Well, I'm on my own in the house
for a couple of weeks. What shall I do to stave off boredom?

Answers involving wanking need not apply. That, of course, goes without saying.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:39, 206 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well, with wanking ruled out
I've got nothing to add.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:41, Reply)

Dress up in the clothes of the other person/people you usually live with.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Then wank?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:44, Reply)

before/after/during

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Drugs.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Aye, just get baked.
Moving back into student digs has reminded me how fun it is to sit around stoned off your tits all day.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:45, Reply)

welcome to my world.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Until last week I hadn't got stoned in months and months and months. So it didn't take long for me to be away with the fairies.
I spent about an hour trying to put together an imaginary jigsaw puzzle in my head.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:54, Reply)

What was it a picture of?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Yes, this
couple of hundred pills, few mates, decent sound system, the 2 weeks will be over before you know it
( broadsword, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Radical re-decoration
but think "outside the box". Don't paint the walls; paint the inside of the fridge instead.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:44, Reply)

With semen.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:46, Reply)

It may come to that
I've been on my own for two hours now and I'm already a bit bored. They're going to come home to find me in the corner, rocking.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Get a loads of scalextric track from ebay
And build yourself a snazzy racing circuit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:48, Reply)

This, I do believe, has potential
although I'd need a way of making it more exciting as watching cars go around and around only entertains for a limited time.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Me and my old housemates built a scalextric that covered the downstairs of a shared house
It was great.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:52, Reply)

If I could find a way
of automating fridge stock retrieval, the Scalextric track would be an excellent delivery system.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:53, Reply)

get inventing
it'll be all Honey I Shrunk The Kids
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:35, Reply)

dramatically increase the power so they go faster
and set them on fire.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Or, if you live on a council estate, just look out of the window and you can see the same thing.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:56, Reply)

you aren't in control though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:59, Reply)

No-one is. It's crazy out there.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:05, Reply)

you genuinely make me lol more than anyone else on here

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Taping fireworks to them
would accomplish both goals.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:56, Reply)

that's the spirit!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Or tape deodourant cans to the top
With the button taped down, then drive them through a ring of fire.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:03, Reply)

Now that's
thinking big. I like it.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:06, Reply)

on that note you could build a model village and pretend to be a giant

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Move the furniture in every room around
Then pretend it was always like that when the others get back.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Surely that's...
...thinking inside the box.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Swap all the contents of multiple rooms
I suggest kitchen and bathroom especially.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:46, Reply)

bastard, I was about to suggest that.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:54, Reply)

I was also thinking
That you could brick up a door to something like the dining room, so no-one can get into it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:58, Reply)

or create a false wall, making one room really small

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Also, rehang all the doors
So they swing the opposite way, and possibly so they open into the opposite room than they do currently.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I usually get out of the house as much as possible
Or play Warcraft to talk to my "friends"
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:48, Reply)

I suggest a long period of comtemplation and meditation.
Find out who you really are and learn to love yourself.


Then have a wank.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:49, Reply)

probably best to skip the first part
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:51, Reply)

That's OK
I love myself already. I really am very narcissistic.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Reenact famous moments in history using toys.
Lego Twin Towers being attacked by Buzz Lightyear is a family fave, as is coffee table Altamont using characters from Spongebob Squarepants to play the part of The Stones..
Oh and rig up a camcorder to the TV for close-up fun.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:50, Reply)

close-up wanking fun?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:53, Reply)

That is a creative way of doing both.
Maybe use the penis as American Airlines Flight 11.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:59, Reply)

how about The Island of Doctor Tugnut?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:28, Reply)

How about you stop spoiling my upcoming names?
Fucker.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:30, Reply)

apologies

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:35, Reply)

pompeii using playdough.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:55, Reply)

+and wanking.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Heh. Vesuvius erupting.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Use Polly Pockets and Subbuteo players as the residents fleeing the spunky lava.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Then leave them overnight
and re-enact the Pompeii excavations the following evening.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:09, Reply)

bake stuff
clean lots
if you're going to wank do it in parts of the house you aren't able to do it in regularly
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Good idea.
Maybe create a wank log where you check-off each jerk-off.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:53, Reply)

what, like inside the fridge?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:55, Reply)

yeah
the laundry room or a roommates bed or the living room
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:55, Reply)

And whilst wearing someone else's gloves. Don't forget that.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:57, Reply)

And take pictures using their camera.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:00, Reply)

And e-mail them to their Mum.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:03, Reply)

I think I would prefer to deliver them in person.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:09, Reply)

You've give this way too much thought.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:58, Reply)

You can't overplan masturbation.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:01, Reply)

That's a motto for life right there.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:06, Reply)

Wanking is something that happens,
when you're making other plans.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:09, Reply)

not really, just thinking about places that people go in my house
the main level bathroom which everyone uses, the basement, the sitting room, etc

this doesn't mean I've done it in any of those rooms, btw
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:05, Reply)

dress your lamps up so they look like people
then you wont be lonely.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:52, Reply)

haha. That will end well, mental-stability-wise.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:54, Reply)

It's been fine so far
I fell out with steve the sofa a few months back but we're fine now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:00, Reply)

Get a dog.
You'll have two weeks to get it house trained.

Your housemates will love it. Possibly.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Actually
I am thinking about a cat, but I'm probably not going to be in this house for much longer and they don't like being moved overly much. Stresses them.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Get some flying chimps.
Like the ones from The Wizard of Oz. Then get them to fight each other, with sticks.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:57, Reply)

Like a simian Harry Potter?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Similar, yes.
For added comedy value, they could wear masks.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:07, Reply)

You should pitch that to the BBC.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:10, Reply)

I could see Channel 5 snapping it up.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Channel 5 probably would.
But they would want nudity and car chases involved. I'm not removing my monkey's dignity.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:14, Reply)

I would.
But the BBC is run by Guardian reading lefties. It wouldn't get past pre-production.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Y'know in Harry Potter how the ginger family were really poor?
Why didn't they just magic themselves some nicer stuff?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:18, Reply)

because, right, it's not real.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:21, Reply)

aww
you've ruined my day now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I suppose next you're gonna tell me santa isn't real

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:29, Reply)

They couldn't have been that poor.
They sent Ron to private school.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Elementary Laws of Transfiguration
doncha know?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:25, Reply)

splain please

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:26, Reply)

I think it appeared in the last book
there are some things that apparently the laws of the universe forbid- like creating something out of nothing including food, money etc.

Plus wizards must be fantastic at detecting fakes
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:31, Reply)

yeah I figured there was something like that with the money thing
but I seem to recall them having self-refilling drinks. However, I suppose the drink would be transferred from somewhere else, rather than magicked out of thin air.

I am satisfied, thanks Amberl. NO thanks to The Miserable Badger
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I was actually going to answer "properly" (ie with reference to the books)
but then I realised that would be cosmically sad, so didn't
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:58, Reply)

you've definitely reached your quota for serious internet answers today
so it was for the best
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I only do serious
seriz biznez, Internet.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I'm not ashamed (much)
I have a memory that absorbs every detail
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:02, Reply)

First of all they should magic themselves 'not ginger' .

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:28, Reply)

write the first scene of my play for me
it needs to be sharp and witty banter amongst girls on a night out.

ta!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 15:59, Reply)

why not take a dictaphone on a night out with you?
it'll write itself
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:02, Reply)

almost managed that with a straight face

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Your face has never been straight.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Banter amongst men is
of course, both sharp and witty to a fault.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:07, Reply)

That's what she said.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:08, Reply)

i hate you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:26, Reply)

no you don't

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:27, Reply)

humph
you make me grumble
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:30, Reply)

you love it
you brazen hussy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Sharp and witty banter amongst females
This will be why you're writing a work of fiction and not a documentary.

Keep it realistic. Snide jockeying for position with a light sprinkling of remarks about men. Dust liberally with cackling.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Less Brigid Jones and MOAR Lesbian Spank Inferno ftw.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:12, Reply)

To be honest I was disapointed with fire content, it was nowhere near being classified as an inferno.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Don't mention that ghastly QOTWer.
Mind you if he died in an inferno I would watch that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:27, Reply)

What ghastly QOTWer?
*looks around*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:29, Reply)

which one??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I'm guessing he means SpankyHanky

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Grow a beard,
sit in a puddle of your own wee, and pretend you're a tramp.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:10, Reply)

'pretend'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:28, Reply)

learn how to crochet
it's rewarding.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:18, Reply)

but is it empowering?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:19, Reply)

totally
I'm crocheting a tiny bikini top and thong for my empowering pole dancing.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:21, Reply)

I say!

( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:22, Reply)

You should crochet a collar and leash as well.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:23, Reply)

kinky

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:25, Reply)

He's calling you a dog

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:26, Reply)

he's going to be so gutted
when you don't dump the other half and run off to the sunset that is milton keynes with him on friday!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Are you saying Chompy wants me or Kitty?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I don't know which is more insulting.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I'm not happy how this has turned out

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Yeah Labs, try not to break his heart

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I break his heart
Lampito breaks his face. It's a tag team effort.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:43, Reply)

And the price of pints will break my bank account.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:45, Reply)

I'll buy you a pint to say sorry for breaking your heart

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Excellent,
Davros' Granddad, Bad-girl's-shroud, wellgroomedwerewolf, bill, Tourette's ( . )( . ), Devil_In_Tights, HalloweenNamesAreFuckingBent Boyce, althezombie, The Supreme Crow, jsbx, Herr Doktor Lemminge, Enzyme, clendrix, Bosston Strangler Keloid, rosalicious, baldmonkey, The Dark Unchained, Vampito, Dismambered, Gonz the Ghost Thinggy, PsychoChomp, Death Of Belmsford, Madam Marlboro, wanderlust, berk, Halfy, Lamia la Gorer, chickenlady, The Gravedigging Badger, Bear Pookie the Magnificent, The Cat's Mother, Kitty O'Horror, Battered to death with a rusty shovel, b3tamax, Bret Mong Keys Eggs, 'The Blob' by pires, Aberracist, bolshevette, PoisonApple, Noel Deadmonds, Murderfish, The Empress, crackhouseceilidhband, PJM and WormuIus have all broken my heart too.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Wow really?
I imagine it'd be damn awkward for you to go then. Probably best save yourself the heartache and stay home. Fallout: New Vegas comes out that day.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I'm not a big fan of Fallout 3
Hopefully new vegas will be better.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I love the Fallout games
Am looking forward to New Vegas.
Also, tried the new WoW patch? Not a massive fan of the rogue changes, but the warlock ones rock.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Nope not yet
but I don't play my rogue or warlock at the moment so not bothered.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Also no dice
broken hearts are part of the game
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Your every word is like a needle in my heart.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:57, Reply)

empowering

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:26, Reply)

*snigger*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:28, Reply)

How much is the reward?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I'll be honest it's slim to none
and the frustration of not being able to do it far outweighs the benefit when you finally manage it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Isn't it just unnecessarily difficult knitting?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:23, Reply)

No it's completely different from knitting
it allows you to make much more complicated pieces though, such as soft toys and stuff, so yeah it is more difficult than knitting.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Sell everything in the house, then sell the house, then go and live in a hippy commune in Goa

( broadsword, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Dirty protest

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:20, Reply)

"If you sponge it immediately after application, it really does add depth and warmth...
...to a room that is otherwise lacking in natural light."
- Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen (Changing Rooms out-takes 2001)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Put a room for rent ad in a local paper
and interview potential housemates with questions like 'How much toilet paper would you say you use on a daily basis?'
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:21, Reply)

^ This is a good idea
Also consider
"To save us getting our laundry mixed up, would you be happy for me to go round and sew nametags into all your underwear?"

"Do you enjoy the company of newts?"

"Shall we pray together?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:24, Reply)

"Are you a child of Christ?"

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:24, Reply)

"Do you enjoy Christian Rock music?"

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:29, Reply)

How loud are you when having sex?
Please give me an example.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:26, Reply)

crow
please don't answer this one. it's none of his or our business!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I think he just wants to know whether he can rape me without drawing too much attention to my plight
So: whale song. In both volume and tone.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:32, Reply)

can be heard for miles.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Best not try and get me underwater
You'll be surrounded by Japanese fishing boats within minutes.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Or in a sand-filled bath, if we're 'turning Japanese'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:55, Reply)

you are Gussie Fink-Nottle AICMFP

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Ha!
I love you even more, now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Shh!
You'll make Rachel jealous
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:36, Reply)

^ this ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:58, Reply)

THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

/needy Gonzales
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Madam!
Do you have me down for a complete cad?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Gussie wasn't a cad

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:38, Reply)

I'll have to take your word for it
I must admit I've only read one of the Wodehouses, and I don't remember Fink-Nottle featuring that heavily in it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:39, Reply)

You read this one:
www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=barbara+woodhouse

You borrowed it from Jeff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I thought the same thing :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Get drunk watching tv and shout at the telly when you see things that annoy you
the time will just fly by
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:22, Reply)

wrap every item in your house in pretty wrapping paper.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:22, Reply)

like all my shampoos
humph
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:25, Reply)

hahaha
poor Swipey Jones.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Decorate the front room like a dungeon and advertise your special services in local phoneboxes

( broadsword, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Then, when your 'clients' turn up
Introduce yourself as "The dungeon master" and ask them to select their characters and each take a twelve-sided die.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:27, Reply)

"The dungeon master" and ask them to select their characters and each take a twelve-sided die.
the spirit of Fred West made flesh, and film their faces for later personal enjoyment (after you've killed and eaten them, obv).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Personally I like to keep the face
So that I can stretch it over my own and try to replicate the expression of alarm and fear that I filmed just prior to their untimely demise.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:37, Reply)

That's a rather good idea.
*alters modus operandum*

Do you send taunting messages to the police? If you don't, you simply must try it. It's such a hoot!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Go out.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I suffer from extreme photosensitivity
you inconsiderate cunt.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:36, Reply)

If I looked the way you do in photos I'm sure I'd be the same.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Haha

( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Have an exhibition of puppies and invite the local schoolchildren round so they can enjoy it

( broadsword, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Aaaaw that is so sweet.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Put the vacuum cleaner in the kitchen doorway and turn it on.
Then get behind the sofa and pretend that it's some angry monster and try to devise a plan that utilises cunning and bravery that allows you to get past the angrily buzzing beast and reach the vital supplies (chucky eggs & fudge bars) that are in the inner cave (or fridge) of your nemesis.
(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:34, Reply)

vital supplies Smaugasbord
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:37, Reply)

a
bordVipros
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:38, Reply)

If that's a Hobbit gag it's a fucking good'un

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Puns I can do.
I'm lowbrow. Although I was starting to think nobody was going to get it. Or at least admit to getting it.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Don't sell yourself short, I liked it a lot.
I made an Alan Partridge one earlier and I am certain it went wholly unheeded - or was despised and ignored accordingly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:01, Reply)

well I wrote you a poem Monty
and you ignored it you cad
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Did you?
I've been fucking busy - where is it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:04, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post909861#post909881
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:06, Reply)

*doffs cap*
( Kroney, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:08, Reply)

How rude!
I don't love you any more, now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:15, Reply)

on the plus side
it's saved you from the dangers of polyamory
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Phew! Close one.
Not being of 'the Skins Generation' unlike Lampers & Co., I find such behaviour distasteful. I 100% agreed with what you had to say re prostitutes earlier by the way. An ex suggested getting one in to 'join us' for my birthday, and whilst as an idea it had its appeal, deep down I was horrified at the thought of it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:21, Reply)

I'm not cool enough
to be part of the Skins generation. Sad times.

Haha glad someone agrees. I felt as though I was coming across as really prudish, but I just can't see how people find prostitutes sexy. I'm surprised your ex would suggest a prostitute as a third party though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:27, Reply)

So was I.
I lump them in with strippers - embarrassing, sordid and completely unsexy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:29, Reply)

Thumbs up to that statement
no truelads here
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:32, Reply)

I was so far from getting it that that I didn't even realise that was a good thing.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Imaginge elderly oriental people wearing funny hats and dunking chupa-chups into cup-a-soup.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Imaginge?
Is that where one has a red-headed pretend friend?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Heh. How low would your self esteem have to be to do that?

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Haha
'They're the only imaginary people who'll talk to me'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Make some 'Rentaghost porn'

This is definitely the best idea I have had in YEARS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Nadia Popov
Could become Nadia Popshot.

EDIT: I didn't know that Timothy Claypole died from the AIDS.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:23, Reply)

This is dynamite, Jeff -
WRITE THIS DOWN.

Bagsy not be 'Mr Gay-pole'

EDIT shit - neither did I. Oops!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:24, Reply)

You could be McWitch
Seeing as you're so fond of 'the regions'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:26, Reply)

We were talking about Rentaghost just the other day in relation to this weekend's 70s themed party.
Can you imagine, after all the years at RADA the soul destroying rounds of rejection, getting your big break on the telly, omly then to find yourself typecast, leaving Mr Claypole as your career pinnacle?
(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:25, Reply)

Beats dying from AIDS having done nothing for 20 years SINCE you were Mr Claypole.

Christ, I may actually have offended myself here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Apparently he died 3 years after leaving Rentaghost
Which makes me wonder...

'Has he come back as a ghost?'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:30, Reply)

hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:32, Reply)

According to Wiki
He had a big role in Starlight Express too.

But musicals like that are well gay, and might have caused him to get AIDS.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:29, Reply)

Musical aids is the worst form.

(Cave Duck, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:31, Reply)

I think he came from SE straight to Rentaghost.
They rewrote his character to be a roller-skating jester, accordingly.

I think I know more about this than is healthy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Oct 2010, 17:31, Reply)