dr skagra is the worst forum member

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 8:39, 26 replies)

Something something Ha
ns Blix's father, secrets, Chernobyl etc, leading to









HAVE A BLEEDIN' GUESS!







Pa Blix knew, didn't he?
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 22:47, 1 reply)

Head waitress's puffy nippled tit
When I worked in a restaurant as a sous chef/apprentice, the head waitress was stupid but kind of sexy in an air headed way, especially as I was 15 and as hormonal as a bonobo with priapism. One day I saw her nipple through the gap in the front of her white blouse. I had to stop grating the massive block of cheese I was working my way through and pop into the staff toilet, where I knocked out one of the best wanks of my whole life. I washed my hands thoroughly before returning to the block of cheese.

I realised that night why the boss kept her on as head waitress despite her incredible ineptitude and unsuitability for the job.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 20:15, 7 replies)

Mate of mine was in a pub gar
den and they had a pets' corner and in this corner was a gnu which would lick your hand if proffered one day this gnu went a bit radgee and esxcaped from its pen and ran about the garden where my mate was and it barged into him knocking him to the ground, so -

Yes!

YES!

OH, YES, SWEETIES!

Pub lick gnu'd hit he!

XXXXXXXXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:14, 4 replies)

Public Image
have a new song out, it's Public's New Ditty.

Or Public Enemy.

No, thank YOU!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:28, 6 replies)

ultimately I was a really lazy bugger at school and gd there was a way round something i'd surely find it.
So when we were given the choice between rugby or pop-mobility then it would be fair to say that myself and a few other layabouts jumped at the chance. If you haven't heard of pop-mobility (PM) then it's basically yoga and similar excersise to music.
Anyhow, the most memorable day was when we were all sitting facing the rather tasty and very fit teacher, legs out out in front of us in a stretched out 'V' shape and touching our toes mimicking her, until that is when the gusset of her leotard got sucked up her fanny, well not all the way up obviously, but enough for 5 or 6 13yr old boys to get a good eyeful. It's still talked about to this day.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:10, 4 replies)

Thinking about getting naked - 55 minutes till the gay porn fest of sweating cyclists starts on ITV4 HD.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:05, 10 replies)

WHOOP WHOOP
i.cr3ation.co.uk/dl/s1/jpg/lolnsfw.jpg

WARNING: NSFA
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:00, 5 replies)

I remember once he got his bum out.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 15:20, Reply)

Those women were in the nip!

( Pig Bodine., Wed 23 Jul 2014, 15:03, 6 replies)

I had a vasectomy
a couple of months ago. They gave me something called a "modesty blanket", as there was obviously the doctor but also a couple of nurses in the room. The modesty blanket covered me from my feet up to my neck, other than a hole cut out, through which protuded my penis and testicles.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 14:07, 32 replies)

It all started with pints of Leffe (pea)
So there we were in leafy Greenwich, my girlfriend meeting my friend's soon-to-be wife for the first time. They had recently bought a very small one bed house and made some minor re-jigging by moving the downstairs bathroom into an en-suite in their modestly sized bedroom.

The rationale for the re-jigging had been that they would have a little bit more storage space and that the downstairs bathroom was impractical
as my friend's ample 6ft 4 frame meant that he couldn't actually shut the door while sat on the loo... a little embarrassing if they had guests.

Wine in hand the girls got chatting about shopping and while Ben and I talked rugby (he's not really a football fan) and drank beer, or something like that. Ben then mentioned that he had a load of Leffe, but decreed that we couldn't be girly and drink small glasses of the stuff, no we had to have pints of the stuff.

After a couple of pints we decide that we'd go to the local pub. They served Leffe there too (yay!), so we continued to pour the bottles into pint glasses and drink in a manly fashion.

At closing time we slightly wobbled back to their bijou abode. Time for one last pint of Leffe before bed? Oh yes.

That made it about 8-9 pints of Leffe.

After Ben and Emily went up to their bed, I impressed my girlfriend with a full on naked Five Star Frog Splash onto the sofa bed. Miraculously I didn't injure myself, girlfriend or bed. No, it was later that evening that my public performance happened.

At about 3am I woke up, full on room spinning and I was resigned to the inevitable run for the loo. But wait... I cant streak through my hosts' bedroom and wake them up with the sound of me redecorating the en suite. No, the shortest route was to the door. And there I was Yahtzeeing my guts up into the gutter.

I returned to bed to the sound of an unsympathetic tut, but this shuttle sick run routine continued until it was daylight.

All I can do is apologize to the poor people churchgoers that had to witness me nude dry heaving in the street. Still, at least I remembered to give them a wave.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 11:59, 24 replies)

Not proud, but.....
Had sex behind a local firing range whilst they were using it.

It's the closest i'll ever get to my fantasy of fucking on D-day

:(

* i was completely naked while doing it.
(Pennisons Revenge All this trouble over squealing meat, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 10:32, 5 replies)

Showing my cock to a nurse should be more arousing than this
I had a bladder complaint, and had to have some tests in hospital. Firstly, I had to get my cock and balls out so that a random man who I hope was a consultant or doctor could have a good feel of my testes, and then I had to pop along to a different room where a student nurse observed a procedure where they put anaesthetic lubricant down my japs-eye followed by a long and prehensile fibre camera so that they could get a good look up my pisshole and into my bladder.

I bet she loved it, the dirty bitch. I myself did not, and retained a feeling of violation for the rest of the day. Especially when I went for a piss.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 9:55, 23 replies)

During a dull Wednesday afternoon in a dull office block on the 8th floor, while looking out the window
Two naked couples appeared on a lower rooftop opposite, and started going at it.

We held up score cards.

They waved in appreciation.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 9:55, 3 replies)

Through the window, an erotic feast
I was walking along a street with terraced housing, and happened to glance into someone's living room, where I saw a sight that haunts me to this day.

An enormously fat woman was laying back on a dirty looking sofa, while a ginger-headed man with a spotty back was feasting enthusiastically at her pubic region. I can't say it was full on nudity, as her floppy tits were covered by the man's frantically grasping hands, and her vulva was thankfully obscured by his head. Still, I had a good wank on the strength of it though.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 9:51, 8 replies)

Outdoor sex failure
A good few years ago, me and a friend had somehow managed to pull a couple of girls who were friends with each other in a dingy nightclub. I put it down to poor lighting, alcohol and suggestive music. Anyway, while my mate - ever the romantic - took his newly-found sweetheart off to the outdoor skate park to fuck her from behind, I led my partner down into a recessed gateway just around the corner from the club.

Anyway, as much as alcohol had been my friend when it came to the conquest, it very much became my enemy when trying to maintain a usable erection. And so when the occupants of a passing car caught sight of our outdoor fumblings and slowed down to get a good look, they would have been faced with a girl with her saggy tits dangling free while a drunken man with eyeliner on tried desperately but unsuccessfully to wank some life into his rubbery, limp cock.

To be fair, the people in the car were very supportive, shouting 'wa-hey' and 'go on my son' and 'get in there' as my penis shrank to even smaller dimensions.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 9:48, 3 replies)

First Rain
In my early 20s I attended the University of California at Santa Cruz. One of the school's traditions was (and is) "First Rain"--the first time it solidly rains during the school year, usually sometime in October, students gather at Porter College (on the east end of campus) strip naked and run around the whole campus.

I finally worked up the courage to join in on my final year in the dorms. My roommate new some people in Porter, so we went there first to disrobe and stash our clothes. Cue awkwardly apologizing to some complete strangers while I take off my clothes in their dorm room (though they were fine with it).

The actual run took place late at night. Being naked, in the rain, in fairly cold weather, and not a great athlete in the first place, I quickly succumbed to an asthma attack. (almost never a problem, but cold+strenuous exercise sometimes sets me off). Cue wandering back to Porter and spending 15 minutes in a crowd of looky-loos tracking down aforementioned strangers so they can let me back into their room and I can get my clothes back.

I'd still do it again. I'd just take it easy on the actual "running" part next time.
(+3 Baroque Vambrace of Icthyology, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 5:32, 3 replies)

Hippy bits
Ashton Court festival circa 1980, I was confronted by a hippy wearing nothing but a money belt and selling toasted cheese sandwiches.
Didn't buy as I had a good idea where the cheese originated...
(grumpypolecat, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 20:57, 2 replies)

I am naked at the moment sat on my leather sofa, a nice glass of white wine, two oscillating fans wafting
and watching those cyclists in their lycra riding the Tour de France.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 19:36, 7 replies)

my penis,
(A small damp ball of cotton, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 18:13, 2 replies)

I've seen Uranus.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:25, 31 replies)

East Kilbride
I was once passing through East Kilbride. In my popular Japanese car and there standing naked in the middle of a busy roundabout was your Mum playing with her massive hard-on.

The vision of her anomalous appendage turned a streak of my hair white and knocked all notions of heterosexuality right out of me. I think it was the girth that was scary.

And like sir cliff is to operation yewtree im now on the run from the CSA and an angry wife.

tldr; yer mums got a massive nob
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 9:22, 18 replies)

My entry for this QOTW Public Pissing
St Johns Wood is full of classy people, with posh dresses and funny accents.

Like the lady I saw standing outside Cafe Rouge, she was wearing a LBD in mid afternoon, had a fancy hat and was probably waiting for her businessman husband to come along and buy her something. I just caught her eye, as you do when you walk past someone and you're not in Peckham.

But instead of smiling or saying hello, she gasped a desperate "I'm sorry!"

Before I could ask what for, her downstairs area just exploded and piss sprayed down her legs.
(MrTeapot hasn't played with himself since, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 9:06, 10 replies)