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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Today I have met my first b3tan in the pub
in our very own Barry from Eastenders. I was both shocked and disappointed to find he is neither:

a. Barry
b. From Eastenders

Honestly, he isnt even bald or fat. Shocking

What has shocked you today?

Alt Q:
What have you done for the first time recently?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:01, 178 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Inevitable
Your Mum?

Sorry.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:04, Reply)
Bollocks!
I knew I meant to put the Your Mum disclaimer on this!

Dont be sorry though, she could use it!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:07, Reply)
Deliberate or accidental?
And which pub?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:09, Reply)
Deliberate
and The Forth
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Nice choice.
I like the Forth, especially now that they've done away with what were the quite frankly appalling gents toilets, and created a nice snug alcove thingy with comfy chairs instead.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Just how comfy do you expect the gents to be?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:13, Reply)
You obviously haven't been to the Forth Jeff!
The bogs looked remarkably like some kind of dungeon!

I haven't been there for years but it is a quality drinking establishment
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:15, Reply)
When you spend your entire time hanging around in them like Davvers does,
comfort is an important consideration.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:15, Reply)
This is all very true.
I'd like it if they could install cushions at head height just above the urinals to give me somewhere to rest my drunken head during particularly long, lazy pisses though.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:18, Reply)
I was once propositioned by a mate in the bogs there
on a night out. He wandered in and shouted "Hi sailor, fancy a good time". His only problem was, I was in the bar at the time and the bloke who looked like me turned him down.

I still cannot believe the daft prick told me this!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)
hahaha
And as for the snug alcove?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:18, Reply)
The snugger the better Jeff.
Like a savaloy into a miniature pinscher.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:22, Reply)
mindbleach please

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)
The Forth is easily the best pub in Newcastle, not that there's much competition.
*goes off to City Vaults*
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:39, Reply)
I quite like the Bodega
And the Bacchus, although that gets rammed.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:53, Reply)
The Bodega is class as well. In truth there are a dozen or so class pubs in Newcastle, but the contrast between them and the rest is massive.
Where's The Bacchus?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:57, Reply)
nothing much
I mean, I left my car window down a crack last night and it rained all up in my car but that's not too shocking

alt: nothing, how sad
I may enter a t-shirt contest for a band I like, that would be a first, but I'd have to make fan art and I suck at arty stuff, so again that would be a first
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:10, Reply)
We have some severe snow going on in Newcastle at the moment
Its good! I am entertained watching ill prepared people slipping and sliding about whilst I stroll on in my 4x4 boots
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:11, Reply)
I wish it were snowing, then it wouldn't be raining
I'm sick of the rain
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Do ypur boots have built in grippers like these bad boys?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:17, Reply)
why are they only on one shoe

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:18, Reply)
Oh Kristine, do pay attention.
They're shown with one in the open position and one closed
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)
No, but I wish they did!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:21, Reply)
I am paying attention, that's why I asked
you didn't say "do yours have retracting grippers like these"
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
These are your shoes, AICMFP

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:19, Reply)
My word
Its like looking down!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:21, Reply)
So, he doesn't look like this?

Gutted.

I'm shocked that the heating in work has broken, it's not fun!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:12, Reply)
BIGGAH!!!
sorry, thought I was on the main board
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:13, Reply)
Didn't realise it was quite that big...

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Hyak-Hyak-Hyak!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:16, Reply)
That's what she said.
About my penis.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Was that picture zoomed in too?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:18, Reply)
No, she was wearing electron microscopes on each eye

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)
Are you saying I have a gold plated penis?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)

gold plated

No.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)
it's all relative

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Not even close, sorry

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:16, Reply)
Have you checked your wallet?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:15, Reply)
Nothing has shocked me today.
I cannot think of anything I've done for the first time lately, either. Wholly uninteresting.

Pointless reply from me. Sorry.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Pointless standard
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)
Very little shocks me.
I'm so broad minded I have to walk through doorways sidewards.

I smiled quite a bit when it was my B3ta birthday. I haven't done that in a while.

B3ta is being an arse.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)
You cheeky deleter, you!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)
Did you get great seats for Squeeze at the Phil?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)
Oh man, they were the BEST!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
I wish my seats for Squeeze at teh Phil were as good as them
my seats for Squeeze at the Phil are mediocre at best.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)
just how cold some people can be (unrelated to the weather)
alt q: worn a thong under very thick tights. i don't actually recommend it as a comfortable underwear-wearing experience.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)
coconut hater!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)
I was thinking of trying this myself
I shall now not bother
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
hahaha

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)
I dont want cold cheeks

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Who's been emotionally cold to you?
my neighbour didn't wave to me today, cold hearted bastard.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
i couldn't possibly name names
without a vodka or three anyway
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Is it just me, or do others think there are far sexier knickers than thongs?
Thongs are pretty genius, but I think french knickers are better.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
Or those lacy short type ones
They probably have a proper name but they are fuckpants to me
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)
I've got green thermals on today.
I hope this doesn't cause too many people to swoon.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)
I like those all in one long johns that cowboys wear.
With the little flap at the front for the willy.

Pwhoar!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)
miles sexier
i hate thongs.

i think french knickers or lacy boy-shorts are best for girls. although i did buy some recently that tie at the side, they got a VERY good reception.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Thongs are just wrong unless you have the bottom of a goddess.
Sorry! if you do have the bottom of a goddess.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)
I have the wheelbase of an old army fire engine if that helps?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Oh FFS
This took me too many reads.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)
:D

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)
This is not true
They are nice but not when you have the bottom of a whale
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)
Quite agree.
The thong isn't a great look.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)
I disagree
I like thongs and imagining swipey in nowt but a thong is making my afternoon quite enjoyable
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)

enjoyable messy
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:38, Reply)

enjoyable like most others
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)
I was agreeing that thongs on people without the body of a goddess is wrong.
I've got no idea what category Swipe falls into.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)
did you not hear me say
that the thong was worn UNDER very thick grey woollen tights?

this is a look that only cancerjoy and his granny socks fetish would like.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Did you not see
that I was imagining you sans tights and indeed sans tight blouse and straining bra
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)

you all the female b3tans
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Did all the female b3tans not see?
Eh?

Haha
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
I think I speak for all the perverts on here
when I say its the thought that counts
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)
my ass is actually one of my better features
although this is not saying much.

but this was much less about sexiness and far far more about laziness when it comes to schlepping down to the other end of the flat's chest of drawers for more traditional clean underwear.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)
POIDH

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)
So...up north again anytime soon?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)
yes
my ass and i will be in wilmslow next weekend. but i won't be bringing the thong, so would be a disappointment i fear.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:11, Reply)
So you put on soiled undies?
You DISGUST me.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)

DISGUST give +me the horn
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:50, Reply)
Who is meme?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Fucking beaker

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:10, Reply)
no
the only ones that i had in the drawers in my room that were clean were thong-like in nature.

and the curtains were open in the spare room where the other chest of drawers is, where most of my underwear lives. and i didn't think the neighbours would appreciate the view.

why am i bothering to explain myself!?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:55, Reply)
We dont know
but we like it!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:07, Reply)
you wouldn't if you saw it
you'd probably sue
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:11, Reply)
I'll let someone else do the strike through

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:15, Reply)
I wouldn't say thongs are ever comfortable.
I know girls that wear them everyday. I think that's just gross.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Yeah, they should at least put a fresh pair on daily.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)
That's another thing.
How come it's a pair of knickers, yet thong is resolutely in the singular?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:39, Reply)
It must be the square footage of material

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)
You'd think they'd take them off and wash them from time to time.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)
So is Barry from Eastenders attractive?
Is it worth my while to gaz him?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)
You can gaz me any time ;)

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:38, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Which answer would make it worth your while?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:39, Reply)
Non really.
I WAS JOKING.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)
*Strokes itchy-chin*
Chinny Reck-on.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Yeah whatever!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Don't you oppress me.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:54, Reply)
I've never had the chance yet.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)
If I'm honest
he wasnt my type, being male. Good laugh though!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Well that's half the battle.
Finding a funny one.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Off you go then!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Nothing I'm afraid
saw berk but that wasn't shocking
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)
Did you talk about the storage heaters?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)
we both have them
so it went unsaid
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)
I have storage heaters in my office
But I don't think they're working properly.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Storage heaters NEVER work properly.
They are shit and possibly the worst advancement in heating technology since Gary Glitter decided to rub two boy scouts together in order to see what would happen.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)
Last winter they worked really well
too well in fact, I had to open the window most days to avoid passing out.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)
freezing here
but I may just be chilled to the bone from wandering around Oxford with berk and forgetting to show her all the good things
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Did you show her your boobies?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:58, Reply)
no, sorry
haven't you had your share of dirty imaginings today with the swipe extravaganza above?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:01, Reply)
I'm just thinking of good things you might not have shown her.
She could have shown you hers too and you could have had a fantastic boob off.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)
The correct term is a nork off

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)
Berk doesn't like tits
and I don't like casual exhibitonism. It's a tragedy I know.

Two wrong people in the wrong place at the wrong time
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:09, Reply)
Haha!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:09, Reply)
It's a shame really
Berk also has a fantastic set. B3tans seem to be generally blessed in the nork department.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:13, Reply)

blessed cursed
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)
Particularly you

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)
I like the way they flap when I ride my gay bike down hills quickly.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:17, Reply)
officelol

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:34, Reply)
He's married now.
His bollocks are like two tins of Fussells milk just waiting to be unleashed.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Pop on your waterproof trousers, you’ll soon warm up.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)
I was going to
but then I decided I would just launch into a predictable rant about how EVERYTHING which isn't me was SHIT and then take MASSIVE DRUGS and spend all my money and then get a girlfriend
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:55, Reply)
Who now won't let me spend my money on her.
By money, I mean wad, and by wad, I mean man custard.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:01, Reply)
hahahaha!

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)
and by spend, rub into her heaving norks

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:04, Reply)

+ o on in
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Best to get the Isotex 5000 breathable ones though.
Chris Difford wears them.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:59, Reply)
Chris Difford?
isn't he the one who raped all those children?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:01, Reply)
No, that was Chompy

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:04, Reply)
Today I've heard too many people say:
"Yeah, but Switzerland doesn't come to a halt every time it snows."

Alt Q: I'm reading Dickens, I've never done that before. My life is so exciting.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
I love that chain of thought.
SWEDEN doesn't have this problem.

Well yes they do, they have it all the time but the press isn't so fucking obsessed with it and the people don't cry murder when their trains are late for a FUCKING OBVIOUS reason.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)
Today Wikileaks published a story
that Mervyn King, Governor of the bank of England, thought that Cameron and Osbourne were incompetent over budget matters. But teh BBC breakfast programme didn't even mention this, instead they discussed fucking snow.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)
Everyone knows that you shouldn't fuck snow as well.
Because your cock will drop off with the cold.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:02, Reply)

True - NSFW
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)
Or:
"I can't get to work on time and it is the train's fault waaaaaah."

Well, leave a little bit earlier, you slack jawed fucker. I concede that complaining is fine in some instances though, especially as Network Rail farcically claimed that they had the resources in place to run a decent service should it start to snow. And then they promptly shat the bed.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:02, Reply)
What are you reading?
I liked The Pickwick Papers and Nicholas Nickelby.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)
I have gone for 'A Christmas Carol'
But have basically downloaded all of Dickens' work. It's all free on the Kindle App, for those of you with smart whizzy phones. Or iPads. Or Kindles. Or laptops, for that matter.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)
kindles should be burned
like they burned them spinning machines, aye.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)
I've got a sony reader
apart from the terrible proprietary software, it's really good.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:17, Reply)
i'll burn you too
REAL books, al. REAL books with the tangible pleasure of seeing them and touching them and turning the pages... not this electronic crap!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:19, Reply)
^this
I can't imagine tucking myself in bed at night to read a kindle.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)
Nope, I disagree.
I love a real book, I really do - but carrying an e-reader on the train is so much easier than trying to balance a big ol' book on the back of someone's head. Also it means I can take a newspaper and multiple books with me. For commuting and travelling, they're very convenient.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)
This
But having your battery run out is really fucking annoying. But still, only having to take one book on holiday, but that one book containing everything Terry Pratchett, Carl Hiassen and Christopher Brookmyre has written is quite wonderful.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:27, Reply)
You like Dickens then?
I personally have never been to one
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)
My grandfather, a professor of English of some renown,
always said Dickens was a load of sentimental claptrap.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:05, Reply)
I love Dickens but I'm not sentimental in the least.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)
I don't like Dickens
but I can acknowledge that he's good. Just too ponderous for me. His best works are the odder short ones like The Mystery of Edwin Drood (unfinished sadly) and A Tale of Two Cities
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:11, Reply)
it's the way he wrote that impresses me, rather than what he wrote
woke up, drunk and debauched, realised he needed to make more money, didn't even read last week's offering, just dashed off a load more story at "a penny a line".
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:13, Reply)
cf Winston Churchill
How that fellow ever did anything at all is incredible
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:43, Reply)
It's like Ray Bradbury
writing Farhenheit 451 in about two weeks because he really desperately needed the money
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:46, Reply)
That I did not know.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)
I don't really know why I like him.
I just enjoy the stories.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:22, Reply)
I can't stand him.
He's a shit.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I love Oscar Wilde's demolition of twee-fest The OId Curiosity Shop*.
That chap was a proper genius. Albeit a bent paddy one.


*'One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing'
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Wow, so having the opinion that populist=shit
runs in your family?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:12, Reply)
It was ingrained in me as a child, yes.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:19, Reply)
Well I for one think it's nice to have a legacy to carry on.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Tell that to Douglas Bader

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:24, Reply)
Sorry are we talking about a love of cock?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)
To be fair
most families who look after their children's education do tend to pass on their own prejudices as well in the matter of literature. Not just Monty's
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Thank God my parents didn't look after mine then.
Although I did once find a book by Solgenizkin at my dads once. Fuck knows what he was doing with it.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:34, Reply)
Count yourself lucky
my mother made me read a third of Great Expectations aloud when when I was eight or nine, despite the fact that we both loathe it as a book
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:37, Reply)
I ain't got no love for Dickens.
Or hos for that matter.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:24, Reply)
What have hos ever done to you?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:27, Reply)
What have they NOT done, BGB, hmm?

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:28, Reply)
I heard some hos got GREAT seats to see Squeeze at teh Phil and didn't invite him
What's that all about eh BGB?
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:31, Reply)
This is true.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:32, Reply)
I logged in just to tell you off
Good day sir!
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Love you sweety

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:45, Reply)
Love you too sweaty

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Have you caught Chlamydia again dozer?
*sad face*
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:32, Reply)
And that is why I ain't got no love for dem hos.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:32, Reply)
He means ‘Hoss’ from ‘Bonanza’. Interfered with him when he was a boy, apparently.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Did you hear that?
Listen carefuly and you can hear people over 30 chuckling.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:45, Reply)
Monty is WELL over 30 you know.
Makes Bruce Forsyth look positively youthful.
(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:47, Reply)
I remember when young Brucie was in short trousers, you know.

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 15:59, Reply)
+fondly

(, Wed 1 Dec 2010, 16:02, Reply)

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