Messing with phones
Back at uni, round about the time when EVERYONE first got mobile phones, there were several things we woulddo to survive brain-meltingly boring Signal Processing lectures.

One was to stealthily 'borrow' a mate's mobile and change your number entry to something like "XXX Sexy old ladies". Put the profile on loud for good measure, then carefully return it.

Once the initial embarrasement of the stupid ringtone waking up half the class has passed, the glory of watching their face when confronted by the prospect of a dodgy line actually ringing THEM (maybe congratulating them on being a loyal customer?) is well worth a giggle.

Possibly the most hilarious use of this was on a guy who was always on the phone, and always seemed to have several girls on the go at once, including a 'regular' girlfriend. Anyway, we decided to teach him a lesson... phone nicked and as many girls names exchanged as we could be bothered. Then the 'main' girlfriend was swapped with his mum.

After the lecture... phone rings. "Hi Babe.." followed by a pause. Then confusion... it was weeks before his life returned to normal.
(jimllbreakit might actually have a job now... woo!, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:46, Reply)

Ratings booster
A friend and I regularly sabotage the blog of a guy we went to school with and haven't had any contact with for 15 years.

For instance we both spent about 5 hours pressing F5 to boost the hitcounter on a photo of his ugly wife with a couple of fat slappers, so he's now wondering why that particular photo has been viewed 34621 times while all the others have been viewed only 2 or 3 times.

He has no idea who we are or why we are doing this to him... To be honest, we have no idea why we are doing this to him either.
( dr_fonz, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:45, Reply)

someone put maggots in my bed once.
So I told everyone he shat himself every day.

So he punched me very hard.

So I hung his shitty boxers on his door (carefully - with a stick).

So he set me up to get caught nicking an MG sign off a car.

And then I just got bored and gave up. He was bigger than me, see.

ahh the fun I used to have in the childrens home.
(teasus likes tea, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:44, Reply)

Really petty
I had a shitty job at scumer-fields stacking the dairy fridges. The managers was incredibly anal about product facing and making sure it was all lable front ect. So I sued to stack loads of them upside down and only do the visible ones right! OH ANARCHY!


Additional: My brother once got a really nasty paper cut (quite a bit of blood) and so being the caring older brother I told him that it would need disinfecting and that lemmon juice was the best thing for it. He He He I still remember the screams :-)
(timberwolf0122 is turkey volume guessing man! Guessing the volumes in terms of turkeys since, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:42, Reply)

Brothers!!!
I can't even remember why, but do you need ta reason for petty sabotage/torture on younger brothers???

I was about 8 and he about 4 - My fave trick was to tell him to stick his tongue out. At this point I'd jab his wet tongue with a 9v battery and give him a mld zap. One day I upped the anti and used the lead out of the back of the radio and zapped him on the tongue with 240v. he he!

He's still alive, I promise!
( Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Wed 4 May 2005, 11:39, Reply)

Take one decent colour printer...
...a scanner and a selection of note currency of your choice.

Then replace the money of your victim with your dodfy fake money and watch the hillarity as they are kicked out of woolworths and chased from newsagents. :-)
( Evil Bastardo, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:39, Reply)

Expert in the field......
In no particular order of favouriteness:

* flicking ash into people who are cunts pints then watching them be ill.
* Countless rubbing of peoples phones in my arse crack when they are outof the office is also good if someone is particularly annoying me.
* Gluing all the tools in the woodwork shop in school to the shelves so no one can use them.
* Blocking the work toilet with large amounts of shite and bog paper. then flushing and running off.
* Changing the win95 logo.sys and logow.sys files to show goatse at college (that nearly got me booted out)
* also just randomly changing peoples homepage to goatse is a good one anywhere really...
* Working as an IT support person is easily the best job for sabotaging stuff as everyone trusts you implicitly even though you can actually be a bastard. If that moany secretary gets you down i find emptying paperclips into a pc then seeing how long it is before the users pc shorts and dies, then blaming them for pushing paperclips into their machines is a good one.
* Deliberately breaking stuff so i can go off site and do nothing for a whole day,(should have put that in last week, D'oh!) Also turning peoples network speed down to the lowest is funny too...

Such an evil git........

I blame my mother!!!
(Jimmy Large Is huffing Jenkem on, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:36, Reply)

Dirty Old Joint
A lad at school who was known simply as 'The Cunt' was less than happy to find he'd just smoked a spliff rolled for him containing a mass of pubes and dandelion leaves.

In fact he threw his sick about 6 yards across the school playing field.
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Wed 4 May 2005, 11:35, Reply)

Was at college with some idiot
the kind of idiot that things an insult consists of the word 'gay' and nothing else, so while he was doing some work on the computer and knowing I knew my stuff I offered him some help. however the help consisted of a shortcut on a floppy that shut his computer down without saving his work. There's a lesson in there somewhere.
( MadRob6, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:34, Reply)

The joy of dorms
I'm in my first year of university, and experiencing the full range of fun quirky idiosyncracies in my house mates, such as theivery and rudeness. After weeks of my ketchup mysteriously going down I decided to move it from the communal fridge to my private cupboard. It continued to go down, without my eating it. So I hid it in my cupboard. It still went down. So I waited till it was nearly finished (and not by me I might add), and then added in a fun mix of salt, crushed garlic, fluff off the floor, chinese five spice, hair, and generally any stuff I had to hand, shook it all about and replaced it. A few days later it went down again - success! Apart from the fact a few days later the actual bottle I was using which was hidden elsewhere then went down. Fiends.

I now keep my ketchup in my room
( jme, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:32, Reply)

Toothpaste on the eyelashes while your spanish victim is still asleep....
" I may not be able to see, but I can sill punch!"
(Balron doesn't care how big his photos are, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:29, Reply)

a dish best served cold
I was on a rugby club tour a few years ago, it being my first time, I was a tour virgin, and as such, subject to some vile and degrading acts.

Revenge soon sprang to mind, so as me and the other virgins where made to act as the waiters at the evening meal, I carefully removed several empty white wine bottles from the table of twunts who were abusing me, this was easily done as I was wearing a lovely flowing dress ( i'm a 6'5" 17 stone male) I then preceded to take the said white bottles and magicaly refiled them, and having drunk large quantities of strong lager, this was easily done!

I feel the masterstroke of my diabolical act, was to spend 10 minutes running the bottles under a cold tap! It was brilliant I thought, especially when I grabbed some other fool and asked him to take the bottles over to my table !

However the poor lad was intercepteed by the club president and the wine was sent to the top table, with all the top faces from the club. The best thing was, that all the wine was drunk and not a single person complained!!

I was however, seen doing this and later recieved a severe punishment in court.

worth it though!!

Edit. just read the question of the week again. Not really sabotage, still i've written it now so twiddlesticks to you
(col2e, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:26, Reply)

A 12 volt battery
near the drain of the mens urinal......

guarentee someone will try this, just don't take a piss while your watching.
(Balron doesn't care how big his photos are, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:26, Reply)

We had some old, old Acorn computers at my school, a whole lab of them,
just pressing F12 then 'wimpwritedir 1' got good results (it turned everything backwards and not anyone, not even the lab techy twerps knew how to fix it).

/geek
(The Wigmeister, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:26, Reply)

Childish yes
But when my ex was finished with destroying every ounce of my self-respect and making me feel like the biggest bitch in existence (not to mention telling somewhat biased versions of events, read 'lies', to all my friends) when I finally ended it between us, he then had the gall to ask me to finish inputting all the joey data he needed for a website he was designing and getting paid for (and I wasn't). I'd spent hours slaving over that crap. So I taught myself a bit of basic Dreamweaver that night and added some quite subtle 'extras' when he left me alone with his laptop. The highlight to my mind was 'Buses will run regularly every half hour' that had alt text when you hovered saying 'assuming prunes are in season' and linked to a decidedly NSFW site depicting decidedly 'irregular' bowel movements very similar to the dear Tubgirl.

No, I'm not proud. Infact I'm quite ashamed because they all got through to the penultimate version, but I didn't let them actually go live and I even escaped blame since he thought me incapable of even basic programming.

If I want to, I learn fast.
( Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:25, Reply)

This guy i sort of new really pissed me off
so me and some mates hijacked a couple of planes and crashed them into these buildings. Boy was he upset
( charlie brown doesn't have a dog but still enjoys shitbagging, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:20, Reply)

None nearly so good as if I had no concience...
I've done a few petty things, but by far more spectacular and sneaky are the plans that I can't bring myself to do. Two stand out:

1. Pour a few tablespoons of cooking oil into the container of someone's face wash/spot cream etc. The oil will make them break out in spots and they'll just keep putting on more. Good for ex's I'd imagine.

2. Swap the clear lotion/water/whatever in someone's contact lenses for Vodka. The alcohol will both sting like fuck and stick the lens to their eye. Could take hours to remove...
(thisismyclone, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:20, Reply)

Swapped my two brother's tootbrushes,
since I knew one of them was planning on messing with the other's.
He stuck the brush down his boxers.
I switched them back later.
Oh, the irony.
He never caught on he'd sabotaged his.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:19, Reply)

ex-girlfriend`s mum was a right cow who liked drinking diet coke all the time
so we got a bottle of liquid laxative, and waited `til the 2L bottle was 3/4 full....

"this Coke tastes a bit sweet" she said

..we chuckled
( Reckless_Rik, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:19, Reply)

I shared a house with a girl I really don't like last year
She'd bought some Absolut Citron, drunk a little, then foolishly left the bottle out when she went home for the weekend. Being students as we are, and disliking her strongly, we drank it. Thinking she'd not only notice but really kick off about it (shes a maths student, a bitch, and very tight with money) we filled the bottle to the same level with water, and sqeezed some lemon juice in for that authentic "Citron" flavour. It was quite a while until she drank it, and she was not impressed, but we said she must've not put the lid back on properly and it had gone off in the month since it was started. She somehow accepted this and tipped it down the drain. No more was said about it, and it makes me smile to this day.
(mymindisbroken no really, it is., Wed 4 May 2005, 11:18, Reply)

Paperclips & Batteries
At school I used to get a box of paperclips, and bend them into exactly the right shape so that they'd clip on to a battery and make contact with both ends. (I'd make a few of different sizes, so that they'd fit a variety of different battery types.)

Then I'd sneak off to the science area when nobody was looking and attach them to all the batteries for the electronics equipment - so when a class came to do an electronics lesson there were no working batteries left as they'd all been short-circuited by the paper clips. Handy devices they were.

Shoolkids have way too much time on their hands.
( giblethead2000, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:17, Reply)

in the bygone days, you use to have bottles of milk with a silver foil top on them. I became an expert at getting these tops off, drinking some milk then replacing said top so that it looked untouched! my eldest sister (bitch) i hated, used to buy these bottles of milk, of which i used to drink some of the milk and piss in it to fill it up again! she never noticed!
(spunkbubble, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:16, Reply)

A girl I was seeing for a while's parents used to really piss me off (she was still living with them),
So I used to replace my flat walkman batteries with the ones in their remote.
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:15, Reply)

I once replaced my friend's mouthwash with sulphuric acid,
what a laugh that was.
( The Duke of Prunes, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:15, Reply)

I spat in an absolute cow's cup of tea once.
Drink anyone? No?
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:15, Reply)

all my attempts came off well
i kinda feel sorry for my old housemate now - especially the toothpaste and the....
( SiX and his hat, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:15, Reply)

there was a kid at my school who I didn't like
and he had a reaction to cordial drinks, so me and a mate poured away his fresh orange and replaced it with my orange squash.
When he drank it he went apeshit and started smashing stuff.
I got sent home with a nasty letter to my parents. It was funny though, and he didn't seem pissed off about it.
( swaza I'm bad, I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad., Wed 4 May 2005, 11:15, Reply)

I just want to be high up on the replies
for a change.
( Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Wed 4 May 2005, 11:13, Reply)

sister
+toothbrush + soap= rewenge!
(N00bT00b, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:09, Reply)

I once got my wife's chauffeur pissed
and then made him drive really fast by making some friends chase him on motorbikes.
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Wed 4 May 2005, 11:09, Reply)