I know I've mentioned it before but....
... people playing music out of their mobile phones on public transport. I don't mind so much in the street (it's just a technological advancement from the humble ghetto-blaster after all) but when you're on the bus, you can't get away from it and it actually makes me want to weep...

and skidmarks, in the loo, in pants, anywhere, I just don't get why people can't clean up after themselves/ wipe properly... it's not hard...

and continuity errors in films... C'mon, people are employed (and paid very well, I might add) to make sure this doesn't happen, and it just does and it makes me sick...

and babies on reins; if you can't train them to be well behaved enough not to run of, then why have children?! They are not dogs and should not be kept on leads... Despite what the Daily Mail might tell us, paedophiles are NOT lurking around every corner, and if they really want your kid, little reins aren't going to stop them. Parents swearing at/near children also winds me up...and then they wonder why their offspring are mouthy little shits...

and the Berocca advert; I hope Ok Go are getting royalties, because it makes me and Sparrow Dodger clench every time we see it...

rant over, THAT is what grinds my gears
I thankee
(Ryfelwr can't stop here... this is bat country, Tue 6 May 2008, 0:22, 2 replies)

Britain's Got Talent
I couldn't possibly comment on the show itself, as the title alone makes me froth at the mouth. It's a grammatically messy Americanism and it makes me want to kill.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Tue 6 May 2008, 0:10, 5 replies)

Low fat
Several things, really.

The Body Mass Index think is a load of bullshit. Weight/Height ratio is as relevant to your health as shoe-size/forearm-length ratio. Some people are tall, some are short, some are fat, some are thin. A lot of the medically-defined "overweight" people are perfectly healthy, and are perhaps just well-built, or have big feet and hands, or whatever.

That rant might make me sound like a fat fucker, but I'm not. According to the retarded BMI index calculator, I'm underweight. But, if I eat this 300g bar of chocolate to myself, I'll be an "ideal" weight. Until I go shit it out, or exercise it off a little. It's silly.

Anyway, this leads into my rant.. I'm not the only underweight person in the country.

So why is everything having all its nutrients taken out?

The body needs fat to survive, the body needs salt, and sugar, and calories, and everything else that is being taken out of food. It makes no sense that I'm paying more for something that will provide me with less. And yet, I have no choice. Products are cooked in lighter oils, so they have less fat, or have reduced sugar, or are polluted by those God-damn fucking awful things called "artificial sweeteners".

Why? Why can't I eat the fatty foods I need to get my weight up? Just because some fat bastards will eat and not exercise, I'm expected to eat more than I feel comfortable eating. But I can't! I walk places, I occasionally play sports, I eat when I'm hungry, I do lots of things that don't involve me sitting down.

And yet, for some reason, it is I who much change, by eating more, if I want to be healthy and get the nutrients I need, and it's not the lazy bastards who're going to get fat no matter what they eat, because they never fucking work it off.

Wow.. that was my angry rant. If I carry on with this level of anger, my next post will have the subject "My Mother". And the post will never end.
( Thinker, Mon 5 May 2008, 23:55, 13 replies)

Whitbread pubs
Too many chavs and down & outs. Too few slow bar staff with too many piercings and too lower IQ.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Mon 5 May 2008, 23:40, Reply)

PDAs
First time poster, so bear with me. But I have to have a rant.

PDAs - no, not those stupid computery things that important people had before the Blackberry. No. Public Displays of Affection. It's probably because I'm a lonely, single, grizzled gay man, but it really fucks me off. There should be laws against it. Very occasional hand-holding is perfectly acceptable, but if you're *constantly* holding hands in public, you clearly have trust issues or one of you is woefully worried that the other one is going to run away. I don't want to see any cuddling, nuzzling, heavy petting or tonsil tennis in public. You have me want to heave.

You might both be friends of mine and I might think you're a great couple, but that doesn't excuse the pair of you virtually simulating sex in front of me. You're disgusting. Go and have a fucking cold shower instead.
(caffeine_junkie, Mon 5 May 2008, 23:13, 2 replies)

Londoners
Specifically Londoners that believe that London is the whole of England (yes BBC, I'm talking about you).

Many parts of England were important when London was just a bog by the Thames (and it still is).

We don't really care about the Mayor of London elections - you can fester in your own Community Charge and stupid house prices.

Also facist Welsh, who continue in going on about the "Evil English". I'm a Yorkshireman - we've been under the yoke of the English for much much longer.
(resident deity, Mon 5 May 2008, 23:05, 6 replies)

Tiscali
First post so go easy....
Tiscali never take any money and it seems to be a no go if I ring up and try to pay! I have now left them ages ago and now they send me a bill for £495. I ring and get passed on to about 3 people, while it's my pleasure to pay for the call.
Each one tells me to ring this number, that number and the best one is sorry sir we changed that number.
Its a classic case of "computer says no"
So if any one from Tiscali is reading this go fuck your £495 cos I have put a big shit stain on the "IMPORTANT REMINDER BILL" long ago.
TWATS
Cheers

Length about 25 mins on hold the 1st time and going up to a unhealthy 56 mins the 6th time
(BobbyLove, Mon 5 May 2008, 23:05, Reply)

Homer....
I really hate Homer Simpson, fat useless child abusing drunk moron.

What I hate more is people who will try and say he is a good Father, because by the end of each episode him saintly wife has forgiven him/his ireritating daughter has excepted him/his ADD tosser son ..oh whatever.

He is an absolute c!@# of the first water and should be held up as the ultimate bad example. Stupidity is no excuse for being a complete wanker, and Fatherhood is more important than just filling your wife up and bringing home a wage.

Oh, and I do know its just pretend
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Mon 5 May 2008, 23:00, 1 reply)

Oh, and
Torchwood. It's a poor man's Doctor Who, which is really saying something.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 22:54, 7 replies)

Mika
If I never hear another Mika song, I'll be a happy man.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 22:52, 2 replies)

FLOOD
Currently being shown on ITV...

What a load of fucking shite it is. Crap acting, crap plot, badly thought through, wussy dialog, and frankly the CGI makes Doctor Who's look brilliant.

ITV... go fuck ya'sels you utter utter cunts!

That is all!
(ShaunyBoi has been surviving fires since, Mon 5 May 2008, 22:49, 2 replies)

mobile phones in cinemas
I make my paltry wage ushering at some unknown cinema in Yorkshire and the sheer ammount of gobshite chavs that pay five quid for a ticket just to sit through a movie they don't understand whilst texting is staggering.

I really don't mind phones being on so long as they do it right, leave the phone in the bag and if they just so happen to get that sudden urgent text, they should for gods sake make sure the phones on silent and quietly piss off to the toilets where I don't have to care about it. They shouldn't waft the phone about in mid air claiming the signals shite because the answer they can expect is "it's a fucking cinema what do you expect your not even meant to have them on in the first place." (minus expletives i take pride in not being fired)

And a final warning in the very unlikely event that anyone here is inonsiderate and stupid enough to try this, don't whatever you do once your caught loudly exclaim that your phone has to be on cause your "birds preggers and ready to drop." because the first thing i'll say is "why are you in a cinema?" the second thing I'll say is "I'll do you a favour I'll throw you out of the cinema now so you can go check up on her." and the third thing I'll do is go to the security cameras get their faces image on the way out stick it to the box office with the message "This guys a complete prick please never let him in again."

And the moral of the story, if your 'birds' expecting at any moment be a gent and stay with her just in case it happens soon, don't fuck off to the cinema with her mates like a complete nob. and in the very likely event that it's a lie, its really is just all the more reason to throw you out of there.

i love the cinema I just wish people knew how to act sensible in them.
(ollclay, Mon 5 May 2008, 22:45, Reply)

Fussy eaters
are pathetic wankers imho
(Slyph, Mon 5 May 2008, 22:26, 1 reply)

The LG KF700 mobile phone
Brilliant! I've been searching for years for a 3-megapixel camera which permanently says 'Emergency Calls Only' on the screen.
(costas, Mon 5 May 2008, 22:21, 1 reply)

agreed
I too keep accidentally posting a new thread instead of replying. You have to click reply twice. Its soooo annoying!
(Miggyman, Mon 5 May 2008, 22:02, Reply)

4x4s
yes you are richer than me, that doesn't mean the laws of the road don't apply to you. thus, 1. do not park in front of the gate to 6th form car park whilst you walk your obese child to prep. 2. use those indicators, if oyu don't indicate, i will assume you are going straight on, and thus with acclerate how i anticipate you to. 3. when parking on the road, try to be within a foot of the kerb, it does help
(FairlieSittingbull, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:59, Reply)

Def Leppard
Fuck off.
Saw one of them interviewed on TV the other day. The cunt was OBVIOUSLY Scottish but was trying to cover it up with a REALLY bad fake American accent. The worst part was when he mistakenly said a word in a propper Scottish accent and realized it, he was correcting himself with the American pronounciation of it!?! Fucking wanker. Who the fuck are you? GrantM??
Shit music, pretentious fuckwit.

The worst thing was that it was an interview for Japanese TV, so no cunt here would know whether he was speaking in an American accent or not (except for native speakers of course) which makes him even more of a twat. If he does that in interviews for English TV he'd have his arse in a bag. Cunt. Hate them and their music too.

If you live in the states and the accent has stuck on you then fair enough, but there's no fucking need to "correct" yourself you CUNT!
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:58, 9 replies)

Get a f*ckin grip you glasgow people.
Today saw about 22C in Glasgow. How many guys did i see wandering around the city today without a t-shirt on bearing their pastey white, diseased ghost ugly fat bastard man boobs? Loads!
Its only the 20s! its not the 30s! Its not the fucking Bahamas, you're not on a fucking beach. You're in a city. Get a grip! And if you're too hot coz you cant stand the "heat" then wear a white t-shirt it will actually keep you cooler!!
Fuckers, hope its raining tomorrow.
(Miggyman, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:56, 2 replies)

Being stabbed by angry Welshmen
I fucking hate it.
( Tamashii the other beige meat., Mon 5 May 2008, 21:50, 2 replies)

i hate most things
i hate people who whinge and whine about the amount of work they've got even though they have barely any.
i hate people who don't realise no one likes them.
i hate people who lie even though it's blatantly obvious that they're wrong.
i hate people who stop infront of me while i'm trying to walk to have a chat.
i hate big fat people who walk infront of me v e r y s l o w l y and won't let me past.
i hate the person who parks right across my drive so i can't get out.
i hate the spaccy kids next door who always walk across my lawn instead of on the pavement.
i hate the fucking annoying twats who play their stupid songs on their frankly second class mobile phone speakers on the bus in the morning when i am trying to sleep.
i hate the bands who do one really really good song and sucker me in to buying their album which is full of shite.
I HATE EVERYONE.
(Jim the Cat, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:45, 1 reply)

Sudoku
Not a difficult word, is it? Su-do-ku.

So why do people insist on pronouncing it soduko?

Tits.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:43, 2 replies)

Tiscali
It really irks me that it takes 45 mins just to get through to Tiscali's call centre. Wouldnt be so bad if they didn't use Leona Lewis' album as hold music. 45 mins of listening to her wailing and warbling is not a fun 45 mins.
(hutchers, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:37, Reply)

Rant part 2.
Manners.
Saying "Please" and "Thank you" takes sod all in the way of effort and yet makes the world a better place. If you really cannot be bothered to do either then frankly I do not wish to know you.
In a similiar vein, if I've just held the door open for you then some little sign of appreciation would be a nice. A nod, even.
Swearing.
I swear. I swear too much and not always wisely. This is something I, rightly, feel ashamed of. But since I have a vocabulary that extends to many different adjectives what I don't do is swear every other word. It's ugly, inconsiderate and frankly, makes you sound like a total fuckwit. (By the way, swearing at your children is less than stellar parenting.)
Magazine inserts.
Specifically those bloody scratchcard things. Nobody has ever won anything worth having on them. Nobody ever will. Yet they continue to clutter up the pages of magazine and gather on the floor of Smiths like the leaves of Autumn. Why? Why do people fall for it?

And lastly:
T-shirts.
If you are not a fan of the band whose logo is across your chest then what the hell are you wearing it for? If you are wearing it to be ironic or because FHM told you that it's a cool look then you insult everybody that's ever spent their money buying the albums and the gig tickets. And personally I feel I should have the legal right to spit on you.
(Big D, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:29, 3 replies)

Mine
People who drive with Fog lights on when its not foggy; Learn where your controls are.

People "celebrating" how drunk/Stoned they got and what "Totally wacky" stuff they got up to.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:11, 1 reply)

Entirely off topic...
Well, now seems a good time to announce the B3ta QOTW feed. You can now use this to read b3ta from your standard email client! (Works great if you want to be discreet!)

Here it is.

rss.axai.net/b3ta.php

(I am currently using this on my mobile phone, so i can read b3ta on the train! w00)
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Mon 5 May 2008, 21:02, 3 replies)

mp3 software
call this a rant, or perhaps a plea for help.

I want a piece of software that will play mp3s on my laptop.

I don't want it to connect to the internet, I don't want to play videos or games on it, I don't need it to rip/burn CDs or DVDs, I don't need online radio, I don't want it to spend 2 minutes to load up, I don't want it to find the album artwork, I don't want it to suggest other music I might like, I don't want it to display spazzy graphics in time to the music, I don't want it to save meta data about my mp3s in some spacktard "library" unconnected to the actual files, I don't need to give it a fancy "skin", I don't need it to pop up news and I don't want it to update itself every couple of weeks because of "security issues"...

I want a playlist and a play/pause button. Is that too much (or too little) to ask?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 5 May 2008, 20:56, 10 replies)

Pushers
Yes, I don't like drug pushers, but I bloody hate food pushers...

"Have you ever tried cheese?" "I haven't tried arsenic either."

"You'll really like it." "So you bloody eat it."

"Just try it." "Fook off."

This was a conversation my teacher had with me when I was about 14 in a restaurant in Paris. (It was a school trip.) (And my response was mental rather than verbal.)

Its not a one off though, my wife has, successfully, got me eating pasta and rice after nagging at me for nearly eight years.

And don't start me on when I go to the pub and ask for a tonic water if I'm with friends....
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Mon 5 May 2008, 20:49, 5 replies)

What really gets my goat...
When I'm reading a long, insightful post on the QOTW. I notice that there's a lot of replies as well, so I click into that link to read other people's reactions to the post. I decide to add one of my own.

So I click the large, emboldened link at the foot of the page and then accidently post it as a new post.

Why not swap the link at the foot of the post for a reply link?!?

Alternatively I could look at what I'm clicking. I realise this may be easier.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Mon 5 May 2008, 20:48, 3 replies)

racisim
What is it with the racists.
I hate racists.
What i really hate is how one miniority can be racist, but a larger one cant.
I'm married to an asian, im english and live in the netherlands, the most tolerant excellent country i have had the pleasure to be in.
Reading the daily mail makes me puke.
Now what was it that swifty said that got deleted :P
Damn racists...
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Mon 5 May 2008, 20:16, 1 reply)

Rose Rage
Picture the scene, if you will, gentle b3tards. A group of friends, down the pub, enjoying a pint of ale and unwinding at the end of a long week at work. It’s a nice pub, the sort with friendly clientele, good beers, not too up its own arse, not too scummy. There’s even a jukebox so you can select the music to accompany your drink.

A song is selected, it’s popular. People around the pub smile in recognition, tap a foot, maybe sway along to the music. Then without warning the mood changes, darkens into something sinister. Suddenly a tall, blonde bespectacled Northerner arises from her seat enraged…

That will be me then. I’ve paid to hear the whole of “I am the Resurrection” by the Stone Roses, I don’t need a fucking jukebox to cut off the instrumental bit at the end that frankly is the sublime payoff for having to sit through Ian Brown’s strangulated wailing. If I wanted to hear half a song, I’d have stuffed beer mats in my ears half way through.

I’m not allowed out much any more…
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Mon 5 May 2008, 19:49, 1 reply)