Finally!
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V
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 12:55, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

oi you
long time no see! how's things?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Not bad
Don't really have much (any) of a life that doesn't involve babies at the moment =/
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 12:56, Reply)

still a life though! are you enjoying it?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Muchly
Had a chat on the phone with baby crackface earlier, t'was fun.
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)

heehee! that's cute.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Hello catface : )
You and the missus still floating with parental highs?
( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Certainly!
CHCB imforms me that baby crackface was singing to her earlier... I fear for CHCB's sanity.
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:01, Reply)

It's probably her hormones.
Or you have a child genius on your hands.
( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Genius with catface genes?
I think not
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Aw! I figure it's inevitable she's going to be special in some way.

( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)

don't be so mean :)

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)

not mean
trufax
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:11, Reply)

l'm sure she's very special

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I wasn't being mean.
If you knew the parents, then you'd know she's going to stand out.
( girlinthehole, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:14, Reply)

"Hello, is that Mrs BabyCrackFace?"
"yes"
"it's the school again. I'm afraid this time she's holding a protest in the yard, she's got the whole school out there, can you do something?"
"*sigh*"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)

They could be recessive

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I read that as recursive
That'd be ... confusing.
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:11, Reply)

OH MY GOD I WAS SO ABOUT TO TEXT YOU

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)

No you weren't
Badgers can't text, surely?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)

OH MY GOD
WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY?
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:07, Reply)

OH MY GOD
Probably.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Alreet
Still enjoying the blessing you have recieved? Or sick to the back teeth of night feeds?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)

It's grand
I don't get involved with night feeds on account of my lack of breasts.
( Captain V, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Howya Captain.
Get her one of the booby-milk expressing machines; but get one with the transparent connection so you can watch the nips expand and contract as the milk is sucked out. It is strangely erotic really funny.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:21, Reply)

i read that
as "espresso machine". I now have a very odd mental image.
( Kroney, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Haha, now I do too.
You OK, Kronus?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Not bad Montgomery
Not bad. Although I'm not going to look at the milk steamer in quite the same way, next timw I happen to be in Costas.
( Kroney, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

'time'

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

'Bugger off'

( Kroney, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

By definition 'Bugger' means to 'anally violate', so to bugger off is somewhat of a misnomer

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Yeah well Miss Nomer and whoever can lick my balls
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I really love this response.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

OI DELETEY!
Put it back!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)

The irony here is
It was a lick my balls comment kicked off my bad start with Darth.

(that ok Kitty?)
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:29, Reply)

That's better.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Try not to say that at speed.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)

i before e except after c

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Finally you've managed to throw a spear at a cat?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)

'You've finally managed'
don't try to sound all clever by putting your words in the wrong order, young man

EDIT Or 'Finally, you've managed....' would also have been acceptable
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)

oh come on, give it a rest.
Captain V started the post with 'finally', so it makes sense for Monty to carry on from there.

I'm all for grammatic pedantry, but this is getting silly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)

that should be a semicolon instead of a comma

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I'm going to semi your colon in a minute.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Ooooh, humour!

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Please die.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I think you mean
'Please, die'
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

you forgot the full stop,
or maybe an exclamation mark.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

You're forgetting all of your capital letters
Teacher's gonna smack your ass
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

The teacher will slap his donkey?
That's a little inappropriate.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I heard that he's into that kind of thing

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I'm very witty.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)

where?
there's no need for a semi colon in any of that; I used 'so' and 'but' to join the two parts of each sentence.

My use of a semi colon in the above was justified.

Now pack it in.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Capital W for 'where' please, and for 'there' as it's a new sentence.

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I've had a break from a very boring morning, and all I can see is this petty squabling.
If you don't know it The Cat Hater you are replicating Bert's final stages of mental breakdown very closely. I'm sure I'm not the only bod on here to notice this, and you will probably end up the same, gone by falling on your own sword. It is your decision really.

Don't bother with spelling and grammar corections, Monty gave up on mine ages ago.

Now, back to my boring afternoon.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Sorry Bartleby, sir.
Monty Boyce corrected my spelling a couple of times, it's not that I can't spell but I do make the odd typo, so I was making a point of how tedious it is to constantly be anal about spelling, especially as this is the internet, and not my English Language 'O' level
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I think I'll go back to /links now, they appreciate me there
or at least one or two of them do
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Why bother? Does it amuse you?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

it really does

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

you didn't really make your point though, you just pissed people off
even people who weren't pissed off with you originally.

It is a bit annoying when someone picks up on your every mistake, but Monty also contributes many amusing posts so it balances out.

You don't have to leave, just try and contribute a bit more substance.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

please tell me why people got so pissed off with me correcting their spelling?
they corrected mine, I did the same in return and it seems to have caused online OUTRAGE
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:55, Reply)

really?
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post854484
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post854549
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

haha! I think I love you a little bit now

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

so can we call it even?
and will you start being normal now?

What do you do for a living? Does it suck?

EDIT: the latter two questions were meant as a normal conversation starter, not an attempt at insight into your psyche.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I'm extremely busy setting up new stores for a retail firm, it's been manic.
I'll call it even now and not incorectly correct anybody's posts anymore, but I doubt I know how to be normal.

I'll pop back in occasionally, but /links is my home.
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Now you're boring like the rest.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)

shhhh........ it never lasts long with T.C.H.

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

fucking hell you tamed it!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

And I'm a Kitty no less

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:31, Reply)

this whole thread is an irony fuck fest

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)

...and THAT, ladies & gentlemen, is why I am here
must work now, bye-bye
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)

here a dull cunt
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Go Kitty! Go Kitty!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

You surely mean
'Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I wish I'd said that.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

'Faster, Pussycat'

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

What's up pussycat?
Wah-wah-wawa-woo
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

is actually the name of the film, so, you know

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Which do you really think applies?
1. I am impressed with your use of Google.
2. I think you are a sad twat.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

3. I wanna sex you up

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I knew it off the top of my head but I did google just in case
I think everyone needs to take a moment, calm down a little bit and appreciate me for what I really am; the most amusing thing to happen to this place today. Yes?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:31, Reply)

the most amusing thing to happen to this place today. Yes?
blatantly Bert.


1. Bolshy annoying repetitive posts
2. Cause offence
3. Backpedalling followed inevitably by
4. Needy, pathetic 'please like me' shit
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

You seem to be obsessed with this person, did he break your heart?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)

You seem to be obsessed with
cunting everyone in the fuck so pipe down Chaci!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I'm not, I had my two catchphrases, and they caught on in different areas of this site
I came here and everybody started getting all worked up, so I never really posted more than once or twice at a time, except today
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Stop doing the Bert
reasoned response thing Bert
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I'm not doing anything, I'm trying to address the problems an angry person on the internet seems to have with me

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:45, Reply)

are you referring to Monty?
if so I can guarantee he is not angry.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:47, Reply)

seems angry to me, most people would just let it slide
but he persists with the same thing over and again, and then calls me repetitive, what's all that about?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:53, Reply)

who have I caused offence to?
and when did I do any backpedalling or 'please like me's?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Are you still here?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

I am, I have work to do and I'm busy
but I want to help you work through whatever issues it is you have
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:39, Reply)

seriously, man you need to calm the fuck down and step away from the internet for a bit if you get this worked up by trolls

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I am entirely calm.
You are entirely pointless.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:39, Reply)

and your point is...?
or are you going to start correcting my spelling again?
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

You said people on Links deleted threads because you offended them.

Can you not remember? Or was it simply a lie?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I didn't offend him, I called him grumpy, much like you seem to be
that was one person, and I'd spoken to him before and he was fine, I guess he was just on an off day
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Whereas you
Just seem to have lots of off days in a row. You could say you were having an off week, or an off life.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:47, Reply)

All of my days are fine
I wasn't the one getting all bent out of shape by people's spelling in a chat room
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I am very calm....
...and I do appreciate you for what you are.
EDIT - Disregard. You have had enough attention for one day.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

what's the otehr guy's problem then? He's actually starting to scare me

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I think you'll find it's
other
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I like this

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

like this am a dull cunt
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I know you are, but what am I?

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I know you are, but what am I

yes, yes I am.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Good point, our Bobby.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:44, Reply)

Slow day at work, sweetheart?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:36, Reply)

WHO'S LOOKING AFTER THE BABY??

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Hang on...where's Darth gone?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I really don't think it's fair to imply that Darth is the sort of person who "interferes" with babies when nobody is looking.
In fact, it's not very nice at all to say Darth, dispite never being convicted, is the sort of person who would go up to a baby when left alone, and do something to the detriment of that baby's well being.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

You need your own icon
and it should just be the scales of justice.

When is the Portal 2 demo out can't be long?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

scales of justice Honda Accord
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:30, Reply)

That would be the best icon ever.
Apart from, y'know, Byzantine ones.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

which can be a bit rubbish

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:39, Reply)

interesting idea monty...
memes as icons. there would also have to be a pair of tits for broadsword, being the most breast-obsessed on here, and YM of course.

what else? a flouncing fish maybe?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:40, Reply)

a croissant

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

what about Chompy?
handcuffs? rohypnol?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:42, Reply)

You
ought to have a big thumbs down icon. It'll save time.
( Kroney, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I donno !
155 days, 01 hours, 23 minutes and 46 seconds to go until it comes out though
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I didn't think it was that long.
I'm gonna have to try and not think about it until there is only 10 days left or so.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Darth wouldn't be interested
it's a girl baby
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

The friendly neighbourhood fox.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

This news just in:
Catface's icon is now a cat's face; nation in shock and awe but said to be coping.

How you doing V?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)