The nights are drawing in,
the Christmas lights are on, there's that little touch of magic in the air.

Bearing this in mind, tell us your tales of Christmas fuelled rage. Did you ever fight over a Teletubby? Ever launched a Turkey as a weapon? Ever spent a Christmas in prison with a face full of bruises and a gut full of Stella?

Spread the Christmas cheers!
(GONEism, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 20:32, Reply)

Simple question:
"How many?"

That is all.
(Undecided MORE POWER to the Interrossiter, Bosun., Sun 23 Nov 2008, 9:05, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ahem
The idea is to generate material that's:

* interesting to read, i.e. we won't get bored of reading the answers after about 10 of them

PLEASE can we adhere to this. A whole week of "I'm so lazy I'll post a story later hur hur hur" with the procrastination QOTW nearly drove me insane.

Won't someone think of the children?
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 10:57, Reply)

i also managed
to give away my NES complete with 10+ games to an irish cousin when me and my brother upgraded to the SNES way back when. fuck sake!

come on, i'm sure everyone here must have something they've got rid of and been pissed of about it every since ;)
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 2:45, Reply)

things you've sold/given away in a moment of madness and regretted ever since
when i was younger i was an avid fan and i suppose collector of 'ironfist chinmi' comic books. modern manga style books they were, charting the path of a young chinese lad who's natural fighting talents are noticed by a reverred kung fu master who decides to take this peasant boy under his wing and train him to become the greatest kung fu legend in history etc etc

one day while lost in resident evil 2, my mum popped her head in the door and said 'you don't still read those chimney books do you? because there's a chinese boy in my class who might like them' (she was a teaching assistant at the time. and nice going mum, great assumption there!)

anyways, i grunted a 'yeah whatever' as i blasted away at the zombies, thinking what the hell i haven't read em in ages anyway.



just thinking about it has pissed me off ever since.

they're not valuable or anything, but still...
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 2:37, Reply)

The morning after
What realisations have you come to when crawling out of bed after a night on the piss?

My worst recent one was remembering leaving a club in Edinburgh, being unable to find a toilet, and pissing on the war memorial in Prince's street.



I then spent 2 hours (yes, really) walking up and down the same bit of Rose street (about 200m) looking for an open chip shop. At 3am on a Tuesday morning. I must have gone up and down fifteen or more times, in the hope that I'd missed something the last time around.
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 22 Nov 2008, 1:33, Reply)

Lock ins
With the days of 24 hour drinking, fighting and fucking in the street the days of the Lock In are, on the whole, gone.
Tell us about your Lock In memories.

I had a Lock In at a bar I worked in. There were about 10 of us and we drank ALL the spirits.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 21 Nov 2008, 11:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

BOAT
Just how fucking excellent is it?
(GONEism, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:36, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any questions?
In a tribute to the wonderful ask118118 site that's bound to make this week's newsletter, instead of setting a question, let the question be 'Ask a question.'

Then we can ask our own questions for a week and people can answer the questions.

Questions?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 6:34, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How are you?

(GONEism, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 16:08, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

How's this for a crazy whacky idea?
A QOTW image challenge, extra points for using words to make the image, and at the same time an image challenge could be set on the main board using only stories or words too.

It'd be interesting to see what the /board-ers and QOTWers come up with, and as usual, /talk can go fuck themselves.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 15:41, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

People you'd like to Stab In The Eye!
Tell us about that people you hate that should be removed from the gene pool.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:26, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

paranoid nutter
i have actually on occasion looked up at the ceiling in loo cubicles/changing rooms to check for webcams

how paranoid are you and how much does it interfere with your life?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 17:19, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Worst people in the world
Who is the worst person you have ever met?
(GONEism, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 16:36, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bad advice
In my last job, my friend was having a hard time being made to do a job that she didn't want to do and wasn't stated in her contract. In an off the cuff remark, I told her to go off for 6 months with depression and claim full sick pay just to piss them about.


Only problem is, she has actually done that and now she's facing the sack.

Have you ever given/received bad advice?
(GONEism, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 16:10, Reply)

songs
Take a song, butcher the lyrics and make us laugh.

Anyone up for a rendition of "sitting on the cock of a gay"?
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:38, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HELP!
A couple of years ago, a few days before Christmas while sat waiting for a bus, a single mother with unruly tyke in tow pulled her car into the bus stop with a puncture in her front nearside tyre. Naturally I offered to change the wheel, for which she was very grateful (she'd been riding around on it for 20 minutes trying to find a garage!), and she even gave me a lift home as a thankyou.

What situations have you been in where you've needed or indeed given help, and was it kindly rewarded or ungratefully spurned?
( applehead herp derp, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 13:22, Reply)

CRINGE!
When Hugh Grant was arrested along with Divine Brown there were jokes going around about how he'd apparently asked her if she was Native Indian, was she Navajo? No, New York Ho.

I told this joke in front of my dad...embarrassing enough but I did it with the added benefit of pretending that Ms Brown was chewing gum....well, that was my intention, but instead it appeared as if she was actually in the process of giving the blow-job.

I told my dad a joke while pretending to give Hugh Grant a blow-job.

Even as I'm writing this I'm cringing inside.

My dad laughed like a loon. I was even more embarrassed.

Tell us your cringeworthy stories of embarrassment.

Go on, you're amongst friends here.


*EDIT* Combine this with these two suggestions...
b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post295985
and
b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post299461

P.S.
Would it help if Freddie Woo either suggested or liked this one?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 22:09, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We all secretly love secrets
Got a secret you're dying to tell? Ever let something slip you shouldn't have? Ever been told a secret you wish you never heard?

Come and share your stories, we won't tell anyone, promise.
(raggerbun clicks, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 20:51, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm so ambitious
As we all know, every week the answers are a competition to see who most closely fits the question. So, next week, why not have a QOTW that is the opposite of procrastination?

In other words, let's watch all those of us who are lazy bastards (me included) squirm to come up with a tale of constant driving ambition.


Edit: changed some wording....I think I must have been in a bad mood when I wrote that because it made me sound like a complete bitch.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 16 Nov 2008, 19:40, Reply)

Turning point
I thought that it would be interesting to share our life-turning experiences.
For example, four years ago I had to make a major decision to pursue a career in the UK and leave everything I have lived up for 20 years behind at home. I chose to go and I'm really bored now, seeing my girlfriend every two-three months and my old band is doing really well...
So, was it stressful? Was it something that you regret? How did it all turned out?
(111-on-sky lol lol lol meaw, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 17:48, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sorry
I once had some friends believing that their loved ones were burning down in the Canary Wharf building, due to an April Fools gag that went a bit too far.

I had to write a letter of an apology.

What have you had to say sorry for?
(Miggyman, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 12:46, Reply)

ladies and gentlemen
I give you...
The b3ta awards
I want everyone to vote for their best b3ta story told so far, whats your favourite, which one made you piss your pants, which one made you cry, and so on

I think the very best stories should be publised in a book availible very soon at WHSmith
(Lord Chode, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Not sure how I deserve this person in my life
My best friend and I have been friends for a long time.
After several months of silence on his end due to a very long hurtful and convoluted story involving a psycho ex of mine and some horrible things I did without even knowing how much I hurt him, he came up to ME and apologised for being a "dick" to me.

I don't deserve him but he is my best friend and I love him heaps for it. Anybody on here have a friend like that?
If so - tell me a story which made you realise how lucky you are to know them.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 16 Nov 2008, 6:16, Reply)

tell a story
since most of you fuckers make it up anyway,why not create an idealised version of your life.extra points given for provoking laughter or tears.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 14 Nov 2008, 23:17, Reply)

I met a wierdo on the interweb part 2
since I enjoyed the previous internet wierdo QOTW so much, I wanna do it again.

One girl I met online, decided to call me one morning, when I had a hangover from hell, telling me she was on her way to Derby to meet me totally out of the blue, on the train, from Northampton, costing her about 30quid.
I met this scrawny little fuck who bored me half to death.
but I couldnt think of a nice way of telling her to piss off...

full story if you vote for this to be QOTW :)

tell me some more internet wierdos you met fellow B3tians
(Lord Chode, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 19:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Near Death experiance
I once woke up in car spinning sideways , on its way into a petrol pump.
The main thing I remember is the peoples gaping faces looking out of the little chefs windows as we went sideways past them. ( and not the screams of the driver, and definately not my life flashing past).We stopped centimetres away from the petrol pump and started nervously giggling.we then carried onto Maidstone.
Anyone else had a near death experiance?
(rural confucious, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:31, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Crossing the line
One day I was on a bus and very ill, and very grumpy. Then a large group of chavs got on the bus and crowded round me, smoking and kicking the back of my chair. By the time the bus got to its destination I was in something of a silent blind rage. I got out of my seat after the chair kicker had passed me and whispered in his ear, "I'm gonna catch AIDS and rape you."

When have you gone a bit too far?
(GONEism, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Let B3ta be your agont aunt
Got a problem? Share it with Auntie B3ta, and let the filthy denizens cheer your spirits with a range of useful, witty answers.

Or just be ridiculed on a public board. It'll be fun for the rest of us.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:16, Reply)

Innapropriate music
I've been listening to Pink Floyd's "The Wall" lately. For those who don't know, it's a kind of rock opera about a rock star called 'Pink'.

Toward the end of the album, he is in a drug-induced hallucination that his concert is actually a nazi rally. As such, the lyrics to two of the songs include the lines "...And that one looks Jewish, and that one's a coon! Who let all this riffraff into the room..." and various other references.

I live in halls at uni. The other day when I was listening to those songs, I heard the guy across the hall from me come in. The walls are quite thin, so he would have heard clearly.

His name is Reggie.

Reggie is a 6', hard as nails (black) kickboxer.



I'm so fucked.
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:49, Reply)