Not even going to begin to try and catch up on that behemoth
I have had to go to uni this morning to fill in another CRB form as they didn't recieve mine in the post. The only reason I knew about this is because I rang them yesterday to see where my starter pack was. These forms have to be processed by tomorrow latest or I would lose my place on the degree. I asked the lady if anyone would have contacted me and she just looked a bit puzzled.

What monumental clerical cock ups have stitched you up? or have you caused any?

CRB = Criminal Records Background (checking you don't touch kids)
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:17, 154 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was an alter boy...
...and have no desire to revisit any 'clerical cock-ups' thank you very much.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

don't worry
its only gay if you push back
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

It's hard not to....
...when you are being held with a purple sash between the teeth.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

damn you
for making me laugh at my desk
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I used to be an altar girl
I was in charge of the dinner bell (ring every time he touches the big Host, I think I can't remember) and occasionally the ceremonial washing of hands.
The robes were a lot of fun.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

9 hours til I see Scott Pilgrim I'll gaz you after and let you know how amazing it is.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I might just be going tonight if my housemates ever come home.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I'm seeing that tonight too
I'm quite excited
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

It looks like I might be seeing it 3 times this week. Which is a little excessive.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

What have dinner,
and religion got to do with each other?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Bread and wine, remember.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Jesus is both the main course....
...and the wine.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Not much of a dinner.
It should contain large slabs of MEAT. And some green stuff.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Wotcha.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Actually, the correct spelling is 'what you'

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 12:11, Reply)

aah the bells that get rung 3 times at communion?

( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Do this in memory of me.
-dingalingaling-

If only I could remember when to ring them. I seem to remember it's once when he holds up the big Host, once with the wine, and once in the middle of shit when he says somehting important I can't remember.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

yes thats it
though it should be
dingaling (small pause) dingaling (small pause) dingaling

if my old church was anything to go by
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

The bell was odd. It was like 4 small bells stuck together on a sort of one-tiered cakestand affair
It was an IMPORTANT job to do the bells, you had to work upwards. Though the most fun job was blowing out the candles at the end.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

i was in the collection crew, 4 of us
would hand out the plates and then make sure no one nabbed the money

as a 10 year old, I often wished I could help myself to the cash
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

The bag had a slit in it, rather than being an open plate
Canny, Fr Crowley, canny.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

You are right about that.
Latin Mass was much better - we used to get a nod from the organ lady.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

That was Shabba Ranks wasn't it?
'School bell a'ring'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I have no idea.
Good morning, Lord Montgomery.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

i got made to do the readings from time to time
those long biblical names are a bitch when you are 9, i used to wake up in a cold sweat worrying about how to pronounce things like mesopotamia and phyrgia.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

especially if its from like the book of Deuteronomy
"and jebedia begat azrial begat delilah..."
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

nobody ever molested me though
maybe because i was/am a girl
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

there is the other possibility
were a bit of a munter perhaps?

please don't flame me for eternity now
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

NO
i was perfectly molestable, thank you very much.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

"perfectly molestable" should be your sig

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

smooth

( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I never had to do readings, thank god.
I kind of miss church now. I enjoyed the singing and the ritual. Though my mum commented that all the standing up, sitting down and kneeling made her really hungry.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

That's because your mum was used to putting stuff in her mouth when she knelt.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I miss it a bit too
it was kind of enforced quiet time. You tuned out the mass pretty much and could just sit there without any other distractions which is something I don't get much nowadays. Plus the queue for communion was effectively a conveyor belt of talent to ogle.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:37, Reply)

i had one of those to for my last job, pretty pointless really
they take ages to sort it out as well

you realise if you have a criminal record it will be communicated to your employer? I had some staff who had assualt charges, theft etc, drug abuse... not that its any of the company's business
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I am
one of the good guys and have only ever been told off for peeing in the street.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Just tell them you're not a nonce.
Honest.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Bit difficult - his surname is Gadd.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Could be worse.
Could be Saville.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I had a geography teacher called Mr Gadd
you could always see his nipples through his shirt.

He told my parents I lacked focus and it was noticeable when I wasn't listening. I thought I was hiding it so well.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

So you noticed his nipples,
when you weren't listening?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Maybe I wasn't listening because I was staring so intently at his nipples.
I think he thought he was one of the hotty teachers when he really wasn't. He couldn't pronounce his Rs properly, which really pissed me off. I think I lost respect for him when I noticed that.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Good on you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I've noticed Christian Bale and Hugh Laurie both have slight lisps
I don't know if it's a side effect of trying to alter their accents or if they're just thpathticth, but it's so annoying once you've noticed it!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Don't you want to be a primary school teacher?
"Hey kids, what time is it when the big hand touches the little hand? That's right...PAED'O'CLOCK!"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I don't understand why anyone would want to be a paedophile
children are disgusting.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I don't understand why children all fancy that same paedo look - thick glasses, dirty anorak, clarks lace-ups, greasy hair etc.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Socks and sandals.
Don't forget the socks and sandals, muchly important.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

And they insist on hanging around schools and what not
just asking for it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Hahahahaha superb post.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

But they'll do anything for the taste of Dairylea

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

oh god that's minging
I'll never look at that ad the same way again
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

dairylea
should be illegal, and now you are making me think about that cold plasticky only fractionally cheesy taste, like eating cheddar with a condom on it. thank you for that, my friend.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

you're so right
Laughing Cow is far superior shit cheese.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Amen
I love laughing cow and cucumber sandwiches.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Laughing cow , pepperoni toasties.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

It's not the nicest stuff in the world
I was at my parents house the other day and I opened a tub of it that they had in the fridge. It was all furry and mouldy.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

that's their blue version.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

TGB has Dairylea in her packed lunch EVERY DAY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I like her more everyday
I got some of the nicest tasting weed I have had in ages yesterday. A truly delightful thing tasting of lemon almost. Well citrusy.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Wiggy's been using cherry rips and toffee tobacco
makes it taste pretty nice.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

toffee tobacco? where the hell is that available?
I have another semi!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

You've been sold lemon thyme, you fool.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

my friend bought some weed at his first Leeds festival
and naively didn't check it. It had daisies in it. Actual daisies. In the dealer's defence, he did call it grass so he wasn't lying.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Wouldn't be the worst thing I've smoked
It's proper stuff just from a different guy and it's lovely. Only a tester though until the main lot crops but lovely nonetheless.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I don't dislike dairylea
but it confuses me, you never know if you should chew it or not.

Of the crappy processed cheeses babybel is the easy winner.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Ooh I love babybel
I think I've listed my dislike of creamy savoury white things here before.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

lowering the tone again, tut.
we were having a civilised discussion about paedophilia.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

but I genuinely hate cream cheese and mayonaise :(

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

mayonnaise is delicious
you are wrong.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:10, Reply)

like I'm wrong about piercings and EVERYTHING?!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

So this
It's like winning a prize of cheese.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

And the wax makes an amusing sound and effect when you put out your fags on it

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Will try this too.
I tend to mould it into little men or animals whilst nibbling the cheese.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Last night was fantastic
I stood outside, barefoot in the pouring rain, smoking under an umbrella and listening to depressing music. It felt like some kind of film. And all I had to do was touch the fag to the table to immediately put it out.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I love nights like that. I am a bit of a rain fan so make a point to find somewhere I can watch it
especially storms. I did a similar thing to you camping last year. Just opened up the porch of the tent and sat there smoking a huge J listening to God Speed You Black Emperor watching the storm for a couple of hours.

This is kind of why I am not minding the rain coming now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

The smoked austrian
sausage cheese is easily the best out of all the processed cheeses.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

you are on fire today!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

oh that is pretty good, I'd forgotten about that
In Morrisons you used to be able to get a pick and mix of those cheeses, it was brilliant. I loved the Roulade.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

still do it

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

The biggest cause of paedophilia is sexy children

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I thought that
are paedophiles getting more obvious or are kids getting sexier?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Sooooooooo wrong (and funny).

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Morning Seahorse.
I reckon you'll fail the CRB.

I based this, not on fact, but on the theory that anyone who looks to Wenger for hope has got to be a bit of a fruit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I've already got two you gimp. You have to have a new one for each child you molest school you work at.

Arsene Wenger is a genius. Better than your caretaker homosexual.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I'm a caretaker homo?
Fair enough.

Do you really need a new CRB for each school? Is that just incase you decide to fuck a load of kids on the bus journey from one school to another?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Good spot Hawkeye
Yeah you do it's a pain in the ass especially if the place you're getting it for won't pay for it. Worth it though, the more experience you have the better it is for a job at the end. Plus you have picked up some sexy chat up lines for the kids.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

It's worse than that
you need new Disclosure to do different things - for instance, a work colleague of mine has Disclosure for running summer events in the Uni for 12-15 year olds but needed another to assist at her daughter's school as "it's not the same work environment"

Cos, y'know, the work environment is properly important for paedos. You need the right kind of woods and everything.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

It's mental.
All joking aside, why would anyone bother to go our of their way to teach kids? Way too much paperwork - I can't imagine there are more kiddie-fiddlers in the world now than when I was a youngster?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

maybe that should be the new test
anyone who is willing to go through the 80,000 levels of checks is obviously a paedophile, anyone who says 'fuck this' at the third or fourth is obviously not an invested paedophile.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Woo-Hoo!
Thanks to the Kitty test I'm not a 'phile!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I did point out at some meeting about this
that all CRB checks and full disclosure proved was that you'd not been caught, so therefore you are a really GOOD paedophile. So, basically, we are streamlining and evolutionarily advancing the paedo gene.

That went down really well. 8 years in this place has broken me for the real world.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I don't even teach kids.
If I had my way I wouldn't teach at all. But I have disclosure just so I can do science festivals and media stuff with kids.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Serious answer
because I think I will be good at it. I hate seeing ten year olds walking around at 11pm drinking and smoking. If I can be a positive influence on someones first academic experience I will get job satisfaction.

In all likelihood though I imagine I will hate the cunts after 5 years.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

You misunderstand.
I just wonder why the powers that be make this career choice so paper-work heavy.

If you want to take a load of kids on some trip in the summer holidays, you need one of these checks, if you want to run a sports team, that's another check.

Too many checks.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

That's pretty much my forte on here innit bruv.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Woah
I wouldn't put "Arsene Wenger Fan" on the CRB, for fuck's sake. All those terraces can't be wrong...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Exactly.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

you two racists can do one!
The man has single handedly made the French alright again!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Don't bend down, when Wengers around.....

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Stop right fucking there.
I mean, I taunt the Wengerphile as much as the next gunner hater. But I do respect the man's (slightly deluded) commitment to beautiful football (pity he thinks putting the ball in the net is ugly, but hey, better for the rest of us).

But in no way shape or fucking form has he made the French "alright". That's bastarding blasphemy.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

His commitment is deluded so much as misguided
Beautiful football needs to be reinforced with physical dominance and we don't have that yet. I love France and the French all because of Arsene Wenger.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Good luck with that
I have to have full Disclosure for certain things I do in my job. It takes about 15 weeks to process. Although I think a basic CRB check is pretty quick.

On the plus side, I now carry a card that states "this man is NOT a paedophile" which makes luring children into cars on the promise of puppies SO much easier.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I've already got two so it should turn around really quickly.
You got a card!!! I only got a shitty certificate. I want a card so I can display it like a police badge.

Bobby Seahorse
Certified NOT a paedo
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

It's cos I'm a STEM ambassador and a NOISEmaker, innit.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

yeah i only got a piece of paper to...
is the card laminated?
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Hell yeah
I'd never get their blood off otherwise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Am so jealous

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

ditto

( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

A van is much better than a car - you can chain them to the inside wall & flog them immediately - no need to drive them to your lair

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

but there's no point in having a lair if no one's going to see it

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

the lair is then used for part 2 & corpse storage

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I made one myself once.
I wanted to go out, but my father insisted I fill in my university application before I did. In my haste I applied for a different degree from the one I intended to.

I was accepted, so I did the course anyway. But I did call to complain and looked like a premium knob-end as a result.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

so you did a university course by mistake?
cool, did it work out better in the end?
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Neither better nor worse, really...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

What course did you intend to do?
A girl a few years applied to "Oxford" and was overjoyed when she was accepted without interview.

Turns out she'd applied to Oxford Brookes by mistake.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

ha ha
bet her mum still told everyone she was at oxford though...
( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

easily done
I applied for two of the wrong degrees, and got accepted on both!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

which ones?

( zulu eh?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Hahahaha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

How different was the degree?
Would you be working at CERN or NASA now if you had paid more attention to that form?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

It was only my second choice of course, not a total error.
I thought I'd applied for Classical Civilisation with Philosophy, but instead asked for Classical Civilisation with South Asian Studies.

It was fine. I wasn't that bothered.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

South Asian studies is much more useful
especially for a career in specialist ping-pong clubs.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Sounds really really useful.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I had no thought for use or career, simply whether or not I was interested in it.
In those days they were still claiming that if you had ANY degree you'd be fine. Plus if I am honest, I didn't give a toss about that sort of thing. I've always been a 'head in the clouds' kind of chap, Jeff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I'm still a head in the clouds kind of chap Monty.
It explains 35 years of failures.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

*shakes hand*
I knew you were a stand-up fellow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

My ability to underachieve
Is the stuff of legend.

My lack of ambition is even better.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Join the club.
Try 45 years of underachieving.
( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I'll probably need some advice on keeping this up for another 10 years
Will I ask?

Nah, can't be arsed.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

That's the approach I'm taking.
:/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I've done OK. Ish.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

o tempora! o mores!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

man that is one pretentious degree.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

I considered Classics and Scandi Studies at Edinburgh
but that would have involved about 5 languages.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

My ideal course
would have been Celtic Studies but that would have meant a lot more language-based stuff (which I am weak at), and also moving to fucking CARDIFF. No thank you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I did consider Anglo Saxon Norse and Celtic, but that's traditionally the degree you do just to get into Cambridge
plus I didn't want to go to Cambridge.

Doing Beowulf next year yesyesyesyes I'm a little excited about that.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

My father used to read it to me when I was a boy, I adore it.
What did you make of the Seamus Heaney translation? I prefer the old Penguin Classics one, I think.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I have to say I've only dipped into my SH copy
(though it's a parallel translation... eee) I need to go to the library soon enough, so I'll pick up the PC version.
I'm very very poorly read. I know a lot about these sort of things... though I remember reading an extract when I was about 9, about Grendel picking his way through the hall full of sleeping men... Scary stuff.

I keep meaning to read the Prose/Verse Edda too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I have the Marillion version on a bootleg tape somewhere

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Why?
What should I have studied?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I don't know, what career could classical civilisation with philosophy have led to?
I suppose I shouldn't really throw stones, living in my glass house of retardedness, especially doing such an airy fairy bollocks degree myself.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

MASSIVE DRUGS.

( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

This ^

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

haha yeah if he'd studied chemistry or botanics he'd be a millionaire
and probably dead.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)

probably
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)

The reason my grandfather became a horticulturist
rather than a doctor was because his mother told him that because Israel was so arid, they needed more horticulturists than more Jewish doctors. So thus he became a horticulturist and discovered something to do with the seeds of a pepper.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Chemistry.
Or Liberal Studies.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I dont understand the point of CRB checks for uni courses and degrees.
If they were at all stringent then I'm not sure I'd get in, let alone my mate who got his degree in the summer who was inside for twelve months.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

That is a dedicated amount of study leave.
He should be applauded.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

It's only for teaching courses.
Anyway, CRB checks don't necessarily fail you for a record, just in certain specific offences. Drugs/violence/sexual offences, mainly, fairly obviously.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I have two out of three there, I'm gonna grope someone at the bus stop later and go for a hattrick.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I did English Literature with Philosophy
with a bit of writing and photography thrown in for light relief. I failed the first year, passed with a 2:1, left qualified for nothing, temped for 2 and a half years and ended up in IT.

Bit of a waste, really. I'd have saved myself 10 years by leaving school at 16 and joining an IT Helpdesk as a junior call-logger.
( Kroney, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 11:43, Reply)