my baby is due tomorrow
I am excited and scared at the same time. I am really proud of my other half. She has been great.

Anyway, that's all. I fully expect to get torn to shreds and ripped to pieces now (due to this post not being about MASSIVE DRUGZ or the mighty HONDA ACCORD).

So to validate this post, who has impressed you lately and why? What did they do to earn your respect?

Alt Q - tractor drivers at rush hour (Specifically on the A420). WTF, get off the fucking road!

Alt alt Q - if its a boy, should I name him Osama?
( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:45, 140 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

why would you get torn to shreds?
I was impressed by the guys in my band last night. They've all stopped eating cripple biscuits for a change. Me included.

Got my wah-wah pedal out and we had a proper freakout
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Cripple Biscuits?
Are they dark chocolate hobnobs?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

they are not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Good
As they are shite. As is dark chocolate in general, really.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

you are wrong

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

No I'm not
Dark chocolate is shit, and there is no superior biscuit than the milk chocolate hobnobs
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

right, that's it
onto ignore you go
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Dark chocolate is shit
it's chocolate without the best bit. It's like jamless donuts, pointless.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I'm surrounded by idiots

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

That's just cruel!
This is what I get for stating facts?

Could be worse, could be Coconut.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

yeah, that would be shit
I don't like really dark chocolate much, but Bourneville and dark mint chocolate and things are the business.

I'd prefer milk chocolate on a hob nob though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Green & Blacks do some lovely dark chocolate

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

mm
dark mint chocolate
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Nothing beats a Caramac

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I think they are vile
that may because I remember my cousin vomiting in my dad's car after eating a load.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

If I buy chocolate it will be Caramac,
I'd rather have a scotch egg than sweets
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Caramac isn't exactly chocolate is it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I challenge you then Nafun
to place it under a more suitable category in the sweet section.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Confectionary will suffice
It's like the Gold Bar, only that's better than a Caramac
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

EPIC FAIL! It's chocolate
www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A633773
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Nope, you've simply given me more arguments for why it isn't.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

well that backfired
Although what the fuck is candy?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Travel sweets are candy I'd say

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I'd put it in with iced gems
in the fucking revolting section
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

this
with parma violets and squishy cherry flavoured sweets
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

*high fives*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

you can't make up sections!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Iced Gems are awesome
But I agree with Amberl, Parma Violets taste like soap.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I love parma violets. Soooo nice

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

One of my friends made Parma Violet vodka
Ugh ugh ugh
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I want that in my life
I made skittles vodka which was ace.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

^This

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

after eight easter eggs are the best

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

After eight easter eggs I tend to vomit

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

click

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Pansy.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I get mine specially made

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

So good
Mint is the best flavour
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

too right
mrs V doesn't like it. which means I don't have to share
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

excellent news
this may be the reason I like mint shower-gel, and Urban Decay's mint shampoo
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Exeter in the news
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-11251605
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Is that it?
More exciting news happens in my town.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

what town?

( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Todmorden.
We had Prince Charles there on Wednesday.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

haha excellent
I haven't eaten for there in a good number of years.

Amusingly, that's one of the better indians
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Getting your wah-wah pedal out and having a proper freakout is to to be encouraged. Everyone should do it.
Of course that wasn't the way of things in my day. Back then flangers were the order of the day and guitarists had to be sparse and atmospheric. Mostly because our "set" (such as it was) consisted of The Cure's A Forest and several of our owm songs which were piss poor rip offs of The Cure's A Forest.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I've got a chorus pedal somewhere and delay
need to get them all in on the action at some point.

Was great fun last night. I'll turn my band into psychedelic prog rock sooner or later!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Congratulations
Hope all goes well.

I've been impressed by the Navy. No getting home soon for me :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Fingers crossed for an easy and trouble-free birth!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Congrats zulu.
A young 17 year old kid who is working for my friend as an apprentice landscape gardener. My friend treats him like a fecking japanes prisoner of war, but a happy one. He doesn't grumble just gets on with it and if anything goes wrong it's his fault. My friend is such a dick to him and I am very impressed as the 17 yr old me would have walked.

Alt Alt Q, have twins call them tower 1,tower 2
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Whatever you do, don't tell her to breathe deeply.
They hate that.


And my youngest sister earns my respect for being a well rounded and happy individual at the age of 20. She's mature, sensible, (but with a sense of fun), and hardworking. Nothing like I was at her age really.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

She's basically going to hate everything he says,
he should just go to the pub and let the midwife call him when it's over.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

yup that sounds about it
already I am viewed as the causer of backpain, sleepless nights, big boobs, heartburn etc.

When I mention that all I wanted was a blowjob she gets even more wound up...

:)
( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

If only she'd let you stick it up her arse like you wanted to......

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

That's what I want Wiggy to do
no one besides trained medical professionals is coming anywhere near me at that point.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I just replied to your event,
I can't make it I'm afraid.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Florida Pastor Postpones Qur'an Burning
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/sep/10/pastor-terry-jones-quran-burning
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

The guy is a total joke.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Someone will kill him
And it'll all go crazy.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

oh you are so annoying!!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

great attitude
if Mrs V and I were having kids I wouldn't want to be there at all. If I was it'd be firmly at the head end with my eyes shut
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

If Em were to be giving birth
I'd make sure I'd be no closer to her rupturing lady garden than, say, Cancun.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I'd be outside
pacing up and down the corridor. Possibly with a pipe. I'm old-fashioned.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

As soon as my child's born
It's being thrown into a lion's cage. If it can't wrestle the lion to the ground and then strangle it with the umbilical cord, it's no child of mine.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Lab: Making Spartans look like pansies since, well, a jolly darn long time ago.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Love it!
Sig-ing it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

If I had the unfortunate bad luck to be giving birth
That's how close I'd want to be to my own lady garden as well.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

^This
It can't be nice seeing your partner in so much pain. When my sister had my nephew she wanted me to be there but I couldn't face the prospect of seeing her like that.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I was sick
when we were made to watch the baby-being-born video in year 7. It made me determined (as it was probably meant to do) both never to have children and never to be near someone who was
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I reckon the plan of
Sitting in a waiting room in a wingback chair and a cigar, possibly in black and white, is still the way to go.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Just don't call him Bert, he will have a miserable life.
Otherwise, I am very pleased for you.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

lol, that is a good point. some of the names are terrible. It will not be Bert

( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Bart
As far as I'm concerned, Bert is dead, but every time you mention him he pops out of his coffin like a Drac-in-the-box.

Come up with a secret codeword or something to say instead of Bert and eventually he'll die away forever
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Bert Bert Bert Bert Bert Bert
Bert Bert Bert Bert Bert
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

OMMMMMMMMMMMMMG
*comes*
(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Very best of luck with it - it's a truly mental experience.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

As opposed to the woman who just goes through the physical bit.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I know, rite?
And they make such a big deal about it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Because being kicked in the balls is much worse : )

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Last time I was properly slammed in the testes
I threw up.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Wimp
Real men pass out.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I was paralysed, curled up on the floor
Vomming with tears coming out my eyes, all in front of this girl I really liked.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Soundless dry heaving is much more impressive.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

All that complaining and moaning
A friend was due to give birth yesterday, and has been moaning for a couple of weeks now about why hasn't the baby come yet? Apparently my answer of "well she isn't due for a bit yet" wasn't acceptable to either her or her sister.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Offer to let her suck you off.
Apparently ingesting prostaglandins does wonders for kick-starting labour.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

No
Really just no, for so many reasons.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

thanks, appreciated

( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

All the best with it
Hopefully there'll be no tearing or unplanned faecal discharge, but bets are there might be.

Also, it's now been 9 days since my interview, and HR departments continue to disappoint and annoy me. How hard is it to choose one out of three people?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

interview for what?

( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

A job
In that there London. Nothing particularly special, so it shouldn't be an overly hard decision.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

You should phone up and ask them

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

I could have walked to London and asked them in person

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Interview to be one of Bert's logins.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I like this
But no. Never.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Very best of luck with the birth.
Will the child be having a middle name?
Generally, we hate our middle names when we're young but I've come to believe that they're a great family link.
Whenever you see one of those stories of about a baby being found on a railway platform, they're only ever given one name. So, unless you want your child going through life having people suspect that they were an abandoned baby. I strongly recommend a middle name.
Accord would be good for a boy.

What are B3ta users middle names?
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I don't have one : (

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I have two, you can have one of mine
You're now Big girl's Philip Blouse. You're not having the other one, it's the old family name.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Philip is my dad's name : )

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I've no idea why my parents chose Philip
When my first name is fairly uncommon (and awesome). Philip's just dull.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

After a discussion in the pub last night,
Bedford-Rascal is now the pinnacle of middle names.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

My middle name is Clare
it was my grandmother's name I believe
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Daniel
but if I add another beginning with C my initials will be ACDC
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Adam Crudely Drawn Cock?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

breasts

( broadsword, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I don't have one, thank Providence.
If my Dad hadn't been so sensible and broke with tradition, my middle name would have been Cecil.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Gutted, that's a magnificent name

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Not in the 60s it wasn't.
It was bad enough having a Dad called Cecil.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

James
It's a good name.

We've got the tradition of the eldest son taking their Dad's name as a middle name.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

So's mine
It was my Dad's middle name and his Dad's first name.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

we have that tradition too, plus eldest daughter takes mother's name.
but ignored it as in mr vitcs country they don't do middle names at all. my middle name is Jane, which is a good middle name.
( ascorbate, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

yes they will
Just the one though. I agree, having no middle name always seems a little sadder...

mine is Richard, not very exciting
( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Just be thankful it's not Ronald!
Again following the pattern of getting lumbered with the father's name.

Oddly mt brother who is three years older than I am has no middle name. Perhaps Mum forgot to ask the milkman's name.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

ouch

( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Michael
after my dad
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Montgomery Peregrine St John Boyce, in full.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Litmus test
How do you pronouce "St John"?
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Sinjen

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Nicely rumbled, Vippers
I've decided he's new money and I'm determined to prove it. You have wrecked my carefully laid trap.

you nonce.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Monty is more highly bred than a hilltop bakery

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

stolen I'm afraid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Oh please.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Determined.
You'll live in a mock Tudor house with a garish Range Rover out the front.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Probably in Essex

( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

With a fountain and plaster statues
in the garden.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Jermain Defoe lives next door.
He and Monty compare Rolex watches whilst sitting in the star shaped hot tub, listening to N-Dubz.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

range rover sport

( zulu eh?, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

By his family's standards he IS new money.
Someone has to make it all over again.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

It's pronounced 'no money'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

He's one of those
awful rah-rah types with a turned up collar on his (pink) polo shirt.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I'm an abandoned baby
I knew there was a reason I don't look like anyone else.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I once saw a tractor humping a Mini Metro down Staines high street at 7.30am
livened up the journey to work
( broadsword, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Damn randy tractors

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Congratumalations!
Hope it all goes as smoothly as possible.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

good luck!
mr vit c stayed at the head end during our son's birth (by forceps, NOT NICE) - but has said he doesn't want to be in the room for the next one. sadly I don't have that option. still, he earned my respect last night for not throttling the aforementioned baby when he started screaming for no reason at 1am. mr vitc just calmly grabbed hold of the calpol bottle, and drugged baby back to sleep.
( ascorbate, Fri 10 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)