This morning
I'm standing on a building site at about 8am, waiting for a tanker to turn up so I can fill some holes with water. Since I have nothing to do in the meantime I am standing with my eyes closed, gently swaying and trying to stop my guts evacuating themselves into my trousers.

I hear a voice shouting things along the lines of "Oi! Gonna do some work!? Faackin *something* Facckin *something else* *other mumbled comments I wasn't paying enough attention to remember*".

Since the sun is on my face and I know that these shouts are coming from the balcony of a flat overlooking the site where three people were watching me earlier in the week as I dug the holes I am currently filling with water, I don't bother to look round or respond, but once the tanker turned up I did notice a bloke leaning over his balcony with what looked like a can of lager in his hand.

I envied that guy. I bet his ring piece doesn't feel like Edward II just before he died and he was drinking beer at 8am on a weekday.

So, onto questions. I'm getting a new car, should I get a red one, a black one or a blue one? Or alternatively, what's your favourite colour of car and why?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:29, 113 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I wouldn't mind 'filling your holes with water'
eh? Phwooar
( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

what was the name of that Saturday Night Fever remix released in the 90s
where they had a guy rapping in the middle of it going 'gettin' down with the 'feiffer-feiffer-fever'?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

N-Trance?
no idea what the track was called
( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

ta

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Stayin' Alive.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

That would make sense

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

N-Trance

(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Cat Stevens

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Fuck Off Cat Stevens

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Jonny Cat

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

that sounds rude lol
what have you been doing to your cat?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Cat Stevens Yusuf Islam
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Fuck off Yusuf.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Correction
Fuck Off Yusuf
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Don't get a red or silver car
too common.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

if your mum were a car
she would be red or silver
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

This has surely got to win POTD

(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

not quite
"if" takes the subjunctive. so it should be "if your mum WERE a car".

/sorry
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

happy now?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

much happier

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I wouldn't mind a go on HER dipstick
no, hang on, that doesn't work
( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I'd check her oil with my dipstick

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I'd give HER a 12,000 mile service

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

she's been round the clock more than once

l
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I wouldn't mind taking YOUR mum for her MOT and replacing a couple of bald tyres

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

what the?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

nice headlights

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

mine are more like indicators

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I'd give her a thorough cleaning inside and out
including wax and polish and dashboard clean, not to mention a complimentary air freshener*

*which she really needs!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I'd check her wheel alignment and tyre pressure
and her rear-axle bushes for wear and tear.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

you sick fuck

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

dey fackkin laaaaahve it!

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah I keep her in the garage overnight
when I take her out I rag the shit out of her.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

overnightfor several days while texting her friends and family that she'd left me
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I'd fill HER up with unleaded
before embarking upon a briefly sexually charged yet ultimately doomed relationship with her
( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

shall I fist your exhaust

s
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

You're like a funny person
without the funny
( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

this I already know

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

That was unneccessarily harsh, I apologise, lack of sleep

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Al's threads are like kryptonite to me so I'm off for a while.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I'd replace her cylinder-head gaskets
then wait three days before sending her a cock-gaz.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

i spent about 3 weeks
choosing between black and a slightly sparkly midnight blue. i went for black. red is only ok on a certain type of car, i think. i had a 1970's bright red beetle when i was 17 and that looked awesome. but it doesn't work for everything!

when my dad bought his bentley ford fiesta he said that he wanted a red one. (if i had been there, this would never have been allowed.) he said that the salesman looked reeeeeally pained and said, "oh, sir. i really must say... we have never ever sold a red one."

to which my dad replied in his broad yorkshire accent, "why the hell is it in your brochure then?"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah well my dad had two bentleys

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

My dad can eat a whole bentley

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

My dad did your mum in the back of one of his bentleys

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

My Dad pinned your Mum against a wall in his Bentley

( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

My dad is bent.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

and named 'Lee'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

How's that for a blowjob?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)

yeah
what about her breasts?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

PsychoChomp likes breasts

( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

he doesn't like his own

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Controversially
I don't enjoy drinking beer early in the morning, unless it's part of a hangover cure, but even then it never has the same refreshing taste as the first beer on a Friday night after a week of honest toil.
( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I agree
rum is more of a breakfast drink
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

If I had to choose an alcoholic drink for the morning
it would be a bloody mary.
( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Gin and lemon
Refreshing and zesty. Just the thing to sit out in the sun with.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I haven't had a bloody mary for ages
and a decent one for even longer.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I have a theory that there are some drinks/dishes that are very hard to ruin and others that are very easy to ruin
A bloody mary is very easy to ruin, Fish and chips, very difficult to ruin.
( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I don't know
soggy batter and shit chips are more common than you would think
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I've eaten some bad fish and chips
but none of them were so bad that I couldn't finish them off.
( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

that is a sound theory

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I like those half empty cans on the floor in the morning after a party.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Don't try and take a swig out of one that's got a fagbutt in it
it's not pretty for anyone involved.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Nothing that involves you is pretty for anyone

( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I lolled,
then I felt bad.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

You laughed and then remembered that you are going to die alone.

( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I lolled at that and didn't feel bad

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Very very true.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I really like the purple of the new Fiestas
it reminds me of blackcurrant sweets and joy.

To answer your first question, it depends which shade of blue. Gay Corsa blue or sexy Scaglietti blue?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Nice Eddie 2 reference.
Apparently the regal ring-piece felt that way through most of his adult life due to his love of botting.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

It's also dubious if he were actually killed that way
since there is no evidence other than one historical document.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

The Barrymore report?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

The Hutton report

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

fucking bastard shitting cuntybollock faces
Our corrugator has broken down and I have to tell eight customers their orders aren't coming!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Corrigator is never a real word

( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

corrugator

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Nope, just the way these trousers hang
who am I kidding, I'm not wearing trousers
( broadsword, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

That's what I said...

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I know

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Offers of fellatio...
...should soften the blow. (pardon the pun)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Her mouth is almost as big as her vagina
they wouldn't feel anything.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Maybe a few at once?
It would help with productivity.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

You work in a cardboard box factory?

( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Yes

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

My condolences

( WormuIus, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

think of all the opportunity for fort building

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

My desk is covered in boxes
But rubbish faulty boxes that are glued in epic chains
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Blue
My favourite car colour scheme is the Gulf oil GT40 scheme from 1969
Light blue with an orange stripe.
( M o D, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

that car is a particular favourite of mine

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Good, honest BRITISH Racing Green.
Or, the Gold-and-Black livery on the JPS Lotus V10.

The colour of your car matters not, Al. It's the Accordiness of it that matters.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I like British Racing Green too.
Just thought I should share this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

This is the colour of my current car.
An old BMW.
( girlinthehole, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

YOU CAN FUCK OFF
Yeah, we can both play that game, matey.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Oooh get a blue one
they're loverful!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

You should get one the same colour as my car
it's a delightful hue called "Mud & Scratchmarks"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I think I'll upgrade it to that over time

(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:17, Reply)

With added "What *is* that smell?"

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I think of getting the optional "boiled sweet covered in fluff" for the door pockets.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:22, Reply)

What about some sexeh beaded seat covers?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:24, Reply)

ooh then you have to get
those weird furry seatbelt cover things
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Oooo, I like them
they go with my string backed leather driving gloves
(Bazongaloid, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:26, Reply)

This is very true
and we all know how much the ladies love a nice leopard print furry steering wheel cover! Raaar!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:27, Reply)

I want everything on here

Especially the pink sunstrip
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Hahaha
I think every car needs pink wiper blades!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:35, Reply)

there is a car in my street equipped with all that sort of stuff
it's proper awesome
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Theres one in Wanstead too
I think its like a legal requirement that every town should have at least one nutter with a car full of pink tat! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I almost resprayed my car last night with "Dumb chav who walked out in front of me"

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I almost remodelled the front end of mine the other day
with shitty car driven by fucking retard pulling out onto a roundabout from behind a bus which had clearly stopped because someone was driving round the roundabout.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Sorry about that
I always drive with my eyes closed when I visit Exeter
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:33, Reply)

you are an ugly old man

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Which is why I drive with my eyes closed
just in case I see my reflection in the rear view mirror.

See, it all makes perfect sense.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:40, Reply)

you looked pretty surprised and cross to be given such a thorough blast of the horn
I find it irritating that when someone does something completely retarded and dangerous that they then look angry when they are chastised for it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 11:42, Reply)