I work surrounded by fucking fanboys so these are my media peeves:
Any TV series: it's always shit after the first two series. That's it. I can't stand people banging on about Lost, Prison Break, whatever.

Comic book franchise movies: normal guy gets super powers, enjoys it for a bit then worries about what he's become, then his love interest gets captured so he has to use all his fucking powers. Every single one of those films is the same, and I really hate the way people get so excited about it.

God, I'm getting old and grumpy.
( krang, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:22, 3 replies)

Scooters and stuff
They are noisy, they go slower than a bike, and you look an unadulterated twunt while on one. There simply is no need for them.

Ringtones. Proper plinky plonky ones, why? I understand maybe you want a personalised tunes, but make it decent or make it quiet.

Girls at Cash points. There are 2 or 3 simple questions, none new. So why so long? Keep your accounts in order. Decide what you want before you get there. Save everyone's time.

Thick students who expect spoon feeding. Luckily my teaching is unchecked and I can use a subtle mix of humiliation, belittlement and tyranny to make their hour as uncomfortable as possible. If you are at Uni, surely it is to learn and not just sit in rooms with other bored people.

Slow or inconsiderate drivers. Roads although dangerous are not too difficult, just follow the basic rules and you'll be fine. Don't feck around reversing suddenly back into me, not indicating when I could do with that information before I plough into you. I tend to bike around, so don't be surprised when I make that turn just a bit harder for you or stop you overtaking until I think you deserve chance to get past.

While I'm on the subject, cuntfaces who overtake me on my bike at a eleventy gazillion miles an hour and 3 inches off my bar ends. It does little for my heart, and one day I'll just nip out past that parked car or pothole and under you, just because you can't be arsed to pull out that extra foot. You are a cunt, thoroughbred.

And another thing, cars that overtake me just as I come up to a parked car, not really being run into a half tonne lump of steel is great fun. no really. I love that mad panic brake to avoid the crash coupled with being nearly run over. Terrific fun for all the family.

Girls who spend their lives whinging, trying to make their boyfriends/hair/lives better by moaning at anyone listening or not. Head over heels for Mrs NM, because she is so relaxed and easy to get along with.

People who don't hold doors and the like. I don't expect Hilton treatment, but when it is no effort to hold the door, just try it. Then next time I'll do it for you, although I'll still spit in your coffee.

Call centres. Your call is important. Cunt off is it. If it was so important you'd hire extra student pike scumbags to randomly mash buttons until I could speak to someone who pretends to care. I once spent 2 hours on the phone to 3 mobiles boys (carphone warehouse phone).

3 mobile. Cunts. No explanation, makes me too angry.

Gingers.

People who go to work in the city doing nothing but making more work for the bloke next to them. Can't help but think we'd all be better off doing jobs that matter instead of trying to make the insurance quote 10p cheaper or whatever these monkeys do.

Glossy magazines. 'Madonna walks chihuahua in Regents Park' that translates as 'Woman walks dog' to me. Celebrities may be a little intriguing, but only inside the context of their profession. I don't care is Jude Law has bought a new car, or some Z list has a spot. It isn't news, it isn't even gossip.

I'm an angry man and need to go out for fresh air before my blood pressure blows like a $2 whore.
(Neostenine's maker, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:21, 6 replies)

further to liquifeed ad
Venus razors

Inside every woman is a goddess

Lets cut one open and fucking look shall we?

bollocks there is
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:20, Reply)

worked in a bar/restaurant
People who click their fingers for service, usually shouting "Oi, garcon" in a shit french accent

and people who tap the fucking bar with coins

I kept someones change from £20 once because I told him I had to french polish the fucker after he left

I didn't last long as a landlord
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:18, 1 reply)

Liquifeed ad
Really, does anyone use a watering can like that?
(The Ginger Penguin la la la la la la, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:14, 1 reply)

flash
When I go to a website, I don't expect and certainly don't want a little flash animated advert to drift into the middle of the screen, leaving me to try and see where the close icon has been hidden.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:12, Reply)

waitressing..
I used to work part time as a waitress in a restaurant (to supplement my craply paid full time job).

Now most people are generally nice to you as you are bringing them nice food/drinks etc... However if there is something wrong the waitress is not the person to scream at in the middle of a public place. If there is a problem, they will only be too happy to help, if you explain and ask for whatever it is to be rectfied. If you want to make a complaint, by all means ask to speak to the manager.....do not harangue the poor waitress who is getting paid monkey nuts to serve you and be pleasant and polite at all times (even if they are having a v bad day).

Is it my fault the chef made a mistake, despite you not asking for something to be done in your own particular way? Is it my fault we cannot give you a table because you forgot to book?

the short answer is no.

I eventually gave it up as i couldn't put up with the rude bastards any more. I'm paid to serve you food not to have your bad day taken out on me....and no, not once did i do anything to their food....not even when they really deserved it.....damn missed an opportunity there.
( catswhiskers the cats mother, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:08, 1 reply)

Why. Why.
That poof weatherman on BBC news who practically dances in front of the blue screen and tries to turn simple weather predictions into romantic prose. It's not that I want him dead... I just don't want him to be alive anymore.
(Smelon, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:08, 2 replies)

People who...
...use the word "literally" incorrectly, as in "that literally scared me to death." I wish it had literally scared you to death, because then there would be one less person in the world who thinks that "literal" means the exact opposite of what it actually means.

Also, my history prof constantly says, "quite frankly," which I've always thought meant: terse, short, to the point, blunt. But he then goes on to produce a tangent similar to oral diarrehea that is anything BUT frank.

Argh. It shouldn't bother me so much but it does. It makes me want to jam a pencil in my ears so I don't have to listen to it any longer.

Literally.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:07, 3 replies)

Out-sourced customer service
I wrote part of this as a reply to another post but it wound me up so much I thought I'd make my own post about it.

Another of my pet peeves is out-sourced customer service centres where you can't get anything sorted because you can't understand them and they can't understand you. And before anyone jumps on me and accuses me of anything, I've been on their end of the phone. I am fluent in German and for a while worked for a the German/Austrian arm of a global company. In that job, our language skills had to be equal to that of a native speaker because the customers were never to know that they were actually phoning the UK. If your language skills were not of a high enough standard, you were not hired. I know very few people who have managed to have their problems solved by any out-sourced customer service due to a lack of comprehension as the customer service rep's English is simply not good enough. And its not their fault, its the company's. People tend not to follow up problems with refunds and the like because its just too complicated having a conversation where both rep and customer are struggling to understand each other - better just to let the money go. And go it does, back into the companies' coffers. So not only are companies paying people abroad buttons to work in their call-centres, but people are becoming increasingly unlikely to keep phoning customer services.
(resurrection_mary cannibal_ferox, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:04, Reply)

BBC News Website Journos
1 - Stop brown-nosing that Banksy twat. He's not very funny, and he's a vandal. No-one else outside of your moccachino-slurping social circle gives a fuck about some jumped-up graffiti artist who has grasped such deep concepts as "war is bad" and "consumerism is shallow". He's a wanker and so are you.

2 - Second cunting Life. There are other multiplayer online games that are:
a) far more popular
b) populated by people other than journalists, posers, losers and con-artists
c) actually worth writing about.

3 - Just how much are Apple paying you to promote their latest junk? Really, if you can't write about anything other than the latest overpriced, over-hyped piece of shit that Damien from marketing has bought to decorate his "loft living" designer apartment in Greenwich or his BMW 3-series, maybe you shouldn't be a technology journalist?

4 - Fucking Facebook. Just because you spend all day on it doesn't mean anyone else gives a fuck. Like Apple, it seems that something becomes a 'new craze' when the twerps in the BBC press room start using it. Time was when journalists would at least get off their fucking chairs to get a story.
(Axeman Jim, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:02, 1 reply)

"Don't listen to it"
People who respond to my extended rants against the latest arse-jiggling, over-produced pop/R&B bollocks with "if you don't like it, don't listen to it".

A great idea in theory but when the song is constantly being played on every TV and radio station; in every shop, pub, club, cafe and restaurant; in every doctor's and dentist's waiting room; from every building site; from every chav's car or mobile phone; everytime you're on hold ringing a fucking call-centre; before the adverts in the cinema and from at least one person's open windows on every street in the country as soon as the sun peeks through the drizzle for 10 minutes, it's not that easy.

Nothing would give me greater pleasure than the knowledge that I would never hear 'Shine' by Take That or that fucking 'Umbrella-ella-ella' thing ever again; but short of barricading myself in the airing cupboard and hiding under all the spare pillows and blankets for the rest of my life I don't think that's going to happen.

Then they get all pissy when I put something a bit different on the jukebox.

"I've never ever HEARD of this before".
(Dai Napoleon, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:00, 4 replies)

Loud car music
Why is it that some people think that the whole world wants to listen to the pedestrian R n B shite that they have playing in their car? "I know," they think, "I'll turn the volume up REALLY LOUD and wind all my windows down while I drive really slowly through the town centre. That'll brighten everyone's day! Everyone loves listening to the same tepid syncopated-beat-that-sounded-really-modern-in-2000-shit as me! What a lovely human being I am!"

Fuck you, dick. Just fuck off.
(Fuiru Sting, where is thy death?, Fri 2 May 2008, 19:00, 1 reply)

More Crap English
The big red and yellow signs at the basket only tills that reads "15 items or less".

It's fucking "15 items or fewer". It's not that difficult is it to get it right.

Less is for amount, fewer is for quantity.

For added stupidity, they put the words in cute speech marks probably so they can get away with it.

Oh and don't get me started on the blatant disregard for the apostrophe.

Also, different from, not different to.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:57, 4 replies)

Crap English
The amount of posts on here that contain the word "sat" when they clearly mean "sitting" is staggering. Actually, not just on here, but fucking everywhere.

I don't remember Otis Redding singing "Sat on the dock of the bay"

At a parents' evening, an English teacher was regaling me about how my daughter "was sat at the back of the class..."
Oh was she now? Who by? I muttered "sitting" and she smiled "yes, sitting at the back" but there was a distinct air of clenched teeth and the possibility she might add "..you smug prick..".
Still, if the English teacher can't speak her own bastard language properly, what hope is there for the kids in her class?

The same goes for stood/standing.
Did The Beatles sing:

"Now I'll never dance with another (whooh)
Since I saw her stood there "
No they never did they?

I've just thought of another. People who say "Could of" when they mean "Could've".
Could of? That doesn't even make sense.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:51, 5 replies)

rage...
I work in a public office (one of those take a ticket and wait to be called sort of places) and deal with the public face to face.

the thing that most fills me with rage is when my next customer sits infront of me and starts to explain why they are here and their mobile rings. The most annoying thing about this is not the ringtone...but the fact that they usually answer and proceed to have a conversation.......'didn't you come to see me??? do you have a question??? oh sorry can't interrupt your social life just to deal with whatever it was you came to se me about.' (ahh if only i could shout this at them....)

you wouldn't believe the amount of times this happens.......if they could just leave their phone alone for a minute they wouldn't have to wait so long!!

Don't get me wrong if the call is an emergency or very important, a simple 'i'm sorry i really need to take this call' is just courtesy isn't it?? Perhaps just taking the call, and saying can't talk but i'll call you back, wouldn't be too hard to do would it? But no......I have to listen to a 10 min conversation about what they are doing this weekend etc...while i get increasingly irked.

If your phone rings and you are at the front of the queue, PLS DONT ANSWER IT!! it makes me not want to help you and all your fellow 'waiting-to-see-me people' want to insert your phone in a new and painful socket....

So i guess i hate mobiles and the fact that they can interrupt anything at any time....

I remember the time when I could leave the house and go out with my friends, and no-one could find/annoy me until i got home again. Now you can't go anywhere without hearing some fool yelling into their phone, a night out with friends turns into a night of waiting until people get off the phone so you can talk to them. Bah, perhaps i'm just getting older and crankier...

maybe...but beware, one day i'm gonna lose it and the poor unfortunate phone wielding victim is gonna find a new and interesting use for their mobile (i'll leave that to your imagination, i can think of a few).

and once more, with feeling...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
( catswhiskers the cats mother, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:40, 1 reply)

Hat-wearing drivers
Why the hell does anyone find it necessary to wear any sort of hat when driving a vehicle on a public road*? The two worst classes of offender are the young neds with Burberry baseball caps and the old duffers with their flat caps, or bunnets, as we call them around here. But I was following someone the other day (who turned out to be, as I suspected, a lady of a certain age) who was driving erratically, and slowly in front of me, and who presented a silhouette resembling a pineapple because of the daft bloody hat she was wearing.

It should be part of the driving test, just after the eyesight bit. If the candidate gets into the car and fails to remove his/her headgear it should count as an automatic failure.

*I do of course specifically exclude crash helmets here, as to ride a bike or participate in a motor sports event without one is asking for trouble.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:40, 7 replies)

LIbrary
Firstly, let me make it clear. I am not a librarian. I work in a library, but I am not a librarian.

Secondly, my pet peeve is people who answer their mobile phone in libraries, or anywhere else where other people are expecting you to be quiet. It's one thing to have a surreptitious snippet of a conversation, it's quite another to have a full blown (and loud) chat about the where you're going for lunch, tea and dinner. Just go somewhere else.

And it's not just libraries. I caught the train back from London a few months back, and sat on the quiet carriage. The woman sat opposite me had her phone out on the table. Every few minutes it would ring, and she would immediately hang it up. This was your typical Dom Joly / Nokia ringtone too. Eventually I asked her to just turn it off or go to another carriage.

Anger flared in her eyes. "I can't do that," she sneered. "I'm expecting a PHONECALL."
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:34, Reply)

aaarcg my ears
Sad cunts who's musical taste consists of nothing more than happy house and Amy Winehouse and who play this at extreme volume at all hours of the day and night. All of your neighbours don't want to wake up at 7am to their pictures bouncing off the walls you ignorant , selfish wanker.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:33, 1 reply)

I'm not very good at snooker.
I have the odd flash of genius, perhaps resulting in a break of 20 or 30, but otherwise, a game will generally consist of a slow crawl towards a final win on the pink and a score of maybe 32-25. We are shit. We know we are shit. I've been shit at it for 12 years now.

I don't need it pointed out by someone who is only marginally better. I would like to see those arses in the crucible, getting a pasting off Hendry or O'Sullivan.

My point, I think, is that I dislike the big fish in a little pond who make themselves feel important by lauding their own less than world class skill.

Being shit at something is far better when you admit it.

Yes, I am Scottish.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:26, 2 replies)

can i ask who's calling?
this one gets me every time.
you ring somewhere, and ask for someone, and the chimp they entrust with answering the phone goes
'can i ask who's calling?'

me: 'well, i guess so. feel free! i'm assuming you can and you don't have momentous difficulties with the sentence, or a phobia of hearing people say their names. i don't know, but i'd guess you can. go hog wild!'

*moment of awkward silence*
'sorry, can i ask who's calling please?'

i already told you, YES! this is getting tiresome

*more awkward silence*

sorry, if i could just have your name?

i already have my name, i'm afraid you'll have to find another'


DON'T ASK IF YOU CAN ASK A QUESTION!! ASK THE FUCKIN QUESTION!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH*SMASHES SELF IN EAR WITH RECEIVER*
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:15, 1 reply)

'not being funny, but..'
i HATE when people use this phrase! it almost always precedes something like
i've lost my fuckin bank card! i'm totally fucked and the girlfriend's expecting a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant! (the onosecond!) and some cunt pipes up 'not being funny, but have you checked your pockets'

HOW IS THAT FUNNY? at what point did you decide i could misconstrue that as a joke? you're right, you're not being funny, you're being a fuckspazz and you deserve to be maimed with a ride-on mower! ok, maybe if you preceded it with 'not being funny, but there was an englishman, and irishman and a scotsman' i'd understand the need to explain yourself. as it is you're merely exasperating the exasperated.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:09, 4 replies)

Things!
The BBC making news rather than reporting it. See Robert Peston regarding Northern Rock.

And today 'record bankruptcies' when actually the figure is in the low hundreds not thousands. 'record' means nothing when you don't report the reference point.

And it is any wonder that small retailers and pubs are going bust with Tesco (and others) allowed to do whatever they like by our wonderful Labour government who are so clearly in their pockets it is beyond belief. Let's see whether Brown ends up on the Tesco board for a nice little £100K a year for one day a month in return for his help..

And then 'working class' people who have been spouting their lifelong love for Labour today. Blair, Brown et al have f**ked you over. Wake up!!

Stop Press - They've just announced that bookies are paying out on Boris. Let's see who is lining the pockets of Red Ken come Monday morning, mind you they are pretty full already.
(Outtheresomewhere, Fri 2 May 2008, 18:06, Reply)

All children
Any and all children. Babies. Crawlers. Toddlers with stupid middle class parents who talk loudly to them. "We're just getting off a packed train full of commuters going to their shitty work, darling! We're going to the park because we're so smugly rich we don't need to work! Look darling, see how mummy's conversation with you makes commuters want to dig out their eyes with ice-cold spoons?"

Teenagers annoy the living shit out of me too. What makes this pet peeve particularly arduous is that I am a teacher.
I acknowledge there may be some nice children out there but they are so few and far between that its hardly even worth mentioning. I prefer rats, to be honest.
(resurrection_mary cannibal_ferox, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:59, Reply)

peeves
BANKS = CUNTS

1) Charges
2) "We don't deal with that in the branch, you need to call our banking centre" - What the fuck do you do in the branch apart from take in people's money and look fucking gormless?
3) Why can't anyone speak intelligible English at the call centres?
4) Why can't anyone take responsibility for anything. It's always another department?
5) Why do they always mention the Data Protection Act but have no fucking idea of the implications of the act as a whole?
6) Why do I always get served by the one who is scratching his arse so hard it looks like he's trying to fucking fist himself?
7) Why does the manager never come out when you bang on the door shouting "Get out here ya fuckin' shithouse"?
8) Why do they always call the police to have you removed when all they had to do was not fucking lie to you in the first place and take responsibility for their utterly wanky, twatting, cuntholing, bumfucking, Ken Dodding, tossing, shitting, arsebiscuiting approach to customer service.

Please feel free to add to this as I'm sure that everybody has a my bank is a cunt story

....and don't even get me going on the fucking oil companies


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEE
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:59, 3 replies)

I think of myself
as a bit of a moaner. I've lightened up recently, allowing myself to let shit films/music/standards of decency wash over me, safe in the knowledge that I am secretly far above the majority of burberry wearing, buckfast swilling, granny mugging half wits out there. Or so I like to hope.

But my Dad is an example to us all. He gets narked at the slightest of things, and often sits glowering at the TV, incandescent with rage. Some of his more frequently voiced objections include:

People who go "woo" in audiences on game shows, or whistle or shout "yay" or anything like that. He will sit there going "WOOOO! WOOOO! WOOO! WHY DO THEY DO THAT?" at the television. I think he harks back to the days of polite applause and gentlemanly handshakes.

The use of the word "guys" when in reference to women. This causes him to glow with rage.

There is a certain BBC weatherman who he finds objectionable because of "his antics". I still don't know what he means by that.

You do not want to be in the room if an advert for a dating service or a thinly veiled sex line comes on, but I feel the same about that one really.

Women who have similar voices to Mariella Frostrup. He doesn't know who she is, but if you sound like her, he will hate you, and may possibly ask you why you talk like that, after attempting to imitate you.

He's just bought a new plasma screen TV with surround sound. I think he's a masochist.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:56, 4 replies)

Misuse
of the word Epic, like when people say "Epic win" to something that generally isnt.

Edit: also anyone who generally quotes internet related phrases/memes in real life needs slapping.
(roflwaffle MarpMarp, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:47, 5 replies)

Political Party Advertising
Specifically, the advertising of The Labour Party, and the Conservative Party.

We do not live in some stupid dictatorial two-party state, we have a variety of different viewpoints represented by those running for office.

Those two parties constantly seem to advertise with "vote for us, because that other party is crap".

Obviously, taking both parties' word for it, they are both rubbish, so we should vote for someone else.

Also, lifelong party supporters - the "I vote Labour because I'm working class and I've always voted for Labour, and my father before me" idiots, (and the same stupid class-based attitude in Tory voters). Fools who neither know nor care that the party they keep voting for in every election has changed its policies hundreds of times since they last gave it any consideration (if they ever did), and is now totally different, whilst ignoring the possibility that there are probably other parties (maybe even the opposite party in their myopic, blinkered two party world-view), who better represent their needs and opinions.
(Rastus P Watermelon, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:46, Reply)

Theres a few things that annoy me
1) Crying babies on planes
2) Annoying ringtones
3) Fat people wearing tight clothes
4) Cockney accents
5) People who pay to watch a game of rugby or football, then sit there and talk all the way through
(Big Ginge putting the laughter into manslaughter, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:43, 1 reply)