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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fuck all this IT, techno babble bullshit about laptops and programmes for making sex clothes.
What can you lot do with your hands? I do not mean typing. I can play the drums well, and draw to a fairly high standard. What do you do with your hands that makes you happy?

feeling boobs and wanking are acceptable.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:03, 243 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Paint warhammer models and eat food
I have no shame.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)
no shame in that, not a lot of people can do it well.
Plus it's therapeutic.

I do it too
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
It is therapeutic.
Plus the models look quite cool.

(When you've bought a cabinet to display them in. In my defence, they were on a bookshelf but my snake kept breaking them.)
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)
I got good at school then stopped for a few years before picking up some paints and stuff
and having another go. I don't spend very much time on it. But always fun to go back to. All mine go in a shoebox bar one which is on my xbox.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
So...many...jokes...

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
Name 5

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Joke 1
Joke 2
Middle Joke
Penultimate Joke
Final Killer Joke

that what you after or were you looking for content too?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
Not for me to make.
You all know I'm not funny
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
I laugh at you all the time

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)
:(

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)
I'm laughing at you now.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
:'(

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)
oh noes you've added an apostrophe
now I feel super mega guilty.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)
You better be.
I'm crying internet tears.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Applebite bobbypires
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)
doesn't make sense Wookiee.
but well done for trying you spasmoid.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)
I was suggesting that if there's anyone on here who isn't funny,
it's you.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)
I understood what you were suggesting
I was questioning your method of using strikethoughs though. As in that case it didn't work. Fully aware of your position on me thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)
I felt it worked quite well actually
And was quite immediately obvious.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)
Thank you kindly.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)
I don't think you need to suggest proven facts

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
This doesn't explain the daily suggestions that you are a miserable cunt
and have a huge, inhospitable, haunted fanny.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)
Hey, laugh at me and I'll kill you!*
*if I can roll enough 4s...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)
time to... ... ... ... die!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)
LOLness

(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)
Get back to me when you have enough.
I have stuff to do.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)
I'm very good with my hands
which is why I'm pretty good at all this techno-babble bullshit. Computing, AV, mechanics, I'm able to turn my hand to most things practical.

What are you good at, sunshine? Drawing's for girls.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)
Drumming apart from drawing. If it starts with a D I'll have a crack.
nothing against IT stuff but as I don't understand it I wanted something a bit more tangible.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:06, Reply)
Dogging

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:06, Reply)
I'm only kidding
about the drawing, incidentally. I'm not bad at that myself. Other things I'm not bad at include guitar, puns and photography.

I am extremely arrogant.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)
I wasn't ignoring you,
I am just so hungover I am struggling to think of funny things beginning with D apart from Diarrhea and I have tried to spell it 3 times before giving up.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)
Diarrhoea
I'm also quite good at English.

Edit: and Greek spelling.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)
for you smugmo

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)
I make sex clothes
I also make cupcakes. Just read the LAK bio, it's all in there.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)
you are a jack of all trades. maximum kudos to you.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:06, Reply)
None of them are making me my millions yet though!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)
don't forget the origami swans
apologies for thread jack, super hungover today and no patience.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)
they're cranes!
No one appreciates my work *sobs*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Draw/paint, play various musical instruments, DJ, cook, punch idiots in the face.
Loads of shit.

None of it terribly practical - I can just about change a plug/light bulb.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)
What do you play apart from guitar?
No snide comments or ill-disguised barbs a-comin', am actually interested
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)
Clarinet, harmonica, piano.
Not the 'pink oboe' or the 'spunk trumpet'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)
+ heart strings
+ purple oboe
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)
Hahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)
You continue to surprise me Mr Boyce
Are these instruments that you still play with regularity or do they fall into the "it's like riding a bike, in theory" category?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
I only play the guitar these days,
And my daughter's novelty keyboard/mic setup.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Guitar, harmonic and piano I can get away with
Clarinet just does not fit you sir!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
I fucking hated it. Gave up the day I passed graDe* IV.
It was gay.


*sorry, I'm ill.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Who was buried in grave IV that made you give up?
Edit: Damn you!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
grave iv? you must have despised it. I was the same with the trombone, quit when I could.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
I suspected you might be in to tromboning

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

www.sadtrombone.com/
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)
hahaha oh dear Monty, how the mighty have fallen

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)
YOU MADE A SPELLING MISTAKE YOU CUNT

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
I NO.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)
wow
i don't know whether to be more impressed with the musical ability (v sexy) or the term "spunk trumpet" which i am now stealing with immediate effect.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
practicallity aside though, some good skills to have.
Do you have a particular instrument you prefer to play?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Guitar.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)
a little surprising but I suppose the versatility of the instrument
lends itself to being used in waki alternative way by yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Most of the things I'm good at involve my hips
Take that to mean whatever you like

I can cook pretty well though, that involves hands but is more about the brain than any particular manual dexterity. Ditto DJing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)
I can, erm...
DJ I guess, plus I'm pretty nifty with anything computer/console related.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)
I am really good at painting and decorating
if it wasn't such a badly paid trade I would consider doing it for a living
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)
Stroking dogs.
I'm not in the least bit creative.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)
.
Stroking Fucking
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
Getting my fingers damp.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
Hahaha!
ewwwww!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)
Well, if you will push me into posting these things....

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Stabbing old ladies and blinding small crippled children. I can also cook and masturbate to a high standard.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)
At the same time?
I am never coming round yours for dinner
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
Multi-tasking FTW

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
I can play guitar
to an OK standard. Good enough for me
Draw OK
Cook - I love cooking
Wank - ditto (not Beth)
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)
I'm very bad with my hands
sewing/cooking/painting are all beyond me. They're quite strong though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
Perhaps strangling?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)
I'd make an excellent Jack the Ripper

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
Or Boston Strangler
Boston Oxford.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)
I bet your high fives are lethal

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)
I've been told they are
the secret is not to use all my strength
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)
My fingers have lost a lot of their flexibility since I stopped playing piano
and they're actually quite clumsy.

I have given a couple of good head massages though. Yes, that kind of head. Don't be dirty.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)
um, I make clothes and quilts,
and I draw pretty okay. I'm also pretty good at baking.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
what kind of clothes do you make poppet?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
skirts, jeans, shirts...
dresses too.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)
quality, that is awesome. Just for fun or could you spin a profit?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)
just for fun.
I usually just buy something very plain and alter it so that it fits me better, but I can make things from scratch. I have several dresses that I wear in the summer that I made.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)
I'd be more impressed
If you could bake some clothes. I fancy a croissant cravat...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)
I couldn't do that - not enough skill!

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)
Bah!

(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)
I can sew, draw and cook pretty well
But most of my talents lie in other areas of my body to my hands.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)
I'm only talented with my brain
I'm not adding what else because it'll only result in strikethroughs
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Me too
*sighs* me too.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Knees?
No, wait, I bet you have talented ankles. Amirite?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)
No, I have shit knees.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)
But I was right with the ankles?
My knees are shocking, knacked one in, then the other gets weak from the compensating. I want robot legs.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)
I used to have osteochondritis in both knees, so they're fucked.
My ankles are alright, nothing special though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)
I was trying to pick a part of the body that's definitely unsexual
Sorry to hear about your knees, my damage was self-inflicted so I only have myself to blame. They're alright most of the time though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)
How did you fuck yours up?
Mine is self-inflicted too, sadly. I used to be a long distance runner.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)
my junior colleague
is doing 3 marathons in 3 days. how can that not fuck up your knees and other bits?!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)
Fucking hell,
Good luck to them, the absolute nutter.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)
i know
she said, oh it's fine, the first day we'll aim for 3.5 hours, the second day 4.5 hours and the third day 5.5 hours.

so that's alright then.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)
Oh yeah, absolutely fine.
I really can't see a problem with that.


Mental.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
Broke my leg doing a LARP
Quite a bad break, close to my left knee. Was in a cast for 15 weeks, and now it knacks to do any running on it, plus I wear an athletic support if going hiking. My right knee gets bad after long periods of activity due to compensating for my ledt.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)
Man up, I walked into work with TWO blisters this morning.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:43, Reply)
You fucking girl.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
BUT IT HUUUUUuuuuuRTSSSsss

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
Ouch
You poor thing.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)
you replied in the wrong place.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Oh yeah, sorry.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
Oh come on.
Broke it LARPing? You can't have sympathy for that.... ;)
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)
Yeah they should have had a level 15 priest with them.
That's just bad planning.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Thanks
But it's my own fault :p
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)
wtf
is a LARP?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)
ha ha ha,
google it, you're in for a SFW treat
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
fuck me
what the fucking fuck...

what is the matter with these people!?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)
It's a laugh
And mainly I can laugh at how pathetic it looks. Still, me and some mates don't take it too seriously, and laugh at all the misfits and weirdos there too.

Also, when I go there, I'm comparatively extremely hot!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)
When you broke your leg were people still in character?
"here son take this potion and you'll be back in the fight"
"I have a mystic balm to help you"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Haha, thankfully not
Everything stopped and they fetched my mate (who's an A&E nurse). Then they stood around trying to keep my spirits up.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
oh lab
well, every idol of perfection needs one tiny flaw i guess.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
That you even hint that I am an idol of perfection
Is a compliment I am undeserving of, but very grateful for nonetheless!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
yeah you laugh at the misfits
that's like when paedophiles say they only had child porn for 'research'
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
Haha!
We already know I'm a misfit, but srsly, you should see some of the autisms and mentals who go to some of these events...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
I've seen Role Models

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)
"pretending to be an Orc"
Live Action Role Play.

Although if pushed I'll admit I think it's probably an acceptable pastime, as a complete shit I refuse to have sympathy for anyone who manages to injure themselves doing it, on principle.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:54, Reply)
Never asked for sympathy
Charging around the woods in the dark has it's dangers, and I fell foul of one. I laughed about it then, and still do now.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
I know you didn't
I'm just lightly extracting urine.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Good man!
I approve!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
Breasts?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)
Yep
And Arms, thighs, abs, back etc.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)
:(
I like back doesn't have quite the same ring to it, and slightly more negative connotations...

Hang on, can something be more negative?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)
I have an incredibly flexible back.
So I like it.

Also: I have no idea.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
I used to have a small back
I want my 30" back back. New leaf SOON.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)
all I have in my fridge
is onion, carrot, dressings etc. But no knives to cut it up with. I am also going to buy the trashiest magazine I can think of which will undoubtedly have some majorly obese person in it, cut it out and stick it on my fridge
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)
Go on Facebook, get a picture of Kitty, print it out
JOB DONE.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)
it'll just depress me

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)
The joke was that Kitty is fat.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)
I know
I was implying that when you're that fat there's no hope in the room. Slightly less obvious haha
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)
you are all like, so mean.
IT'S GLANDULAR!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
my mum's best friend
did that in america. she took pics of all the 400lb+ salad-dodgers and pinned them to her fridge.

she gained a stone. i think feeling skinny in comparison had the reverse effect and made her think it was ok to chow down!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)
I did it once
and lost a stone. The woman was truly hideous though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)
a picture of yourself (oneself, not you as i am sure you don't need to lose anything!)
either v slim or v obese might work i suppose. but my pink fridge isn't metal, so nothing sticks to it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)
Spunk would

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)
BLU TAK

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)

BLU PINK
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
you joke lab
but they do actually sell pink blu-tak and pink prittstick.

not that i have ever bought either, you understand.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)
I have green pritstick
it's like alien snot.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)
THIS
is a sensible solution. what is wrong with my brain?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
I've never been either of those things
maybe I should photoshop myself slim, and then just claim that's really me
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)
it might fall down in real life though
this is the only flaw
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)
Unless someone invented photoshop for real life.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
I am waiting for this to happen

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)
the inventor would make a fortune

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
it's called alcohol.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
I am jealous
my back is about as flexible as, erm, an unflexible thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)
I'm fairly sure there was a song about that.
dum dum dum DUM dum dum dum dum
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)
*has to put something else on to get that out of my head*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)
I'm confused.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)
Oh my god Becky, look at her butt.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)
She's, like, one of those rap guys girlfriends

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
It's so big, and round, and OUT THERE
I see now :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)
I just can't help myself I'm acting like an animal.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)
I used to play classic guitar
But I haven't practised for years. For everything else, I'm crap with my hands, although I can cook if I have the time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Oh come on...
I bet you could play the castanets, cook paella and fight a bull at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)
you and your sick sick fantasies
we were talking about you on here yesterday, did you see it? did you??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)
No I didn't
was it like "Colonel Dracula is so awesome, I wish I could be like Colonel Dracula, lets all send him cake and stuff"?

*crosses fingers*
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)
exactly that
/the truth may disappoint. although i did call you "wholly stalkable".
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)
My ego demands links!
(or just tell me whose post it was in)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
i can't do links! i'm not clever enough
but i am sure if you search for your own name it will come up.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)
Found it
thank you for knowing who I am, BGB refers to me as "The one with the chickens"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
i'm your number one fan
and i look NOTHING LIKE kathy bates. i don't even own a hammer.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
YAY!
As my No.1 fan you have joined an exclusive club (of exactly 1 person)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
what about charlie?
actually i keel that beetch, i no need competition
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
She is a bit protective of me
If there's someone else in the garden with me she stomps around making this "rarr rarr rarr" noise.

I may have to adopt an elderly cat, that'll really piss her off.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)
this is the sort of thing
that needs to be on youtube. please.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
I give good gropes.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)
I'm pretty at rebuilding cars, and engineeringy/DIY stuff in general.
and manipulating a hockey stick. I presume I can still juggle. I'm just nudging international standard at feeding the pony.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)
I can play video games
very, very well.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)
so your thumbs
are locked in one position?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)
Eyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
this should not have made me laugh

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)
I'm glad it did!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)
The one prereq for playing video games
is the ability to hold your thumbs in precisely the same attitude for hours?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)
If you're playing "thumbmaster" on the PS3, then, yeah.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)
no
it is to be a virginal shut-in who believes that the elf women on screen will one day come to life and fuck you.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:43, Reply)
Speaking of which, there is an epic one about Second Life on this \QOTW.
I think it might be too big a fail for even AB to bother with.

Edit. Here: www.b3ta.com/questions/wasteofmoney/post898272
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)
What, on the front page?
I was a little perturbed by that.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)
"a little" ?
Fucking hell. It's wronger than Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
OMG
i remember the american case of the couple who got divorced because she walked in on his avatar thing cheating on her avatar thing on second life. they had also met on second life. each of them weighed about 500lbs and clearly could never have roused the energy to have sex in real life.

truly Wrong!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I would take exception to your
stereotypical view of gamers if it weren't still largely accurate.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
aren't stereotypes usually
largely accurate? that's the point of them.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)
Yes
I really fit the stereotype.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)
I had someone work for me who was a semi pro gamer.
He was the fastest worker I've ever worked with. Then he quit when the quake season or something got going again.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)
what, it has a season?
fucking hell.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)
Yeah, there's a whole industry and a lot of money in it,
especially in Asia.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)
I read all about the Starcraft pro gaming industry in Korea
it was lolsome.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
It's all on Xbox
But I can touch type.

This was my rank when I had internet at home still

sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs319.snc4/41271_439634343912_509488912_4726104_6891737_n.jpg
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:54, Reply)
I will be adding you on xboxlive later my son

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Cool
I won't be on for about a week till my interwebs is connected at home.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)
I'm only on at weekends usually unless some one needs schooling on Tekken

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Teapot

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)
Erm
What?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)
Envision a typical "mincing" stance
with one hand on the hip and the other arm extended from the elbow at about 45o above the normal to the body, with the wrist flopping about appropriately. Compare to the children's song "I'm a little teapot."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Oh fuck off, you can't do anything with your hands.
Your wrists are shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
I must protest
I had a look at one of his bands on youtube the other day - he can play bass at the very least.
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
One of the things I said to Crow (after apologising for bumping into him and HOLY SHIT IS THAT MONTY)
was to ask him whether his incredibly limp wrists made it difficult for him to play bass.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
I do seem to actually be experiencing real wrist problems this week.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Shitman. Possibly overuse?
I guess you'll gradually rebuild their strength this weekend by lifting drinks to your mouth...
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
A bit of weight-lifting will do them good, yes
My tendons are basically screaming at me from a combination of typing all day, bass-playing most evenings and the urgent need to sneak off and crack one out whenever an attractive lady is spotted (thankfully not a regular problem in my department).
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)
You frightful bureaucratic onanistic musical creature, you.
You might, in a strange case of life imitating jokes on an internet site, have to start wearing wrist supports or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
For that authentic rock n roll look...

(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
I thought he/his band were rather good
so I guess not..
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
As I missed about 3 months of offtopic, I missed the BUMDER ALERT era.
I assumed that Crow was a mincing gay, or at least pretended to be, so I made a joke.

I fucked THAT one up!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
Shit, he's not really gay?
snigger
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
He likes to pretend he's wanking over attractive women
It's really the screensaver of Darth Foxtrot he has on his computer that keeps tipping him over the edge.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
But the man* does dance so very gracefully...

*In the very loosest definition of the term.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
Well, it must be nice for him
to see a man with even more girlish hair than his own.
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
I'm suprised this was not done sooner
shit limp
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)
No, his wrists are shit
from being up men's arses the whole time
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)
Oh. I see.
Not even a little bit limp?
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)
In other news the actor who played D I Burnside in The Bill has just walked in to my office by mistake.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)
does your office look like the set of The Bill?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Only in so far as there is too much paperwork, a slight level of shouting and lots of dirty coffee cups.
Nobody calls me Guv though which is a shame I think.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
OK Guv

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
I played my piano this week for the first time in 3 years
I wasn't as shit as I thought I'd be, so that makes me quite happy. I'm also pretty good at cooking/baking and fairly good at sewing/painting/arty stuff etc, so that makes me happy too.

Sadly I probably spend more time idly scratching myself* than I do any of the interesting creative things. I feel kind of bad now for wasting my hands...

*may contain lies
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)
Wizardry.
By using careful manipulation of my hands I can create the illusion of having a detachable thumb – many a lady has fallen into a dead faint at such acts of apparent sorcery. Another contortionism that amazes and enthrals young and old is when I use the light from a candle to cast amusing shadows on to walls using only my hams and digits; examples being a bird in flight, or even the head of a wolf.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
...and then, as their eyes are transfixed by the candlelit spot on the wall, awaiting the next cunning silhouette
You produce the "Tugnut sign".
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
I am thinking of having that made into a t-shirt.
The fact that the 'badly drawn cock' can transform into a 'T' is just perfect
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
hams?

(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Male hands.
Which I am sure you know all about.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)
Ohhhh my dad does that!
He'll catch small children's attention and remove his thumb. They generally look terrified.

Obviously I can do it too.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)
My dad did, too
Buggered if I can remember how it's done, though (I have just spent the last few minutes bumping my hands together in an effort to recreate it. I succeeded only in looking incredibly special)
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
I'm not as good as he is
It was never quite convincing enough.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
I always genuinely believed
he 'had my nose' as well. I was a very gullible child.
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
It took me years to realise
he hadn't actually stolen my willy.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Did he pretend to eat it too?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)
I was terrified initially
But then I got used to the funny feeling.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)
Ah.
I have to say, I never played that kind of game with my father..
(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)
I bet you wish you'd been born with a penis now.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)
No, not really...

(berk, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)
Ah, the fig gesture.
Doesn't always mean what you think.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)
Wow
You make my pants cast "Magic Missile".
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
And I thought you were just pleased to see me.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
Oh yeah
I can cook too. I bake all my own bread, all the time.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
Breadbaking is FUN
I make excellent, if not always appropriate, garlic dumplings.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)

acceptable mandatory.

Shame on you, /OT. Shame on you.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:14, Reply)
Sorry LIC
I didn't want to be too presumptious. Should have known my audience better. Filthy wanky rapers that they are.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)
With over 200 replies I'd have expected at least one strikethrough

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

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