Today is B3ta's Inaugural 'Be A Cunt Day'.
You are all the worst kind of awful cunts, so today's your day.

What are you going to do with your day, to confirm your status as a ghastly cunt? I'm going to punch a random disabled at lunchtime.

EDIT Also, I have already called Nelson Mandela a terrorist, denied the Holocaust AND made homophobic remarks so I reckon I'm in the lead.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:23, 156 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm gonna bum the pope

( broadsword, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Too late.
Then again, sloppies?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Oh man
I ALWAYS end up going sloppies on the pope, once, just ONCE I'd like to insert my throbbing cock into the popes arsehole without it gaping like a windsock whilst dribbling cold shitty jizz.
( broadsword, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Go on then, after you.
Just this once.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Yay!
*bums pope*
( broadsword, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Surely that's no different from your normal lunchtime activity?
Why not do something REALLY outlandish... buy a stranger a pint, compliment them on their jacket, make polite conversation and wander off, whistling merrily.

I, as one of B3ta's confirmed nice people who doesn't really like causing offence, will take a similarly unlikely stance and go round clubbing anyone smaller than me in my office to death with my recently acquired Ballroom dancing trophy. Their families will be billed for any repair work that needs doing to it as a result.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Another trophy?
"Ballroom Bummer of the Year"?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I am going to piss in a paki's arsehole

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Officelol

( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

HAHAHAHAH

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I ride my bicycle...
...in London.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:27, Reply)

I'll bet you jump the lights.
You look the sort.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I'm not THAT much of a cunt
I tend to show my disapproval of fellow cyclists who indulge in such practices too.

But I do ride the bicycle equivalent of a BMW X5 and get great satisfaction from annoying the fixie crowd on it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

'the fixie crowd' need exterminating as a matter of urgency

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

^This
DiT recently had an altercation with one, dressed in linen trousers and flip flops.

I cannot think of a more heinous highway related crime.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Murder?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

That Dick Turpin would have something to say about that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

So he might...
...but he was never recorded as being attired in linen trousers and flip-flops.

Had this been the case, Adam Ant's career would have come to nought.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

...and world a less amusing place as a result.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I think its sweet
that women think they have the right to be paid as much as men, despite their obvious handicap.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Vag or tits?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)

because only some tits are obvious, some you really have to look for.
And TGB is the only person I've met with an obvious vagina.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

WTF? I'm not a cunt.
I'm fucking LOVELY, me.
Everyone says so. Even the autisms.
"That stuj" they say as they rock back and forth in their corner masturbating into handfuls of their own shit and drooling into their shoes, "He's fucking LOVELY, he is."
Also, you shouldn't go around denying the holocaust. It was a good effort under difficult circumstances.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)

You wait for the REAL one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I've got to bring back slavery first though.
One thing at a time Monty.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Alright well be quick about it, ffs

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

And remember every home needs two.
One to be a house slave, the other for the children to chalk on.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I'm not going to give your mother a reacharound as I pummel her back tunnel into oblivion

(TheColonel, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

But Monty, the Holocaust DID happen
And thats a good thing.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

That was merely a dress rehearsal for what I've got planned.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I'd hardly call 17 million dead Yids, gyppos, Reds and poofs a "Holocaust".
More like a "good start".
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Weekend hobbyists, nothing more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Fairweather genocidalists
Is that a word? You'll know, Monty
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

No it isn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I just rang my mum and told her I didn't love her anymore.

( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I'd still fuck her

(TheColonel, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

She's still a looker at 65.

( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

L h
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

l h


edit: Boyce you speed-nonce!
(TheColonel, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

She must have been quite young when she had you then, by the looks of things, about 13 years old.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

my client
wants me to take out an injunction against the charity that is letting disabled children park their wheelchairs on its lawn. it's one of those charities that gives dying children their dying wishes, that sort of thing.

can you imagine how this letter of claim is going to go?

"dear sirs please cease and desist, the sight of your terminally ill and disabled children is spoiling the riverside view for which my clients paid a fortune and if you keep doing it, we will sue you for every penny the charity has ever made and then rape your trustees for their houses."

surely i win by default.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:33, Reply)

Not quite - I am your client.
Fucking terminals getting the fucking way all the time with their specially-adapted coaches. Why don't they just hurry up and fucking die?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

No. That's just doing your job.
You need to put more effort into being a cunt in your own right. Own your cuntishness.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

You could always let their tyres down too.
Or wheelclamp them.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Just drop the name of your client on the board and I'm sure he'll change his mind.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Haha, lol.
That's probably the most cuntish thing I've heard to the point of it being brillient.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I LIKE the Pope.
He does a hard job under difficult circumstances.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

Say what you want about Fred West
but at least he knew how to discipline his children.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

He was a real looker, too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

<s>difficault circumstances</s> the parapit.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

Did you mean..
difficult circumstances the pulpit.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Yeh', everyone knows what <s></s> means, so it doesn't matter where it's put.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Behave 100% as normal as that seems to have cemented my cunt like status already
- tonight however I will be cheating at poker again.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

So you are a sensible cunt then?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

just a cunt I think. I can't claim to be sensible.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:38, Reply)

I agree wholeheartedly with 50% of the above statement
You can decide for yourself which 50%
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I'm struggling as I can't see the word sexy anywhere in the above statement?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Let's take a moment to work out why that might be

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

*MOMENT PASSED*
nope massively coming up with a blank, I'm super sexeh. With my Michael Bolton hair and musketeer moustache.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:43, Reply)

I'm trying to find a way to make this more damning via the medium of strikethrough
But I can't seem to improve upon it. You invoked the Bolton, for gods sakes, how can I top that?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I know I look ridiculous but I like it.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

With your disgusting hair?

(TheColonel, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Cheating at poker labels you sensible.
You're obviously too thick to win by normal routes.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I'm playing my druggy friends and due to my tolerances being higher than theirs
I can cheat and get away with it. I feel it would be a crime to let them keep their money.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Sensible.
They would just lose it elsewhere.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

elsewhere next week
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

I'm not your dancing monkey.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

We'll see.
*Winds barrel organ vigorously*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

I was dubbed "dancing monkey man"
by some very nice people whom I met at InFest

No idea why
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

They thought you were Micheal Jackson.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:46, Reply)

I do dance EXACTLY like Michael Jackson

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Hopefully you'll die just like him too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

He died in a surprisingly normal fashion
I'm stunned that you wouldn't wish a more painful death upon me, Monty. Stunned and flattered.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

he doesn't want a battered and bruised corpse
he wants to fuck the shit out of your dead botty.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I'm going to a U2 concert
and I'm going to enjoy it

/croissant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Robert Peston lookalike.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I know the name
but can't place it. Or be bothered to Google it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

You cunt.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I'm just playing the game
And I really can't remember who Robert Peston is
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Aaargh, no. THE GAME.
And so am I. Cunt.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Your mum's on the game.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

game blob
(TheColonel, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

And I'm her pimp.
Pay up, cunt.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I look nothing like Robert Peston you anus

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Childish Cunt, please.
(Made you look).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

For lunch I shall be having your mum’s stinking sweaty vagina whilst your dad trombones me, then I will then have an enormous dump on the tube.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

It's too early for a lunch subthread, surely?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Never. Plus it's Thursday so we really should also discus how you plan to be a cunt at the WEEKEND

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I vote that Wednesday be relabelled as Midweek Weekend so we can have more threads about the weekend.

(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

We should also have a post weekend review on a Monday

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Precisely - Tuesday looking forward to Midweek weekend, Thursdays reviewing.
It's a crazy non-stop weekend fest.
(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

All this talk's making me hungry.
What's everyone having for lunch?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Foie Gras (with made with extra cruelty)
Followed by live veal served on a bed of raw rabbits that have been used in vivisection
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Welll, as long as you use eco-friendly washing up liquid afterwards.

(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

One of my all-time favourite things to do
is to approach those anti-vivisection folks with their trestle tables and leaflets etc and ask them 'how much for the brilliant poster with the monkey on it?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Empty house LOL.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Loneliest of all the lols.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

*Sniffs back the lonely tears.*
You CUNT!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I dressed a foetus as Allah...
...stuck it in a lava lamp and sent it to the pope.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Well it's thoughtful gift
and he's unlikely to have one already.

Cunt points = a poor 3
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

It was delivered by naked, crippled homeless boys covered in coconut oil.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

10 bonus cunt points

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Now I'm off to the local NHS rehab clinic.
I'm going to sit outside with a massive bong, happily chopping out lines, spike and spoon in hand with The Velvet Undergound and Nico playing at full volume.
When they come out to beg for a hit I will tell them to fellate me, piss in their mouths (after having dined on asparagus) and make them fight to the death for a fix*.
I will film these fights and all funds raised will be used to buy drugs for children.
*Which will be cut with laxatives and an erosive toxin to slowly remove the walls of the stomach over a six hour period.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

This is good stuff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I'm not very good at being a cunt
So I drew a picture of Monty
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

That's fucking brilliant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I used Comic Sans
I hate Comic Sans
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

It is the font of cunts
and therefore wholly appropriate
(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Why are people mean to me all the time!!!
YOu'll pay Majora, you'll pay
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I am going to put the milk carton back in the fridge
with barely a thimbleful left in it.

Muahahaha!
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I am going to pretend my daughter is missing to exploit the sympathetic public via the inevitable media frenzy and benefit financially
and she'll be under the bed all along!
(TheColonel, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I'm going to fuck Bert's sister behind his back.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

so all three of you in a bed together then
wahey
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

not again?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

May I remind you all.
THE GAME
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Cunt!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

I WIN!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Your mother's choice of career is of no interest to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Nor is her choice of carer even though you were first in the queue.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Fucking Amateurs
I'm going to the local garden centre and swapping the signs that say "needs full sunlight" with ones advising "likes partial shade".
Resulting in people in several HU postcodes feeling slightly disappointed sometime next summer when their plants have not fared as well as they had hoped.
(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Genteel cuntishness.
I like this and have clicked to prove it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Be a cunt?
How about I'll buy a fixie and be the MOST GIGANTIC CUNT EVER PERSON ON GRAYS INN ROAD IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING BIKE I'M GOING TO JAM IT SO FAR UP YOUR ARSE YOU'LL BE YUKKING SPOKES UP AT YOUR NEXT TRENDY WANKER PARTY.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

CUNTY CUNTY CUNT FUCK OFF

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

what happened then jimmer?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

What is a fixie?

( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

fixed gear bicycle

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Bicycles for imbeciles.
Currently highly fashionable amongst wankers, spastics and tosspots in this here that there London.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Very well documented here
I know I probably deserve a Titanic timeline thing here, but whatever;
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVmmYMwFj1I
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Jimbo hipped me to that already, it's fucking excellent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I've been to those sorts of parties in it, they *are* good
but the amount of knobheads is mental.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I am going to find a really busy pub
and stand at the bar and chat. The topic of conversation will be past childrens TV programs.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

So that would be Count Duckula then.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

That was SO RANDOM! I'd love to know what they were smoking when they came up with that!
and what about "The Clangers"? That was SO RANDOM i'd love to know what they were smoking when they came up with that, and what about "The Moomins"? that was SO RANDOM etc etc etc
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

*STAB STAB STAB*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

That's only fair
Let my final words be; "Bagpuss...so...random"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Did you know puff the magic dragon was actually about canabis?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Good God.
I though it was about cannabis!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I thought it was about opium
but it's all good when it comes to DRUGSLOLS!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

You're going to a bash?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Oh, is that just normal B3ta behaviour?
In that case I shall go to a supermarket and not place the "Next Customer" divider on the conveyor belt.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

That will simply result
in your paying for the person behind you's manpons and celery.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Ok, when the till lady says "Are you collecting book tokens for schools?"
Instead of saying "No, but you can give them to the next person" like I normally do, I shall say that I am and then proceed to tear them up into little pieces while maintaining eye contact with her.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Or say very quietly, right in her face
'I don't think that would be a good idea. I'm not allowed near schools'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Followed by...
"Do you have any YOUNG children?" and slowly lick your lips.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I read a fantstic article in The Mail the other day....

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

The Mail Online is one of the best sites around.
FACT.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

You win.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

All you do is go on an article about how a celebrity is getting too thin
post a comment saying all the women are just jealous because they're all fat messes, along with any other misogynistic babble you can come out with, and then sit back and watch hundreds of middle aged mums hurl abuse at you. It's brilliant.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

You win on so many levels.
*edit - thanks for the tip. It will make a nice change from trolling on Mormon forums.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

See also the Loose Women page on Facebook.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I am going to buy someone a copy of
Tony Blair: A Journey
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I'm going to get him to sign my copy of Mein Kampf.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 16 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I've just made you a cup of tea
And the milk is just on the turn. Not quite curdling, but has enough of a sour smack that you'll notice, but be too polite to say anything.

_{(And the crunchy flakes on the biscuit were made from a ground-up first pressing of a Pink Fairies 45.)}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

You, sir, are a SWINE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I'm hoping to reach BOUNDER and CAD status by the end of the day.
I think I'll play tonight's gig with my bass just sufficiently out of tune that people notice, but aren't sure why it sounds wrong.

If I can get "OF THE FIRST WATER" after this accolade I'll be well on my way.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I'm too busy to be a cunt today, sorry old chap
I've updated my CV, applied for seven jobs so far and put a load of washing in.

Feel free to make comments on how no one will ever want to employ me!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)