Skee Lo
I wish I was {.........}
( The Lurker Plenty One, Tue 2 May 2006, 3:54, Reply)

Explosions
Ever made anything explode? I've got a great video of a petrol filled bin going pop in my back garden.
(stoat on the road to nowhere, Sun 30 Apr 2006, 21:03, Reply)

Bosses
I know we've had jobsworths but I can't believe this hasn't been done. I'm sure I'm not alone in working for an utter arse (camera shop on Grainger street in Newcastle for those who know) so how about you's then, eh, eh, eh, go on, tell uz.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Sat 29 Apr 2006, 6:38, Reply)

Shouldn,t have done that
Coming home after a hard days work,I was walking round the kitchen (in bare feet )when all of a sudden I had agonising pain in my foot.Hopping around screaming like a lunatic I spied the inflictor of said pain.... A FUCKING PLASTIC DUSTPAN...."Right you fucker" I screamed and threw it at the far wall hoping for the satisfaction of it smashing into pieces only for it stay intact.Not giving up my revenge I picked it up and proceeded to whack it against the wall now blind with rage only to stop when the blood started flowing from my fingers..My wifes face was a picture..Anyway after a trip to hospital with skinned knuckles and broken finger did I realise I SHOULDN,T HAVE DONE THAT................I,m sure there are moments of madness when us b3tans have been made to look like total fucking idiots,when at the time it seemed good. like smashing glass bottles with steel toe caps on(4 stitches),drunk,sober,stoned or just plain old showing off everyones got a storY......P.S the dustpan survived but its days are severely numbered.
(andycrass loves two hats on, Sat 29 Apr 2006, 2:21, Reply)

Family coloquialisms
My family use a bizarre variety of words coined by junior members and then kept going through the generations. Mad old relatives continue to use these words publicly, such as combombastion meaning swimsuit (thanks to my aunt) and plip-plop meaning poo (which apparently was me, aged about two years old).

Please reassure me I'm not the only one whose family does this?
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Fri 28 Apr 2006, 21:09, Reply)

Have you ever inadvertedly outted a fellow b3tan or been outed by answering a question of the week?
Soapy Norris - I am now happily employed in Frome, our knowing nods of approval across the office a thing of the past. 'Urts. :'(
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Fri 28 Apr 2006, 19:39, Reply)

Have you ever had any sort of relationship with a teacher/pupil?
sorry but i have and kinda still am and it's a very difficult and emotional situation. funny at the same time tho, especailly when he keeps falling over when he's drunk! being a chemistry teacher and all that, surely he should know the effects of alcohol on the body. duh.
(CathT, Fri 28 Apr 2006, 11:25, Reply)

celebrity tossers
Have you ever met a celebrity who has turned out a complete tosser? maybe Simon Webbe from Blue has spoken to you as if you where a piece of shit,perhaps John Travolta has had you carry all his luggage and then disappeared into the pisspot when it's time to tip,possibly you have had to stay behind after work to attend a pointless meeting about how you should speak to Michael fucking Boulton,possibly you've even had the misfortune of having to but up with the inane ramblings of Lou Reed in your workplace.If you have endured any of these then you have my sympathy as i've had to put up with every bastard one of them
(onlyonedeano, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 1:16, Reply)

'most embarrasing moment'
probably bindun but meh - what massively embarrasing stuff have you done? Intentional or unintentional?
( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 26 Apr 2006, 18:12, Reply)

Where would you rather live?
Forget your friends, football team, family or even your regular dealer.... If you had the chance where would you move to?
And why?
(Jimmyinnz was sprung at work on b3ta on, Wed 26 Apr 2006, 1:26, Reply)

Been caught wanking?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 25 Apr 2006, 10:10, Reply)

You fucking spent it on what!?!
what have people been doing to waste thier money?

I work for a market resurch company, that conducts telephone surveys. One of our biggest customer is the post office, so the next time you see any news about pay disputes at the royal mail, or you letters dont show up for weeks or not at all, keep this in mind: The post office is spending THE PRICE OF A HOUSE A WEEK on customer satisfaction surveys.

tell me more wastes of money
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 24 Apr 2006, 12:18, Reply)

Sabotage
We all have our evil moments.

What have you done to the flatmate you can't stand, the guy who got the girl you want, etc...?
(kadee may or may not be a nymphomaniac, Sat 22 Apr 2006, 3:24, Reply)

Greatest Gig Moments
What has been your greatest memories of gigs? I once was invited on stage with Antiproduct to lead the chant for "Bungee Jumping People Die" and had the singer then pull down my trousers, then grab my pants - I managed to pull my T-Shirt down and cover myself up as he dropped my shreddies. Then in a moment of pure Rock and Roll Clarity I lifted my shirt and showed the whole crowd my now swinging tackle. As I was ushered off Alex the singer just hollered in my ear "that was pure ROCK MAN!"
(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Fri 21 Apr 2006, 15:32, Reply)

dreams
what were your childhood dreams and aspirations, and how far away from them is your pointless, miserable little life now...?
(Mildred is a slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler, Fri 21 Apr 2006, 10:38, Reply)

How have computergames fucked up your sense of reality?
Ever had a bit of trouble distinguishing the stuff on your monitor from reality?

When i was a little girl i played a game called "the Beyond":
Youre in hall, there are doors
$ go east

That kind of stuff. I always got stuk pointlessly walking around the many halls trying the endless doors and finally returning to the kitchen to be strangled by a hand coming from a hole in the wall.

But did i get into it. One time i got so scared, i run from behind the computer, i ran downstairs and turned on all the lights (it was 3 in the afternoon on a sunny day). I waited for my mum to get home and turn off the commodore64 upstairs.

Much later i would sometimes look at a bridge and imagine i could jump, get hold of the ledge and make my way accross. Playing Tombraider, you see.

Anyway, not as bad as someone i know who, when driving on the highway has been known to say stuff like:
I'd really like to run that van off the road. In GTA i could just take it and do insane stunts...

Not that i or anyone i know has ever acted on any of their reality denying thoughts, mind you.
If anyone knows were to get a copy of the Beyond that will run on, well anything, let me know ;-)
(bovine intervention, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 20:04, Reply)

QOTW
how about best practical jokes you have witnessed or been a victim of. apologies if this has been asked before.
(lankynyack, Wed 19 Apr 2006, 19:49, Reply)

What have you done to "that twat"
Like... run away to another pub, when he/she goes for a piss?

(actually, we've done this to a guy when he went to an ice-cream van. But I digress.)
( drunkenoaf, Wed 19 Apr 2006, 19:15, Reply)

QOTW?
What is your ex's biggest secret?

My ex used to suck her thumb. She was 31 at the time. And did it quite often. Not sure what that says about me.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Wed 19 Apr 2006, 12:44, Reply)

Its a bit like a poll
The longest corporate email signature?

An automated email i recieved from the Institutue of Civil Engineers had a 104 word signature. The company I work for adds 142 words, Severn Trent Water adds 204 plus 2 lines of asterisks!

Is there not some law against this?
( thistle, Tue 18 Apr 2006, 22:08, Reply)

New Years Eve stories
may already be covered by current QOTW tho, but we need more stories like that
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Tue 18 Apr 2006, 16:50, Reply)

"Click to activate and use this control"
ms twunts!
(saaaaaaausage you say?, Tue 18 Apr 2006, 14:00, Reply)

Your most pathetic claim to fame
Like; I used to know the bloke who was friends with the cousin of jeanette krankies mum.
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Tue 18 Apr 2006, 10:39, Reply)

spams
( tolin its me, Mon 17 Apr 2006, 19:23, Reply)

Fire and Forget
Divvint worry, I saw that! The look on the presenters faces was absolutely classic. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who was watching Bid-Up TV when Cock appeared on their leaderboard. I always thought it was a shame they didn't record their trailers to feature him.

"Oh no, I've been outbid."
"Bid again Cock!"
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Mon 17 Apr 2006, 17:22, Reply)

Grafitti
I can't spell it, but what's the finest piece of grafitti you've ever seen? I have two that I swear to god you just can't beat. Go on. Try me.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Mon 17 Apr 2006, 17:18, Reply)

Mid-life crises.

( Malchick, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 21:22, Reply)

Grumpy Young Men
You may or indeed may not be familair with the grumpy old men program on BBC2 basically old men who are grumpy talk about why the youth of today need a haircut, a job, and stop doing drugs and how it was all much better in the sixties when everyone had long hair did fuck all and took drugs.
So basically what is it that pisses you right off?
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Sun 16 Apr 2006, 19:43, Reply)