Fuck that shit.
Help me out with today's project.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 10:53, 82 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Everyone here
is a fat cunt.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Nice sympathy reply.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I don't understand what is happening
my world has come crashing down because the van didn't have any bacon baguettes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)

*proffers croissant of sympathy*

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)

thanks but that doesn't have the requisite amount of meaty grease

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Genuinely misread 'meaty geese' there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

that sounds tasty
post-drinking food urge is kicking in
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I'll get my punching arm ready

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

A goose powerful enough even to put up a fight against Kitty?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

You could try a force fed goose?
And smack it in the liver. Honk honk honk.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I'll be honest, I'm just fishing for an excuse to pop this out again:


Still, how do, sir?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

there is no such goose.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Then I shall invent one.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

All I know is
I HAVE A PROFESSIONAL CLEANER SORTING OUT MY FLAT AS WE SPEAK.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

the sort of cleaner who tidies away the evidence?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I've done that already. I have lost a small wrap of DMT somewhere which worries me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

*turns, walks away, whistling*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)

crime scene cleaners?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

It's Harvey Keitel, reprising his Pulp Fiction role.

(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

that would be amazing
if he ever falls on hard times you should get him on Dragon's Den with it
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Please say he's called 'Leon'

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

You've basically just put Rachel in a French maid's outfit, haven't you, you saucy old bugger?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Has anyone else just got an erection
and a curious affinity for bread?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I'm already wanking myself silly
Into a warm pain de campagne.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I have, yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

And then taken her by surprise?
By which I mean, "demanded that she actually get on with cleaning the damn place before you'll put your Eiffel Tower anywhere near her Arc de Triomphe"?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

He's asked her to put his drungs in the middle of the table.
the massif central he calls it.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I had to have a cheese and onion sandwich for ym mid-morning snack
because I've just painted my nails and can't eat anything sharp or complicated for the next 30 mins
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

i had toast
2 pieces, buttered

with a coffee

and my nails are not painted
( zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)

that's what I would have had
if I hadn't just painted my effing nails
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

How's toast and butter complicated?
I'm pretty sure it's not sharp either.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Crumbs
Opening butter pats
Knives

All things that will smudge wet nails
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)

How's zulu jr doing?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

good thanks
really good. He is a star. Was scary at the birth as it kicked off, resulting in an emergency c-section. But everyone is healthy and happy so really chuffed.

:o)
( zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I had a sausage and egg bap with tomato sauce
Mmmmmm.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)

this is my favourite thread jack ever.
I had a Weight Watchers strawberry tart yoghurt for breakfast, it was delicious.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I'm still hungry
I'd suspect a tapeworm if I wasn't putting weight on so rapidly
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

p-p-p-p-p-PREGNANT

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Don't

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

If you'd listened to your own advice you wouldn't be in this mess.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Imagine if he was the father...
Why not have something sharp and complicated to get rid of the sprog?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

God, imagine...
Fortunately the father would be djtp and he'd have me sharped and complicated before you could say "Can we get it quicker if we go private?"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:40, Reply)

"Och aye, Roota luv"
"Would ye mind comin' ta the top o' the stairs, me bonny lass"
"Sure la, just gonna take me trainies off, yeah?"
*Roota ascends*
"What now, ya mef?"
*DJTP boots Roota down the stairs*
"Lass, ya still feelin' hungry?"
"Nah, I'm fockin' well pissed at ya, like."
"Good, nao put the kettle on, eh?"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)

which one of them is Welsh and which one is Pakistani?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Racist

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Have you been spying on us?
It was the demand for tea that convinced me...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Is this like an online replacement for Clear Blue?
p-p-p-p-p-PORTLY

being the other possibility?
(Cave Duck, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Woah, you're getting fat?
*searches for ignore button*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I never said fat!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

You're a strawberry tart
I've had nothing for breakfast, just two machine mochas.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Listen to your auntie blouse.
( girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I'm never hungry in the morning
So skip breakfast.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Doesn't matter.
I trained myself to eat breakfast.
( girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Does a yoghurt at about 10am count?
I could probably manage that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)

I don't eat breakfast until I've been up for a few hours
but I've been getting up at 6am so I'm hungry by 9.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Try sports drinks
I hate eating early but I can usually stomach a Lucozade or Powerade.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Blue Powerade is the bomb
I might do this then.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)

The same can be said of fruit juice
and that's cheaper.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Lucozade is good as well
especially really cold
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:40, Reply)

as long as it's not the vile original one
or cherry
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)

^ She speaks the truth
A day that begins with bacon is a good day.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

this is true
in fact a day that includes bacon is a good day

which is why I'm having a shit day thus far.

also, I need to think of something fancy and delicious to cook for dinner.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Have you considered bacon?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

the thought didn't even enter my head

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

damnit
i want bacon now
( zulu eh?, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I want bacon as well
but I will be content with whatever is in my fridge
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I cannot eat until I've been awake for about two hours.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Me too. I need at least 3 mugs of black coffee, 6 cigarettes and a shit before I can contemplate breakfast

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)

be
e
I can contemplate
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Good effort.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Good
not worth the
(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Morning cheerful. You're a little ray of sunshine today aren't you?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:43, Reply)

As ever.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)

that took me fucking ages
I kept ignoring the word 'before'
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)

pleased to be of service

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I had a small breakfast
In preparation for Friday Lunchtime Lasagna. One of the highlights of my week, it is.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

There are no girls on the internet.
Question fail.
( girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Your mum's on the internet

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Shhhhhh! I'm trying to gloss over that fact.

( girlinthehole, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

She used the airbrush tool for that
;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

That explains a lot

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 8 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)