?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Effectively calling you a loser.
I would explore that until I pushed enough buttons for you to log off.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:46, Reply)
oh I see
it was my mum, fool.

Actually, it was both of them really. They already made me cry so I'm over it now.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)
... .... ... did you edit?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:54, Reply)
no
Lampito wrote about her dad, I mentioned my mum.

YOU NEVER LISTEN
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)
I don't believe you,
you're a fucking liar, and you're shit and dull and I hate you.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)
if you look at the other replies I've put 'she' as well
it's not my fault you're a spaz mango.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)
"This'll be our secret"
"Don't tell anyone"
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)
ha ewwww

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)
I was expecting you to get funny with me over that
I thought I had some MASSIVE BACKTRACKING to do
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)
no I've never been molested
so it's still funny to me.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:00, Reply)
*Gasp* So just because it hasn't happened to you it makes what I said ok?!
I am disgusted that you are ok with my disgusting comments. I am so disgusted I'm going to write to my disgusting MP about the whole disgusting affair.

/Disgusted from Somerset
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:07, Reply)
well it's those damn sexy kids
it's their fault.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:18, Reply)
Sounds like a news report on Family Guy
"Experts say that children are becoming more attractive...and that's just...great"
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:22, Reply)
Totally understandable
I hardly know you, yet every time I see you I get the urge to kill myself
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

kill touch
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)
*sings*`
I don't want, anybody else
when I think about you I touch myself
oh-oh-awww
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:38, Reply)
My neighbours
just to watch 'em burn
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)
i am on my balcony
trying and failing to do a bit of work but being distracted by the fact that i am in GRENADA and it is about 95 degrees. so i think both the laptop and i may well go up in flames in the not too distant future!
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:40, Reply)
Use Celsius science wrong.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Ooo, i've been there
no wait, i've been to Granada. Anyhoo, stop doing work you workamoholic.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)
this is masters work
have a massive deadline the week after i get back, truly dreadful timing!
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:47, Reply)
Oh
well in that case get on with it Slacky McSkive-Off. And then hurry up and finish your book so I can have a claim-to-fame...the whole "I went to uni with the guys from British Sea Power" doesn't impress anymoreone
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:50, Reply)
the book is about 6000 words down
244000 to go. clear your reading schedule for about 2020...
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Stephen King writes 2,000 words a day without fail
what an arsehole :D
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)
yes
but he was coked off his tits for most of it. i just have a can of diet coke and some vile "twisted puffs" which my friend bought, think ENORMOUS wotsits (and i mean about 3" long).
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)
You're in the caribbean eating big nasty wotsits?
Shouldn't you be drinking rum with spies?
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)
big nasty wotsits
is making me laugh, i will be telling sam when she returns to the room (somehow she is already brown whereas i am alternately red and white with a bit of pink for good measure). rum with spies was last night and sat night. and tonight, which is the social event of the year for grenada - CRAB RACING!
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:12, Reply)
I don't even bother trying to tan because I go straight to the burn/peel/pain cycle.
Crab racing sounds horrific. I have always considered crabs to be armour plated spiders that can hold their breath *shudders*
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:20, Reply)
What are you doing in a TV studio?

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Oh great, now I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head all day, and I don't know the lyrics =(
"Hello mama, hello papa, here I am in, camp granada."

Just that one line, over and over, over and over.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:45, Reply)

www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/spike_jones/hello_mother_hello_father.html
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 14:50, Reply)
now I don't want, this to scare ya;
but my bunkmate, has malaria
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:06, Reply)
Actually, speaking of things with wings
Mosquitos. I'd destroy them with fire.

I don't normally have too much issue with them, but it seems they've decided they like the taste of me this year. Anyone got any suggestions for the best way to stop these bites itching?
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:14, Reply)
A rubber suit.

(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:19, Reply)
I suspect this may not be an entirely serious suggestion
But I'll oblige if it makes you happy
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:19, Reply)
It will.
Or just a gimp mask.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Apparently eating lots of marmite to ward them off is an urban legend
(supposedly the B vitamins makes your skin taste manky to them)
That's not going to stop me.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:22, Reply)
It's quite clearly bollocks.
I eat a substantial quality of marmite on a daily basis and the buggers are still going for me.

And when you consider that marmite is derived from ale yeast, if that were true then I should be completely immune to the little fuckers...
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Is that true?!
I was told it was beer. I can't tell the difference to be perfectly honest.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:25, Reply)
Fuller's Brewery used to supply Marmite with spent yeast from their fermenting vessels
I believe Boddington's did the same.

Apparently Marmite now have enough spent ale yeast to last them for many years and have stopped buying it from them.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Marmite in vast quanties
It should stop them biting as they dont like people how eat it... (something to do with the excess B vitamin) and slap the itches rather than scratch it.


edit: works for me... cursed people typing before I finish a fine post.
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 16:31, Reply)

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