East Kilbride
I was once passing through East Kilbride. In my popular Japanese car and there standing naked in the middle of a busy roundabout was your Mum playing with her massive hard-on.

The vision of her anomalous appendage turned a streak of my hair white and knocked all notions of heterosexuality right out of me. I think it was the girth that was scary.

And like sir cliff is to operation yewtree im now on the run from the CSA and an angry wife.

tldr; yer mums got a massive nob
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 9:22, 18 replies)

that's right
your mother's got a penis
(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Tue 22 Jul 2014, 9:46, closed)

Don't bother next time.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 9:58, closed)

Struck a chord
Ah, you must be one of the mutants from East Kilbride
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:56, closed)

Best of all the mutants.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:09, closed)

Standards must be maintained
And hors d'oeuvres must be obeyed at all times.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:53, closed)

Surely
Wouldn't want to commit a fox pass needlessly
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:44, closed)

Hello new person
I think its great that you are contributing.

Unless you are Baldmonkey...or Frank.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:06, closed)

Thanks
Thanks nice to feel welcome.

Im none of the above. I take it those two have been punted a few times?

Been waiting a week to post that. chalk one up on the lame board
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:54, closed)

they are gods on here

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:08, closed)

Bit rude.
Where are the mods, when there's genuine abuse to be stamped out?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:22, closed)

Mother
Was it your Mum then?
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:55, closed)

You'll never know.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:07, closed)

hello

( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:46, closed)

Hello indeed
nice to meet you
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 10:56, closed)

Click for bigger (82 kb)
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:37, closed)

alright baldmonkey Boudicca marshmallow fairholme

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:17, closed)

I liked DVDfever best

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:18, closed)

He's still got to be the undisputed King of Butthurt.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:35, closed)

I like how he looks like the offspring of Richard Littlejohn and Jabba the Hutt

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:06, closed)

Pricks
Those pricks got no style

Just you wait and see what I can get up to behind your bins
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 11:53, closed)

Stay about from my bins.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 12:17, closed)

I would expect nothing less from the porridge wogs.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 12:48, closed)

Tad racist
But its our country that made yours great so I will let it slide and chalk that comment up as jealous rage

You'll need a passport to get up here after September when we delouse ourselves from the westminister parasite
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:33, closed)

bit needy

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:37, closed)

NHS
p.s

We didn't sell our NHS to Richard Branson. Will be beating you knuckle dragging simpletons back with a shitty saltire in a few months when you come clambering over the border to escape the tory cluster fuck.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/East-Kilbride.html
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:38, closed)

As anti-Tory that I am, rather 30 years rule of Toryism than one second of the pariah Salmond.
I usually like all the fish.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:41, closed)

Agreed
Salmond is a slimy wee spunkbucket

Would love to set him on fire. We don't need Salmond or the SNP but we do need to take a step away from westminister regardless

To be clear I do not support the SNP or any other scumbag politician theyre all legalised crooks

My ideal would be to copy the Icelandic model and appoint a government from the general populace with the backing of 30 normal people being the only requirement. Defo not as it is here where they pick from the pot of pedo's and sex pests to make sure theyre all in the 'gang' and newbies wont upset the status quo
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:49, closed)

the general populace?
the flaw here is that the general populace in any country is made up of morons and cunts
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:48, closed)

Sad but true
That's why they keep getting fucked
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:55, closed)

From those houses we can see what we are missing.
Scotland truly is a land of plenty.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:48, closed)

Gem in the crown
East Kilbride is a wee slice of paradise
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:50, closed)

The Scottish are not a race. When your deloused, see you with your begging bowls in 5 years time.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:39, closed)

What are they then?
no bowls required only balls
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:51, closed)

Scottish is a nationality.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:43, closed)

The scottish are something else though
Porridge wogs apparently
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:56, closed)

Cameron
To be honest anything that Cameron is in favour of, like the genocide in Palestine for example, im the opposite

The fact that he is behind the together campaign is enough to sound alarm bells all over Scotland.
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:54, closed)

It's all a front
The conservatives would love you to be independent, it means with the lost votes we'd normally get from Scottish labour and lib dem votes etc we would be looking at a perpetual tory government. They would have won out right in 2010 without these votes.

We definitely don't need the Scottish cash, but we need you in the UK.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:35, closed)

what scottish cash?
they'll have to hand back all their pounds and think of something else... disney dollars, maybe...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:38, closed)

The joy of independance
Means we can use any feckin currency we like. Bitcoins doing not bad at the moment

p.s. pounds belong to the bank of England PLC not the treasury.
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:42, closed)

pretty sure you don't just get to pick a currency and say, "i'll use that"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:47, closed)

As Dozer proved, you know nothing about money and such like.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:49, closed)

More than you obviously
If you think pounds belong to England and not a PLC
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:51, closed)

It is nothing to do with individual pounds,
And everything to do with control of the currency.

"The pound" isn't anybodies, but is controlled by a set of government institutions, from which Scotland would be separated if they went independent.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:23, closed)

Highly inaccurate

(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:30, closed)

you think dozer proves anything???
hahahaha. now do piss off, you pissy little queen.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:51, closed)

That was easy.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:53, closed)

much like you, eh?
EH??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:53, closed)

Miss Glasshouses throwing stones.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:55, closed)

well if you missed them, what's the problem?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:55, closed)

eh? Banana split, chortle.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:01, closed)

Sure are you?
What makes you sure?
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:49, closed)

no idea, i'm just really bored and making it up

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:51, closed)

Like your style
Canny beat a good bit of shit stirring
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:01, closed)

In her case, any shit is well liked, especially in sex play.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:04, closed)

Bit of a copro?

(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:11, closed)

yup

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:00, closed)

Rougly speaking
they contribute 106bn out of around 1383bn, it would affect our GDP obviously but not that badly....And yes currency is going to be a big issue and I think they should take your idea about Disney dollars, it's more plausible than the current options.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:24, closed)

Intentions
Never thought of or intended this site to be a forum for political debate so im nailing the coffin shut on the politics chat.

Will say this before I go however;

Replacing WMD - £100BN
Aircraft carrier with no planes - £62BN
New railway for England - £64BN
London super sewer - £4.2BN
Un-Elected house of lords - £153M
Westminister MPs expenses - £91M
Illegal wars in afgan and Iraq - £57BN
National debt - £1.3TR
National debt interest - £42.6BN

Being able to make our own choices and not pay for any that shit - PRICELESS
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:48, closed)

Just picking one of these randomly
Aircraft carrier - £6.2Bn, not £62Bn. But what's a wee decimal point when you're a havering fuckwit?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:32, closed)

Its all just bollocks off the interweb anyway chief
So bite my banger
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 18:48, closed)

Fit like?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 22 Jul 2014, 13:43, closed)

Naw
Shes a hound. From east Kilbride not aberdeen
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:00, closed)

Just testing.
I think you're a sassenach working undercover.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:10, closed)

Not the case
Im defo of the peely wally variety
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:39, closed)

Tits
I want to hear about wobbly bits on this thread not wankers so lets leave the political chat at the door
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:54, closed)

I made some jelly they other day
it had fruit in it

phwoooooaaaaaar eh? phwoooooaaaaaar
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 14:59, closed)

blancmange
Always gets my blood boiling
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:02, closed)

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:31, closed)

jelly pron

(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:48, closed)

Wha?
You're the one who started talking about it, you disgusting Scottish person.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:13, closed)

Backup and read it again dicknut
I didn't start the dick slinging

Go suck your mums cock
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:22, closed)

You started the chat about independence/politics - go and check. Jesus - at least the average IQ of the rUK will jump up.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:32, closed)

they will sting us on tartan, shortbread & jimmy hat export charges you mark my words

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:42, closed)

So its only fitting that i end it then
Now crawl back under your dads pissflaps and begone
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:46, closed)

Feeling that jealous rage burn?

(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:27, closed)

Thanks B3ta
For letting me into the community

I have successfully done fuck all at work today and instead have had a right old laff chatting on the site.

Pure quality
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:21, closed)

and you bagged a fartbelm as well

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:39, closed)

pardon ones ignorance
whats a fartbelm?

Does it lose its edge if has to be explained?
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 15:50, closed)

needy ozzie prat who had a breakdown and got banned
he had no edges ... he was dim as fuck and approximately the same shape and consistency as a rotting conference pear
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 16:44, closed)

I'm troubled by how familiar you are with his consistency.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 17:58, closed)

imagine grabbing a fistful of his greasy old jowls and frightwanking with them.
Go on. Imagine.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 19:09, closed)

'Fright' is definitely the word.
If I grabbed him hard enough he might start sweating into that saltwater pool of his.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 19:46, closed)

I was ashamed to be in Australia when all that kicked off.
Merely by proximity, I felt ashamed.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 22 Jul 2014, 19:54, closed)

No breakdowns from me chief only banter
Guaranteed. Im lucky enough to have regular attention from actual people and don't live a virtual life on that interweb.

Only here for shits and giggles
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 18:51, closed)

Considering you are au fait with every other meme I am surprised you ask. Obvious double bluff
bart flem!
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:30, closed)

Think i bagged a couple

(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 18:52, closed)

you've found the edit button then

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 19:50, closed)

The one marked delete?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 20:05, closed)

no deletes no regrets fuckface
minor edits permitted just to make my Honda accord sound like a 2ltr
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 20:21, closed)

yep
cant polish a turd but you can roll it about in glitter
(Moag_R_Brainbow kicks the mods dog to death out of pity, Tue 22 Jul 2014, 20:19, closed)