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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Enough of links no one cares about
I'm skint, so for christmas my mrs and I are going to be making stuff for people.

On the list so far are: jars of chimichurri (thanks Monty), jars of chutney and some homemade chocolate truffles.

Give me other suggestions that don't require an obscene amount of work, or spending loads on ingredients/materials.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:05, 175 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Tight bastard

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:06, Reply)
you of all people should know how much saving is required for a wedding
my mrs is also still 10% down on her pay because of the recession, and hasn't been rewarded for becoming chartered. We've also got a house to renovate.

also: fuck you
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
I too have a house to fix up
but unlike you, mine is full of lovely wedding presents.

*smugs*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)
I've got plenty of stuff
I've been lucky in having a lot of things donated.

Unfortunately people don't tend to give carpets or plastering or paint as presents.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Stick pasta to cardboard
Put your hands in clay
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:06, Reply)
Biscuits!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:07, Reply)
Make them happy
By letting them punch you in the beard-holder.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:07, Reply)
this would be great
a book of vouchers to cause you pain or embarrassment whenever they should wish to cash them.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
my family don't seem to need vouchers to do that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
so you lose nothing
in fact, it may cause them to do it less if you commodify it.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:54, Reply)
Homemade Vodka
go and buy shit loads of tesco house vodka or any other cheap brand. Use 3/4 of the bottle, add whatever you like, skittles, cherry, toffee, licqourice etc etc then sugar. Keep turning them every couple of hours until the sugar dissolves then by christmas they will be lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:07, Reply)
Or put them in a liquidiser and it'll be ready in 10 mins.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
good idea
but I think I'm the only one who likes vodka
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
Well, do it anyway
And drink it yourself. Everyone's a winner.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:09, Reply)
Or this!
I'm going to make me some Haribo vodka
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
Nah don't go for gummy stuff
you get a sort of gelatinous scum on the top, you need to go for hard sweets, like pear drops.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:09, Reply)
Not if you compensate by shaking and turning more.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Haribo Vodka has a really strange after taste. Jelly Baby however,,,,,, nom nom

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:09, Reply)
Points taken Gentleman
Thank you kindly

Jelly baby vodka it is
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
I made jelly bean vodka once for a party
it went horribly wrong, it just created a revolting grey film on top, like PC mentions.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Well mtfu and shake the bottle properly.
Job half done ffs.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:11, Reply)
It was in a jug
I stirred it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:39, Reply)
A homemade porn video.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:07, Reply)
The gift that keeps on coming.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Pork rillettes.
Only trouble is mustering the considerable self-control needed to avoid eating the lot.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
last year I was going to try to make Christmas ornaments to give out.
Took wire clothes hangers and bent them into hearts, was going to cover them with sand then hang a shell from it
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
I note you hint that you didn't finish

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:09, Reply)
yeah, as usual, anytime I ask my dad to help me with something he keeps saying he will but he never does it
I asked him to weld the end bits for me so they were connected
and there they sit, in a plastic bag on the welder
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:13, Reply)
probably a shit idea anyway

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Shoplifting.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:08, Reply)
I'm too noticable to be able to lift efficiently
and I don't have the time or inclination to gather together a ragtag band of orphans who can do it for me
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Chutney is a good thing to give
especially if you can get hold of some nice kilner jars to put it in (I too shall be doing that this year). Also jam, biscuits/cake, homemade mincemeat/mince pies.
Ornaments work quite nicely as well - if I can ever get the wee fuckers to go right I shall be crocheting a set of snowflakes for a couple of people who I think will like them.
(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Fudge
is easy enough to make...

A nice present could be a home-made calender, with photos of things / people relevant to the recipient(s).
(TheImmortalJenkins, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)
This too. Or toffee.

(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:13, Reply)
fudge is a good idea
a calender is not. probably require too much effort on my part.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:17, Reply)
If you have a printer
you can probably find lots of calender templates on line...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)
I do not have a printer

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:27, Reply)
staple twelve Post-Its together.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)
I'l staple twelve Post-Its to you

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)
ooh like the Dance of the 7 Veils
only gorier. And in reverse.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)
From personal experience
I can tell you that most people (esp. super-hot internet layteez) LOVE a good cock-gaz.

Hope this helps.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)
I've never had a proper cock-gaz
Not even off edmund.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Me either

(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Or me.
I have had a groin gaz.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:16, Reply)
I'll 'cc' you into Apple's.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
I'M STILL WAITING

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:36, Reply)
Give me a minute.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:16, Reply)
*twiddles thumbs*

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
I'm waiting.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)

it nk
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)
Is this anything new though?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:26, Reply)
Yes, she used to have an army of emo boys to do it for her
but now she has become self pitying and whiny she only has one borderline autistic freak, one self pitying loser who should move on, and one guy who is too stupid to read clear signals.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:28, Reply)
Don't forget the punchy one
But you probably wouldn't want him plying his trade down there.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
You're forgetting the utterly seduced and falsely seduced boy
And the two newest additions.
The guy I pulled on Saturday night looked almost like a young version of you. Only not fat.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:31, Reply)
in anticipation.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:26, Reply)
I got supercock and hitlercock

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:17, Reply)
that's bert's cock though
that doesn't count
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:17, Reply)
WHY NOT

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Bets on you are
gazzed 15 million pictures of male chickens and one actual cock.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
you can have some of mine
i've got hundreds of the bloody things
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
I should probably have stipulated that these presents are for my family and that of my mrs
while her sisters and mother would appreciate a picture of penis, I doubt my parents, or my brothers would.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
Do the super-hot internet laydeez ever send boobeh gazzes in return?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
I've sent a few tit gazzes in my time.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:19, Reply)
"Applebite: She just loves to get her baps out and show them to people"
It's like a sales slogan.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)
No they do not.
It's sexist, I tell thee.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:20, Reply)
If I could work out how to send pictures
I would cheerfully send you a tit gaz in return for the cock gaz you gave me.
(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)
Moobs don't count

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)
If I had moobs I would be worried
what with being a girl and all.
(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Pardon me
But i will require photgraphic evidence before I can validate your gender claims.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
go to b3tards
Make an account, upload a pic and then copy+paste the code. Done.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:26, Reply)
Equal rights for ALL B3tans
I demand the right to be sexually harrassed by randy internet laydeez
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)
I'm never sending pics of my boobies on the internet again.
EVER!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:26, Reply)
Did you send them to Ed
And not get anything in return?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:27, Reply)
No.
Someone far less deserving.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:29, Reply)
Well, I'm all out of ideas on that one

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:31, Reply)
just granny stockings
one legged granny stockings

you 'shopping bugger, i nearly had a head-on collision in cheshire yesterday with some utter clown who hadn't noticed that the road was closed for traffic in his direction and was merrily tonking along towards me at 70mph. and all i could think of as he picked his car out of the hedge and limped apologetically backwards along the road was "if they'd had to amputate it would all be cancerjoy's fault"...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Yes, my Chritopher Walkenesque ability to photoshop the future is really developing.
Yesterday I photoshopped myself being assailed by randy supermodels in the sexiest granny stockings my skillz could muster.

Still waiting on that one coming to fruition.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Yeah, us lurking types want boobies!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Just take some pebbles, some glue and some glitter...
and Hey Presto! Glittery pebbles!
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)
officelol

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Glittery pebbles - fun for all the family

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:29, Reply)
A baby

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Record a prog rock christmas single with your band and give copies to family and friends.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I feel it in my fingers,
I feel it in my toes,
Christmas is all around me,
and so the feeling grows

It's written in the wind,
It's everywhere I go,
So if you really love Christmas,
C'mon and let it snow?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:16, Reply)
I said Prog Rock
not Prog bullshit!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
Thanks for that.
That'll be my internal jukebox fucked for the afternoon.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:18, Reply)
This will help cleanse your ears
www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9Ki4VggjC8
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:20, Reply)
hey, this gets me everytime
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q2WS6ahCnY&ob=av2e
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)
You might like this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:27, Reply)
'ave it!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=POv-3yIPSWc
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:28, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=77tirxSTAWU
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
You horrible cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:34, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhuzjkE65f8
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:35, Reply)
It's a modern classic.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:36, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayOr5wd219Q
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:36, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=f58WXgoSWwY&feature=fvst
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Have a go on this!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExAjQUXuVCI
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:37, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1cG-4YSyhQ
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Ouch.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz6iENNnf08
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:41, Reply)
I can keep going all afternoon...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1plvBR02wDs
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Jolene an excellent song

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Right back at you.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BliAPzEsao0
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:43, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGnuMxFnc1k
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:44, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bQhRVVzAyU
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:46, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=byQIPdHMpjc&ob=av2e
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:47, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=thah5ZkDTBI
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDdlHmzIdn8
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)
I like how you went for the one with 'high quality'

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Going to stop now. Must do some work.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:53, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA8UHeoYHQM
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFacWGBJ_cs
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:33, Reply)
hahahahahaha
Brilliant.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:34, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdrfVrSM864
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yosCYE4vwlY
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGPOX90YYMY
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:44, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7AFZXgjrgg
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:46, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgzS18Vktm0
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:48, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhrYis509A&ob=av2e
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k85mRPqvMbE
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:56, Reply)
can you sew?
one year when funds were rather tight, I made some gym bags for the little girls in the family - dye some fabric hot pink and get some toggles from the haberdashery and some t-shirt transfer material and voila! I was very pleased with my efforts. Food a non starter as I am a greedy pig.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:21, Reply)
Sloe Gin.
You need sloes (pick your own), cheap gin (Tesco £7 litre), sugar, a bottle.
Recipe - www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/sloegin_7722
Sloes - www.gastronomydomine.com/?p=448
The sloes are now ready and ripe for picking.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:22, Reply)
Good call
Everyone likes Sloe Gin...
(TheImmortalJenkins, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)
I ony like it fast.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:25, Reply)
and hard

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:26, Reply)
and hot

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:28, Reply)
and emo

(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:28, Reply)
That's so last year
emo french and in a lab coat
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
French? FRENCH?!?
Crazy girl. He'll probably go on strike half way through.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:39, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:21, Reply)
Got some of this underway a couple of weeks ago. Do you reckon it will be ready by December?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)
No problem - just add extra sugar and shake often.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:28, Reply)
not a bad idea
I'll go on the hunt for sloes
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:28, Reply)
You can get cheap bottles from hobby stores too.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
I have a couple of blackthorn trees in my garden
every year I mean to pick the sloes to make sloe gin, and every year they fall to the ground and rot.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Have they dropped already?
What fuckers.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:34, Reply)
I think the birds and the squirrels get at them

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:37, Reply)
re-house plants from your neighbours garden and/ or local parks.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:23, Reply)
*Geneal complaint*
Just called my doctors and requseted an appointment, they said that they have nothing available until Thursday, I said 'I might not be ill on Thursday or ever worse, I might be dead by then.'

So Thursday it is.

Bad times.

Anyway, as you were.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Thursday?
they must have fast-tracked you
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:34, Reply)
^this
I have never met the doctor I am registered with because when I am ill and phone to make an appointment I am told they have nothing for 3 weeks.

All the other doctors at the place are shit. My mrs had some sinus trouble for a while. Saw a few doctors. Finally saw our doctor and he was the first one who thought to have a look up her nose.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:35, Reply)
I dread getting proper ill

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:41, Reply)
I've got BUPA paid for by work
so I'm not too concerned
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
They'll be no good come the zombie apocalypse
speaking of which I think I have found my replacement for "Lost". My mate has downloaded the first episode of "The Walking Dead", he says it's brilliant.

We had both read the comic books.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:47, Reply)
I'm downloading that tonight
It's got Egg playing the lead role.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)
I will check it out

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Egg?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:53, Reply)
from This Life I assume

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:00, Reply)
Cheers
never watched it
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:07, Reply)
watched it last week
amazing.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:15, Reply)
I can't wait!
although I AM going to have to wait
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)
AIDS isn't going to kill you that quickly

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:34, Reply)
I've had it for a week already though.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
You should be able to ring first thing each morning and check if there have been any cancellations.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:36, Reply)
I might do that.
'Hello, it's Jeff. Did anyone die last night? Yeah? And they were due to be seen? Wonderful. I'll have their appointment thanks!'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:39, Reply)
fuck off christmas
The highlight of my day: finding a mop. Why hello clean kitchen floor!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:36, Reply)
Has the kitchen floor dried yet?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:36, Reply)
yes and it still looks clean
Result
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Then go make me a sandwich

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:39, Reply)

kitchen pelvic
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
What's it like living in London TGB?
Can you feel yourself becoming more awesome by the minute?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:45, Reply)
If anyone gave me something they'd made themselves for Christmas I'd throw it on the floor, twat the person who gave it to me and then ask for their present back.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)
Surely it's better than no present at all?

(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
well they either get something we've made
or they get nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
You are Eric Cartman
aicmfp
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:45, Reply)
at home this weekend
I confirmed that all the family had been informed of my 100% boycott of gift exchanging. I feel so free and happy. A few hundred quid saved and I won't have to pretend to like the unmitigated croc of shite that is handed to me without fail every year.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:57, Reply)
See, but presumably your missus knows
and you'll have to spend it all on her instead.
(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 14:59, Reply)
ok
not quite 100%. I still have to get her a diamond tiara and matching shellsuit.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)
And let her have first pick of the car hub caps on your road.
Are you spending crimbo together?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:04, Reply)
no
I'm spending xmas on my own one last time while I still can (I spend most 25th Decembers at home on my own).
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:10, Reply)
and another thing
I was told about your shed singing advice. Why-I-oughtta *shakes fist*
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)
His 'n' hers sovereign rings?
Sounds delightful.
(berk, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:05, Reply)
do you want to be this years bit on the side?
they always get the best jewellery.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:21, Reply)
A few hundred quid?
Seriously? Are you just being overly generous with the presents, or does your family resemble the Yorkshire family depicted near the beginning of The Meaning of Life?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:11, Reply)
I think last year was a bit expensive
by buying quite nice things for more people than usual. Also, having a girlfriend at that time of year is very careless.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 15:16, Reply)

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