Would you rather have
A magical panther that would attack on your command. Or a monkey butler?

When making your decision you should consider the potential of teaching the monkey martial arts - thus making it able to defend you, though it would lack the grace and wonder or the magic employed by the panther.
(2_Killer_Mockingbirds Listened to all the same songs on, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:21, 82 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

id rather have a spiteful otter

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Woo!
How are you? New job alright?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:26, Reply)

gonz showed me the pics of your new tatts
Looking good! ;)
Job is awesome waiting on Charlie to get back with Bacon sandwiches WOO! When you coming to see me?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Oh yeah, you don't use FB
Bacon sandwiches?! ZOMG! Should be popping down to London soon.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:29, Reply)

That's a fair way to go for a bacon sandwich

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:04, Reply)

so YOU are the person who now lives with the LOVELY gonz are you?
well i'm just here to check up that you are treating him right.
do you give him cuddles regularly?
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:06, Reply)

i am indeed lovely and living with gonz
I do regular cleaning does that count?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:16, Reply)

That is a start!
I will not have my gonz live with horrid people, if you step out of line you'd better watch out sonny jim,
I'm sure you wont now though.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:29, Reply)

A dyspeptic beaver?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Monkey butler.
there was a discussion in the pub last night about the biggest animal you could kill with your bear (pun inteneded) hands. My short arse housemate said he could kill a Lynx, I was like no way, and he was like yes way.

Needless to say I had the last laugh
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Because you threw cans of deoderant at him until he cried?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Pfft.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Nah, I raped him.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Classy

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Alrite Edmund
Are you going to reply to my gaz or what?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

I don't have a great many uses for an attack panther.
Monkey butler it is!
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Fuck martial arts, which one's got the nicer tits?

( broadsword, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

you, darling

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Hoorah!

( broadsword, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Can we not talk about cats please it is a very sensitive subject.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I'll take the magical panther
it's just what I need for settling old scores and getting my revenge on people and society.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:31, Reply)

I know someone who tried having a monkey butler/pet
It battered him, ruined his reading/tv viewing, and ran up the curtains and started wanking when his mother-in-law first visited.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Monkey butlers
are a fucking terrible idea.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Oh good lord

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:47, Reply)

They're a brilliant idea!
What about Ape from George of the Jungle. Big and hairy and sounds like John Cleese!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:53, Reply)

In terms of abuse of quadraplegics how does this film rate against Boxing Helena?
I'm afraid I've lost my password to that particular database of Psychochomp's.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I have never seen Boxing Helena,
but I do recall hearing at the time that the female lead role was turned down by Sharon Stone for being too exploitative.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I thought it was Kim Basinger?
She pulled out after signing the contract then got her arse sued by the producers.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Yep
This was it. Didnt she own a town and have to sell it to pay them?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Basingstoke?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:18, Reply)

That's the one.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I thought it was Kim Basinger EDIT:But not as quickly DG thought it, obviously
and the real reason was that she actually saw Julian Sands act.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Sherilyn Fenn was really hot.
Even seeing her without limbs was giving me a woody.
(I am Paul McCartney AICMFP)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Could I have an magical attack platypus please?
I like the idea of people being thoroughly mocked as they slowly die from the venom.

"What, that little scratch there?"
"Yeah, it was a platypus, those fuckers are poisonous!"
"Shit off, you bellend."
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Midget butler.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I don't want to know
for what unspeakable purposes
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Fellatio and a place to put his glass of cognac?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:42, Reply)

what else could there be?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Called Paddy Whack?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I keep telling you. Nick Nack is NOT available for work because (a) he's an actor,
and (b) He's dead

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Wikipedia said he choked while eating crisps

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Thay can be a bastard
especially those crinkle cut ones
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Looks like
once he popped,

*puts on sunglasses*

he could stop

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Another deposit for the wankbank.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Oh, Monsieur...

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Hello Monters.
Is this so the midget can wear a mirror on it's head for you to rack lines whilst being gobbled?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Fuck off Bert.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Oh god, no...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:49, Reply)

please let the horror stop :(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:04, Reply)

A magical attack panther please
a butler, even a monkey one would be disgusted at my place
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:50, Reply)

The monkey, of course
I don't like violence.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:53, Reply)

+outside the bedroom

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Of course, dear
Otherwise it's not fun.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:04, Reply)

lolwaki.... I bet you're the sort of person who's been to the pub and declaired that you a 'Knight who says Ni', then went wrong asking about 80s children telivision and yelled "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" when someone said something you didn't like...
.... and then yelled "OH NOES THE BOOZE" if someone spilt a drop of pint.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:03, Reply)

"sack the juggler!" whenever someone drops a glass...

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Or when you get a round in and the bartender asks...
"Do you need a tray for those drinks"
you reply
"No thanks - I have enough to carry as it is!"
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Sugar in my tea? No thanks, I'm sweet enough, in fact I have type two diabeties and a life ecpetancy of 20 years.... Haha, only joking, two please.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Or when someone indicates an empty stool and asks "Is anyone sitting there'"
replies "Yes, it's the invisible man"
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:15, Reply)

If someone asks "Is it Wednesday?"
must reply "Yes, all day!"
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Yes. Bastards.
That really does deserve a violent punch to the conker bag.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:22, Reply)

"How do you like your coffee?!
"Sweet and white like I like my women, not strong and black how you take your men."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I like mine ground up and in the freezer.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Like my women
ground up and kept in the freezer.

EDIT: dammit
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Sorry for this
But I'm too excited and have to share:

They want to interview Mark for the job in Madrid too!!!

Woo hoo!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Yay!
This is good!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Yes, it is
Interview on the 19th of November. The tickets are around £200 each, though, and we haven't been told who's going to pay them...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Credit card!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I fear so!
We're not at the best moment to spend £400+ on a trip to Madrid, but if we get the job... I'm too excited to think about it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Ooh good luck to you both

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Thank you
We'll keep you informed!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Huzzah!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Get in!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I would rather an indecisive bear.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:13, Reply)

That made me wonder what would happen...
...if you gave a sloth a few lines of speed.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

That's an experiment I reckon Mythbusters might want to try?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:35, Reply)

can't i have something with wings?
also, i am late for german. i have googled this to try and explain myself, and have reminded myself that there is no such word in german as just "late" - there is only "too late".

good job i don't live there, i'd spend my life being too late for everything.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Really?
Germans are so German sometimes...

I love the fact that you have the verb "to queue" in English, and we don't have it. However, we have a verb for "to jump the queue" (colarse) and you don't. Shows the way we think.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:17, Reply)

queuing is a big part of life here
must be the post-war mentality
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Jumping the queue is a big thing for us
Must be the post-war mentality, too...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:28, Reply)

We don't really queue in Liverpool
We kind of huddle and remember the order.
Sometimes people go before they should, but it also allows for random acts of "NO, after YOU." so it gives people an opportunity to be good and not just obedient.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:30, Reply)

"Whoa Bodyform, bodyformed for you-ooo."*
* May or may not have wings, I'm out of my depth here.
(Cave Duck, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:19, Reply)

It's Rachel, not TGB
You wouldn't be out of your depth
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:21, Reply)