Morning
I have awoken to find out Paddy Power have finally given me my hundred and seventy quid. I am off to spend it on the only things I know how - cigarillos and clothes. Also my dog now pisses like a bloke dog which brings me endless enjoyment.

What is pleasing (or displeasing) you this morning fellow B3tans?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:13, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning
I was most displeased this morning by a bloke who was tailgating me, then blasted his horn and gesticulated once I moved in to let him pass. Not that he got far - the line of traffic was busy and I followed him for several miles. Until he started overtaking in the face of oncoming traffic, that is.

I am however now somewhat happier, as I've just reported him to the rozzers for dangerous driving.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:16, Reply)

Will they follow it up?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:26, Reply)

Yup
Just had a call back from them. Nothing much they can do though, other than give him a clip round the ear. But it might make him think twice about driving like an arsehole the next time.

I don't want to sound like a sanctimonious bastard, but I was so worked up by him I had to do something about it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:33, Reply)

No, fair enough.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Ooo
I had a woman in a convertible tailgate me on my drive home (I was doing 30 in a 30 zone), then cut me up on a roundabout (she was in the wrong lane, but pulled across without indicating). She got all of 20 yards ahead before she got stuck in traffic, and therefore had me glaring into the back of her head.

Rather than get out for a word, I decided to just glare and extend my middle finger to her while we waited out the lights.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Have you been teaching her to cock her leg?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:25, Reply)

Nah she's just doing it of her own accord
I think it's cos I've been back for two weeks now and she's not used to such a hard nut bowling round the place and thus has been influenced. Now my mum and brother have gone on holiday (seperately) it's just me and her. We're gonna get killed.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:28, Reply)

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuj7777776t5yyy

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:29, Reply)

Tigger will be taking care of my correspondence in future I think
He's so fucking eloquent
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:29, Reply)

I understand him better than your scouse ramblings.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:35, Reply)

I think his post above was an insult of some sort.
Is it?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:36, Reply)

I understood it as
"Here pal, I ain't got a danny what this beatrix is saying, can you give us a jazz".
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:39, Reply)

I do love you, Barry.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:41, Reply)

Which is evidently some sort of code in itself!
I'm not up on modern rhyming slang.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:41, Reply)

Ow, my head
I decided to nip into my local for a pint last night, saw a mate while I was in there. Turns out she'd been dumped a few days before her birthday, and was understandably gutted about it. I decided the cure for this was shots, and several of them. Was worth it to make her laugh, but good god, I don't feel good.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:37, Reply)

My mum is back from her sojourn and was supposed to be here at work re-aquainting herself with the tasks that she will be doing when I go away.
But she's holed up in bed with flu.

What a palaver!
( girlinthehole, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:42, Reply)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I suspect she may be a bit of a trooper and try to come in tomorrow.

( girlinthehole, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:57, Reply)

I went into school today for my chem class.
shouldn't have done it. I'm taking the rest of the week off school and getting a doctors cert.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:05, Reply)

My day has just got a thousand times better
We (Fulham) are about to sign Craig Bellamy, a player who attacked another player with a golf club a couple years back. He's a certified loon. My mate who is head of marketing at the club (who is basically me but American) has for a laugh created a promotion called golf club day. When Craig Bellamy plays his first home game, about fifteen thousand mini golf clubs will be handed out in the stands to be waved and thrown about in his honour. I think I might burst if I laugh anymore.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 8:58, Reply)

If it gets you into something other than your mam's wedding dress it's a good idea

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:00, Reply)

There is absolutely nothing I can say in response to that.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Riise would have battered him anyway! Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

bad influence
are you happy with Mark Hughes?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:20, Reply)

I would have preferred Jol or Hittzfeld
Still happy though. With a decent couple of strikers we'll finish in the top ten. Now we're not in Europe (which is the most depressing thing in the world) all I care about is winning away from home. Considering we did that once in the league last season we can't exactly do any worse. Doing the first game up at Bolton next Saturday then that'll be it for me for a while. Can't wait though, I genuinely think with the right additions we can qualify for Europe again soon enough.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:25, Reply)

I spent about half an hour watering plants last night and I woke up to find that it's raining.
Oh and some scarf wearing cockhound kicked my arse on Starcraft 2 last night.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Did you do this?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Yes, yes i did.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:15, Reply)

it has not stopped raining here for three days now.
the roads to my house are a bit flooded. The backyard, front garden and paddock are so muddy and flooded it's not evenn funny.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:11, Reply)

You'll be quite at home
when you come over here then!

The SE of England's been dry, apparently, but up here there's been a lot of rain in the last three weeks.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:15, Reply)

oh yeah I'm used to rain, and I actually quite like it.
I just don't like getting wet. Always carry a brolly around I do!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:18, Reply)

I won an umbrella in a raffle once
It's the only one I've ever owned, and I think I've used it twice. They're just a bloody nuisance.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Do you know this scarf wearing cockhound?
I promise I'll play against you some time this week, you'll destroy me utterly.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:49, Reply)

I was going to guess you were the cockhound
But apparently not.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I own precisely one scarf. It was a gift.
I can't remember when I last wore it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I'm guessing it's Wormulus.
Would also have accepted HELLO LAYDEES.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:05, Reply)

2 good 1 bad
good - swelling on face gone down
good 2 - new computer games to play in bed today

bad - my stitches have split due to sneezing
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:18, Reply)

I came in this morning and couldn't connect to Dev
while pasting to non-working link into an angry email to the helpdesk I accidentally clicked it and this time it worked. Was my email so angry that they fixed it so hard it went back in time? Will I create a universe-destroying paradox if I don't send the email?

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:42, Reply)

This time next week I will be here.



Bwahahahahahah!
( girlinthehole, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:45, Reply)

That looks like
someone's put a big lake in somewhere like Milton Keynes.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:47, Reply)

There isn't one roundabout in that picture.

( girlinthehole, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:49, Reply)

The beach looks like it's made out of concrete though.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:49, Reply)

It's concrete coloured sand innit.

( girlinthehole, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:51, Reply)

This is what a lake in MK looks like
commondatastorage.googleapis.com/static.panoramio.com/photos/original/20375767.jpg
you know, better.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

The coldest winter I ever had was a summer in Milton Keynes
To misquote some writer bloke.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Lake number 2
commondatastorage.googleapis.com/static.panoramio.com/photos/original/16336420.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Lake number 3
commondatastorage.googleapis.com/static.panoramio.com/photos/original/1238959.jpg
/the shit lake.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I'm always driving past that place, but never seem to find the entrance.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Take a left off bletcham way if you're coming from the A5
but don't go to that pub to eat, the food's shit.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Cheers.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I can do that too
www.edwud.com/photos/chorlton_water_park_manchester.jpg
and
www.virginmedia.com/images/yourpics_chorlton-water-park_carol-stretton.jpg
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Second one looks nice.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:03, Reply)

and here's number 3, the shit one
www.edwud.com/photos/sailing_on_sale_water_park.jpg

They are pretty nice and the third place does sailing and stuff. And we saw a squirrel last time we were there, it was well exciting.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:04, Reply)

No it doesn't,
not enough beautiful people.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Nothing beautiful or good ever happens in Milton Keynes.
I will not go into why but it just doesn't.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Well that's convinced me.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Thanks for having such faith in me. I am never wrong.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Actually you're always wrong, but I refuse to go into why that is a fact.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Seeing as you appear to be from or living in MK, I'll let you have this one, you lot could do with a win of some sort.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Tell that to Red Bull racing.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I have yet to find a sport
red bull aren't involved in
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:04, Reply)

... football?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:06, Reply)

Non!
Thierry Henry recently signed for the New York Red Bulls.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Who were playing
THE SPURS!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:28, Reply)

NOTTINGHAM HOTSPURTS

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Chess?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:06, Reply)

The sport for nerds.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Like this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSUsfDsCd0A
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Actually...
I was watching the Winter Olympics and there was a guy from somewhere in Africa doing the cross country skiing who learnt to ski in Milton Keynes and had to set up his own officially recognised ski club to be able to return to the olympics.

This makes sense in my head which is all that matters
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

The "Snow Leopard"
Local hero.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I thought it was Eddie the Ostrich.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:57, Reply)

I still feel like sht at work
but as I won't get paid if I don't come in I am going to be as fucking miserable as possible.

In other news, I downloaded a game called Alchemy on my phone last night and dear god it's addictive!! You start off with four "elements" earth, air, fire and water and you combine them to make new "elements". Then you can combine the new "elements" etc etc. SO far I have made man, sex, vampires and dinosaurs to name a few! It's amazing. Did I mention that? I may start playing at work...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Can you make bacon?

( girlinthehole, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I have recently made livestock
so it's possible! I made omlette too, full breakfast ahoy!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:53, Reply)

is it on anything other than
fancy phones?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I dunno I was looking to see if there was a web version but I haven't found one yet
Which is good. Productivity (which is floundering as it is) would die in a corner whilst I tried to contain the little squeals of joy
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:04, Reply)

It was pissing down this morning
which would have displeased me greatly had I cycled in to work like I normally do. However, I handily have a puncture so I drove. And I suppose it means I don't have to water the garden tonight either, so swings and roundabouts really.
(berk, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Mornin!
I don't know if this is old news but the trailer for Sucker Punch looks stunning and has brightened up my morning. Of Zack Snyder's other films I've only seen 300 (which wasn't great) but I'll say this for the man, he can make an absolutely stonking trailer.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I read that and thought
Shit, how many films has this guy made!?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

haha

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Arse
Correction, I have also seen Dawn of the Dead, which was good.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:50, Reply)

my thighs
my personal trainer made me do so many squat thrusts this morning that i can't actually get up out of my chair now. when i did stand up earlier to put paper in the printer, the combination of pain and very high heels made my left leg give way and i did a comedy swoon onto the lap of my trainee. admittedly perhaps not so comedy for him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Bet he enjoyed it anyway
Or is he a Barrowman?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

he just looked mortified
to be strictly accurate i landed on his desk, so you can see why it wasn't really all that exciting.

and no, i am dressed like a conservative nun today in trousers and a long high necked top, so there were no rogue escapee nipples around.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Most red blooded men would be gutted in that situation

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:57, Reply)

he is pretty tepid blooded in all fairness!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Did you then fall off your chair
Exposing your pants while simultaneously causing your boobs to fall out your top?
It seems to be your MO.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:52, Reply)

is she in a carry on film?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Or one of those
"Confessions of a ..." movies
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I an mostly pleased by superglue.
It was easier than sewing

I am displeased with the gym not instantly making me thin and pretty
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:52, Reply)

haha
see my post above...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

fair point
I have no trainer, therefore I don't do squat thrusts, nor use that dumbass step machine. Fuck it, noone's making me go on that thing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 10:57, Reply)