Right new afternoon thread: It's not intellectual.
Would you rather be blind or deaf? give reasons

Alt Q: Lose a leg or an arm? give reasons
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:58, 120 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Deaf
Leg
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

This post makes me think blind.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

how would you pick your victims ?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Get the dog to sniff them out.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

fuck you are adding a canine to the mix
you would look super sinister then
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Not if it were a pug

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

you still here? why haven't you got popcorn down your top already?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Is she giving a titwank to the Green Giant?

( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

hohoho
green jism
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

NOT YET GAWD GIVE ME TIIIIIME

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Not much scope on this one
I'd rather be deaf than blind, and I'd rather lose a leg than an arm
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)

BOTH
BOTH
( Theoban What of it, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I wish you were blind and deaf and armless and legless
and dead
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Can I choose to be mute instead.

( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Both
Alt: Both

Is this REALLY the best question you could come up with Bob?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)

yeah I should stop getting high at lunch and watching South Park

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Deaf and arm
I love my legs, they're well long. Although I couldn't dance without either so I'd be a bit stuck I suppose.

I'd rather be deaf because I'm not a huge music buff so I think I'd miss my hearing less than my sight.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

see I'm blind and leg
I can drum without looking and minus a leg, but I'd need to hear.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

feel the beat
let the music take over blah blah blah pretentious crap.

That Def Leppard guy managed without an arm didn't he?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

just about
but none of the drumming was particularly interesting.

he was drumming only a few weeks after losing the arm though, so credit to him
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

High five

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

ye and a bajillion pedals
I could not do that
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Did you get that excel thing sorted yesterday?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

no, sadface
I can't figure it out since half the columns match up and then the rest don't at all so the only way I think I can fix it is to go through each bill that we've done this year and find the figures that match up, which will take ages. But then it is my fault I think.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Gutttedddd

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I KNOW, RIGHT?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

depends on whether I can still get enjoyment from and play music when deaf
definitely lose a leg though. These days false legs are awesome, and I'd still be able to play guitar. and probably surf.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:05, Reply)

and you would look a bit like a terminator

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Nothing like a good war to improve prosthetic technology.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

damn right

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:09, Reply)

thank you for gazzing me that
most informative...

lawyer answer: half blind, half deaf, and a touch of arthritis in each limb instead, please.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:07, Reply)

you're welcome
you know, law and tits wahey rachelswipe.

NO HALF AND HALF!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Oh, if we can do that, then fuck it, I'll choose for Monty to be death and blind and have no limbs, and I'll be fully able bodied, then.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

jesus
i have been totally out-negotiated!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)

While we're at it....
Vipros would have lepracy, that'll give me wings that I could fly with.
Chompy wouldn't have a cock, his length would be added to mine to give a full 5 inches.
I'll have your sense of self worth so when I ask you out (which I would do with your sense of self worth) you'll say yes, and keep me as a kept man for the rest of my life.
I'll have Clendrix's norks, to insulate the house you'll put in my name.
I'll grab Kitty's sense of get-up-and-go, so I can reach my full potential.
And I'll have Bert's overinflated sense of self worth and give that to my ant-farm.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Hell yeah you will! You know why?
coz you da man Gonz, you da man.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:37, Reply)

=DD

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Is this open to negotiation?
Like...how blind and how deaf? Is 'a bit of both' an option? Am I losing the limb right up to the shoulder/groin, or just past the joint?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Er, Leg, I think.
Then I could make hilarious jokes, like "Don't mind me, I'm legless" (if I'd had a few pints, and I could get a really cool carved wooden leg.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

stop trying to live an episode of Bottom

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

That's a smashing blouse you have on.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Meeee
drinkinining? HOW DARE YOU!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I'M IN THE PUBE WITH THE HOLIDAY MONKEY. RUN! RUN!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Poor sad git
Oh no he means the holiday money!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I like stork margarine because...
I've only got one leg.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Same every week
Mr D Lynam, Wembley Stadium London. I don't understand his balls have to be here!!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

you'd have to sign your jokes off with
cheers (legless)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:08, Reply)

HA

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Nah wooden is shit, you need a decent brushed aluminium looking one
www.tuvie.com/wp-content/uploads/leg-hubless3.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)

That is pretty bleeding badass.
Although I like those ones that the runners use. Maybe I could have one of each.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I was watching a programme about people with those carbon fibre blade legs
they are fucking sweet.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

It's like a gadget and a leg all in one.
Man I wish I was disabled.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I am sure
someone on here could sort that out for you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I think becky's the only one on here capable of breaking legs.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

She can borrow my car
might improve her previous score.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

We can rebuild him, we have the technology.
Dun dun dun derrr derr!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)

and you could refer to things costing an arm and a leg

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:11, Reply)

And recreate classic Peter Cook and Dudley Moore sketches.
"I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is — neither have you."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

"you are deficient in the leg department to the tune of one"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

"Yes, it's inadequate, Mr. Spigott. And, to my mind, the British public is not ready for the sight of a one-legged ape-man swinging through the jungly tendrils."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Random
/Armstrong and Miller
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

"...you, a unidexter"

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Unitard.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)

and point to your arm
and say 'but I got for half price'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

And if people say... 'How awful, you've lost your arm'
You can say, 'It's worse than that, I lost my watch too'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

and if they look worried
you can tell them 'don't worry, I'm 'armless.'

/Dadjoke
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

The best of all the jokes
are Dad jokes.

'I've got a protective cover for my new false hand'
'How does it fit?'
'Like a glove!'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Blind and leg
Both are less essential to making and enjoying music.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Stop copying me before I've even posted.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Perhaps you should type faster than I can plagiarise your thought patterns

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Blind & leg.
NEXT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Would you rather be tied to a chair in a windowless room with
David Bowie
Prince
Timmy Mallet
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

d) cyanide pill like Himmler

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

All of the above (kind of)
Administer a Prince (Albert) to Bowie using a (Timmy) Mallet.

Job done. (OK, doesn't quite answer the question, but still.)
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Timmy Mallett
Would, if nothing else, be the one to whom I would least object saying "let's sing a song to keep our spirits up."

Unless, of course, he then suggested we sing Starman or Purple fucking Rain.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Deaf
and leg, but only if I can have one of those sproinger leg replacement things. Or a machine gun leg.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Have you seen PLanet Terror ?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Of course!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Sweeeeeeeeeet.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Or, right, BOTH legs
But only if I can have Johnny 5 caterpillar tracks and that sweet laser gnu.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Johnny 5
Is STILL alive. So you can't have his tracks.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

I'd love a 'laser gnu'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I saw the spelling mistake, but I thought a laser gnu was funnier.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

You were right. I can't stop thinking about it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)

It sounds like a deadly dessert

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Yeah!
Good call Tightly
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Actually
I've decided that I get FUCKING ACE bionics, the kind that are basically made of Transformer, Iron Man or the suit from Vanquish, so I want to lose all my limbs plz.
In return, I get to keep my senses but even if I didn't I could just wire new ones into my brain.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I just read your reply to QOTW
when I lived in the exact same position, flat opposite mine, I had a new kitchen put in and the guys left some wood and a couple of binbags outside my flat whilst I was at work. The flat opposite put yellow and black caution tape all over my door and posted a note through asking that it all be removed immediately. At the end they wrote "the caution tape was a joke LOL!". Stupid cunts.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:24, Reply)

I hate that.
"Lolz I am just joking (actually I'm not joking I'm deadly serious) no really it's all a bit of fun (no I'm really not joking I'm seething with rage)".

I already admitted to the double standard of course, but the smiley faces in my note were meant to amplify the rage rather than passive-aggressively trying to pretend that there weren't no problem.

And hey, at least your cunts actually used words. I hope you went and shouted all over them for that little display?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

I put the caution tape over their door instead
and when they knocked on mine I explained that the joiners had put the rubbish in the hall, not me, and that because I actually worked for a living I wasn't in until half past five. When he tried to say again that the caution tape was a joke I said "Oh don't worry, I got it, I LOLLED REALLY HARD" and then shut the door in his face.

NEEDLESS TO SAY AMOROUS BADGER, I HAD THE LAST LAUGH.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:39, Reply)

One eye'd, as that is awesome
(would rather lose my right as my left is more unusual)

And one legged. Sexy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I know a chap with one eye
He has a chrome-effect cover to the dummy ball he has in place of the missing one - making him look like a brilliant Bond villain.

He is part of the Mutoid Waste lot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)

My friend has a eye that's half green half brown
it's awesome
(no maddie jokes please)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Bowie?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

WHERE?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)

There! There in the labyrinth!
A little bowie with shoooooes on
Going clip cloppity clip cloppity too
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)

You remind me of the babe
what babe?
the babe with the power
what power?
the power of voodoo
voodoo?
you remind me of the babe
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:50, Reply)

It probably means
she ate her twin in the womb.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I wouldn't put it past her actually....

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:24, Reply)

My eyes are mainly brown
But the outer circle is grey, and the circle near the pupil is green. Depending on the light, how tired I am and things like that, they go grey or green.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)

that's pretty cool
my eyes change from green to grey, but they've never been brown
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)

That's cool too
Brown is boring, and mine are mainly brown.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Though I do have a terrible fear of denucleation.
:/

Good luck for your wooing tonight.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

My first boyfriend's mother
had a glass eye, but it wasn't nice. It was a bit scary.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:24, Reply)

If you want it so badly
I'm sure we can find you someone to do it for you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)

You'd be right in there with Paul McCartney

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I like the way I am
and rather don't lose anything, is that ok?

I wish I could go to bed now. I'm so tired.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)

yeah I'll just strip the Cat Hater of everything and leave you intact.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Thank you , dear. You're a star
Can I go to bed now?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)

aye for real

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

of everything
leave you intact spray whipped cream on the tender parts of his body
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)

You have a fantastic imagination
Are you sure it's Bobby who you are imagining doing it, and not yourself?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I am rock hard right now

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I'd rather lose a leg. Someone else's preferably.

(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I like the idea of losing a toe or finger.
I think it would make me a little bit speshul.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Really?
Same as I told Lampito, I'm sure we can find someone to do it for you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)

It would have to be a toe then.
My typing is shit as it is.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I have some bolt cutters

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:29, Reply)

You see?
I told you it'd be easier to find someone.

However, walking with a missing toe is more difficult than you think (or so I've heard)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I live in fear of damaging my fingers
particularly after I did so a couple of times last year
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)